Dear Sanford, We Hate You!

[Brad Pitt]

Dear Sanford,

I just wanted to inform you that we all hate you. Topix was a nice place to come and argue and catch up on the latest nonsense in this town that is until you came around. So I am going to let you know that you are now being targeted. I will hunt you down into the depths of hell if thats what it takes but I want you off topix. I will clue you in on several secrets of this area you moronic fool. The train was here before any of us. It will stay! Second you can bash what you want but I will not even stand for your bashing of the veterans. A service that you admitted to skipping out on because you were scared. Now for the last part. I want you to take 17 tylenol PM and go take a nap on the RR tracks tonight. I had them turn that whistle off just for you!! ha,hah,aa,haha,ha,ha,hha I HATE YOU, YOUR GAY, YOUR A POTHEAD, YOUR BRAIN IS FRIED, MORON, FIGHT ME

[Sanford]

Brad Pitt wrote:

Dear Sanford,
I just wanted to inform you that we all hate you. Topix was a nice place to come and argue and catch up on the latest nonsense in this town that is until you came around. So I am going to let you know that you are now being targeted. I will hunt you down into the depths of hell if thats what it takes but I want you off topix. I will clue you in on several secrets of this area you moronic fool. The train was here before any of us. It will stay! Second you can bash what you want but I will not even stand for your bashing of the veterans. A service that you admitted to skipping out on because you were scared. Now for the last part. I want you to take 17 tylenol PM and go take a nap on the RR tracks tonight. I had them turn that whistle off just for you!! ha,hah,aa,haha,ha,ha,hha I HATE YOU, YOUR GAY, YOUR A POTHEAD, YOUR BRAIN IS FRIED, MORON, FIGHT ME

I have seen you do this sort of post to other people. It was only a matter of time. You could write for a number of tabloid papers who print lies about people just to sell their papers at the checkout line of the grocery store. You are really good at yellow journalism.

I will not be here as much, but I will check in from time to time, as my involvement was winding down already, way before you issued your ultimatum and threat. My recent threads have indicated that. So you cannot claim credit for my less frequent visits.
I will not fight you. Sorry. All the best, really.

[Brad Pitt]

Sanford wrote:

<quoted text>
I have seen you do this sort of post to other people. It was only a matter of time. You could write for a number of tabloid papers who print lies about people just to sell their papers at the checkout line of the grocery store. You are really good at yellow journalism.
I will not be here as much, but I will check in from time to time, as my involvement was winding down already, way before you issued your ultimatum and threat. My recent threads have indicated that. So you cannot claim credit for my less frequent visits.
I will not fight you. Sorry. All the best, really.

You pidwallerish QUEER HOMO monkey suited Mayor of Riverbend Park!!! I always hate you. Do us all a favor and go ram Ho Dee Doo up the poop shoot. You know he's QUEER like you and then all the shoppes on Main Street can turn into Amsterdam. HA! WWTBD?? That means What would The Booberschnitzel do?? What the Booberschnitzel you want to desperately seeking Susan want to know these kind of things? And then to top it off they took twenty seven eight by ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography. They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the psychiatrist, room 604." And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."

Didn't feel too good about it.

HA! Take that Sanford you Vietnam Vet. You killed gooks and ate those little hot dogs in the can!!

[Brad Pitt]

Brad Pitt wrote:

<quoted text>
You pidwallerish QUEER HOMO monkey suited Mayor of Riverbend Park!!! I always hate you. Do us all a favor and go ram Ho Dee Doo up the poop shoot. You know he's QUEER like you and then all the shoppes on Main Street can turn into Amsterdam. HA! WWTBD?? That means What would The Booberschnitzel do?? What the Booberschnitzel you want to desperately seeking Susan want to know these kind of things? And then to top it off they took twenty seven eight by ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography. They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the psychiatrist, room 604." And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
HA! Take that Sanford you Vietnam Vet. You killed gooks and ate those little hot dogs in the can!!

Alright Dude if your gonna use my screen name there are some rules. First one you can tell people to kill themselves or do what ever you want BUT SECOND AND MOST IMPORTANT. Make the post at least make some sort of sense. I read that twice and still dont know what it means...

[Brad Pitt]

Sanford wrote:

<quoted text>
I have seen you do this sort of post to other people. It was only a matter of time. You could write for a number of tabloid papers who print lies about people just to sell their papers at the checkout line of the grocery store. You are really good at yellow journalism.
I will not be here as much, but I will check in from time to time, as my involvement was winding down already, way before you issued your ultimatum and threat. My recent threads have indicated that. So you cannot claim credit for my less frequent visits.
I will not fight you. Sorry. All the best, really.

Sanford all I can say is yeeeah RIIGHT I will take full credit for running you off you queer

[Brad Pitt]

Brad Pitt wrote:

<quoted text>
Sanford all I can say is yeeeah RIIGHT I will take full credit for running you off you queer

This post is called Brad Pitt's Days of Old, and it's about Brad, and the massage parlor where he worked, but Brad Pitt's Days of Old is not the name of the massage parlor, that's just the name of this post, and that's why I called the post Brad Pitt's Days of Old.

You can get anything you want at Brad Pitt's Days of Old, Walk right in it's around the back, Just a half a mile from the railroad tracks in Hardy

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Brad at the massage parlor, but Brad doesn't live in the restaurant, he lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the fellowship hall closet, with his dog Ray and Fasha the cat. And livin' in the closet like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the city dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.

We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down.

That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Moby. He said, "Brad, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Moby, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."

[Brad Pitt]

After speaking to Moby for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone wefinally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the police officer's station.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Moby coulda done at the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Moby, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, Brad. Get in the back of the patrol car."

And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of Hardy, Arkansas, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars, being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, except for the hotel murder back in 1934, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station. They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Moby said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Brad, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt." And I said, "Moby, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" And he said, "Brad, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Moby, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" Moby said he was making sure, and friends Moby was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Moby was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Brad's mother came by and with a few nasty words to Moby on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

[Brad Pitt]

We walked in, sat down, Moby came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and Moby stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Moby looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,'cause Moby came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the rain, but that's not what I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning.`Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."

Only Brad ain't an all-American kid from New York City, Brad's from Williford.

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."

Didn't feel too good about it.

[Brad Pitt]

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Brad Pitt's Days of Old Massacre with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome...- and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Brad, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.

"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-w ords-37-sentences-58-words-we- wanna-know-details-of-the-crim e-time-of-the-crime-and-any-ot her-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-sa y-pertaining-to-and-about-the- crime-I-want-to-know-arresting -officer's-name-and-any-other- kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say ", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:

("BRAD, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

[WTF]

Somebody dropped a bad tab down at Alice's Restaurant.

[Brad Pitt]

I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington."

And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of Brad's fingerprints. And the only reason I'm typing you this post now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can say anything you want in Brad Pitt's Days of Old.". And walk out. You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both queers and they won't take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Brad Pitt's Days od Old and walking out. They may think it's anorganization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Brad Pitt's Days of Old and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement. And that's what it is , the Brad Pitt's Days of Old Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the banjo down on Main Street or even Downhome.

With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the banjo, here and sing it when it does. Here it comes.

You can say anything you want in Brad Pitt's Days of Old. Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track in Hardy.

That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud. I've been typing this post now for twenty five minutes. I could type it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired. So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling.

We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing. All right now.

You can say anything you want in Brad Pitt's Days of Old
Excepting Sanford
Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track in Hardy
Remember, You can say anything you want in Brad Pitt's Days of Old

[Veteranandlocal]

Sanford wrote:

<quoted text>
I have seen you do this sort of post to other people. It was only a matter of time. You could write for a number of tabloid papers who print lies about people just to sell their papers at the checkout line of the grocery store. You are really good at yellow journalism.
I will not be here as much, but I will check in from time to time, as my involvement was winding down already, way before you issued your ultimatum and threat. My recent threads have indicated that. So you cannot claim credit for my less frequent visits.
I will not fight you. Sorry. All the best, really.

Well sir looks like you are standing pretty much alone to defend yourself. Well you do have Meg and of course Marc and his dog toto or whatever his name is. I am pretty sure Brad knows the River , as well as others that have risen against you it does seem. You are supposed to be an ordained minister, a minister of what? You own a business and from what I see the path you are taking is one of self distruction. The thing about most of the people around you is they do know how to stick together especially against people that the majority does not like. I have nothing against you. I do question your actions. I do not think you are a minister. I can hear the banjo music now......gotta go.........

[Brad Pitt]

OK you steal my screen name and then write a story? For the love of god nobody is gonna read that shit. Now blow your brains out.

[Major Harris]

I am gay

[Sanford]

Veteranandlocal wrote:

<quoted text>Well sir looks like you are standing pretty much alone to defend yourself. Well you do have Meg and of course Marc and his dog toto or whatever his name is. I am pretty sure Brad knows the River , as well as others that have risen against you it does seem. You are supposed to be an ordained minister, a minister of what? You own a business and from what I see the path you are taking is one of self distruction. The thing about most of the people around you is they do know how to stick together especially against people that the majority does not like. I have nothing against you. I do question your actions. I do not think you are a minister. I can hear the banjo music now......gotta go.........

You seem like a reasonable person from your post, except that you think I am 'standing alone' based on this unmoderated forum and a few anonymous folks. You do not have enough accurate information to make an informed judgment or observation. You have questioned my actions and doubt that I am a minister. If you just want to leave it at that, fine with me. Or if you want to know the truth about people that you think about, like me in this instance, then the best way to do that is to go to the source. Why don't we talk in person or on email if you want to have a dialog. Trying to have a serious conversation on this site is like herding cats.

[Flatlander]

Well, I like you Sanford but, you do not need to act so know it all and if you don't want to fit in then you bring all this on yourself. It is NOT bad to fit in. If you moved here and like it that is a blessing so why not call it a blessing and just fit in. Fitting in is like agreeing that someone else is correct and that you are not the know it all in this particular situation. I love to fit in. I am unique but I fit in anywhere I go. I don't always try to tell people they are stupid for wanting to fit in. It is calming and fun to fit in. I pick my battles and believe you me I can battle, but most of the time I just love to fit in.

Sanford wrote:

<quoted text>
You seem like a reasonable person from your post, except that you think I am 'standing alone' based on this unmoderated forum and a few anonymous folks. You do not have enough accurate information to make an informed judgment or observation. You have questioned my actions and doubt that I am a minister. If you just want to leave it at that, fine with me. Or if you want to know the truth about people that you think about, like me in this instance, then the best way to do that is to go to the source. Why don't we talk in person or on email if you want to have a dialog. Trying to have a serious conversation on this site is like herding cats.

[Brad Pitts Male Lover]

Come home Brad Pitt (Major Harris) I have a bone for you to pick !!:-)

[Major Harris]

You better stop it or I will fight you