Former Boynton Beach couple who adopt...

Former Boynton Beach couple who adopted abused boys says state ...

There are 111 comments on the South Florida Sun-Sentinel story from Apr 5, 2009, titled Former Boynton Beach couple who adopted abused boys says state .... In it, South Florida Sun-Sentinel reports that:

Eleven years after adopting three brothers who were raped, caged and starved in foster care, a Florida couple is still waiting for help from the state.

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WoW

Hollywood, FL

#102 Apr 8, 2009
Kids in a "normal" family have a hard enough time growing up in this society, and that's with two parents, being there, watching out for them. Children need stability. The DCF is only interested in money. They do not support the kids that they are supposed to be protecting. They don't even support their own staff. I wouldn't be a case worker. I don't know how those people (the ones who do care and who do try to make a difference- you know there are a few of them out there) don't leave work everyday without post-traumatic stress syndrome from the things they've seen. It's a horrid, vicious cycle. And I know that there are actually a few success stories. I know the papers only make stories out of the bad ones and that's why it seems like the DCF can do no right. But when it comes to a child, the margin of error needs to be pretty thin, otherwise you have our current society. Nice place, huh?

“2014 TDF”

Since: Mar 09

Boca Raton, FL.

#103 Apr 8, 2009
lily boca raton fl wrote:
<quoted text>There are a lot of men like you who are deprived of the visitation to their children by the mothers. Court orders are only as good as the people who abide by them. The onus is on you to hire an attorney and fight and fight, and who has the money or time to do that? So, you have given up as many do. It's sad for the kids. I know a man who is in the same predicament as you but he stopped paying. She never came after him. I think she got married again and just wanted him out of the picture. He thinks that when she is of age then he can have a relationship with her, she's 11 now, but, by that time she will have been without him so long and so poisoned against him that it may be too late. It's the kids who suffer from the mistakes of the parents. You shoudn't have to pay to have a court order abided by. That's my opinion. One lawyer told me once that even if the father doesn't pay child support you cannot deny visitation , no matter if you don't like him or not. Its' not about you , it's about the welfare of the kids. I hope you don't give up.
Thank you Lily. The lawyer that told you that is absolutely right, and the other side of the coin is that child support cannot be withheld because the other parent denies visitation.

Giving up is precisely what I'm not doing. I've done more, within the law, to ensure my parental rights are not denied, than most other men, because it's all about my daughter. I see her as often as I can, yet that's still way less time than what I'm entitled to see her and all because my ex manipulates the whole situation.

The irony is that I hold no ill will towards my ex. All I want is to be the best dad to my daughter I can be and it hurts when someone else does not let you.
lily boca raton fl

Boca Raton, FL

#104 Apr 8, 2009
Conservative Democrat wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you Lily. The lawyer that told you that is absolutely right, and the other side of the coin is that child support cannot be withheld because the other parent denies visitation.
Giving up is precisely what I'm not doing. I've done more, within the law, to ensure my parental rights are not denied, than most other men, because it's all about my daughter. I see her as often as I can, yet that's still way less time than what I'm entitled to see her and all because my ex manipulates the whole situation.
The irony is that I hold no ill will towards my ex. All I want is to be the best dad to my daughter I can be and it hurts when someone else does not let you.
I can imagine, it must be awful. This whole system is flawed, divorce is dreadful and the lawyers pin one against the other. I don't know why it just isn't equal, both parents contribute equally, equal time with the kids. The kids should not be hostages.

“FOBW since 2/18/88”

Since: Dec 06

Fort Lauderdale

#105 Apr 8, 2009
lily boca raton fl wrote:
<quoted text>I can imagine, it must be awful. This whole system is flawed, divorce is dreadful and the lawyers pin one against the other. I don't know why it just isn't equal, both parents contribute equally, equal time with the kids. The kids should not be hostages.
Unfortunately divorce is usually not pretty, and kids are used as ammo. My parents divorced when I was very young, in the 60's and my bio-mom always tried to put my dad down with me (how much does a normal 5 y/o understand about cheating?).

And when my sister and her first husband got a divorce, it was really bad. Granted he was an A-hole, but he was also the father of my niece. When a couple brings a child into the world, no matter what happens to the marriage, that person will always be connected as family. This should be remembered at a divorce.

Two other important things to remember?

1) The nastier it is, the harder it is on the kid(s)

2) The nastier it is, the more the lawyers make (making them the only real winners in a nasty divorce)
lily boca raton fl

Boca Raton, FL

#106 Apr 8, 2009
Just wondering: What if a couple were divorced and the father left the country and never came back. During his absence, it was revealed that he had sexually abused the stepson. 10 years later he wants a relationship with his bio daughter who is now 16? Do you tell her what happened? If you don't, and something happens to her, then what? If you don't tell her and one day she has children and grandpa does something, then what?

“2014 TDF”

Since: Mar 09

Boca Raton, FL.

#107 Apr 8, 2009
lily boca raton fl wrote:
<quoted text>I can imagine, it must be awful. This whole system is flawed, divorce is dreadful and the lawyers pin one against the other. I don't know why it just isn't equal, both parents contribute equally, equal time with the kids. The kids should not be hostages.
It isn't equal because of political biases and greed. It's all about the money and about with whom does the state sides.

I agree that kids should not be hostages. It's not their fault that mommy and daddy don't love each other or live together anymore.

“2014 TDF”

Since: Mar 09

Boca Raton, FL.

#108 Apr 8, 2009
lily boca raton fl wrote:
Just wondering: What if a couple were divorced and the father left the country and never came back. During his absence, it was revealed that he had sexually abused the stepson. 10 years later he wants a relationship with his bio daughter who is now 16? Do you tell her what happened? If you don't, and something happens to her, then what? If you don't tell her and one day she has children and grandpa does something, then what?
I'll presume you're speaking from a non-hypothetical scenario.

I'll give you a hypothetical answer. First thing I'd want to know is whether the alleged abuse on the stepson is verifiable or confirmed. If so, then I would suggest a close look at the circumstances under which he wants a relationship with his daughter, not forgetting to make the distinction between a biological and a step child.

If the abuse was confirmed and/or verifiable, the matter should not be brought up with the daughter under any circumstances. 1- the father has not been in her life for the most part of her life and any attempt to keep him out of it may be viewed negatively by her, and she may want to have a relationship with her dad at some point; 2- there are judicial procedures that require compliance with restrictions to visitation, if cause is shown; 3- she might already have a good relationship with her step brother; knowing something could damage that.

It's a tricky situation. My best suggestion is to get more than two or three opinions and pick the one that makes the most sense to the individual circumstance.

“FOBW since 2/18/88”

Since: Dec 06

Fort Lauderdale

#109 Apr 8, 2009
lily boca raton fl wrote:
Just wondering: What if a couple were divorced and the father left the country and never came back. During his absence, it was revealed that he had sexually abused the stepson. 10 years later he wants a relationship with his bio daughter who is now 16? Do you tell her what happened? If you don't, and something happens to her, then what? If you don't tell her and one day she has children and grandpa does something, then what?
Couple issues here. First if the abuser did a boy, they usually stay to type/age. The girl would probably be ok, but this doesn't mean you shouldn't have a talk with her because when she does have kids (boys)...we're back to the abusers type.

Sad situation - don't envy you this one.

“FOBW since 2/18/88”

Since: Dec 06

Fort Lauderdale

#110 Apr 8, 2009
Conservative Democrat wrote:
<quoted text>
I'll presume you're speaking from a non-hypothetical scenario.
I'll give you a hypothetical answer. First thing I'd want to know is whether the alleged abuse on the stepson is verifiable or confirmed. If so, then I would suggest a close look at the circumstances under which he wants a relationship with his daughter, not forgetting to make the distinction between a biological and a step child.
If the abuse was confirmed and/or verifiable, the matter should not be brought up with the daughter under any circumstances. 1- the father has not been in her life for the most part of her life and any attempt to keep him out of it may be viewed negatively by her, and she may want to have a relationship with her dad at some point; 2- there are judicial procedures that require compliance with restrictions to visitation, if cause is shown; 3- she might already have a good relationship with her step brother; knowing something could damage that.
It's a tricky situation. My best suggestion is to get more than two or three opinions and pick the one that makes the most sense to the individual circumstance.
Sorry but we're going to disagree on this one. I was an abused, my bio-mom tried to sweep it under a rug, resulting in the abuser having access to several more 7-10 y/o little girls.

Had my mother spoken up, there would have been at least 3 less lives effected by that pervert (and probably one less suicide).

“2014 TDF”

Since: Mar 09

Boca Raton, FL.

#111 Apr 8, 2009
Redtopt wrote:
<quoted text>
Sorry but we're going to disagree on this one. I was an abused, my bio-mom tried to sweep it under a rug, resulting in the abuser having access to several more 7-10 y/o little girls.
Had my mother spoken up, there would have been at least 3 less lives effected by that pervert (and probably one less suicide).
Then you certainly have more stance to make an argument than I do. My apologies.

“FOBW since 2/18/88”

Since: Dec 06

Fort Lauderdale

#112 Apr 8, 2009
Conservative Democrat wrote:
<quoted text>
Then you certainly have more stance to make an argument than I do. My apologies.
No apology necessary, we're all entitled to an opinion. This just happens to be one topic I have a HA-RD-ON for.

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