Ridiculous Bible Verses
Pastafarian

Tucker, GA

#1 Feb 8, 2013
DISCLAIMER: this list isn't meant as a hateful gesture towards Christians, but a way to fight irrational responses in debates with (fun) facts.

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord."(Deuteronomy 23:1)

First of all, yes, the King James Bible actually calls them "stones." You are now aware of the fact that the "stones" euphemism is a Biblical reference.

Also, God hates people with testicular cancer, apparently.

If it wasn't already bad enough that these poor dudes have wounded stones and members, it turns out that if they choose to practice proper Christianity they can never go to church again? That's balls.

So the context of this passage is actually that people should be without blemish and should generally be "perfect" so that they can procreate well and contribute to the Lord's congregation by being fruitful and multiplying, so it makes sense that having a working pair of stones is necessary... it's just pretty brutal if you have no control over losing your "stones."
Infidel

United States

#2 Feb 8, 2013
^^Lol!
This one is pretty funny...

If your brother dies, you need to bang his wife.

"Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man's brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother." (Mark 12:19)

Picture that -- a grieving widow is visited by her husband's brother to have sex the night of the funeral.
who

United States

#3 Feb 8, 2013
I've done that for two of my brothers. I've got two more that are still alive, and both are married with no kids.......... Damn, I'll be glad when they are gone because both of their wives are hot!
Infidel

United States

#4 Feb 8, 2013
who wrote:
I've done that for two of my brothers. I've got two more that are still alive, and both are married with no kids.......... Damn, I'll be glad when they are gone because both of their wives are hot!
Lmao.
Fat Boy

Hopkinsville, KY

#5 Feb 8, 2013
Infidel wrote:
^^Lol!
This one is pretty funny...
If your brother dies, you need to bang his wife.
"Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man's brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother." (Mark 12:19)
Picture that -- a grieving widow is visited by her husband's brother to have sex the night of the funeral.
I missed where the Bible says anything about the night of the funeral ahole.
He is Coming Soon

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#6 Feb 8, 2013
God loves you tis much... www.scribd.com/doc/31322017 ...
Infidel

United States

#7 Feb 8, 2013
He is Coming Soon wrote:
God loves you tis much... www.scribd.com/doc/31322017 ...
If something is perfect, nothing imperfect can come from it. Someone once said that bad fruit cannot come from a good tree, and yet this "perfect" God created a "perfect" universe which was rendered imperfect by the "perfect" humans. The ultimate source of imperfection is God. What is perfect cannot become imperfect, so humans must have been created imperfect. What is perfect cannot create anything imperfect, so God must be imperfect to have created these imperfect humans. A perfect God who creates imperfect humans is impossible.

God is omniscient. When he created the universe, he saw the sufferings which humans would endure as a result of the sin of those original humans. He heard the screams of the damned. Surely he would have known that it would have been better for those humans to never have been born (in fact, the Bible says this very thing), and surely this all-compassionate deity would have foregone the creation of a universe destined to imperfection in which many of the humans were doomed to eternal suffering. A perfectly compassionate being who creates beings which he knows are doomed to suffer is impossible.
Oka

Shepherdsville, KY

#8 Feb 8, 2013
"And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness."

— Isaiah 34:7
Just a thought

Hopkinsville, KY

#9 Feb 8, 2013
Pastafarian wrote:
DISCLAIMER: this list isn't meant as a hateful gesture towards Christians, but a way to fight irrational responses in debates with (fun) facts.
"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord."(Deuteronomy 23:1)
First of all, yes, the King James Bible actually calls them "stones." You are now aware of the fact that the "stones" euphemism is a Biblical reference.
Also, God hates people with testicular cancer, apparently.
If it wasn't already bad enough that these poor dudes have wounded stones and members, it turns out that if they choose to practice proper Christianity they can never go to church again? That's balls.
So the context of this passage is actually that people should be without blemish and should generally be "perfect" so that they can procreate well and contribute to the Lord's congregation by being fruitful and multiplying, so it makes sense that having a working pair of stones is necessary... it's just pretty brutal if you have no control over losing your "stones."
I heard a preacher say once that this law was because it was a custom for priests who served idols to have themselves castrated.

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