Does a child deserve to know who thei...

Does a child deserve to know who their biological father is - no matter what?

Created by furrealz on Apr 11, 2011

420 votes

Click on an option to vote

YES

NO

me

Princeton, WV

#21 Mar 7, 2013
I found out that my biological father left before i was born. I found out when i was 13 by my best friend of all people. It really hurt that my mom hadnt been truthful from the beginning. It did have an impact on me. People would ask me who my dad was and id say i dont know. They still ask ( in 33 now) and now i can tell them his name if i choose) i finally found out who it is. What is really sad is that he has been roughly 15 miles away in hinton all these years and i have no idea if ive ever laid eyes on him or not. I do know i have several brothers and sisters that ive never met in person either. It stinks.
Toney

Montgomery, WV

#22 Mar 7, 2013
me wrote:
I found out that my biological father left before i was born. I found out when i was 13 by my best friend of all people. It really hurt that my mom hadnt been truthful from the beginning. It did have an impact on me. People would ask me who my dad was and id say i dont know. They still ask ( in 33 now) and now i can tell them his name if i choose) i finally found out who it is. What is really sad is that he has been roughly 15 miles away in hinton all these years and i have no idea if ive ever laid eyes on him or not. I do know i have several brothers and sisters that ive never met in person either. It stinks.
Think about this. If when you were dating you had been dating her for a while and one day when you decided to pop the question to her that someone come out and said you can't marry her she is your sister. While in the process of dating her and when you popped the question she had in her mind the doctors appointment that she had earlier that day when she found out that she is pregnant with your child. Is that almost suicidal for some people. If you are that close to each other in the same town it looks like someone would have had enough since to tell you.
1 post removed
me

Princeton, WV

#24 Mar 8, 2013
Toney wrote:
<quoted text>Think about this. If when you were dating you had been dating her for a while and one day when you decided to pop the question to her that someone come out and said you can't marry her she is your sister. While in the process of dating her and when you popped the question she had in her mind the doctors appointment that she had earlier that day when she found out that she is pregnant with your child. Is that almost suicidal for some people. If you are that close to each other in the same town it looks like someone would have had enough since to tell you.
They did tell me, when i was 13. Thank God! Cause you are right! That would be devastating! Thats why i never ever dated girls from Summers County! There were some pretty girls too. I played football and basketball for my school. We played the Bobcats on several occasions. I saw their cheerleaders and some of the students and thought to my self DANG! LOOK AT HER! then thought to myself, OH SHIT! That could be my Sister! Haha. It sucked cause I didnt know.
2 posts removed
you lie

Houston, TX

#27 Mar 20, 2013
confused wrote:
my daughter is 8 months old. I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks after leaving my long term boyfriend and started seeing an old friend from school. when I first found out I was pregnant I felt the baby was from the "fling". things went south, he got abusive and started drinking a lot and doing drugs almost 24/7 so I left him. he told me to get an abortion and he wanted nothing to do with me or my child. when I was about 4 months pregnant I started seeing my former long term boyfriend and we both had many conversations where we questioned the paternity of my child. he decided he wanted to be her father regardless of the dna and he was there for the birth and signed all voluntary acknowledgement of paternity papers. the other man has never asked or tried to see my child. we haven't decided if or when we would ever tell her. I don't know what would be more disappointing, finding out that the man who loves her with all his heart and strives to give her the world is not her biological father or finding out the man she might have came from is a low life piece of scum. the dates are so close she could be either mans child. but she was born with blue eyes when all 3 of us have brown so we cant really tell who she looks like and the man acting as her father doesn't want to hear for sure 100% she is not his. I guess my question is should we wait to do the dna test? maybe their bond will grow even stronger and the dna really wont matter, and maybe the other man will get his life together and we will reconsider inviting him into her life when shes old enough to understand. I don't want my daughter to grow up and hate me but right now there is no way I would want the other man in her life in any way. I guess that's why im waiting to do the test. so there will be no legal document admitting he is in any way connected to her. I guess my way of protecting her. even though he isn't your ideal parent, part of me, a tiny part, feels bad for keeping her away, even though he wanted me to abort her and has never asked to see her. its hard. there is no right or wrong in this. you never know which decision will end up being more damaging. you just have to do what you think is best for your child.
I know who you are and you are lying. You cheated on your "long term boyfriend" with many men. You left the new guy even though he was nothing but good to you, because the other guy had money. You lied to everyone you know and promised to do everything in your power to keep the child away from the new guy, even though he had done nothing at all to deserve that. The drugs, abuse, alcohol and abortion things you said don't have a single grain of truth to them. You also sent him naked pictures 2 days before your wedding night to try to get back with him.
Right thing

Rio Rancho, NM

#28 May 14, 2013
unsure wrote:
I found out my dad might not be my real dad at the age of 13 by my uncle who was drunk and I freaked and my mom said she broke up with my dad to go date another one and I was one of theirs but she didn't want to do DNA but now they want too and im 22 now and I just figure not to do it cuz my dad that raised me from birth has always been there and it would break his heart if im not his. Am I wrong for not doing the DNA and finding the truth?
You are doing the right thing. Don't listen to other people on this site. It doesn't matter what the DNA says, its about who raised you, who cared for.. That's all that matters... Just remember it takes a real man to raise a child, if he calls your daughter and you call him dad what else do you want?
confused

Chicago, IL

#29 May 14, 2013
you lie wrote:
<quoted text>
I know who you are and you are lying. You cheated on your "long term boyfriend" with many men. You left the new guy even though he was nothing but good to you, because the other guy had money. You lied to everyone you know and promised to do everything in your power to keep the child away from the new guy, even though he had done nothing at all to deserve that. The drugs, abuse, alcohol and abortion things you said don't have a single grain of truth to them. You also sent him naked pictures 2 days before your wedding night to try to get back with him.
you're funny because you obviously don't know who I am, im not even married f*%k tard.
Gone With the Wind

North Tazewell, VA

#30 May 20, 2013
Geesh a t-total emotional topic for me from heritage to my present extended families.At an appropriate age we should know our biological history,that of course depends on emotional maturity of the individual.I have been cared for by guardians not my bio parents,love my daughter (been there for her even as an embryo)though not a product of our conception.Parents are biologic and emotional blessed are they who have both in one but blessed mostly to be loved by someone.The pain of telling the truth only increases for all the longer it takes to arrive at destination truth;disclosure of the subject;move on in an agreed upon manner.
Tony

Kowloon, Hong Kong

#31 May 23, 2013
My daughter is 10 yers old
And she never knew that i am his biological father
She has been raised by the father she knew.
The father knows that she is not her daughter.
Does the kid need to know who the real father is.
absolutely not

United States

#32 May 23, 2013
No especially if their father is a drug addict pill head that is 30 years old still lives off his mommy and daddy and aunts and makes up pathetic excyses hes at work when he really isnt and only gets his son once a week sometimes once a month and consistantly has numerous amount of excuses not to get his son so I believe its time for him to leave and not see his son no more sad really sad that another man has to raise this pathetic fathers child
Tony

Kowloon, Hong Kong

#33 May 23, 2013
Tony wrote:
My daughter is 10 years old
And she never knew that i am his biological father
She has been raised by the father she knew.
The father knows that she is not her daughter.
Does the kid need to know who the real father is.
Pls help need some of your opinions thanks
Harry Ball

Charleston, WV

#34 May 24, 2013
all 13 of my kids don't know I am their Dad so I say no.
Doctor

Pico Rivera, CA

#35 May 24, 2013
Tony wrote:
<quoted text>
Pls help need some of your opinions thanks
Yes!!! Absolutely the child deserves to know. At a min, medical history is important as it is passed through genetics. Second, everyone deserves to know their actual and true lineage. The girl should know her true history, relatives and where she comes from. This is a basic right, please don't rob her of it. When she gets older and she finds out in another way it might be devastating. Tackle the issue now when you can take advantage of resources for families and children ( ie counseling). Past 18 she might want nothing to do with all parties involved due to the deception and lies. Bottom line, please tell the truth for everyones sanity
Doctor

Pico Rivera, CA

#36 May 24, 2013
Also Tony, speaking from experience, children feel a natural connection to their birth parents whether or not they admit it. Your daughter might feel some connection to you but probably can't describe. She can have two Dads but knowing your bio dad is just so very important. It's unfair for others to decide who gets to know something that directly involves someone being kept in the dark. We really need to get over ourselves and our egos, own up to past mistakes and be honest. Honesty is how healing occurs. Yes anger and pain will occur but that can be delt with. The longer you wait the more difficult the recovery. Set up a dedicated time and a safe place for the discussion to occur and for emotions to be expressed, preferably in a counselors office. Good luck. Time heals all
get your own life

Oak Hill, WV

#37 May 29, 2013
There's no way to answer this question one way or the other. You don't know what everyone'situation is. My PERSONAL OPINION is, if a mother feels that the child should or shouldn't know the father then there is probably a good reason for her to believe that, that would be their choice to make not everyone else's.
get your own life

Oak Hill, WV

#38 May 29, 2013
Also I grew up believing for a long time that someone other than my biological father was not father and I am not "devastated". Like I said everyone's situation is different. You can't judge something you know nothing about, nor can you put all of these people that believe or believed that another man was their father in one category.
looking for my father

Iloilo, Philippines

#39 Jun 12, 2013
a child has the right to know who its biological father is because it is still his/her father,they have the same blood.
my mom didn't told me anything about my father,i wanna ask her who my father is,but i can't cause i'm afraid that she would just yell at me.
everytime i see a child and it's father,i feel jealous.
clueless

Princeton, WV

#40 Jun 13, 2013
There is more to just who they are that matters, like medical history, who their siblings are so they won't marry them. A lot of other things besides who their father is.
Muggle

Concord, CA

#41 Jun 23, 2013
I am 40. When I was 9, and less than a year after my parents split and divorced, a new guy started coming around and suddenly, my mother pulled me aside and told me that this man was my "real father".(The dad who raised me had been very good to me my whole life). It devastated me. To this day, it remains one of the worst, most painful memories of my life.

HOWEVER, if it could have been handled better - say, with my Dad present, assuring me that everything would be okay - and if the new guy hadn't turned out to be a monster, I probably would have weathered it much better. Instead, I was kept from my "Dad" - my "real" father told me he would kill him if I called him - so, that was obviously horrendously traumatic.

So, for 30 years I believed this psycho guy (who actually was a murderer...) was my father.

My eldest brother once told me, during my teens, that he believed *another* man was my father. This man had passed away when I was 3 years old - I'd heard of him, knew his name, had met his son because he was friends with my brother, etc.,- but honestly I thought my brother was only telling me that to be nice...so that I wouldn't have to spend my life thinking I was related to the monster who had tormented my whole family. I dismissed what my brother told me.

24 years later, he reiterated the same thing. So, I asked my mother about it. She was very obviously evasive, and finally told me that my father was the man she told me it was.

However, I've now come into contact online with the son of the man my brother said is my father. I saw his name on FB (we have several mutual "friends") and remembered I'd just found the one photo I have of his Dad, and offered to put a copy up for him. When he saw the photo (which is of his father and me as a tiny baby), he asked a couple of questions and then said he'd heard that his father had had another child but never found out if it was true. I told him what my brother (his former high school friend...) had told me. He said his mother heard his dad had had a girl, with my name.

We viewed photos of each other, and realized there is a resemblence strong enough that we can't dismiss the possibility. So, we are taking a DNA test next week to find out if we are siblings.

AND I AM PISSED! I've spent 30 years of my life believing I came from a murdering waste of a human being. I have NO father listed on my birth certificate. AND I've spent my life believing that I am related to a sister who may not really be biologically connected to me (though she will always be my sister...but I won't be able to tell her if I'm actually this other man's child because it would break her heart.)

Mothers - do not screw with your kids' heads. If there is a legitimate reason to hide a biological father's identity (and the only one I can think of is if you know he would be a threat to them...), then they deserve to know the truth. Perhaps it's more appropriate to your specific situation to tell the truth once the child is older; an adult even. But don't take it to your grave unless there is an extremely good reason to do so.

I will be excited to gain a brother - with whom I already feel an unexplainable connection to which leads me to suspect our test will come back positive...and to be able to know I came from a man who was kind as opposed to the man I've spent my life believing fathered me - but I deserved to know the truth all along. It's MY life! Not my mother's. If she has hidden the truth...she hid it solely for selfish purposes.

In the end...my Dad is my Dad. I loved him with my whole heart all my life and he was good to me always - and to my children, as well. We lost him 4 years ago and it is the most painful thing I've ever endured. But even HE would have said that I deserved to know the truth.

But I want to know who my father was, and learn about the family I really come from. My children also deserve to have accurate genealogical information.
local

United States

#42 Jun 23, 2013
I am 26 years old and my mother has never told me about my father. I used to ask and shed always say i will tell you when youre older, but she never would. Any advice on how to get her to come clean before she takes it to the grave?
Worried mum

Hamilton, New Zealand

#43 Jun 25, 2013
My son is 9yrs now. He has never met his bi-logical father, he knows a little of him. His father has asked to meet him while my husband and I have decided to wait till son asks to meet him. My son has asked a few questions about him and im clueless what to do now. I feel in my heart thats its only right to introduce them, so My son wont later in years resent for holding back info on his dad an at least meet him before anything happens. My husband is a awesome step dad to him and loves him like his own kids. I know it would hurt him but its about my son and whats best for him, who knows it might not go so well but hey at least we tryed. Any advise and thoughts would be helpful thanks

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Hinton Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Change one letter.... (Oct '08) 32 min SWAMP WITCH 2,350
*Chane 1 Letter* (Nov '12) 34 min SWAMP WITCH 1,498
Change A Word Game (Jul '11) 38 min SWAMP WITCH 2,909
nurses fired from summers arh 2 hr Meredithgrey 10
ZZTop 2 hr sharkfin 3
West Virginia furniture voucher for $2000.00 (Aug '10) 3 hr SickenedByHINTON 51
last letter first (Sep '13) 3 hr SWAMP WITCH 1,021
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Hinton Mortgages