Good Jokes

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Jokester

North Adams, MA

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#1
Apr 5, 2013
 
There is far too much seriousness and backbiting on Topix. So, let's tell some good jokes. Try to keep the racism and sexism to a minimum.

I've always liked this one:

A elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest,

“Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.”

The priest said,“Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”

“Never Father… I’m Jewish.”

“So then, why are you telling me?”

“Father, I’m telling everybody!”

Since: Jan 13

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#3
Apr 5, 2013
 
A blonde walks into a bar...

She is buxom and scantily clad, she instantly catches the eye of the young male bartender that is bored with this early clientele of elderly men. But she just walks right past the bar and approaches a soda machine.

He can't take his eyes off of her. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a handful of quarters that she begins to feed into the machine. She gingerly pushes a button for a soda. The soda loudly slams down in the quiet bar. YES! GOD Yes! She screams!

The bartender is confused by her behavior. The blonde stuffs more quarters into the machine and hits the button again. Another soda slams down. OH MY GOD, YES, YES, she screams again. Now she is jumping up and down. The bartender is now very confused but very interested.

He approaches the blonde and asks what she is doing. She answers... WINNING!
u n owen comic

North Adams, MA

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#4
Apr 5, 2013
 

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...so...3 dyslexics walk into a bra...

Since: Aug 12

Boston, MA

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#5
Apr 6, 2013
 
There are 2 blondes. Each one is on the opposite side of a river. One blonde yells to the other "How do you get to the other side of the river?"
The other blonde yells back "You're already on the other side!"

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
She wanted to get to the other SLIDE.
Happy Henderson

Pittsfield, MA

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#6
Apr 6, 2013
 
Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
chbpod

East Greenwich, RI

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#7
Apr 6, 2013
 
Two cowboys are sitting at the bar of a diner having a couple of beers. A woman at a table behind them starts choking on her sandwich. She's flailing her arms grabbing at her throat and trying to hit her self in the back/ One cowboy says to the other -I think I can handle this-- he puts his Stetson on the bar and walks over to the woman--he gets on his knees behind her- lifts her skirt and pulls down her panties--the proceeds to run his tongue up and down the crack of her azz---in a few seconds a piece of chicken comes out of the woman's throat and hurtles across the room---the woman now getting her breath back- thanks the cowboy-and he merely says "Maam"--and goes back to his seat at the bar--his pard- says to him-
Golly Gee- I done heered of that Hind Lick maneuver-but I never saw it done before
Jehosaphat

Pittsfield, MA

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#8
Apr 6, 2013
 
Um, Clark. The title of the thread is GOOD jokes.

Just sayin'.
HeyAsshole

Southbury, CT

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#9
Apr 6, 2013
 

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Glenn Heller
Now That Is Funny

North Adams, MA

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#10
Apr 6, 2013
 
HeyAsshole wrote:
Glenn Heller
An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left. I asked my wife to help. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door. Nothing."
The doctor was shocked. He said, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep," the old man replied. "None of us could get the jar open."
chbpod

East Greenwich, RI

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#11
Apr 6, 2013
 
Jehosaphat wrote:
Um, Clark. The title of the thread is GOOD jokes.
Just sayin'.
Get a life
HeyAsshole

Southbury, CT

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#12
Apr 6, 2013
 

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Why are blacks like sperm?

Only 1 in a Million actually works
Klaus von Schpritzer

Pittsfield, MA

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#14
Apr 7, 2013
 

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How do you get 100 people into a Volkswagon?

2 Nazis in the buckets seats, 98 Jews in the ashtray.
jimmy

Southbury, CT

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#15
Apr 7, 2013
 

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There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor. A white family lives on the top floor. A mexican family lives on the second floor. A black family lives on the botom floor. At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it. Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.
jimmy

Southbury, CT

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#17
Apr 7, 2013
 

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How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most blacks?
He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
jimmy

Southbury, CT

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#18
Apr 7, 2013
 

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A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"
gaccac

Pittsburgh, PA

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#19
Apr 7, 2013
 
youtube.com/watch...
Whats the Beef?
chbpod

East Greenwich, RI

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#20
Apr 7, 2013
 

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my "hind Lick maneuver" joke looks a little tame now doesn't it
jimmy

Southbury, CT

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#21
Apr 7, 2013
 
What's the difference between Glenn Heller and a canoe?
A canoe tips!
chbpod

East Greenwich, RI

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#22
Apr 7, 2013
 
jimmy wrote:
What's the difference between Glenn Heller and a canoe?
A canoe tips!
a canoe only stalks trout???
cmon

North Adams, MA

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#23
Apr 7, 2013
 
chbpod wrote:
my "hind Lick maneuver" joke looks a little tame now doesn't it
Sure does and it was funny!

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