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THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#1 Sep 26, 2013
There was this little boy who couldnt talk plain.Its halloween night and he's going dressed as a pirate.He walks up to the old lady's door and knocks.She answers.The little boy says "twick or tweet"
The old lady says "MY my, its blackbeard the pirate.Where's your buccaneers honey?" The little boy reaches up and grabs his ear lobe and says " wight here wady, wheres your bucking eyes"
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#2 Sep 26, 2013
This little boy gets a new bike for christmas. The next morning he's out riding it. A mounted cop on a horse rides up and says "Hello young man, did santa bring you that new bike for christmas?" "Yes sir" says the little boy. The cop says "Well you tell santa he should have put a safety light on it" and writes him out a 40 dollar ticket. The little boy says to the cop "Did santa bring you that new horse for christmas" The cop says "Yeah, he sure did" The little boy says "Well you tell santa he should have put the dick under the horse instead of on top of it"

Level 3

Since: Feb 13

Location hidden

#3 Sep 26, 2013
Do you know what a DOT cop and a lot-lizard have in common?......When they get on their backs somebody is gonna get screwed and they will have to pay when they get up on their feet!
Option number 16

Richmond, VA

#4 Sep 26, 2013
I guess the answer to "know any good jokes" is "no."

Level 3

Since: Feb 13

Location hidden

#5 Sep 26, 2013
Option number 16 wrote:
I guess the answer to "know any good jokes" is "no."
whatever,don't have anything to add then don't take any space!!
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#6 Sep 26, 2013
dadeleter wrote:
<quoted text> whatever,don't have anything to add then don't take any space!!
Probably a PC sensitive type that took offense to the handicap joke about the boy on halloween. I feel so ashamed now.
Derper

Huntington, WV

#7 Sep 27, 2013
I thought they were funny.

A little boy in a cowboy suit goes into an ice cream shop. He orders a sundae. The pretty girl behind the counter asks his opinion as she adds each topping...

"chocolate sauce?"
"yes, please."
"whipped cream?"
"yes, please"
"Maraschino cherry?"
"Oh, yes, thank you"
"crushed nuts?"
"what'd you say?
"I said,'do you want crushed nuts?"

The kid lunges over the counter, grabs the lady by her collar and shoves his toy pistol into her bosom.

"You want your tits shot off?"
Lol

Chesapeake, VA

#8 Sep 27, 2013
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Marshall University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#9 Sep 27, 2013
A ventriliquist breaks down on a country road one day.He goes to the nearest farmhouse to use a phone.The farmer dont have a phone but offers to take a look at the car.He gets under the hood but doesnt know shyt about a bmw.The ventriliquist thinks to himself i'll just have some fun with this dumb bastard.On the way back to the house he looks over and says to the cow "Hello mrs cow, how are you today" "OH pretty good" " Hows the farmer treating you" "OH just fine" The farmer says "Did you hear that, that cow just talked" They walk a little further and the ventriliquist says to the horse grazing "Hello mr horse, how are you today." "Oh just fine" "Hows the farmer treating you" "Oh pretty good" The farmer says "Damn, i didnt know these animals could talk" They get closer to the house and the ventriliquist says to the sheep "Hello mrs sheep, how are you today" "Doing quite well, thank you" "Hows the farmer treating you" The farmer points a finger at the sheep and says "Dont you say another damn word"
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#10 Sep 27, 2013
This is a true story, The former mayor of Milton told this one. There's this guy nicknamed fatman that worked for the city water.He had a speech impediment.They sent him over to dry ck to fix a main waterline break one day.He gets on the cb unit and calls back to city hall."Bweaker, bweaker" "Yeah, go ahead fatman" "Ders a towel up heal in da road" "Say what fatman" "Ders a towel up heal in da road" "Well,pick it up and throw it in the back of the truck fatman" "No, not a towel towel, a moo towel".
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#11 Sep 27, 2013
Her's one you can get on friends, fishing buddies, co workers etc

"I caught this big 20 lb catfish over in the ohio river the other day". You did? "Yeah, but it was covered in blue slimy bumps" Really? " I took it over to the DNR and the guy said he'd never seen anything like it and wanted me to leave it with them so as to get it tested and that he'd contact me if he found out anything" "So a couple weeks went by and they never did call so when i went back over there to fish i decided i'd drop by and check to see if they found out anything" "I seen the same officer and asked him if they knew what it was" He replied "Sir, you're not going to believe this but that fish tested HIV positive" I said "you're kidding, how's that possible. Even if it was medical waste in the water the volumn of water would have diluted it" He replied " Best we can figure, it must've been rear ended by a fairyboat.
Derper

Huntington, WV

#12 Sep 27, 2013
I'm DYIN' heah! ha ha ha!
lol

Alexandria, VA

#13 Sep 27, 2013
An old man had a watermelon patch from which he sold watermelons. He had a problem with the local kids stealing his watermelons at night so he put up a sign that said "one of these watermelons has been injected with poison". He went home thinking about how smart he was and how the kids wouldn't dare risk eating anymore of his melons.
The next day he went to his patch to see if his plan had worked. None of his watermelons were disturbed but there was another sign that said "now there's two".
jeffry

Nitro, WV

#14 Sep 27, 2013
heres 1 u can use on friends etc. ex. john chain smoker,joe the alcholic,jim the queer,all die n go 2 heaven,god says il give u nother chance n society bt if u commit ur sins again il send ur ass 2 hell,they agree.so has ther walkn down the street they pass a bar joe cant resist n goes n 4 a drink,god sends him 2 hell,john n jim keeps walkn thn john sees a cig on the ground n says I got have a drag off tht cig,jim the queer says I dnt no bt u bend ovr n get tht cig n were both goin 2 hell
Nancy

Chesapeake, VA

#15 Sep 27, 2013
A young woman from New York City was driving through a remote part of Oklahoma when her car broke down. An Indian came riding by on horseback and offered to give her a lift to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride into town was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a loud whoop that echoed back from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in Bartlesville, he let her off at the local Phillips 66 service station, the Indian yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.""Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don’t use saddles.“
Nancy

Chesapeake, VA

#16 Sep 27, 2013
A red neck gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bar tender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk red neck is screaming about. The bar tender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!" The drunk red neck responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the heck out of my testicles." The bartender opens the door and looks in. "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket”.
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#17 Sep 27, 2013
Why do the lions in africa lick each others ass?
To get the taste of native's out of their mouth
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#18 Sep 27, 2013
There was a 3 story apartment building. A black family lived on the 1st floor, a hispanic family on the 2nd floor and a white family on the top floor. One day the apartment building caught fire and burned down. Which family survived? The white family. The parents were at work and the kids were in school.
THE LAST WARRIOR POET

Barboursville, WV

#19 Sep 27, 2013
What do you call a basement full of liberals?
A whine cellar.
Derper

Huntington, WV

#20 Sep 27, 2013
Did you hear that the WV DOT is about to permanently lay off over three hundred road workers for next summer?

Yup. Some guy invented a shovel that could stand up by itself.

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