lol

Rockwood, TN

#42 Jul 1, 2012
Step mom wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree with you completely. My husband cares more about his job above anything. It use to bother me but now all I care about is my child & the people that I work with. I get more respect at work than I ever did from him. Now we're just a professional married couple that don't say 2 or 3 words to each other. I know there are other step parents out there putting up with the dreadful ex but the one I put up with is a psycho going through menopause. I wonder why I have stayed this long. I keep telling myself it's because I love him but even love fades when you don't nourish it.
It's okay to agree with him, but that was not my point.
abd

AOL

#43 Jul 3, 2012
lol wrote:
I never said you buy love with money and that providing is the only way. I'm saying don't make babies with dead beats and then you don't have the problem "being stuck with a deadbeat and a kid you have to take care of." You should re-read and tell me where the heck i said you substitute anything? Seriously? The post was about "deadbeats" NOT the lack of LOVE.
'A kid that you have to take care of?' Isn't each child a spectacular wonder.. despite the circumstances?

And what is a dead beat? Someone that does not provide the current socially deemed 'standard of living?' Is it someone that does not pay the bills? What about someone that tells the children that they love them.. someone that tries to educate their child and build up their self esteem. I don't see this today. I see a bunch of workers that just trudge to work to earn money so that they can provide what every other family has.. materials. This is what society has projected as successful living.

The emphasis is placed on work ethic and monetary stability, not your actual family interaction. Have you ever observed how carefully, cautiously, adults wash their vehicles? Then observe how impatient, hateful and immature they act toward their children. Going to work and laboring hard everyday is somewhat of a null effort if the worker just comes home wore out with an aggravated demeanor. That's how my childhood was. And my family is considered one of the better ones! Please don't interpret this in the wrong manner, I love my family and I appreciate the things they have done for me. I'm just trying to open eyes so maybe something positive can come from this.

You didn't have to mention anything about materials, it's implied in your ambiguous description of a 'real man' along with your reference to 'dead beats.' The definition of 'dead beat' is one that does not pay his/her way. That sounds like financial concerns to me.
unfair

United States

#44 Jul 3, 2012
I want someone to tell me how the Hell its fair for a man to pay 32% of his income when his ex wife (when they were together went school) he supported her. They divorce. She is driving new cars, lives in 150,000 home and he has to pay 32% of his 9.5 hr job. WTF? Oh and he is ordered to provide insurance too?
unfair

United States

#45 Jul 3, 2012
His kids probably think he's a cheap skate loser! He can't buy nice gifts(like mommy) take them on a zillion vacations a yr.(like mommy)
FYI

Taylorsville, NC

#46 Jul 4, 2012
His kiids probably think he's a cheap skate loser! He can't buy nice gifts(like mommy) take them on a zillion vacations a yr.(like mommy)
I know exactly how you feel. I have to pay 32% of my income before taxes are taken out, I have to pay for insurance & 50% of what the insurance doesn't pay. The shitty part is that my ex girlfriend won't let me see my kids & when I try to call them they cuss me, she has turned them against me. It seems like my teenagers sold themselves to the highest bidder because she left me broke. The judicial system allows people like her to get away with murder because she has killed any chance I have with rebuilding my relationship with my kids.
lol

Rockwood, TN

#47 Jul 5, 2012
abd wrote:
<quoted text>
'A kid that you have to take care of?' Isn't each child a spectacular wonder.. despite the circumstances?
And what is a dead beat? Someone that does not provide the current socially deemed 'standard of living?' Is it someone that does not pay the bills? What about someone that tells the children that they love them.. someone that tries to educate their child and build up their self esteem. I don't see this today. I see a bunch of workers that just trudge to work to earn money so that they can provide what every other family has.. materials. This is what society has projected as successful living.
The emphasis is placed on work ethic and monetary stability, not your actual family interaction. Have you ever observed how carefully, cautiously, adults wash their vehicles? Then observe how impatient, hateful and immature they act toward their children. Going to work and laboring hard everyday is somewhat of a null effort if the worker just comes home wore out with an aggravated demeanor. That's how my childhood was. And my family is considered one of the better ones! Please don't interpret this in the wrong manner, I love my family and I appreciate the things they have done for me. I'm just trying to open eyes so maybe something positive can come from this.
You didn't have to mention anything about materials, it's implied in your ambiguous description of a 'real man' along with your reference to 'dead beats.' The definition of 'dead beat' is one that does not pay his/her way. That sounds like financial concerns to me.
Once again its NOT my point. How old are you, twelve? Children need more than to be supported financially but I'm just making a point. If you don't like it, get over it or gtfo. The point is don't be with a person who is a piece of crap, a deadbeat and have children. It's not like they are super hard to pick out around here. Most make it very obvious. Their isn't even a need to argue with me unless you support deadbeat scum because I don't. I equally don't support dating deadbeat scum. This could apply to a guy who beats his wife and kids, does not offer to support them, does drugs all the time. Buys lottery tickets all the time while kids do without or any other douche bag activity.
lol

Rockwood, TN

#48 Jul 5, 2012
Yes, I do agree! It's seriously wrong to have to pay that much for child support. Especially because of these ho's that have like 6 kids just to draw a check. It's ridiculous and trashy. It's the same way with spousal support. Just a free check to support drug use in many cases.
lol

Rockwood, TN

#49 Jul 5, 2012
So now that we can past worrying if my definition of deadbeat is different from yours, we can see my point. Don't make babies right away, the problem is we as a society rush to make babies and get married and get serious. Patience is a great virtue! I see it all the time, marrying and having a baby as fast as possible and divorced in a year or two then do it again. THINK, use your noggin'!
unfair

West Fork, AR

#50 Jul 5, 2012
This is stupid...everyone changes over time! People are married for years and change into someone you can't recognize. If a person is paying all their money out in childsupport that limits their interaction with their kids....duh. they don't have funds to barely take them for ice cream on their every other weekend( which is bull)
lol

Rockwood, TN

#51 Jul 5, 2012
I'm not saying people can't change over time. I'm talking about the girls who go for guys who are clearly douche bags. Don't tell me it does not happen because it's everywhere in this area and probably everywhere in the world. Girls flock to douche bags. Never figured out why but they do! I'm not talking about people who barely have funds. Those people are trying. I'm talking about the ones who don't care to try, or are abusive, etc. There is a fine line between someone who does not want to try and those who are doing what they can and falling short or scraping by.
abd

AOL

#52 Jul 6, 2012
lol wrote:
Once again its NOT my point. How old are you, twelve? Children need more than to be supported financially but I'm just making a point. If you don't like it, get over it or gtfo. The point is don't be with a person who is a piece of crap, a deadbeat and have children. It's not like they are super hard to pick out around here. Most make it very obvious. Their isn't even a need to argue with me unless you support deadbeat scum because I don't. I equally don't support dating deadbeat scum. This could apply to a guy who beats his wife and kids, does not offer to support them, does drugs all the time. Buys lottery tickets all the time while kids do without or any other douche bag activity.
I honestly think you have no real substantial point, hence your tendency to resort to name calling and immature acronyms e.g.'gtfo.' Are you twelve?

Actually,'good working men' usually have so many responsibilities they can't even spend any real quality time with their child. That's why I said we basically trade materials for love.

So, if someone was a respectable, mature, loving person, you would still be interested in them if they were dirt poor? Would you still date them if they couldn't pay Comcast each month?
lol

Rockwood, TN

#53 Jul 6, 2012
If you think I have no point then you must support such acts. If you don't want people to be rude then don't challenge everything just for the sake of argument. The post had nothing to do with you unless you afraid you fall under the douche bag/pos/dead beat category. If you read again you will see once again that I said people do try and fall short, but that's okay. I'm talking about people who don't bother to try. How ignorant must you be to not be able to understand that. Yes I can love someone even if they can't pay comcast east month. If they are beating their wives, being lazy and not trying or abusing their kids then i'm not interested. Is that hard to understand?
hmm

Ashburn, VA

#54 Jul 6, 2012
lol wrote:
If you think I have no point then you must support such acts. If you don't want people to be rude then don't challenge everything just for the sake of argument. The post had nothing to do with you unless you afraid you fall under the douche bag/pos/dead beat category. If you read again you will see once again that I said people do try and fall short, but that's okay. I'm talking about people who don't bother to try. How ignorant must you be to not be able to understand that. Yes I can love someone even if they can't pay comcast east month. If they are beating their wives, being lazy and not trying or abusing their kids then i'm not interested. Is that hard to understand?
He's just trying to troll you. Probably has no idea what he's talking about. These types are pointless to argue with. They would probably argue with a tree if they could. I understand what you are saying though and you make a good point.
abd

AOL

#55 Jul 6, 2012
lol wrote:
If you think I have no point then you must support such acts. If you don't want people to be rude then don't challenge everything just for the sake of argument. The post had nothing to do with you unless you afraid you fall under the douche bag/pos/dead beat category. If you read again you will see once again that I said people do try and fall short, but that's okay. I'm talking about people who don't bother to try. How ignorant must you be to not be able to understand that. Yes I can love someone even if they can't pay comcast east month. If they are beating their wives, being lazy and not trying or abusing their kids then i'm not interested. Is that hard to understand?
I consider myself to be someone that understands that societal expectations are soaring higher and higher and that appreciation for the real things in life is nonexistent. Most people on this forum are too busy complaining about dead beat dads that they don't even seem to appreciate the child they produced. Resultantly, they belittle the father and the child, and themselves. Obviously both of the humans that produced the child are responsible for their relations.. they should have used their mental capacities to decide beforehand whether or not they wanted to proceed with such a serious interaction with potentially substantial consequences. Since they didn't, they end up in a predicament and come here to announce to everyone how they didn't think things through. No single father or mother can raise their children independently nowadays anyway, it takes a village to raise a child, or at least produce all of the modern amenities.
abd

AOL

#56 Jul 6, 2012
hmm wrote:
He's just trying to troll you. Probably has no idea what he's talking about. These types are pointless to argue with. They would probably argue with a tree if they could. I understand what you are saying though and you make a good point.
'Probably has no idea..' either I do or I don't, right? And I don't really have a bone to pick with trees.. they give us oxygen so we can live after all, and it's free (plus no taxes, yet).
Imvinney2

United States

#57 Sep 5, 2012
Vinny Gambini! I would very much like to help you. We may be able to help each other. I have an unbelievable tale to tell. I have a case in which we may be an I am certain we are talking about the same people. If in fact that is so there may be
Light at the end of your tunnel. But I can not explore that with you unless we can talk. Away from this forum where we do not have to hide for safety reasons. I have been where you are. I know the feeling of desperation and frustration. But I also know how to fight and I may have what you need to fight as well.
just saying

Rockwood, TN

#58 Sep 6, 2012
Don't bang dead beats and then you don't have to worry about getting your precious child support.
Unjust

United States

#59 Sep 6, 2012
Listen folks the injustice of Divorve goes both ways. Fathers get screwed. Mothers get screwed. But mostly our children get screwed. I have never seen it so bad as it is in Roane county. I am a woman and a mother. I was married for 20 years. Thought I knew my husband well. But the truth is you never really know someone until you divorce them. I watched my Brother go through his divorce. She lied. She cheated. She practiced parental Allianation. She was and is a drunk and an unfit mother. But her parents had money. My brother had non. She made sure to spend it all before the split. He lost his job because of all the court cases and stress. He was penniless and homeless and still loved his kids. He paid his child support according to an assessment based on $40 k a year. Even though when he found a job it was barely over minimum wage. When he couldn't pay the full amount he paid what he had it disn't matter that he couldn't provide a roof over his own head or food. She was cruel and abusive. She was vengful and ugly and the courts supported this. The whole time my husband and I where holding my brother up my husband was taking notes. During this time I was ill. 6 months after my doctors release my husband tried to kill me. He'd spent our money while I was trying to live. He went to jail. Violated his Order of Protection the minute he was released. Hadn't even stepped off the side walk at the Jail. He's violated that order consistently for over a year. Sometimes law inforcement will file a complaint and sometimes they won't. But never have they arrested him. Even when there has been witnesses. It's been well over a year and he still has not been to court on his Domestic Assualt charges. He's not paid a dime he's been court ordered to pay. He's stolen my lively hood and has directly hindered my ability to support myself. He and his Attorney have filed false felony charges against me. It goes on and on. The injustice goes both ways. The victims are revictimized by a legal system that supports abuse and bitter vengeance. The crazier and more dangerous you are the more you get away with. It's not that women, wives and mothers or men, husbands an fathers have an advantage. It the more evil weather it's the woman or the man that get the upper hand in Roane County. Please don't make it sounds as if it's a gender preference because here it's an evil preference. I have now experienced it both ways. Our justice system here has no boundaries, no ethics, no morality and no dignity. They care not about our children. They have forgotten that they are here to serve us. I would love to tell more here but if I did it would be quickly discovered who I am and I wouldn't live to read or write another post. my story is so out of bounds its unbelievable. Literally. That's part of the problem. I'm sure many of you have experienced the same. Where people think your just angry and bitter and maybe crazy. Their not really listening. People in divorces can be ugly but tell me what is the legal system in Riane Counties excuse. They may not distroy families but they destroy lives and faith and trust and safety and our children.
jus got in the game

United States

#60 Sep 18, 2012
FYI wrote:
<quoted text>
I am not speaking badly of you, I am speaking the truth about my ex & I too am Fed Up. I agree that both parents should contribute to their children. All I am fed up with is not getting to see my kids. I feel that any parent that is ordered to pay child support should want to & not consider it a burden, my kids are a blessing but my ex is a curse. I JUST MISS MY KIDS! I AM NOT A DEAD BEAT DAD, I AM A DAMN GOOD DAD IF MY EX WOULD STOP MANIPULATING MINE & MY KIDS RELATIONSHIP JUST BECAUSE I LEFT HER & LATER ON GOT MARRIED TO A GOOD WOMAN! I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT BUT IF YOU DON'T THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM!
.. I feel u fed up because I am too. Although I jus joined the dead beat dad click. I'm 28 yrs old and thought I had a good man but I came to find out tht I didn't.. so yes I have been raisng my son by myself so far. He jus turned one. I pray tht eventually my child father will group up one day. He don't even acknowledge my son on no level. He feels if I don't be with him or deal with him then he is not dealing with my son. Its hard to deal with something like tht, but I can say I won't make the mistake again. I love my son wouldn't trade him for nthg. And yes I did bring some of this pain on myself but i have faith th things will get better. So to all my single mothers out there thts workin hard daily and not depending on no one but God. My sisters jus be strong. Because this weight thats on ur back is there to build u up and make u a strong woman....
been there

Harriman, TN

#61 Sep 19, 2012
I spent ALOT of time in court trying to get child support b/c we needed to eat. I got the run around with non-service when he was sitting in the RC jail too. I gave the CS office addresses and everything they needed to serve him or pick him up once i finally got a judgment. all to no avail. i made a decision to let all the hassle of CS go. I never attended another hearing, NEVER got a payment but do have a judgment should the dead beat win the lottery or die. My advice to all of you is to just raise your kids to the best of your ability. Kids need your love and time more than money or a dad. Once I forgave "dad" and moved on my household became peaceful and we have every need provided by the one true Father, God, who promises to meet our daily physical needs and does. Everyone who is struggling to "make" dad support your kid just give your life to Christ and everything will fall in place. Now that my kids are grown, they know who was there and the dads are the ones that suffer in the long run cuz my kids always answer my calls, take out my trash and serve the true Father. Its hard not to be bitter but I promise if you make the short run sacrifices the pay off is sweeeeet. Life isn't fair but God promises an eternal life that is more than fair, it's perfect.

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