Does a child deserve to know who thei...

Does a child deserve to know who their biological father is - no matter what?

Created by furrealz on Apr 11, 2011

567 votes

Click on an option to vote

YES

NO

VA Nana

Lynchburg, VA

#44 Aug 1, 2013
My experience was this. My children did not ask about their father at first. One of my children knew he existed before we were divorced. When I was asked by the youngest child I didn't know what to say so I tried to explain this to a five year old. From that day forward my child was very angry. I was told that the day I said something that a darkness came over her. There is no perfect age and no correct answer here. The person who is told will have more and more questions and will have many feelings mixed with much pain. From that day forward I thought my child hated me and took it out on me. I was not the one who left. I was not the one who abandoned her. I am now raising her son, age 9 1/2 and he is now beginning to ask about his father. I cannot imagine the pain and confusion that he is going to go through. Once again I am the person who will go through these emotions with him. What is right for one person who reads this will not be correct for another because each of us are individuals and process things differently in our minds. One thing is sure though. You should pray before you do this and ask God for the right time. Make sure that this child knows they are loved by you and that no matter what you will never abandon them. Seek out a counselor to listen and help through this time. If you are reading this remember you have done nothing wrong. In the bible Jesus makes it clear in that he loves you and will never leave you or forsake you.
mommaof3

United States

#45 Aug 6, 2013
I was 18 when i met my father me my husband and my oldest daughter all met him at the same time i dont think it should be held back from a person/child let the father prove if hes gonna be there or not if he does want to be there then it might change the childs life to know who there dad is if he choises not to be there then the child can see that hes not worth it i think a child should know expesially if there is no father figuer in there life it sucks not haven a dad there just my oppinion tho
Grandma

Alexandria, VA

#46 Aug 25, 2013
Absolutely not if he is a low life dead beat dad!!!! My granddaughter thinks that the man who has been there since she was 3 months old is her daddy and that fine with us. Her sperm donor saw her once when she was 2 months old. Hasn't come back. Hasn't bought her anything. Hasn't shown interest. He has at least three other kids. My son stepped up and has loved this child like his own while the other so called man done drugs and parties like an idiot. So NO don't tell why make a child wonder why sperm donor doesn't care enough to be there. Maybe when over age of 18 might consider. Again why tell the child if it will only hurt.
Unsure

Rock Hill, SC

#47 Sep 12, 2013
My son's sperm donor doesn't know that my son is his. Nor do I plan on telling him anytime soon. He is a drug addict and convicted felon and I would never trust my son with him. I want my son to have a father, but this piece of garbage only cares about what he can pawn to score his next hit. I need advice on how to eventually tell my son about him, or to keep it secret.
beenthere

Princeton, WV

#48 Sep 17, 2013
I have known I was adopted as long as I can remember. I found my biological Mother at the age of 24. It was never an issue. I am glad my parents decided to let me know young. I thank them for the good life they have given me. Now that they are older, even with 3 natural children they live with me and I am returning to them the love and care they gave me.
1 post removed
Curious

New York, NY

#50 Feb 25, 2014
Muggle wrote:
I am 40. When I was 9, and less than a year after my parents split and divorced, a new guy started coming around and suddenly, my mother pulled me aside and told me that this man was my "real father".(The dad who raised me had been very good to me my whole life). It devastated me. To this day, it remains one of the worst, most painful memories of my life.

In the end...my Dad is my Dad. I loved him with my whole heart all my life and he was good to me always - and to my children, as well. We lost him 4 years ago and it is the most painful thing I've ever endured. But even HE would have said that I deserved to know the truth.
But I want to know who my father was, and learn about the family I really come from. My children also deserve to have accurate genealogical information.
Hi, I am curious how this turned out... Did you guys get an answer? Was he your brother or not?
curiosity killed the cat

Charlottesville, VA

#51 Feb 26, 2014
o sometime back a you lady had a child. And this child is a beautiful little girl. Bright blonde hair, big brown eyes, fair and pale skin. She was born in august of 2010. Her initials are JDG. Now this little angel is very tall... And not to be mean but her parents are not. A little back story... Her mother and i had a fling that spanned over a few months. Pretty much at the time of the estimated conception we had unprotected sex. And after a few weeks she told me she was pregnant but said she wasn't sure if it was mine or her bf's... I didn't even know she was dating someone. Turns out it was her former bf JG. She also told me no matter what she was telling him it was his child. I never evenhad a choice in the matter. Now i look at the pictures of this child And i am almost 100% sure she is my daughter.I don't want to ruin what seems to be a great family. And i don't want to crush this guy's heart by him finding out if she never tells him. All i want to know is if this beautiful little girl is mine. I live in VA now and they still live outside of Hinton i think. The mothers initials are the same as the fathers. JG.I feel he has the right to know but it is also not my place. If anyone has any thoughts on what i should do, just post it. Its hard not knowing the truth.
1 post removed
Tom

Pontiac, MI

#53 Mar 5, 2014
hard decision wrote:
It is very admirable that this man is raising this boy as his own..though he was conceived out-side of a relationship..but, this child and all children have the right to know the truth...I know of a similar situation where a girl thinks her father is her real dad and even makes comments like "I look just like you Daddy". She's even made comments like "why is Daddy's name not on my birth certificate?"....Lord, just tell the truth and get all the deceit and lies out in the open NOW... before it comes out by some other individual.
There are no family secrets, trust me people know and it will get out, I was adopted at 1 and knew my whole life, however I didn't try to find my birth mother till my parents died out of respect for their feelings. MY B mom did not want to talk to me she had kept it from her current children only her parents and husband knew. When she died, I contacted her pastor and asked him to contact the sons, they were overjoyed, and are great guys, their father was devastated people would know. Once I was announced, lots of hints and whispers proved that most in the family already new and my BM carried this this thing from her past her whole life, what a shame. I am 57
Magic

Ireland

#54 Apr 3, 2014
Few nights ago, I was contacted by a young man who is claiming to be my son. At first, I thought this nothing more than a prank phone call. But two days later a letter arrived. In the letter, he explained that apparently, I in my college years about 33 years ago had a one night stand relationship with his mother. Apparently she got pregnant and decided to not tell me and after birth, she gave up the child for adoption.
Child was adopted but after many years he decided to find his biological parent. He first found his mother and later on his mother told him about me. She told him that I never had any knowledge of his existence and regardless to having many opportunities, she never informed me about the child. But now after 33 years, she tells him.
This young man then searches for me on the Facebook and eventually finds my photos. He shows them to his mother and she confirms that it is me.
Since he has contacted me, myself, my wife and son and daughter are detested beyond measure. Our lives has turned upside down. I feel I am a victim of selfish act. I am so angry, not at this man seeking his biological father, but the manner this bombshell has landed at my door step.
His biological mother denied from existence of this child, rubbed me from having anything to do with him and remained silence for 33 years. Suddenly she has broken her silence and has turn my life upside down. If she chose d to stay silent why now she decide to break it.
The funny thing is that I have no idea who is woman is and after ringing her to get some first hand news, she couldn't give me any definitive references to me, the night in question, reason for our encounter, our whereabouts or anything that makes sense. All she keep saying is that we were young and we made a mistake. According to her, I apparently have the same eyes as this young man, so therefore I am the father.
I have arranged for DNA test to got to the bottom of this matter. But it doesn't help my anger and frustration at this woman for what she done to me and my family. I I am the father, I will welcome this young man to my family.
But I am still angry at the manner I was contacted and way I have been treated by this woman. She took away my right and privileges to my son ( if I am the father). She denied me from my choice.
I like to ask you, where is my right in all of this. Where is my family right? They are innocent parties in all of this, as this apparently take n place many years before I meet my wife. Do I deserve this termoil in my life now? Should not I have been contacted first by the adoption agency first to give me some information before hand and prepare for this? Shouldn't this agency get DNA test first, in order to establish that I am the father, before confronting this young man and his mother?
I very much like to know your opinion.
Thanks
suck it up

Mount Hope, WV

#55 Apr 4, 2014
Magic wrote:
Few nights ago, I was contacted by a young man who is claiming to be my son. At first, I thought this nothing more than a prank phone call. But two days later a letter arrived. In the letter, he explained that apparently, I in my college years about 33 years ago had a one night stand relationship with his mother. Apparently she got pregnant and decided to not tell me and after birth, she gave up the child for adoption.
Child was adopted but after many years he decided to find his biological parent. He first found his mother and later on his mother told him about me. She told him that I never had any knowledge of his existence and regardless to having many opportunities, she never informed me about the child. But now after 33 years, she tells him.
This young man then searches for me on the Facebook and eventually finds my photos. He shows them to his mother and she confirms that it is me.
Since he has contacted me, myself, my wife and son and daughter are detested beyond measure. Our lives has turned upside down. I feel I am a victim of selfish act. I am so angry, not at this man seeking his biological father, but the manner this bombshell has landed at my door step.
His biological mother denied from existence of this child, rubbed me from having anything to do with him and remained silence for 33 years. Suddenly she has broken her silence and has turn my life upside down. If she chose d to stay silent why now she decide to break it.
The funny thing is that I have no idea who is woman is and after ringing her to get some first hand news, she couldn't give me any definitive references to me, the night in question, reason for our encounter, our whereabouts or anything that makes sense. All she keep saying is that we were young and we made a mistake. According to her, I apparently have the same eyes as this young man, so therefore I am the father.
I have arranged for DNA test to got to the bottom of this matter. But it doesn't help my anger and frustration at this woman for what she done to me and my family. I I am the father, I will welcome this young man to my family.
But I am still angry at the manner I was contacted and way I have been treated by this woman. She took away my right and privileges to my son ( if I am the father). She denied me from my choice.
I like to ask you, where is my right in all of this. Where is my family right? They are innocent parties in all of this, as this apparently take n place many years before I meet my wife. Do I deserve this termoil in my life now? Should not I have been contacted first by the adoption agency first to give me some information before hand and prepare for this? Shouldn't this agency get DNA test first, in order to establish that I am the father, before confronting this young man and his mother?
I very much like to know your opinion.
Thanks
If you have been given a son, whether at his birth or when he is 33, then you have been given a beautiful blessing. Make sure he is really your son and if he is then embrace him and the future. The past cannot be changed. If your house burns to the ground you can stand there for years crying into the ashes and rubble or you can move forward and build a new home.
Magic

Ireland

#56 Apr 5, 2014
suck it up wrote:
<quoted text>If you have been given a son, whether at his birth or when he is 33, then you have been given a beautiful blessing. Make sure he is really your son and if he is then embrace him and the future. The past cannot be changed. If your house burns to the ground you can stand there for years crying into the ashes and rubble or you can move forward and build a new home.
Thank you
In the dark

Wickhambrook, UK

#57 Apr 17, 2014
I'm a sixteen year old girl and my mother has just come clean about having an affair with another man while she was with the man who I consider to be my dad, the man who has raised me my entire life around the time I was concieved. I've had a great childhood and I care about both my parents dearly. My dad, however, is totally against me finding out the truth of who my biological farther is. I do wish I could agree with him as it would make this situation far easier but I feel strongly about finding out which one is my biological farther. I just want to find out where I've come from and whether or not I have half siblings who might want to know me. But I do understand the implications for the other guys family and my own. But I'm secure enough to know that nothing could change me and my Dads relationship and I don't want to find out because I want a different dad or a second dad at best the other guy would be a friend if it turned out he was my biological farther. I feel I have the right to know who my Biological farther is and where I've come from. I'm posting this comment because there seems to be other people who have shared a similar experience which is quite rare. So I would appreciate any experiences opinions or knowledge anyone could share with me.
so sad

Oak Hill, WV

#58 Apr 17, 2014
In the dark wrote:
I'm a sixteen year old girl and my mother has just come clean about having an affair with another man while she was with the man who I consider to be my dad, the man who has raised me my entire life around the time I was concieved. I've had a great childhood and I care about both my parents dearly. My dad, however, is totally against me finding out the truth of who my biological farther is. I do wish I could agree with him as it would make this situation far easier but I feel strongly about finding out which one is my biological farther. I just want to find out where I've come from and whether or not I have half siblings who might want to know me. But I do understand the implications for the other guys family and my own. But I'm secure enough to know that nothing could change me and my Dads relationship and I don't want to find out because I want a different dad or a second dad at best the other guy would be a friend if it turned out he was my biological farther. I feel I have the right to know who my Biological farther is and where I've come from. I'm posting this comment because there seems to be other people who have shared a similar experience which is quite rare. So I would appreciate any experiences opinions or knowledge anyone could share with me.
Is this Seanna?
Love

Bluefield, WV

#59 Apr 17, 2014
Magic, I feel sorry for your situation. However, if this is your child then love him and except him. If your wife truly loves you she will do the same. This happened before her. I can only imagine how hard this is for everyone involved but look at it as a blessing that came later on in life. If your wife loves you she will love him for he is part of you.
In the dark

Bury Saint Edmunds, UK

#60 Apr 18, 2014
So Sad
No that's not my name and I don't think I know anyone of that name but I'd like to remain anonymous in this situation.
1 post removed
Meow

San Juan, Philippines

#62 Aug 8, 2014
i discovered the truth when i was 18 and wasn't completely upset with my family who kept the secret for such a long long time. if anything, im mad at my real father. I was kind of acquainted to one of his other daughters (my half sister, apparently) and i never get to know them not until they migrated to Canada and continued to live their life without me. I just found out i had chinese blood and that came as a real shock
from experience

Beckley, WV

#63 Aug 9, 2014
You are questioning if a child deserves to know who the father is, the question should be, does the father deserve to know who the child is? Nothing is worse than having to explain why "daddy doesn't you" to a child. The child will always ask you, "What did I do wrong?" My children know who their fathers are (yes, I said fathers) and my children have no use for these men at all. Yes, tell your child who his/her father is, be honest with them.
Unsure

Fayetteville, NC

#64 May 4, 2015
from experience wrote:
You are questioning if a child deserves to know who the father is, the question should be, does the father deserve to know who the child is? Nothing is worse than having to explain why "daddy doesn't you" to a child. The child will always ask you, "What did I do wrong?" My children know who their fathers are (yes, I said fathers) and my children have no use for these men at all. Yes, tell your child who his/her father is, be honest with them.
My son's sperm donor doesn't know that my son is his. Nor do I plan on telling him anytime soon. He is a drug addict and convicted felon and I would never trust my son with him. I want my son to have a father, but this piece of garbage only cares about what he can pawn to score his next hit. I need advice on how to eventually tell my son about him, or to keep it secret.
hct

York, UK

#65 May 19, 2015
When i met my now wife 14 years ago she fell pregnant very quickly we have gone on to have 2 other children and a happy marriage.When we met my wife was in a very emotion place having lost her father she was only 19 and had afriend she would talk to although i thought it was strange especially as this guy was in his mid 30s.My wife assured me nothing was going on.It all came to ahead a few months back when i saw this guy new who he was and thought he had a look of my 13 year old son.I confronted my wife she broke down crying and said she had slept with him once.She says he groomed her pressured her into sex she says she said no a few times but in the end when he was on top of her saying are we gonna do this she nodded.She claims she was frightened and could see no way out of the situation.I can t believe she kept this from me for so long she is ashamed of what happened.But i am struggling to forgive her.I dont know weather or not my son needs to know.But also there is obviously a chance i m the father.My whole world has been tipped upside down and i don t know what to do.
someone

Stafford, VA

#66 May 19, 2015
I think they should be told .I know someone who went for years he knew the girl wasn't his but the mother of the girl told her parents that he was the father she didn't want the truth to be known. He said he went along with it because he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings he finally told the truth after the girl kept trying to run over him.

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