Shopping with kids no walk in the park

Dear Amy: I have two happy, spirited children, ages 20 months and 3 A1 2 years. The three of us went to a store this afternoon for a very quick visit. Full Story
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Pippa

Hancock, NY

#1 Jun 14, 2009
LW1: Having had four children myself, I can relate to this woman's problem of a crying baby. She said it was an "annoyed" cry. I'm betting it was more of a "time for a nap cry." The woman who made the so-called rude remark may have noticed that the letter writer was not paying attention to her baby and that was what annoyed her the most and why she pointed out that the baby was crying. She MAY have thought the woman was ignoring a baby in real distress. That's probably why she sounded rude. People pointing out someone else's shortcomings always sound rude to the person whose shortcomings are being pointed out. The woman was more annoyed with what she thought was a neglectful mom. She probably should have kept her mouth shut. Amy was right in telling the lw that she shouldn't have responded to the woman but walked away instead. Or she could have just said, "Yes, she's apparently ready for her nap; she's a bit cranky. I'm sorry if she's annoying you."
Ivory Dove

San Antonio, TX

#2 Jun 14, 2009
Sadly, this is probably a misunderstanding that both parties
are better off letting go.

“Merry Holidays!”

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#3 Jun 14, 2009
L1: I probably would have ignored the woman and wouldn't respond one bit. It would be interesting, though, to see what her expression would have been if the mother started signing as if she was deaf.

L2: As a young student, as the weather got hotter it meant we were closer to school being out for the summer. I just didn't mind. Teachers probably did though.
jim

United States

#4 Jun 14, 2009
Hialeah High no air when i was their.
PEllen

Waukegan, IL

#6 Jun 14, 2009
At the risk of sounding like a crotchety old lady, without umbrella, they didn't put air conditioning into schools until the 1970's or later. There is a very large segment of the population who made it through at least 12 years of public and parochial school to the end of June without AC. Perhaps you have heard of us? Baby boomers.Depression era generation. Etc.
If she wants advice, try a sleeveless dress and a hand fan
Violet

Ingleside, IL

#7 Jun 14, 2009
LW1--Heh, my last trip to Target fell during nap time hours and I spent most of my trip dodging about four surly toddlers.

It is possible that the woman in the store has a hearing distortion problem. My dad has this and it makes some sounds downright painful. Although, he just walks away from the unpleasant sound and doesn't try to start fights with people.

I'm not sure there was anything the LW could have done. Jerks are jerks.
Mary

AOL

#9 Jun 14, 2009
If you jumped every time your child cried for a little attention ,the baby would play you like a fiddle .The woman interfering was very rude
Kat

Yorktown Heights, NY

#10 Jun 14, 2009
Babies can not speak, maybe the child saw the womans ugly face and was expressing terror.
Jess

Wilmington, DE

#11 Jun 14, 2009
I am at SAHM with a 3 1/2 year old and 9 month old. While I sympathize with LW1, unless she was already in the checkout line, there is no reason to continue shopping/looking while your child is crying. Did she bring any toys to entertain her kids or was she just hoping that the motion of the stroller/cart would lull them into a nap? It stinks to cut your excursion short, but that's what good parents have to do sometimes.

There are very few times when you HAVE to go shopping right at that moment. I have learned to plan better before I go to the store (read flyers, do research online, etc.) so that I can shop more efficiently. If I have to do major shopping (holidays, birthdays, etc.), I arrange for someone else to watch the kids for a couple of hours.

I think that LW1 was right to just walk away when a stranger made unnecessary comments. However, I bet that she is feeling a bit defensive because she knows that ignoring a crying baby for that long was the wrong thing to do.
Anne

Portland, OR

#12 Jun 14, 2009
Terri at home wrote:
Hey, kids! Found a column with Abby on Topix with a real Topix comnment section. Follow the link -- it will take you to Columbus (virtually -- sort of like that umbrella whack):
http://www.topix.com/forum/source/columbus-di...
Thanks Terri. Nice how people so much handier than I are so diligent and willing to share their finds.
Anne

Portland, OR

#13 Jun 14, 2009
PEllen wrote:
At the risk of sounding like a crotchety old lady, without umbrella, they didn't put air conditioning into schools until the 1970's or later. There is a very large segment of the population who made it through at least 12 years of public and parochial school to the end of June without AC. Perhaps you have heard of us? Baby boomers.Depression era generation. Etc.
If she wants advice, try a sleeveless dress and a hand fan
Exactly! Also, as a member of the First Year of the Boomers, I, and my younger brothers, went to school in classes which had 35+ students, no teachers aides, and dedicated teachers who made sure we knew how to read, do math, learned history, played well together, listened to classical music (there was a program over the radio every Thursday which was specifically designed for children) and learned public service. They also weren't paid well then and usually had to get second jobs during the summer. My sixth grade teacher doubled as a butcher.

It may sound rude, but I think a lot of teachers skate when compaining about how bad they have it and are piggy-backing on those teachers 30+ years ago who really weren't respected or paid fairly.
MaryAnn

Madison, WI

#14 Jun 14, 2009
Anne wrote:
<quoted text>Thanks Terri. Nice how people so much handier than I are so diligent and willing to share their finds.
I agree with you Anne. I'm glad we found an actual Topix posting. I kept thinking the Sun Time (or the Tribune) would be pulling our threads.
I am going to bookmark the Columbus Dispatch.
See you all in Columbus! HAA

“Merry Holidays!”

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#15 Jun 14, 2009
MaryAnn wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree with you Anne. I'm glad we found an actual Topix posting. I kept thinking the Sun Time (or the Tribune) would be pulling our threads.
I am going to bookmark the Columbus Dispatch.
See you all in Columbus! HAA
So want to let you know -- most times they carry Abby but they miss a couple of days here and there.
Jess

Wilmington, DE

#16 Jun 14, 2009
Anne wrote:
<quoted text> Exactly! Also, as a member of the First Year of the Boomers, I, and my younger brothers, went to school in classes which had 35+ students, no teachers aides, and dedicated teachers who made sure we knew how to read, do math, learned history, played well together, listened to classical music (there was a program over the radio every Thursday which was specifically designed for children) and learned public service. They also weren't paid well then and usually had to get second jobs during the summer. My sixth grade teacher doubled as a butcher.
It may sound rude, but I think a lot of teachers skate when compaining about how bad they have it and are piggy-backing on those teachers 30+ years ago who really weren't respected or paid fairly.
I'm not trying to start an argument, because I do think that older generations obviously succeeded without all of the bells and whistles that we are accustomed to today. However, years ago there was more stability at home and teachers weren't expected to parent children in addition to teaching them the basics. Too many children now are shuttled between homes or have single parents who are just too tired to make sure that their homework is done properly (if at all). School districts are so afraid of lawsuits that they cave into ridiculous demands made by parents and rarely do children face appropriate consequences for their poor decisions in school.

There are more good teachers than bad, but they are still underpaid and not respected enough. They still need to take second jobs in the summer or take more classes to keep up with the new curriculum, though their hands are often tied in respect to what they can teach - it is all determined by what is being tested by the government.

Teaching has never been an easy job, especially in extreme weather conditions. Hopefully today's discussion won't turn into another "bash teachers" thread.
Suzy

Poway, CA

#17 Jun 14, 2009
I agree with Pippa that the woman might have thought the letter writer was igmoring the baby. LW told the woman to mind her own business whuch only caused it to escalate. LW is very defensive and wants everyone to know what a good mom she is. And when she described her kids as spirited, I immediately thought "loud and unruly."
Absyrd

Bensenville, IL

#18 Jun 14, 2009
Isn't that what pacifiers are for?

I think moms should do their shopping online instead of insisting that everyone else deal with their kids' crying and whining and bad behavior.

One of my 'favorites' is the mom telling their awful kids that if they don't stop (insert bratty behavior here), they're going to leave. And everyone around her, including the kid, knows it will never happen.
kimiko

Lake Monroe, FL

#19 Jun 14, 2009
Amy, the word is "bumbershoot," not "bumpershoot."
too old

New Haven, IN

#20 Jun 14, 2009
Suzy wrote:
when she described her kids as spirited, I immediately thought "loud and unruly."
Haha, I did too. I always hate when parents say "Oh, he's SUCH a free spirit" when it really means "I have no power to discipline him, so I let him run around as much as he wants."

I enjoy taking my daughter to the store. She loves looking at the people and the colors. If she starts to fuss (which is rare, since I plan around naptimes), we immediately go to the checkout and leave. I try to keep a list of what I need, grab those items first thing (even if it's a few extra trips around the aisles), and then browse as time permits.

It's tough though. Sometimes it's easier to Peapod, although not always the preferred choice since it keeps me in the house longer.

People also need to remember that kids cry sometimes. A sympathetic smile can go a long way (unless the parent's being neglectful, of course.)
Esteem

AOL

#21 Jun 14, 2009
too old wrote:
<quoted text>
Haha, I did too. I always hate when parents say "Oh, he's SUCH a free spirit" when it really means "I have no power to discipline him, so I let him run around as much as he wants."
I enjoy taking my daughter to the store. She loves looking at the people and the colors. If she starts to fuss (which is rare, since I plan around naptimes), we immediately go to the checkout and leave. I try to keep a list of what I need, grab those items first thing (even if it's a few extra trips around the aisles), and then browse as time permits.
It's tough though. Sometimes it's easier to Peapod, although not always the preferred choice since it keeps me in the house longer.
People also need to remember that kids cry sometimes. A sympathetic smile can go a long way (unless the parent's being neglectful, of course.)
Dont discipline them too much ,they'll grow up without confidence and wont succeed.
Jess

Wilmington, DE

#22 Jun 14, 2009
Esteem wrote:
<quoted text>Dont discipline them too much ,they'll grow up without confidence and wont succeed.
I do hope you are being sarcastic, since there is a difference between discipline and abuse. All children need discipline.

And why does it keep saying that I'm in Malvern, PA? If I'm going to be away from home, at least make it somewhere exotic.

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