Judge overturns California's ban on same-sex marriage

Aug 4, 2010 | Posted by: Topix | Full story: www.cnn.com

A federal judge in California has knocked down the state's voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage, ruling Wednesday that the state's controversial Proposition 8 violates the U.S. Constitution.

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Prog Gress Oh

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#210872
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
Why don’t the British build computers? Because they can’t figure out how to make them leak oil!

What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn’t matter what you call him. He’s too involved with the computer to come anyway.

What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common? Access time.

What do Unix sysadmins do when they’re horny? Mount a filesystem.

Why is “256 Ways To Make Love” the most quoted book on the Internet? It’s in the Fucking Manual

Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad? So that blind students can hate them too. Computer Riddles Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Why don’t the British build computers? Because they can’t figure out how to make them leak oil!

What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn’t matter what you call him. He’s too involved with the computer to come anyway.

What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common? Access time.

What do Unix sysadmins do when they’re horny? Mount a filesystem.

Why is “256 Ways To Make Love” the most quoted book on the Internet? It’s in the Fucking Manual

Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad? So that blind students can hate them too.
Prog Gress Oh

Covina, CA

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#210873
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Humankind’s propensity for imposing anthropomorphic characteristics on inanimate objects has now reached computers. But, which gender should your PC be?

Here are the top ten reasons why they have to be male.

They have a lot of data, but they’re still clueless.
A better model is just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you get them home.
It’s always essential to have a backup.
They’ll do whatever you want if you push the right buttons.
The best part of having one is the games you can play.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
Big power surges knock them out at night.
Size does matter.

But then again, here are the top ten reasons why they are obviously female.

They’re oh so picky, picky, picky.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Beauty is only shell deep.
When you ask them what’s wrong, they always say ‘nothing’.
They can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
They are always turning simple statements into big productions.
Small talk is important.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
They make you take the garbage out.
Miss a period and they go wild.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210874
Aug 19, 2013
 

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210875
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Closing a task, I get the following message:
“If you shutdown this program, it will not function
correctly”.
Well, what do you know! I thought it would just keep on working!
Prog Gress Oh

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#210876
Aug 19, 2013
 

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A couple of programmers lay in a bed.
She: Do you want to repeat the procedure?
He: Function has not returned the value.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210877
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Graphic Card Not Found. Please click CANCEL to continue.’
Prog Gress Oh

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#210878
Aug 19, 2013
 
Hear about the woman who married three different Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release.

The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying,“Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now…”
Prog Gress Oh

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#210879
Aug 19, 2013
 

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What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210880
Aug 19, 2013
 

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A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer are driving down a mountain road when the brakes fail. They scream down the mountain gaining speed every second and screeching around corners. Finally they manage to stop, more by luck than by judgment, mere inches from a thousand-foot drop to the jagged rocks on the valley floor. More than slightly shaken, they emerge from the car.

“I think I can fix it,” says the computer engineer.

The systems analyst says,“No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist examine it.”

The programmer holds his chin between thumb and forefinger and says,“Okay, but first I think we ought to get back in and see if it does it again.”
Prog Gress Oh

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#210881
Aug 19, 2013
 

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It’s wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210882
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.
Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.

Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call “E-Mail Envy.”

It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.

Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

If you don’t take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

If you play with it too much, you could go blind.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210883
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?

Alta Vista baby.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210884
Aug 19, 2013
 

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You know you’re a computer nerd when you know more IP addresses than phone numbers!
Prog Gress Oh

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#210885
Aug 19, 2013
 

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• Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream,“Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.
• Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
• When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can’t get the darned thing to work.
• After he/she’s turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
• Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
• Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it’s set up with.
• Write a program that plays the “Pokemon” theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over and over again.
• Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
• Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
• Use AIM to make passes at people you don’t know.
• Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
• Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say,“Just in case…” mysteriously.
• Type on VAX for awhile. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes about everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
• Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they’re crazy while typing.
• Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
• Ask around for a spare zip disk. Offer $1. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say,“Oops. Forgot.”
• Every time you press return and there is processing time required, pray,“Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease ohpleaseohplease,” and scream “YES!” when it finishes.
•“Disk fight!”
• Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you, whether you know them or not.
• Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
• If you’re sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing “The Thong Song” whenever there is processing time required.
• Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper and tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
• Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge in the disk drive. When it doesn’t work, get the supervisor.
• When you start up a PC, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.
• Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it’s all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was a line or two.
• Sit and stare at the screen, chomping on your nails. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
• Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is • far more effective to let them linger.
• If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them, and deposit them on your neighbor’s keyboard as you leave.
• Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British royal family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210886
Aug 19, 2013
 

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• Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British royal family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
• Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
• Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
• Laugh hysterically, shout “You will all perish in a great flood” and continue working.
• Bring some dry ice and make it look like the computer is smoking.
• Assign a musical note to every key (ex. the delete key is A flat). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
• Attempt to eat your computer mouse.
• Borrow someone else’s keyboard by reaching over, saying “Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?” unplugging the keyboard, and taking it.
• Bring in a bunch of magnets and have a ball.
• When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
• Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
• Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk.(For special effects, put some glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
• Stare at your neighbor’s screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
• Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell,“COVEEEEERRRRR!” Peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say “Oh, good. It worked this time,” and calmly start to type again.
• Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
• See who’s online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you’ve known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you’re a total stranger.
• Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it’s the computer and look really lost.
• Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work.
• Come into the computer lab wearing several extra-stinky species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily exclaim,“You’re such a marvel!” and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, the computer assistant, and then walk out.
• Run into the computer lab, shout,“The Apocalypse is here!” then calmly sit down and begin to type.
• Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev ‘er up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say,“Give me that computer or you’ll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week.”
• Two words: Tesla Coil.
Prog Gress Oh

Covina, CA

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#210887
Aug 19, 2013
 

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aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
• Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
• Laugh hysterically, shout “You will all perish in a great flood” and continue working.
• Bring some dry ice and make it look like the computer is smoking.
• Assign a musical note to every key (ex. the delete key is A flat). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
• Attempt to eat your computer mouse.
• Borrow someone else’s keyboard by reaching over, saying “Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?” unplugging the keyboard, and taking it.
• Bring in a bunch of magnets and have a ball.
• When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
• Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
• Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk.(For special effects, put some glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
• Stare at your neighbor’s screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
• Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell,“COVEEEEERRRRR!” Peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say “Oh, good. It worked this time,” and calmly start to type again.
• Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
• See who’s online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you’ve known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you’re a total stranger.
• Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it’s the computer and look really lost.
• Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work.
• Come into the computer lab wearing several extra-stinky species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily exclaim,“You’re such a marvel!” and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, the computer assistant, and then walk out.
• Run into the computer lab, shout,“The Apocalypse is here!” then calmly sit down and begin to type.
• Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev ‘er up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say,“Give me that computer or you’ll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week.”
• Two words: Tesla Coil.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210888
Aug 19, 2013
 

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Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates,“you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”

“Sure,” says the GM chairman.“But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
Prog Gress Oh

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#210889
Aug 19, 2013
 

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A man comes home from work early to find his wife in bed with three men.

He is completely shocked and shouts,”Hello, Hello, Hello!”

His wife whines,“What? No hello for me!?!”
Prog Gress Oh

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#210890
Aug 19, 2013
 

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In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled the sword from the stone and slaughtered everyone with it, comes the knights of the MS Table:

Sir DOS: Plain complexion and no armor. Rides very stably on his mare. He very rarely falls, but knows only the most basic combat tactics and is very difficult to talk to, since he speaks and understands no more than eight-letter words. King Gates plots to murder him.

Sir Windows 1.0: Sir DOS’s twin brother with a bad toupee. He falls off his horse quite frequently and knows no more than Sir DOS. Just as difficult to communicate with due to his obsession with eight-letter words. He was killed in his first battle. King Gates pretends this one never existed.

Sir Windows 3.x: Sir Windows 1.0′s best friend. He is a wee bit more stable on his horse than Sir Windows 1.0, yet not as good as Sir DOS. He’s got some really neat designs on his shield but still does not know much more than Sir DOS. Sir Windows 3.x has yet to overcome his devotion to eight-letter words. King Gates is always asking,‘Why can’t you be more like that nice Sir Windows95?’

Sir Windows95: Sir Windows 3.x’s Brother. He’s got the same designs on his shield, but his armor is very shiny. Knows advanced combat skills, but never really puts them to use. Not confined to eight- letter words anymore, but it depends who he’s talking to. Claims to be able to converse with many people at once, but if he tries to coverse with too many, he’ll fall right off his horse and land on top of somebody. King Gates is proud of this one.

Sir Windows NT: Sir Windows95′s tough-guy uncle. He’s got duller designs on his shield, but the same shiny armor. His armor is virtually impenetrable, but a pain to get into and impossible to get out of — all he can do is add more layers. Falls off his horse every once in a while, and everyone else goes right with him. Can converse with many people at once without falling off. He knows advanced combat skills and uses them when necessary. Has the same problems with eight-letter words as Sir Windows95. This is King Gates’ favorite thing to show off. Now we leave the realm of the Mighty King Gates and find the wandering swordsman of the land:

Sir UNIX: Does not do battle and wears only chain mail. He finds all the information he can and his only goal is to distribute it to others who ask. Knows games and will play them, but likes work better. King Gates has sent Sir Windows NT out to kill and mutilate this knight.

Sir MAC OS: Started the fad of the shiny armor and claims the knights of the realm of King Gates stole his ideas. Lately his popularity has declined. And recently he has made an alliance with King Gates. He does not know any useful battle skills and will tell you only what he thinks you should know. The good thing about him is that he has no problem with long words.

Sir OS/2: Spied on Sir Windows 3.x and Sir Windows95 and copied them. He was popular for a time, but now many refuse to acknowledge his exsitstence. There is a rumor that he has a son named Warp.

King Gates reigns high over all that is his and destroys or consumes all that is not. And these are the OS Knights.
Prog Gress Oh

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#210891
Aug 19, 2013
 

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486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3: Apple’s new Macs that make you say ‘Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.’

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying,“Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.(pronounced ‘gooey’)

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software

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