A federal judge in California has knocked down the state's voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage, ruling Wednesday that the state's controversial Proposition 8 violates the U.S. Constitution.
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#210894 Aug 19, 2013
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said,“If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out,“If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked,“What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The programmer said,“Look, I’m a programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
#210895 Aug 19, 2013
This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for “Termination without Cause”.
(Actual dialog of a former Word perfect Customer Support employee:)
“Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
“Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
“…….Yes, it is.”
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
“…….Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
“I can’t reach.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle, it’s because it’s dark.”
“Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light then.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power outage.”
“A power… A power outage? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”
#210896 Aug 19, 2013
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,‘ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked,‘What gender is a computer?’
The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was made up of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
#210897 Aug 19, 2013
- Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
- Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
- When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
- Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
- Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
- Mumbled,“Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”
- Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
- Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.
- Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear,“Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President.”
- You hear them murmur,“Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer- Science!”
#210898 Aug 19, 2013
Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn’t really matter if they’re on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It’s all the same.
The Mac user’s explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you’re using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you’re in PC hell also.
Stephen King’s explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor, unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
The Christian Church’s approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as “breast,”“sex,” and contraception.”
Dave Barry’s explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they’re made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I’m not making this up.
IBM’s explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
PETA’s (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You’ve been DELETING them??? Can’t you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don’t you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
#210899 Aug 19, 2013
I hope I haven’t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
“Crusading Fundies r hilarious!”
Since: Feb 11
#210901 Aug 19, 2013
YOU have to determine?? Wow. Your hubris is unbelievable.
Hey, if not obeying your god's commandments is what determines if one is not a Christian, they you are not a Christian.
You have been told your message is not wanted here. Several times in fact. Jesus instructed his followers that once they have been told their message is not wanted, they are to MOVE ON.(Luke 9:3-5) Yet here you stay. Disobeying the direct instruction of Jesus.
Turn in your Christian badge dearie, you don't qualify.
#210902 Aug 19, 2013
I agree 100% with Randy and you do not know him at all and you are making a arguement that is not correct at all. He is trying his best to protect children and I am to. I have written to supervisors, county clerks & Jerry Brown who by the way, his father was very good friends of my father, and Jerry Brown is nothing like Pat Brown was when he was Governor way back when. We are here to help children and I really think you had better Study more of the Scripures because Jesus said in Matthew Chapter 18 verse 6 and I quote: "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drownded in the depth of the sea." My husband and I watched a video on the internet a few weeks back on this subject of being taught that homosexuality is normal and it made us sick. They showed very small children on the classroom floor listening to their teacher read a book on mommies and mommies or daddys or daddys and this was normal. What ever happened to reading, writing or arithmetic? This is going to hurt our children, for I know that children that are vunerable and have tendencies to go to the same sex will now feel that it is normal when if they had counselors, they would know that it is not normal and they could be changed. How shameful for you to want a gay teacher to teach your children. Thank God my children are raised up and have Christ in their lives, for if I had small children, they would be home schooled. I think it is time to say goodby, for you and I are arguing and I will not go there anymore with you. Have a good life and may God continue to work in your life. Please do not respond to us anymore, for we believe in God's Word and we do not agree with you on much of the subjects we are talking about and I have much to do in my life and I feel as though God is telling me that it is a waste of time to discuss with you any longer. Thank you.
“Crusading Fundies r hilarious!”
Since: Feb 11
#210903 Aug 19, 2013
Nope. Mating behavior happens just fine without marriage. Your necessity is completely made up.
Today's fairytale hour has been brought to you by Gregory Kirschmann, everyone's favorite nincompoop!
“Crusading Fundies r hilarious!”
Since: Feb 11
#210904 Aug 19, 2013
Give our best to Larry, Moe and Shemp when you talk to them again.
#210905 Aug 19, 2013
Your comments also do not belong on this forum, so please do not read my post for they are not directed to people like you. You quote from Scripture, but do you really Study the Scriptures?
#210906 Aug 19, 2013
I didn't say I wanted anything. If I ever do want any sh!t from you, I'll just squeeze your head.
“Crusading Fundies r hilarious!”
Since: Feb 11
#210907 Aug 19, 2013
No dear, the bottom line is that you don't know what reality is.
#210908 Aug 19, 2013
Let the new jam boo re begin!
#210909 Aug 19, 2013
There is no evidence the pope has buggered any 10 year olds.
#210910 Aug 19, 2013
If it were left to 'the voters' most civil right laws would not have been enacted when they were. Do you think Lincoln's Emancipation Act would have been approved by popular vote? Leaders sometimes have to do what is 'right' not what the public think is right due to misinformation, ignorance and/or prejudice.
#210911 Aug 19, 2013
This Thing Called PSP
What's this thing called PSP?
I pondered and I wondered...
I hit this key and that key..
Oh gosh how I blundered!
It scared me to death
the things what were in there,
the tools were all taunting...
Click on me if you dare!
I clicked on the browser
and things went a'flyin...
scared me to death
and left me a'cryin!
I hit the wrong key
and the toolbar went 'Poof!'
I thought "Oh my goodness,
did I ever goof!
It said 'open an image'
an image? What could that be?
This button, that button...
This thing's a'pickin on me!!
But the more I went in there
and the more things I tried,
I no longer feared it,
I no longer cried.
I learned it and learned it
and learned it some more,
Now the rest of my life
I just plain ignore!
So don't bother callin
I won't answer the phone...
I'm a PSP'er....
Just leave me alone!!!
#210912 Aug 19, 2013
This is a Flame
THIS IS A FLAME
[x] dork  dummy  ignorant snot  stupid  nerd  Elvis
[x] idiot computer geek  retard  sycophant  Samuel Stoddard
You are being flamed because
[x] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[x] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
 you posted a "test"
 you used vi and left a whole bunch of editing garbage on the screen
 you posted a request for an article which was posted three times in the
 you claimed to have the original GGBJ
 you posted some sort of religious junk that doesn't belong in this group
[x] you posted an article that was not funny, unoriginal and very boring
[x] your mother dresses you funny
To recant, you must
[x] actually post a humorous article
 give up all your worldly possessions and become a Tibetan monk
 hang yourself by the big toe for 72 hours
[x] abstain from sex for a month (shouldn't be too hard for you)
 shave your head, paint a target on it, and go to Iraq
 give your MP (Congressman in U.S.A., I guess) a donation of three hemp
plants to decorate his office
 become politically correct and demand that manholes be renamed to
 cut your testicles (or breasts, if you're a woman) off
Thank you for the time you have taken to read this, and please detest from
the offending behavior that led to this flame. Also, GO AWAY!
#210913 Aug 19, 2013
No. Not a moron.
How did yours look though? Just like your face, right?
#210914 Aug 19, 2013
Things You Don't Want Your Sysadmin To Say
2. Oh S***!
3. What the heck?!?
4. Go get your backup tape.(You DO have a backup tape?)
5. That's SOOOOO bizarre.
6. Wow!! Look at this...
7. Hey!! The Suns don't do this.
9. What software license?!?
10. Well, it's doing SOMETHING...
11. Wow...that seemed fast...
12. I got a better job at Lockheed...
13. Management says...
14. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgeted.
15. What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
16. It didn't do that a minute ago...
17. Where's the GUI on this thing?
18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke...
19. Where's the DIR command?
20. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space.
22. What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
23. Do you smell something?
24. What's that grinding sound?
25. I have never seen it do THAT before...
26. I don't think it should be doing that...
27. I remember the last time I saw it do that...
28. You might as well all go home early today...
29. My leave starts tomorrow.
30. Oops!(said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
31. Hmm, maybe if I do this...
32. Why is my "rm -R *" taking so long?"
33. Hmmm, curious...
34. Well, MY files were backed up.
35. What do you mean you needed that directory?
36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
38. I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
39. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
40. We're standardizing on AIX.
41. Wonder what THIS command does?
42. What did you say your (1)user name was...? ;-)
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