Top Ten Countdown To Do List For Greedy Slumlords
Posted in the Honolulu Forum
#1 Mar 12, 2014
Here it is. Hawaii has surpassed all the mainland states for the worst offender slumlords. The corruption runs rampant as local government turns a blind eye.
Top Ten Countdown to do List for Greedy Slumlords
Number 10, Have first tenant clean entire apartment, keep the full deposit, use it to buy plastic pink flamingos to decorate outside the office living quarters.
Number 9, Have the beautiful bombshell dancer kicked out, sniff her left behind panties, then dress in drag to resemble the lead transvestite in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Number 8, Have old ladies kicked out, steal false teeth, sharpen them and use them for vampire teeth on Halloween.
Number 7, Spray paint over mold in shower, save time and give the next tenant the impression that it's made from marble.
Number 6, Put vinyl flooring over rotten wood floors, the tenant won't know that they have a sunken living room, until they have a kids birthday party.
Number 5, Duct tape a metal plate to the bottom plate on the avocado green refrigerator from the 70's, that way it hides the wire sparks, if the place burns down, collect the insurance.
Number 4, Make sure the sink pipes flow openly underneath the building, that way you can replenish the thirst of the hungry rats with the gushing water, right after they bite the tenants dog's tail.
Number 3, Tell the tenants you wont raise their rent, but you sure would like to have the fancy rims off their cars and trucks.
Number 2, Tell the hot blond on the second floor that you'll patch her roof, if she marries your ugly and slow in the head, crackhead brother named Jimbo..
And the number one top ten count down to do list for greedy slumlords is:
Kick out all of the tenants, tear the walls out between apartments, and make one single large home for all your inbred cousins that you hide from the building inspector, immigration, your parole officer and the police.
#3 Mar 12, 2014
Rules # 1-10
1. tenant to pass credit checks at their expense.
2. tenant to have a job that pays accordingly and can prove a stable job history.
3. tenant to have sufficient income and can prove it.
4. landlord to check with last 2 landlords about prospective tenant.
5. tenant to pay security deposit equal to 2 months rent if allowable.
6.. tenant to state all bank info to show proof of funds.
7. tenant to state all pets, and put up a pet deposit if pets are allowed.
8. landlord to get pics of tenant on property on move in, and tenant to sign off on move in inspection check-off list of property condition.
9. if more than one tenant, all info above is required as well
10.tenant to pay first months rent and large security deposit that conforms to local law. Do not collect last months rent for any tenant.
In addition, tenant to sign off on all house rules, ordinances in place set by law.
If they won't do it, go somewhere else and be a bum.
#4 Mar 13, 2014
Mr. Guru, regarding #7. If tenants have a Pitt Bull or any mix of Pitt Bull, do you require them to pay additional deposit, or to show proof of liability insurance before you rent to them? And do you require they MAINTAIN dog liability insurance during their stay? I ask because I see you are in California and they have suffered some of the most horrible Pitt attacks on the news.
I really like #10. Many renters feel it is their right to skip paying the rent if they are leaving, which is totally illegal for them to do. If they do that to you, do you pursue it legally?
This week a landlord I talked to discovered his tenants have stolen all the solar panels from his rental home. He just found out when the new tenants complained of no hot water, after they moved in. They were there just before, because he did an inspection himself a day previous.
#5 Mar 19, 2014
Oh Puhleeeeesssss!!!! Do you expect us to believe for one minute that with all these tacky ghetto apartments in Hawaii, that everyone of these people have credit and a stable job? How do verify invisible income? If all these places did credit checks and verified income, over half these dumps would be empty. OK! take a walk and tell it to somebody else.
#6 Mar 19, 2014
Yes, they do. They verify it with their check stubs. They are also easily verifiable, that's easy to do. Those "dumps" that you speak of, they are rented out to people other than you, yes? You like in Aala Park, Perhaps?
#7 Mar 19, 2014
I have to agree with the other poster. With the high unemployment rate as high as it is, there could be a point. Although section 8 and welfare could contribute a lot to verified income, there is still that grey area. I own houses on the mainland and some tenants paid in cash. When asked what they did for a living, One said door to door sales. What do I care?, money is money.
#8 Mar 19, 2014
It does make you wonder. Many place aren't up to code. They can't qualify to be section 8 housing if they can't pass the inspections. Shoddy plumbing, electrical that hasn't been grounded, rats, roaches and bedbugs are all negative hazards.
I'de suspect that many of these rentals are more than likely rented by Gurus inbred cousins. Many of them interbred when they found out that they were so ugly, that they would actually have to pay for sex. Being a family of tightwads has it's disadvantages and well..........the rest is history.
#9 Mar 20, 2014
I've rented all my adult life, I never could afford to buy. I've never had a bad landlord unless you consider someone to be bad to expect you to not kick holes in the walls and doors, let your cat piss everywhere, rip screens, kill the grass, and generally destroy his property. You need to take pride in where you live, even though you're not the owner. Your mommy and daddy aren't there to repair the damage you do anymore, and the landlord hires tradesmen when he needs repairs, he doesn't usually come himself and the place has standards that must be met to meet code. People in Hawaii need to learn to show some respect and you won't feel like it's you against the landlord in some sort of class warfare. It's basic manners you should have learned from your parents. I'm especially talking about parents with young kids, It's NOT ok to let your rugrats run apeshit through the house. YOU should fix the damage and stop trying to get over.
#10 Mar 21, 2014
One time a renter had a house out in cali with over 30 cats. When she moved out after five years, the place stunk to high heaven. They had to gut the inside of all the walls down to the beams. It was the original cat piss palace. The dumpster outside with the saturated wood sitting in it smelled really sour, after the workers left it there.
#12 Mar 22, 2014
Tell someone who cares.
#13 Mar 22, 2014
Cleaning up after a filthy cat-lover is one of the worst things you can do. You have to basically replace everything that cat has touched and just hope it hasn't sunk into the wood. Very expensive for the property owner and he has to pass on the cost. It usually takes more than the damage deposit to clean it up. And then hope the next tenants aren't allergic and sue you. I see people complaining all the time that "NO pets allowed" is the usual thing these days, but it's no wonder.
#14 Mar 22, 2014
You think you know more than you do. Eat Me!
#15 Mar 22, 2014
Francine, get back in the kitchen, and put some panties on. My friends are over,. Sheesh!
#16 Mar 22, 2014
You are Francine. Slow news day.
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