Grieving doesn't have timetable

Grieving doesn't have timetable

There are 5 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Aug 16, 2007, titled Grieving doesn't have timetable. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

Dear Abby: I have been widowed just one month shy of a year. Over the last three months, I have been seeing a lovely woman who was widowed for the second time.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

Long-time married

Fort Worth, TX

#1 Aug 16, 2007
I knew parents like this 40 years ago when I was a teenager. They refused to allow their daughters to date until they were 18. Most of the girls wound up getting married within a few months, just to get away from home.

I know kids don't date like we used to--they just "hang out" but a 17-year-old is old enough to date.

United States

#2 Aug 17, 2007
I disagree. I think it is highly irresponsible of her to say it is dangerous to not allow a girl to date at 17. What about teenage pregnancies, STDs? What about the pointlessness of teen dating? The chances are they won't marry the guy in the long run so why risk it?

Chicago, IL

#3 Aug 17, 2007
Keke, if you teach your child about sex and pregnancy and STDs and trust your child to have good judgement you will have a smart and responisble teenager. Just because you are dating doesn't mean you're having sex. My parents raised 4 kids, none of us did drugs, no one came home drunk, and none of us had sex as teenagers. The importance of dating as a teen is to learn to socialize with members of the opposite sex. To learn the signals, and learn to be comfortable with who you are. And 17 is old enough to do that. A parent who shelters their child by not allowing them to date is asking for a kid to come home at 18 or 19, pregnant and jobless.

Chicago, IL

#4 Aug 17, 2007
ITA with Dear Abby and Pattie. The same thing happened to me: I wasn't allowed to date or spend time with the opposite sex while in high school, and by college everyone else knew how to interact like that and were starting to figure out "real" relationships. So many of those college relationships turned into marriages (most still going strong over 20 years later), whereas I still don't understand how to date. I missed that window of opportunity.
Long-time married

Fort Worth, TX

#5 Aug 17, 2007
Re the grieving widower post:

Even though I hope my husband would wait at least a year before dating if I were to die, it wouldn't be surprising if he dated or even remarried in that time. Women grieve alone; men grieve with another woman.

When my aunt died, after nearly 50 years of marriage, the "casserole brigade" of single women/widows was at the front door practically before the body was carried out. My uncle married the first one within six months. We heard later that she'd told somebody she was going to get her foot in the door as quickly as possible.

For all the joking that men do about marriage, "the old ball & chain," etc., they're the ones (in my observation) who get the most out of being married and they're more likely to go looking for another wife.

I think a lot of women remain single out of choice.

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