What makes people say mean things?

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Since: Feb 08

Dawsonville, GA

#1 Aug 10, 2008
Why do people say mean things? I mean, really why?

They say things like you're a b***h/sob, youre getting a little heavy aint ya, how come no one likes you, who was that other woman/man I seen with your spouse, that outfit makes you look fat, you get the picture.

What do they expect you to do in return after they say those mean things?
What do they want you to do in return?
Cry...
Say something mean back...
Hope that they've lowered your self esteem...

I find it kind of amusing to see how a person can have that much time on their hands to think of such mean things to say to another.

Did someone say it to them before and they had to find a way to use it on someone else?
Do they feel so terrible about themselves that they want everyone else to feel bad too?
Do they have that much hate for the person, they just cant control themselves?
Did something terrible happen to them to make them that way?
Are they such cowards that they feel better about themselves to kick someone when their down?

Does anyone know?
Is there anything to be done?
Does anyone know?
pearliemae carbunkle

Cleveland, GA

#2 Aug 10, 2008
Many people carry around a larger dose of self-esteem and really allow their ego to feel it must express its self to anyone. To truly have class brings about a quiet nature one of meekness and silence is still a good rule. To turn one's other cheek takes a lot more bravery than I have ever possessed. Men seem to be better at that than women. In addition, the true sensitive people of this world are more creative and artistic and many times after wiping the tears and boosting themselves up by the bootstraps go out and create something beautiful. In God's eyes there are no losers and all these words I've written are much easier said than done, but I have walked your walk and I know where you are at your writing. May you truly be blessed and make wonderful decisions for your future.
ladyhope

Dahlonega, GA

#3 Aug 11, 2008
CWFI-I am sure that we all appreciate your post. I am sure some more than others. I can't begin to justify why someone has to stoop that low to crush someone when what is really needed are positive pick me up words. I am sure we could blame it on stupidy, etc. but after much thinking I think it is a power play. Their putting people down makes them feel big. I truly feel sorry for them because apparently their lives are lacking in so much including real love and satisfaction.
To the people that recieve this blunt force the only thing I can say is many years ago I learned a Bible verse that states "I can do all things thur Christ which gives me strength" . Thur life when things seem down or really bad that verse lives in my mind continious.
Just my thoughts!
Reality

Blairsville, GA

#4 Aug 11, 2008
I couldn't help but notice the sidebar/ad of "Daily Horoscope" for August 11 that's on the right of the opening page. "Capicorn" kind of nails part of it:

Capricorn
It is time to expand the mind Capricorn, not force your opinions on those who are already quite firm in their beliefs. This is a stubborn influence which finds you contemplating those around you with a superior air. Frustrations evolve from complex discussions so focus on a project than becoming the victor of arguments.

Since: Jun 08

Young Harris, GA

#5 Aug 11, 2008
Sometimes there is nothing anyone can do, except pray. Pray that God will touch their heart.
Pray that God will show them what they are doing.
And it wouldnt hurt to pray that God would bridle their tongue.

James 2:12
So speak ye, and so do, as they that shall be judged by the law of liberty.
Meaning:
Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom because judgement without mercy will not be shown to anyone who has been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement. Love treats people with mercy. Love gives people what they need.

Matthew 5:7
Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.
buckwheat

Helen, GA

#6 Aug 11, 2008
Or when all else fails give em a dose of their own medicine. Sometimes they wont stop till theyre showed it aint gonna be put up with.
bear cat

Ellijay, GA

#7 Aug 11, 2008
what makes people say mean things, other stupid people!
Geraldine

Dawsonville, GA

#8 Aug 11, 2008
"The Devil made me do it"!!
buckwheat

Helen, GA

#9 Aug 11, 2008
Geraldine wrote:
"The Devil made me do it"!!
haha can I use that one to?
PearlieMae Carbunkle

Jefferson, GA

#10 Aug 11, 2008
Geraldine wrote:
"The Devil made me do it"!!
Don't be a "killer" with words, be a "lover" not a "fighter". Geraldine wasn't Killer your boyfriend?

Since: Feb 08

Dawsonville, GA

#11 Aug 12, 2008
I decided to do some research on why people are mean and say mean things. It wasn't a two day search, but long enough. Everywhere I went, I found basically the same answers. So I'll share them.

Why are people mean?
Here's the short answer:
They're hurt.
Here's the long answer:
They're really hurt.

At some point, somebody ,their parents, their lovers, Lady Luck, did them dirty. They were crushed. And they're still afraid the pain will never stop, or that it will happen again. Maybe they've decided they will hurt that person before that person has the chance to hurt them.

There. I've just described every single person living on planet Earth.

The fact is that we've all been hurt, and we're all wounded, but not all of us are mean. Why not? Because some people realize that their history of suffering can be a hero's saga rather than a victim's whine, depending on how they use it. The moment we begin tolerating meanness, in ourselves or others, we are using our power for wrongdoing. We have both the capacity and the obligation to do better.

So why don't we?
Does anyone know?

Since: Jun 08

Dawsonville, GA

#12 Aug 12, 2008
1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Meaning:
Don't be a snob. A snob is somebody whose nose turns up when their eyes look down, somebody who always thinks they're better than everybody else. Never treat anybody in a different way according to their outward appearance.

People discriminate, or are mean usually because of:
Appearance
Ancestry
Age
Affluence

But one must stop and think, does your entrance into Heaven rely on these things? What if God judged YOU on these? Be thankful He doesn't!
PearlieMae Carbunkle

Cleveland, GA

#13 Aug 12, 2008
Chocolate twice a day just a small amt helps me
Tip Top

Blairsville, GA

#14 Aug 14, 2008
If a person is really really nasty, sometimes you have to cut them out of your life.
INO

Young Harris, GA

#15 Aug 14, 2008
Tip Top wrote:
If a person is really really nasty, sometimes you have to cut them out of your life.
What if that ain't possible right now? What if you already ended your friendship? What if you still have to see them everyday?
Tip Top

Blairsville, GA

#16 Aug 14, 2008
Just minimize the contact as best you can.
INO

Young Harris, GA

#17 Aug 14, 2008
I know your advise is of wisdom and its correct. but you know the old saying, easier said than done.

Since: Feb 08

Dawsonville, GA

#18 Aug 15, 2008
Another explanation of why people are mean:

People perceive events as story lines. They continually (though often unconsciously) tell themselves tales about life, and since no story can include every tiny event, they edit and spin the facts into the stories they prefer. Many of their stories are pure fabrication, and all of them are biased, dominated by their flair for the dramatic, their theories about life.
A typical mean person's story line goes like this:
"I am a victim; people want to hurt me; I must hurt them first to be safe." This is why mean people may turn ugly when you say something like "Please pass the salt" or "Hey, it's raining." They immediately rewrite whatever they hear to support their story line ("She's saying I'm a bad cook" or "He's bringing up the weather to avoid talking about us"). The story, not other people's behavior, both motivates and excuses their hostility.

If we react to this type of meanness with cruelty of our own, we climb onto the wheel of suffering that drives all conflict, from lovers' spats to wars: You're mean to me so I'm mean to you so you're meaner to me so I'm meaner to you....

We'll stay on this sickening merry-go-round until we decide to get offand please note that I did not say "when others stop being mean to us." We can ride the wheel of suffering when no one else is even present (telling ourselves the same old sad story again and again), and we can leave it even in the midst of violent persecution. The way out is not found in changing our circumstances but in the power of authorship.
Tip Top

Blairsville, GA

#19 Aug 17, 2008
Great post, Fix It! So true.
KathleenRyan

Vancouver, WA

#20 Sep 18, 2008
pearliemae carbunkle wrote:
Many people carry around a larger dose of self-esteem and really allow their ego to feel it must express its self to anyone. To truly have class brings about a quiet nature one of meekness and silence is still a good rule. To turn one's other cheek takes a lot more bravery than I have ever possessed. Men seem to be better at that than women. In addition, the true sensitive people of this world are more creative and artistic and many times after wiping the tears and boosting themselves up by the bootstraps go out and create something beautiful. In God's eyes there are no losers and all these words I've written are much easier said than done, but I have walked your walk and I know where you are at your writing. May you truly be blessed and make wonderful decisions for your future.
My continued search of trying to understand why some people are so mean, hurtful, and just plain cruel brought me to many websites and what other people have to say.
Some people use meanness to get their way. Sometimes it's a pouty mean, the kind we use when we are children to give a voice to our powerlessness. At other times meanness can be an equalizer, giving someone the perception that they can protect themselves from emotional pain.
Mean people carry an aura of brutal negativity. They are an angry misdirected soul, and they get pleasure from inflicting emotional pain on others. They feel entitled to inflicting pain. It makes them feel powerful, and in control. Perhaps the greatest betrayal is when someone we trust is mean to us.

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