Being the spouse of a cheater

[news to you]

Has anyone, man or woman, been cheated on by their spouse/significant other? Did you know the person your spouse/significant other cheated with?

[i know]

yes i have and i plan on getting even as soon as my kids get a little older karma is sweet !!!!!!!

news to you wrote:

Has anyone, man or woman, been cheated on by their spouse/significant other? Did you know the person your spouse/significant other cheated with?

[news to you]

i know wrote:

yes i have and i plan on getting even as soon as my kids get a little older karma is sweet !!!!!!!<quoted text>

Do you mean getting even against your spouse or against the person your spouse cheated with?

[i know]

both but mainly the spouse!!!!!!!!!!

news to you wrote:

<quoted text> Do you mean getting even against your spouse or against the person your spouse cheated with?

[news to you]

I was the last person to know about my husband's affair. The homewrecker he was having it with worked where he did. I know what it's like to want revenge for both of the people who hurt me. Cheating on him whenever you do it isn't going to solve your problem. Divorcing him and moving on will. Getting a real man who's true to you will get you some revenge. Where the homewrecker is concerned, let me tell you, you don't have to say a word or lift a finger against that person cause they're making their own Hell. I had one face to face conversation with the homewrecker my husband cheated with. I told her exactly what I wanted to, without any violence, and when I left her standing in the middle of the store where I saw her, she left like the ugliest most disgusting POS. Of course she went whining to my husband her next day at work but he was done with her anyway and told her whatever I'd said to her was true. Now, I don't know what your relationship is with your spouse now, whether you're the husband or the wife, it doesn't matter. But, I can tell you, I pity the homewrecker, don't know if she ever went out with another married guy or not. There were rumors at my husbands work she had, but who knows? You know workplace gossip. It's been 8+ years now and I have no ill will toward her. I'm sure she's paid for her mistake of cheating with my husband somewhere down the road. My husband learned real quick what cheating was like, especially the aftermath. Not all husbands who cheat are like that. Mine however learned his lesson. Luckily, he got hold of a leech who was after an easy ride, moneywise and workwise. That's the worse kinda homewrecker a cheating spouse can get hold of. This is just my story, of course. Yours may be totally different. Cheating on a cheater isn't the answer though. I thought about doing it, but couldn't. I respected myself and my kids too much to put that on them, whether they were small or grown.

[mbp470]

Yes and the "girl" Yes, she lied about her age, is from Hiseville and goes to church there!! She just pretends he wasn't married to sleep better at night but they know they were wrong. To make matters worse, when me and my husband starting working through this she wouldn't stop calling him and his family. How do I explain horrible people like this to my daughter?

[news to you]

#1 Your husband has to put a stop to it. You should be present whenever, if possible, she does call. Change your #. Tell family not to tell you if/when she calls them, that your done with that. I can't stress enough the importance of your spouse doing their part to be 100% truthful and honest. No contact means NO CONTACT EVER with the person they had an affair with. They can't rebuild your trust if they're still accepting calls from the other woman/man. Where your daughter is concerned, how old is she? My children were 13, 11, and 5 at the time. It was very tough for us. I can't tell you if you should tell her or not.

[cheated on]

If it has been 8 years why do you still talk about it. My wife cheated on me about 2 years ago, and we try to forget it. We never talk about it or bring it up. Your story sounds familar, I worked with a guy and we were pretty good buddies, and he cheated on his wife with 2 different women that I know of. The first one was a young girl, I met up with them at a party one night, and than the other one was a little more than a fling, it was like they wasn't even trying to hide it. They went to bars,fairs, and he would go to her house and stay and even go to her family's house. At work they were together all the time. I really think he wanted to leave his wife, but she gave him the guilt trip about the kids and than she got pregnant. Than I got layed off and I heard he got fired. (He was one of the supervisiors). When it happened to me I blamed both of them, because it takes 2, but I really think the one that is married is more at fault. They took those vows, and they shouldn't of put their self in a situation to even have an affair.

[News to you]

Nope, not my husband. He doesn't drink and bars isn't his scene. Never has. He's only cheated with the one woman, too. He did go to her house when he wanted, well, you know. Why do I talk about it now? Well, what happened to me happens to others and if something I can say or my story and experience can help someone either move on with or without the cheating spouse then I will talk about it. I'm not bitter and I don't put all the blame on the other woman. My husband did get the brunt of the fallout at home after he ended the affair with her. I have no ill will for the other woman and hope she's doing well in her life. I especially hope she hasn't been with any other married guys. What I went through was horrible. I hope she took with her a lesson to not pick married men. She did however know he was married and she could've had more respect for herself and not came on to him and flirted with him. She made a bad choice with that kind of behavior. Unfortunately, he fell for it. He's married and a good % don't leave their wives for them, though. But, me calling her a leech or gold digger, well, that does sound "bitter" but I'm talking about the person she was. And that's what she was. When I was working through my pain and anger I prayed as much for her as I did for myself and my husband and kids. We all needed alittle devine guidance back then. And God knows what I feel when I speak of the affair now. That's who I answer to and that's who truly knows my heart.

[cheated on]

Well this man and woman didn't drink either she just liked to dance and he didn't really like bars he just met her down there 1 time, but by the time he snook off from work (3rd shift) and got down there it was closing time. So really he was only there about 5 min. Your husband initals aren't B.M.(lived in Edmonton at the time this happened)is it. Anyway my question is does it get any easier as time goes by? Will I ever really trust my wife again?

[News to you]

cheated on wrote:

Well this man and woman didn't drink either she just liked to dance and he didn't really like bars he just met her down there 1 time, but by the time he snook off from work (3rd shift) and got down there it was closing time. So really he was only there about 5 min. Your husband initals aren't B.M.(lived in Edmonton at the time this happened)is it. Anyway my question is does it get any easier as time goes by? Will I ever really trust my wife again?

To answer the first part of your post, it's been my experience in life that there's always 2 sides to every story and some people will embellish or down right lie about things, alot of times out of resentment and spite. No, you must have me confused with someone else, btw. And yes it does get easier with time. If your spouse is honest and makes themself available to you whenever you need them, especially about the affair and what went on, then you can get over it, you can trust again. I'm living proof. I trust my spouse 100%. I have no doubts in my mind of what went on and afterwards after he ended the affair. He was done with her and he's been a very faithful person, both to us, his wife and children and to God. I have to credit God with the internal change, though. He heals all wounds, inside and out, if we put our trust 100% in Him. My husband is a very good man. His affair only made us stronger as man and wife. That's ironic to say, but true.I don't have any problem talking about it, to anyone or on here. Now, it's just something to share and show that I'm a survivor of it all. And I'm with my spouse. I'm also proud of that because he's not the person he was all those years ago. He wasn't a monster way back then, I have to say, but he's my fella, my best friend.

[friend]

news to you, and cheated on, i think your both full of sh**! I think you are talking about the same couple because i know them also and the story is too much alike, come on the kids ages and everything! news to you just doesn't want to face the fact that her husband didn't tell her everything he might of promised and swore that he did, but i know from experience that they don't tell everything. he wanted you to believe it only happened 1 time, well he might of only slept with 1 woman, but he went places with the other woman also and stayed right with her at work. i guess as long as they don't sleep together than it doesn't count.(what ever). and you try and say the other one was a gold digger, for what that guy didn't have shit he was a supervisior BIG DEAL he wore jeans from walmart, pictures on his walls at home were just pictures his kids drew, his wife didn't work, and they lived in a rent a house, all to pieces, and a house full of kids. yea she was gonna get alot. You just need to face the truth. if you trusted him so much than why did you take him to work and pick him up every day after the afair.i guess that was trust.
cheated on, if you can't take care of your wife than of course they are gonna go some where else. they wouldn't be straying around if you made them happy.

[news to you]

friend wrote:

news to you, and cheated on, i think your both full of sh**! I think you are talking about the same couple because i know them also and the story is too much alike, come on the kids ages and everything! news to you just doesn't want to face the fact that her husband didn't tell her everything he might of promised and swore that he did, but i know from experience that they don't tell everything. he wanted you to believe it only happened 1 time, well he might of only slept with 1 woman, but he went places with the other woman also and stayed right with her at work. i guess as long as they don't sleep together than it doesn't count.(what ever). and you try and say the other one was a gold digger, for what that guy didn't have shit he was a supervisior BIG DEAL he wore jeans from walmart, pictures on his walls at home were just pictures his kids drew, his wife didn't work, and they lived in a rent a house, all to pieces, and a house full of kids. yea she was gonna get alot. You just need to face the truth. if you trusted him so much than why did you take him to work and pick him up every day after the afair.i guess that was trust.
cheated on, if you can't take care of your wife than of course they are gonna go some where else. they wouldn't be straying around if you made them happy.

Who are you talking about? What's the guy's name and his wife? I'm just curious to know why is it that wearing jeans from walmart is "bad"? And having pictures your kid made for you on your walls is bad. I have pictures on my fridge my kids made for me. And living in a rent house? What's going on with that? You make those things sound like an insult. I'm insulted for the people you're talking about. Where everything I or the other poster said is anything like someone you know, that's BS. I think you're stretching here, dear. And the wife taking her guy to work everyday or whatever, well, gee, maybe the affair had just came out (?) I'd do the same thing. There wouldn't be any trust for a while would there? Duh! It sounds like you're very angry over something, "friend". Have you been crapped on, too? No need to take it out on others, especially cheated on, who sounds like they're having some trust issues, which are NORMAL. It does take a while. Or maybe you haven't been through anything like what you're ranting about in your post. Sounds like someone who has no idea what they're ranting about, just throwing empty words around. I'd show some sympathy and empathy if I were you. You may find yourself in the same situation. Good luck with that attitude you got there.

[news to you]

BTW, cheated on, don't you dare put yourself down for what "friend" called 'not making your spouse happy'. Obviously, "friend" isn't being very friendly and they sure as hell don't know how to talk to someone in pain and uncertainty. Your spouse strayed because they wanted to. It's not anything you did. They made a choice to do it. they could've came to you if they felt you weren't making them happy and told you. People who cheat do those things because of their own selfishness.

[Breezy]

friend wrote:

news to you, and cheated on, i think your both full of sh**! I think you are talking about the same couple because i know them also and the story is too much alike, come on the kids ages and everything! news to you just doesn't want to face the fact that her husband didn't tell her everything he might of promised and swore that he did, but i know from experience that they don't tell everything. he wanted you to believe it only happened 1 time, well he might of only slept with 1 woman, but he went places with the other woman also and stayed right with her at work. i guess as long as they don't sleep together than it doesn't count.(what ever). and you try and say the other one was a gold digger, for what that guy didn't have shit he was a supervisior BIG DEAL he wore jeans from walmart, pictures on his walls at home were just pictures his kids drew, his wife didn't work, and they lived in a rent a house, all to pieces, and a house full of kids. yea she was gonna get alot. You just need to face the truth. if you trusted him so much than why did you take him to work and pick him up every day after the afair.i guess that was trust.
cheated on, if you can't take care of your wife than of course they are gonna go some where else. they wouldn't be straying around if you made them happy.

Obsessed much? You seem 2 know alot about thes guy's house, his family,& howd you know what pictures hes got on his walls? Stalker much? I'm thinkn your the dumped other woman. You the one who took off his walmart jeans? that why you know what brand he wore?

[friend]

I don't like to post names on here I think that is personal, but your the one that came on here telling all about your personal life. I don't think there is anything wrong with pants from walmart, or pictures from your kids, or even a rent a house. I have those pictures also, and shop at walmart. I was just saying if they were a "GOLDDIGGER" they would go for someone who has money or something worth the trouble. Just because you cheat with someone it doesn't always make you the bad person. I know it is wrong to cheat with a married person, and you shouldn't do that for more than 1 reason, but sometimes things happen. When you spend more time at work around someone than you do at home your feelings sometimes get in the way. I know that is wrong and no exscuse, but everyone always wants to blame the other person saying they are a homewrecker. There is 3 sides to every story not 2. HIS side, HER side, and the TRUTH. No one ever tells the whole truth. Like your gonna go home and tell your spouse all about the sex, they may but more than likely they will lye and say it wasn't any good. After about 15 or so years with someone, and your kids are grown than you want to try new things. How many married couples do you know that run home everyday after work excited to see the other one, or stay up all night having hot intimate sex. NOT VERY MANY. That's not speaking for every one, but you only live once and most people want to enjoy life. Not the same old boring life with the same old spouse. Most people are only married because of the kids. Look out when they are grown.

[cheated on 3 times]

I was cheated on 3 times, once i caught her kissing this guy in the trailer we rented, oh she said it was just a friendly kiss, but you seem to forgive them till they steal more than your heart..she is a pathological liar, thief,she won't hold down a job, the only thing she was good at was her lying..she stole from a disabled guy (a preacher) who has alot of medical bills, and heats with propane.The guy is too kind hearted, we tried to get him to prosecute her, but he said she will pay on judgment day.

[cheated on 3 times]

i was lucky we didn't have kids together, but she had 2, and it hurt those kids to have to move.I hope those kids don't take after their mother..

[news to you]

friend wrote:

I don't like to post names on here I think that is personal, but your the one that came on here telling all about your personal life. I don't think there is anything wrong with pants from walmart, or pictures from your kids, or even a rent a house. I have those pictures also, and shop at walmart. I was just saying if they were a "GOLDDIGGER" they would go for someone who has money or something worth the trouble. Just because you cheat with someone it doesn't always make you the bad person. I know it is wrong to cheat with a married person, and you shouldn't do that for more than 1 reason, but sometimes things happen. When you spend more time at work around someone than you do at home your feelings sometimes get in the way. I know that is wrong and no exscuse, but everyone always wants to blame the other person saying they are a homewrecker. There is 3 sides to every story not 2. HIS side, HER side, and the TRUTH. No one ever tells the whole truth. Like your gonna go home and tell your spouse all about the sex, they may but more than likely they will lye and say it wasn't any good. After about 15 or so years with someone, and your kids are grown than you want to try new things. How many married couples do you know that run home everyday after work excited to see the other one, or stay up all night having hot intimate sex. NOT VERY MANY. That's not speaking for every one, but you only live once and most people want to enjoy life. Not the same old boring life with the same old spouse. Most people are only married because of the kids. Look out when they are grown.

I think you came on here trying to paste someone elses face on mine just because something I said was similar to someone you say you know. The gold digger from my story was just that. And what's different about mine than the people you're talking about (from what you've posted about them)we're decently well off. We were then and still are. Personally, for myself, a parent left me very well off, and with good judgement(even in these rough times)we've managed to do very well. With my husband's own money he's made (then and now)we're still(thank God above)doing well. That's where to gold digger comment came from and I was very justified in calling the "homewrecker" that. She knew exactly what she was doing. I don't know who you're talking about but I feel alot of sympathy for them. It sounds like you may have worked with one of them(the married couple)or the other person in the affair. Like you said, there's always 2 sides to every story and the dumped person nine times out of ten is the one to stretch things. I've been in the "cheated on" position and so my money's on that side.

[news to you]

cheated on 3 times wrote:

I was cheated on 3 times, once i caught her kissing this guy in the trailer we rented, oh she said it was just a friendly kiss, but you seem to forgive them till they steal more than your heart..she is a pathological liar, thief,she won't hold down a job, the only thing she was good at was her lying..she stole from a disabled guy (a preacher) who has alot of medical bills, and heats with propane.The guy is too kind hearted, we tried to get him to prosecute her, but he said she will pay on judgment day.

The preacher is right. Her day will come, either on this earth or the here after. You don't have to do a thing to someone like that. They make their own misery.