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A farewell to kings

Grove City, OH

#41 Sep 28, 2013
Two asians walk into a bar.The bartender looks at em and says Hey guys why the same face?

Level 5

Since: Sep 13

Location hidden

#42 Sep 28, 2013
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:'Talking Dog For Sale' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back yard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says,'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

'In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

'But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the owner says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a bullshitter. He's never been out of the yard.'

Level 5

Since: Sep 13

Arcadia, CA

#43 Sep 29, 2013
A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth extracted.

The dentist takes out a syringe to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when your tooth comes out."
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#44 Sep 29, 2013
This black dude comes home from work and tells his wife "Liza iz been invited to a costume party and iz need you to buy me one.1st day home from work he asks "Lizza, where's my costume at? Liza replies "Its in there on the bed Rassus" He comes out holding a tarzan outfit."Who ever heard of a black tarzan"? "You take this MF back and get me sumpin else bitch" The 2nd day home he asks "Where's my costume at Lizza"? She says "Its in there on the bed" He comes out holdin a viking outfit. "Who ever heard of a damn black viking" "You take this sob back and get me sumpin else bitch" The 3rd day home he asks "Where the hells my outfit bitch" She replies "Its in there on the damn bed" He comes out holding a two by four."What the hell im i suppose to do wit dis bitch" She replies "You can stick it up your ass and goes as a fudgesicle"

Level 5

Since: Sep 13

Location hidden

#45 Oct 2, 2013
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It's not looking good for us, Dick."
Lycan

United States

#46 Oct 3, 2013
Obama plans on eliminating black unemployment by adding 30,000 teams to the NBA.

You know why Obama doesn`t laugh at himself from time to time? Libs will call him racist.

What`s the difference between Obama and Osama? A little bs but not much.

What`s the difference between Obama and Tiger Woods? Obama wants to screw future generations too.

Barry and Biden are on Air Force 1. Biden says I can throw a 100 dollar bill out and make 1 person happy. Obama says I`ll throw out 100 dollars in 20`s and make 5 people happy. The pilot says I can throw you both out and make the entire country happy.

Obama and Biden are on a sinking ship, who gets saved? America.
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#47 Oct 14, 2013
Young brave goes to his father the chief and asks "Father,how did we acquire our names" The chief says "On the day your brother was born the first thing i seen after walking out of the tepee was an eagle fying, therefore i named him Eagle Flies High". "On the day your sister was born the first thing i seen when walking out of the tepee was a deer walking in the stream therefore i named her little deer walks gently in brook". "Now ,why you ask two dogs f***ing"?

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