What are your best jokes?

What are your best jokes?

Posted in the Honolulu Forum

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zona

Lihue, HI

#1 Mar 27, 2008
confucious say....he who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finga!!!

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#4 Mar 27, 2008
Why did the Philipino Orange go to the Doctor?

He wasnt peeling well

“Dave C in Hawaii”

Since: Oct 07

Makakilo, Hawaii

#6 Mar 27, 2008
These 2 podagee guys was working on the highway. One was digging one hole, the other would fill in the hole soon after the first guy pau. This went on all day. At the end of the day, the first guy says, "Ho man, we got plenty done today, yeah?" The second one says, "Yeah, if the guy who plant the trees nevah call in sick we would only get half done!"
zona

Lihue, HI

#8 Mar 27, 2008
Why are filipinos so full of pride???

Because they eat Pride Pish, Pride Rice, Pride Noodles, Pride Chicken........

“Eschew Obfuscation”

Since: Dec 07

Honolulu, HI

#9 Mar 27, 2008
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it died.

Golden oldie.

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#10 Mar 27, 2008
What did one local termite say to the other?

Eh' we got eat you house!

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#11 Mar 27, 2008
What do you call two philipino Pilots?

A pair of Pliers
Opinion

Honolulu, HI

#12 Mar 27, 2008
The State Legislators,Mayor and City Council ;)

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#13 Mar 27, 2008
What do you call a Philipino with more thanone dog?

A rancher
2boizmom

Honolulu, HI

#14 Mar 27, 2008
A Hawaiian, a Japanese and a "Portagee" was stranded on a deserted island. They found a lamp, rubbed it and a genie appeared granting each one wish. Hawaiian: I want to go back to Hawaii and have one BEEG luau! <POOF> He's in Hawaii. Japanese: I want to go back to Japan to an endless Sushi Bar! <POOF> He's gone.

The "Portagee" was thinking and thinking but didn't know what to wish for.

"Well?!" said the genie.

The "Portagee" looked around and sadly said, "Gee, I wish my friends was back with me cause I so lonely!"

(AI-YAH)

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#15 Mar 27, 2008
How do you make a black guy stick to the ceiling?

Line it with velcro and put a trampoline ion the room

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#16 Mar 27, 2008
Whats the difference between a strip show and a circus act?

A cunning array of stunts

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#17 Mar 27, 2008
Why do you do a sheep on the edge of a cliff?

They push back harder
zona

Lihue, HI

#18 Mar 27, 2008
Why dose A-Lice like women and men????

Cause......SHE-BI !!!!!!!!
Yo Mama

Hilo, HI

#19 Mar 27, 2008
A sharp tool fell from the third floor at a building construction site and hit Manny Silva on the head, severing his left ear.

"My eeah, my eeah! I went go lose my eeah!" he cried out. So all the guys furiously looked around for Manny's ear.

Finally one worker held something up and yelled, "Manny, dis yo' eeah?" Manny looked and looked and yelled, "No, das not my eeah. Mine had one pencil on it.!"

“American”

Since: Feb 08

Makawao

#20 Mar 27, 2008
An Englishman, A scotsman and an Irishman (All haoles) are working building a huge skyscraper. Its lunchetime and they all sit on a beam 1000 feet up to eat.
The Englishman, John opens his lunchbox to find a Ham sandwich

John: Ham! Always bloody Ham! Ever since my wedding day Mary is making me Ham sandwhiches. Just once I would like something different. If I get another Ham sandwich Im jumping off this building."

The Scotsman, Bruce then opens his lunchbox to find a Haggis sandwhich

Bruce: Ugh. Haggis. Same ol bloody Haggis. Sarah thinks I like Haggis for some reason. Tell ya what John, if tommorrow I get Haggis Im jumping with ya!"

Then the Irishman, Paddy opens his Lunchbox to find a Liverwurst Sandwhich. "Aye Lilly..Liverwurst again. One more day of this and Im jumping with ya blokes"

So the next day rolls around and the men sit down way up top to enjoy thier lunch. John opens his lunchbox to find a Ham sandwich and true to his word, leaps off the building. Bruce then opens up his Lunchbox to find a Haggis sandwich and true to his word , jumps from the building. Paddy follows suit and opens his Lunchbox to find a Liverwurst sandwich and proceeds to leap from the building. All Dead.

At a funeral ceremony for all three men the wives are gathered and speaking about the deaths of thier husbands.

Mary: "Aye, had John told me he did'nt like Ham Ii would have made him something else, It would'nt have been no trouble."

Sarah: Yea I thought Bruce liked Haggis. He should have said something."

Lilly: "Funny thing that you know,...Paddy always made his own sandwiches!"
Story Reader

United States

#21 Mar 27, 2008
Every day, a hen owned by the Hawaiian would lay an egg in his garden, which was used in his daily breakfast. One day, he looked into his garden, only to find that the hen had laid her egg in the Texan's garden.

He was about to go next door when he saw the Texan rush out of the house to pick the egg. The Hawaiian ran up to the Texan and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Texan disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for awhile until finally the Hawaiian said, "In Hawaii, we normally solve disputes by the following method."

"I kick you in the nuts and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the nuts and time how long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Texan thought for a moment and noticed that the Hawaiian was only wearing a pair of those funny "slippahs", then looked at his own feet which boasted a shiny new pair of alligator cowboy boots... with pointed toes no less. He quickly agreed to resolve the dispute "Hawaiian Style."

The Hawaiian took a few steps back and kicked the Texan in the balls as hard as he could. The Texan fell to the ground clutching himself and howeled in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually, the Texan stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Hawaiian replied, "Nahhh bruddah, keep the egg."
Westside Wind

Kilauea, HI

#22 Mar 27, 2008
This couple was driving along the countryside, not talking to each other having argued 1/2 hour earlier.
As they speed by a pasture, the husband said sarcastically to his wife, is that mule, pig and goat part of your family.
The wife answered, yes they're my in laws.
zona

Lihue, HI

#23 Mar 27, 2008
There was this poor mexican couple named Juan and Maria who lived in Mexico on an old broken down ranch. Juan mad a living by getting up every morning and scavenging the desert for items that he could sell in town. One day Juan came upon an old latern and so he started to dust it off. to Juan's suprise a Genie appeared and said "Juan you get one wish and what ever that wish is I will grant it to you" Juan thought very hard about the only wish and said to the Genie. My wish is that every time I pee that my pee will be the finest tequila in all of Mexico. The Genie had granted Juan's wish and dissapeared. Juan went home to Maria and told her to get two shot glasses. Maria was confused because they did not have any liquor but Juan assured her that he was able to pee the finest tequila. After a couple of shots Maria agreed with juan and they drank all night. After about a week of the same routine Juan had come home and told Mara to get only one shot glass. Maria was confused and asked Juan if she had done something wrong because he had only asked for one shot glass. Juan replied with " No Maria I am not upset with you, tonight is a special occassion and you get to drink from the bottle.
Peaches

Hilo, HI

#24 Mar 27, 2008
Judge to Prostitute, "So when did you realize you were raped?"

Prostitute, wiping away tears, "When the check bounced."

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