Shopping with kids no walk in the park

Full story: Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I have two happy, spirited children, ages 20 months and 3 A1 2 years. The three of us went to a store this afternoon for a very quick visit.
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41 - 60 of 333 Comments Last updated Mar 8, 2014
Kuuipo

United States

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#44
Jun 14, 2009
 
Pippa wrote:
LW1: Having had four children myself, I can relate to this woman's problem of a crying baby. She said it was an "annoyed" cry. I'm betting it was more of a "time for a nap cry." The woman who made the so-called rude remark may have noticed that the letter writer was not paying attention to her baby and that was what annoyed her the most and why she pointed out that the baby was crying. She MAY have thought the woman was ignoring a baby in real distress. That's probably why she sounded rude. People pointing out someone else's shortcomings always sound rude to the person whose shortcomings are being pointed out. The woman was more annoyed with what she thought was a neglectful mom. She probably should have kept her mouth shut. Amy was right in telling the lw that she shouldn't have responded to the woman but walked away instead. Or she could have just said, "Yes, she's apparently ready for her nap; she's a bit cranky. I'm sorry if she's annoying you."
Spot on! You can only control your own behavior. LW should have taken the high road from the get-go as you suggested.
Kuuipo

United States

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#46
Jun 14, 2009
 
Union Maid wrote:
<quoted text>
It was bad in Chicago public schools in the 50s and 60s but we had windows that opened- those tall ones that required a long pole to unlock and open. It was hot but we all survived. I guess teachers were suffering and were sensitive to our needs- we also had two recesses per day in the younger grades and one int eh older grades so we could escape the class room- in high school the windows still opened and we went out at lunch....well some went out other times too but that's another topic.
I am off to santa barabra..the coast should be cool!
I remember those windows... I went to school in the Bay Area (Northern CA) and our summers are mild compared to most. Still we had our hot days and there was no air conditioning in the schools. I remember in high school that some teachers would take the class outside to the lawn on nice days.

It is definitely cool here on the coast today. Have a great time in Santa Barbara!

“Illegitimi non carborundum”

Since: Jan 09

Scenic Manitowoc County WI

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#47
Jun 14, 2009
 
#1: Wow. You sure have let this stranger have a lot of control over you, your thoughts and your time. I suggest that you get a sitter once a week and get out into the real world.

#2: So what?

#3: yawn.
daisydaisy

Milwaukee, WI

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#48
Jun 14, 2009
 
Somebody thought Amy's humerous remark about whacking someone with an umbrella was a serious suggestion?? Now, that letter HAS to be made up, it's just too dumb.
Mike M

Las Vegas, NV

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#49
Jun 14, 2009
 
About the teacher who had to conduct classes in 80 degree temps - what a spoiled brat she is. Yes, I'm a baby boomer too and went through grade school and high school when A/C didn't exist in school buildings. And typically, there were 40 to 60 kids in each classroom, but nobody seemed to mind. That whiner doesn't know how good she has it.
PEllen

Waukegan, IL

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#50
Jun 14, 2009
 
Mia- there is a guy named Daniel Vital on LinkedIn at www.streetlamp.it (milan italy) who is asking for event planner recommendations in the Chicago area
Bo Peep

Montgomery, AL

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#51
Jun 14, 2009
 
LW1: There is nothing so irritating as to hear a tired baby cry when Mom obliviously stops to look at yet something else in the store. You yourself called your children "spirited." You talk about memberships to all sorts of attractions and I would venture to say your children are TIRED and might appreciate a SCHEDULE that includes NAPS and some down time.
Many people you encounter are also parents and recognize the "tired" cries of an infant. Get someone to WATCH your children sometimes and again give them a BREAK from your break-neck schedule.
Oh, P.S. I was one of "those" people who turned in frustration when a mother who had 2 preschool kids, brought them to a store, where they ran around wildly, yanked phone cards from the circular display they were on and threw them to the floor. They grabbed books from another display and threw them down, too. Mom was OBLIVIOUSLY making photocopies on the xerox machine. I did tell her about her children, to which she finally swung around, got defensive and then threw a few phone cards on the shelves before returning to the copier.
Forget that her wild kids were a disruption for other shoppers. Add to the fact that since she wasn't watching them, anyone could have waltzed in and taken them. And that thoroughly pisses me off.
Again, you call yourself such a good mother. When your baby is crying from FATIGUE, take him or her HOME and put them down for a nap. Nothing you're looking at in a store is more important than they are. Prove it.

Since: Jan 09

Chicago, IL

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#52
Jun 14, 2009
 
Kat wrote:
Babies can not speak, maybe the child saw the womans ugly face and was expressing terror.
L0L!!

I've learned that most young children have good intuition about adults.
Jamie

Killeen, TX

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#53
Jun 14, 2009
 
Pippa wrote:
LW1: Having had four children myself, I can relate to this woman's problem of a crying baby. She said it was an "annoyed" cry. I'm betting it was more of a "time for a nap cry." The woman who made the so-called rude remark may have noticed that the letter writer was not paying attention to her baby and that was what annoyed her the most and why she pointed out that the baby was crying. She MAY have thought the woman was ignoring a baby in real distress. That's probably why she sounded rude. People pointing out someone else's shortcomings always sound rude to the person whose shortcomings are being pointed out. The woman was more annoyed with what she thought was a neglectful mom. She probably should have kept her mouth shut. Amy was right in telling the lw that she shouldn't have responded to the woman but walked away instead. Or she could have just said, "Yes, she's apparently ready for her nap; she's a bit cranky. I'm sorry if she's annoying you."
Your children must be angels because you have no idea what a crying child is like. I have two, the oldest 5 and the youngest 3. They cry for no reason except that I have stopped moving. Not an "I want a nap cry" just "Why aren't you moving cry." Saying to the lw "You're baby is crying" is not only rude it's invasive. I have to tune my children out from time to time just to accomplish anything... like writing this comment. I don't see any reason to label this mom as neglectful just because her child was crying.

Since: Jan 09

Chicago, IL

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#54
Jun 14, 2009
 
Union Maid wrote:
If I see someone with kids who are crying I make a point of saying something supportive to the parent and smile at them and if appropriate I smile and try distract the child too.
Exactly!

It's disruptive and counter-productive to snipe at a parent with a crying child.
Mary

AOL

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#55
Jun 14, 2009
 
"Mom" didn't indicate if she was trying to hush the crying child or otherwise calm the child; if she was, then yes, the person who made the comment was rude. If not, then mom contributed by not trying to hush or calm the child's crying.

I was in a large (box-store type) store and there was a crying child who could be heard literally all over the store as his/her parent continued their shopping; this lasted for between 5 and 10 minutes.

There are parents who realize not everyone wants to hear crying children and I applaud those parents! Then you have others who really don't care.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Seattle, WA

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#56
Jun 14, 2009
 

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Just ever so glad I no longer have a small child. Even more happy that I never again will have a small child.

In the old days didn't they keep small children at home until they could act in a civilized manner? What's wrong with that? Can we go back to doing that?

Yes...you got me...I do not like children. One or two individuals on a case by case basis maybe, but as a whole...no. They are whiney, crying, demanding, mucous oozing, liquid leaking, petri dishes just waiting to infect me with something.

Since: Jan 09

Chicago, IL

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#57
Jun 14, 2009
 
Both Sides wrote:
Two scenarios:
1: Baby's getting fussy and starting the meltdown, but mom knows they are about to leave so she does everything she can to comfort the child and calm him/her (or, as she says, "it"). She's speeding up her shopping, offering a knowing look or two at nearby customers. Then, out of nowhere, a rude be-otch swarms in and chides the lady with a finger wag and smarmy comment. The other nearby customers all laugh and somebody hits her with a bag of chips, the poor dear.
2: Two babies are screaming bloody hell. Mom has given up and has tuned them out. They are spirited, after all. Most customers ignore the screaming - they're parents and totally understand! But the kids scream, mom doesn't do much but hope they cry themselves out and (hurry!) get tired. It's not her fault, btw. She's a great mom but there's nothing she can do and kids will be kids and the public will just have to understand. One lady passes them in the aisle and, having heard the commotion 6 aisles over, sees mom holding two jars of salsa and comparing the calorie content. Lady sees mom ignoring the kids and says, "You know you're baby's crying, right?"
Nicely put...both of those scenarios are so accurate it's hilarious!

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

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#58
Jun 14, 2009
 
TamoraRose wrote:
<quoted text>
Exactly!
It's disruptive and counter-productive to snipe at a parent with a crying child.
If the parent is a bad one saying something could cost the kid some bruises as soon as they're out of the store as well.
Saying something supportive is always better. My husband will do his stupid human trick for them and that usually stops the crying cold.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Seattle, WA

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#59
Jun 14, 2009
 
LW 2: Oh please we have allsuffered through school in the heat and/or the cold. You choose to be a teacher. Good for you but you should know it's part of the job then.

You could go out and get one of those portable room air conditioners (they're on wheels and can be moved around) and take it with you to your class to make like a little easier on yourself.

Just a thought.
Jamie

Killeen, TX

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#60
Jun 14, 2009
 
Bo Peep wrote:
LW1: There is nothing so irritating as to hear a tired baby cry when Mom obliviously stops to look at yet something else in the store. You yourself called your children "spirited." You talk about memberships to all sorts of attractions and I would venture to say your children are TIRED and might appreciate a SCHEDULE that includes NAPS and some down time.
Many people you encounter are also parents and recognize the "tired" cries of an infant. Get someone to WATCH your children sometimes and again give them a BREAK from your break-neck schedule.
Oh, P.S. I was one of "those" people who turned in frustration when a mother who had 2 preschool kids, brought them to a store, where they ran around wildly, yanked phone cards from the circular display they were on and threw them to the floor. They grabbed books from another display and threw them down, too. Mom was OBLIVIOUSLY making photocopies on the xerox machine. I did tell her about her children, to which she finally swung around, got defensive and then threw a few phone cards on the shelves before returning to the copier.
Forget that her wild kids were a disruption for other shoppers. Add to the fact that since she wasn't watching them, anyone could have waltzed in and taken them. And that thoroughly pisses me off.
Again, you call yourself such a good mother. When your baby is crying from FATIGUE, take him or her HOME and put them down for a nap. Nothing you're looking at in a store is more important than they are. Prove it.
Seriously? She never said her baby was tired!!! Someone else did!!! A mother knows the cries of her child... and she never said fatigued!! And I would like to also point out that her children where not running around acting crazy and disruptive... her baby cried... that's it. You have no idea what her life is like so stop tearing her down!

Since: Jan 09

Chicago, IL

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#61
Jun 14, 2009
 
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text> If the parent is a bad one saying something could cost the kid some bruises as soon as they're out of the store as well.
Good point.

Paradoxically, it's the relatively "good" parents who are safe to get nasty with.
Mia

Chicago, IL

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#62
Jun 14, 2009
 

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Bo Peep wrote:
LW1: There is nothing so irritating as to hear a tired baby cry when Mom obliviously stops to look at yet something else in the store. You yourself called your children "spirited." You talk about memberships to all sorts of attractions and I would venture to say your children are TIRED and might appreciate a SCHEDULE that includes NAPS and some down time.
Many people you encounter are also parents and recognize the "tired" cries of an infant. Get someone to WATCH your children sometimes and again give them a BREAK from your break-neck schedule.
Oh, P.S. I was one of "those" people who turned in frustration when a mother who had 2 preschool kids, brought them to a store, where they ran around wildly, yanked phone cards from the circular display they were on and threw them to the floor. They grabbed books from another display and threw them down, too. Mom was OBLIVIOUSLY making photocopies on the xerox machine. I did tell her about her children, to which she finally swung around, got defensive and then threw a few phone cards on the shelves before returning to the copier.
Forget that her wild kids were a disruption for other shoppers. Add to the fact that since she wasn't watching them, anyone could have waltzed in and taken them. And that thoroughly pisses me off.
Again, you call yourself such a good mother. When your baby is crying from FATIGUE, take him or her HOME and put them down for a nap. Nothing you're looking at in a store is more important than they are. Prove it.
You don't really see that many children running amok in stores do you? So what you expereinced is the exception and not the rule, right?

I remember my son being inconsolable in public a few times. If I could exit swiftly, I would, but if you're at the check-out...well let's face it: I've put up with people counting pennies at checkouts, with them insisting upon using credit cards at cash stations, with them insisting on a price check that takes 10 minutes, with "can you deduct that item? OK now that item. Okay now that item?"

There are several annoyances that one runs into when among other people. Is a baby's crying really so inexcusable?
done with it

Evergreen Park, IL

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#63
Jun 14, 2009
 

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Ok... time to say what I really feel.

As a person who has medical problems dealing with loud noise (causes major headaches) I avoid screaming children in stores. I can take normal amounts of noise, but extended, loud outbursts cause headaches that can last for days. I try to shop when they will not be there. However, why should they be allowed to scream through? An adult screaming at the top of their lungs would not be tolerated, even with diminished mental capacity. Why do parents think that it is ok for their children to do the same? If they cannot behave- KEEP THEM HOME- or TAKE THEM HOME! The store is not your home. Have courtesy for the rest of the patrons who are shoping there.

It is really getting out of control at the grocery stores and target. Parents who feel that their little angels can act however they please- and the rest of the world should just put up with it. Enough is enough.
belladonna

Newport News, VA

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#64
Jun 14, 2009
 

Judged:

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Bo Peep wrote:
LW1: There is nothing so irritating as to hear a tired baby cry when Mom obliviously stops to look at yet something else in the store. You yourself called your children "spirited." You talk about memberships to all sorts of attractions and I would venture to say your children are TIRED and might appreciate a SCHEDULE that includes NAPS and some down time.
Many people you encounter are also parents and recognize the "tired" cries of an infant. Get someone to WATCH your children sometimes and again give them a BREAK from your break-neck schedule.
Oh, P.S. I was one of "those" people who turned in frustration when a mother who had 2 preschool kids, brought them to a store, where they ran around wildly, yanked phone cards from the circular display they were on and threw them to the floor. They grabbed books from another display and threw them down, too. Mom was OBLIVIOUSLY making photocopies on the xerox machine. I did tell her about her children, to which she finally swung around, got defensive and then threw a few phone cards on the shelves before returning to the copier.
Forget that her wild kids were a disruption for other shoppers. Add to the fact that since she wasn't watching them, anyone could have waltzed in and taken them. And that thoroughly pisses me off.
Again, you call yourself such a good mother. When your baby is crying from FATIGUE, take him or her HOME and put them down for a nap. Nothing you're looking at in a store is more important than they are. Prove it.
You hit the nail on the head 100%! I used to work as a cashier, like a previous poster, and all too often I saw mothers out and about, leisurely shopping with thei very obviously over-tired, cranky toddlesa, but completely oblivious to the fact. They got mad at the kids for being cranky!
This did not seem to be the case with LW1. The way I understood her letter is, that the baby just wanted to be held/entertained/cooed at, but the mother had shopping to do, so she fussed. I also feel that toddlers are way to young to appreciate the places LW1 said she's taking them to regularly. Wait until they're school-aged, they'll get a lot more out of it.

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