Bullying can be a challenge for educators

Full story: Evening Sun

Parent Amy Adams of East Berlin speaks at Thursday night's Hanover town hall meeting on bullying in the schools.
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21 - 40 of 98 Comments Last updated May 24, 2012
August West

United States

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#22
May 27, 2011
 
I love this useless piece of advice that only an over-degreed educator with no common sense can provide:

"Still, Smith said, parents need to also be involved in everything from talks about school to computer monitoring at home, in order to help prevent bullying."

Guess what Ms. Smith, the children who are bullying have little to no parental involvement, never have and never will. THAT is what is at the heart of the matter! Telling parents who complain that their child is being bullied to be more involved is useless... they ARE already involved! That's why their children are on the wrong end of the bullying debacle! This Mrs. Adams needs to press charges against the b@stard(s) that pushed her son down the steps and/or the administration if negligence can be proven against it. As for Freedom Rider, you're a complete douche. Telling an adolescent, tween, or teen to suck it up is a great strategy. I am glad you are not a child counselor. Remember that their psyches, emotions, are still in development. They cannot rationalize bullying like an adult. So quit with your tough guy crap and dime store psychology lesson, because you are only proving your idiocy.
Reuben Gaines

Hanover, PA

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#23
May 27, 2011
 
Freedom Rider wrote:
<quoted text>No, it was both. I had so many bloody noses I can't count. I was called lots of names too and guess what? I am still here. I am not an ax murderer, and life moved on. Kids will be kids. The political correctness of this country will be it's downfall. Kids need to toughen up, suck it up and get live a little.
You're not an ax murderer, but you're obviously hurting. You want others to take it like you did because you can't stand it if you were the only one.

Listen, being physically abused to the point of killing yourself is not about having no "nads" or being a wimp. It's about being a victim of a crime. Just like you wouldn't blame a woman for being raped, it is immoral of you to say that kids are to blame or that there is something wrong with them for not taking it.

Violence is not a part of growing up... at least it shouldn't.
SW Grad

Ellicott City, MD

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#24
May 27, 2011
 
As the mom of a 3 year old...I can't imagine how I'd feel if she came home bullied from school. In a world full of ignorance and hatred for anything that differs from our norm, I truly believe that we should be teaching our children to learn about one another, to understand one another. When I reflect on my own days in grade school (which weren't so very long ago) I wish I had a better understanding of the world and my fellow students. Instead of being jealous of the popular kids or feeling sorry for special needs kids, I should have taken the opportunity to better understand them as people. Alas, you live and learn.

Perhaps a school program or series of classes or assemblies that speak to those things would benefit our kids in middle school and high school. I think children and teens are very sheltered from the world.(I know I was.) I remember my favorite class in high school was world cultures. But one semester of learning about the world is not enough to engrain the message to learn about and love one another.
Jack Noff

United States

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#25
May 27, 2011
 
When i was younger, many, many moons ago my dad told me to go toe-to-toe, and face-to-face with a bully. I ended up breaking the SOB's nose, and he never once looked crossed-eye at me ever again. Sure I had to do some community service, because in the court's eyes I was the bully. It was the best time of my young life. Standing up for yourself can give someone a great sense of self-worth.
Educator

Hanover, PA

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#26
May 27, 2011
 
Here's a plan...first period of the first day of school you get everyone's butt in the auditorium and tell them there is zero tolerance for bullying. First offense...3 day suspension. Second offense...5 day suspension and loss of extra curriculum activities for the school year. Third offense...expulsion.
just sayin---

Hanover, PA

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#27
May 27, 2011
 
This is why my child does not go to public school
Kevin

Gettysburg, PA

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#28
May 27, 2011
 
"In school it's bullying," he said, "but in society it's called harassment. And that's a crime."

It's also called assault in the real world. If you push someone down the stairs ad cause a concussion in the real world you end up in jail. The schools (and society) needs to stop glazing over this behavior.
Sad

Hanover, PA

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#29
May 27, 2011
 
Freedom Rider wrote:
<quoted text>I have been hit, pushed, yelled at. You name it, it's been done. I even had my leg broken playing soccer in a match in college. But no I did not sue the guy who pushed me. I guess I am on the wrong page with this. My kids are taught to be able to take whatever they dishout. Problem solved. And if it gets out of hand I get involved. That is what parenting is about. Not poo pooing and being afraid to step on toes.
It's a whole different ball game when you have a chid who has special needs and OR a child who falls into a deep dangerous depression because of being bullied.. You think I stepped in every time someone hurt her feelings? No.. You said it best when you said that IF it gets out of hand you step in, that's what most of us are saying, its out of hand!
One simply cannot overlook when their child is beyond depressed and walking a tight rope of darkness.If you have a daughter and boys are tormenting her awful bad and she comes to you for help, do you turn your cheek and say "toughen up"? What if later because she knows she will only be told to "toughen up", her husband beats on her and she dont tell you?
Most bullies grow up to keep it going in their adult life...
Grateful mom

Boiling Springs, PA

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#30
May 27, 2011
 
After this article and the posts on here, I have an overwhelming desire to kiss the administration & teachers at our school. My son is on the autism spectrum and was harassed terribly at our old school. My daughter was bullied for 2 grades until I told the principal that, the very next time it happened, she'd hit back and damn the consequences. We'll take that suspension, thank you, and have a family trip as a reward for standing up for herself. It stopped then and there.

New state, new district and we've had *one* minor bullying incident in four years. And the teacher tore apart that school trying to find out who punched my son (autism - he couldn't tell her who). Whatever the school and parents are doing here sure is working. And cross my fingers, I hope it keeps working.
SURPRISED

Hanover, PA

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#31
May 27, 2011
 
PEOPLE SAY TURN OFF THE INTERNET, GROW NADS, WHATEVER. WHAT AN IMMATURE WAY TO HANDLE THINGS. WHY SHOULD A CHILD HAVE TO TURN OFF THEIR COMPUTER WHEN THEY ARE IN THEIR OWN HOME. MY SON WAS BULLIED ALL THROUGH SCHOOL AND IT IS NOT FUN. SW SAYS THEY HANDLED IT BUT THEY DID NOTHING TO PROTECT MY SON. HE WOULD EAT LUNCH BY HIMSELF JUST BECAUSE HE WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM THE MAIN GROUP OF KIDS. HE IS VERY SMART. IT HURTS AS A PARENT TO KNOW THAT YOUR CHILD SITS ALONE AND HAS NO TRUE FRIENDS IN SCHOOL. I DOUBT THAT ANY OF THESE SCHOOLS REALLY HANDLE THE PROBLEM. I AGREE IT IS TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND CALL THE POLICE. THESE SCHOOLS KNOW WHO DOES THE BULLYING BECAUSE THEY DON'T JUST DO IT ONCE OR TO ONE KID, THEY PICK ON ALL OF THE KIDS AND ARE REPORTED MORE THAN ONCE. IT ASHAME THAT THE PARENTS OF THESE KIDS THAT BULLYING ALSO DON'T CARE THAT THEIR KIDS DO IT. I AM GLAD MY SON IS OUT OF SCHOOL NOW AND NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT. I DO KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT THE AGE IT STILL HURTS AND THAT THIS IS WHY SOME KIDS TURN TO DRUGS AND VIOLENCE. WAKE UP SCHOOLS AND PARENTS AND START DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES.
Sad

Hanover, PA

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#32
May 27, 2011
 
Grateful mom wrote:
After this article and the posts on here, I have an overwhelming desire to kiss the administration & teachers at our school. My son is on the autism spectrum and was harassed terribly at our old school. My daughter was bullied for 2 grades until I told the principal that, the very next time it happened, she'd hit back and damn the consequences. We'll take that suspension, thank you, and have a family trip as a reward for standing up for herself. It stopped then and there.
New state, new district and we've had *one* minor bullying incident in four years. And the teacher tore apart that school trying to find out who punched my son (autism - he couldn't tell her who). Whatever the school and parents are doing here sure is working. And cross my fingers, I hope it keeps working.
My daughter also is on the Autism spectrum and like I posted a bit back--the school is very aware of her diganosis as are teachers and most kids who come in contact with her. When she kept reporting the bulling we heard the "we'll look into it".....
Kevin

Gettysburg, PA

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#33
May 27, 2011
 
Freedom Rider wrote:
<quoted text>No, it was both. I had so many bloody noses I can't count. I was called lots of names too and guess what? I am still here. I am not an ax murderer, and life moved on. Kids will be kids. The political correctness of this country will be it's downfall. Kids need to toughen up, suck it up and get live a little.

This was usually what I heard when a half dozen kids were harrassing me in school. It made me feel like getting beat up and picked on was my fault for a long time.

The fact is the schools know this is going on and the teachers see it is going on. The first time I ever plowed someone I was so terrified of getting into trouble, and though I did get detention, I remember my science teacher laughing it up with the vice-principle becasue the kid deservce it.

A kid shouldn't have to prepare for war on the way to school in the morning. "Toughen up" Right!
Sad

Hanover, PA

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#34
May 27, 2011
 
SURPRISED wrote:
PEOPLE SAY TURN OFF THE INTERNET, GROW NADS, WHATEVER. WHAT AN IMMATURE WAY TO HANDLE THINGS. WHY SHOULD A CHILD HAVE TO TURN OFF THEIR COMPUTER WHEN THEY ARE IN THEIR OWN HOME. MY SON WAS BULLIED ALL THROUGH SCHOOL AND IT IS NOT FUN. SW SAYS THEY HANDLED IT BUT THEY DID NOTHING TO PROTECT MY SON. HE WOULD EAT LUNCH BY HIMSELF JUST BECAUSE HE WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM THE MAIN GROUP OF KIDS. HE IS VERY SMART. IT HURTS AS A PARENT TO KNOW THAT YOUR CHILD SITS ALONE AND HAS NO TRUE FRIENDS IN SCHOOL. I DOUBT THAT ANY OF THESE SCHOOLS REALLY HANDLE THE PROBLEM. I AGREE IT IS TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND CALL THE POLICE. THESE SCHOOLS KNOW WHO DOES THE BULLYING BECAUSE THEY DON'T JUST DO IT ONCE OR TO ONE KID, THEY PICK ON ALL OF THE KIDS AND ARE REPORTED MORE THAN ONCE. IT ASHAME THAT THE PARENTS OF THESE KIDS THAT BULLYING ALSO DON'T CARE THAT THEIR KIDS DO IT. I AM GLAD MY SON IS OUT OF SCHOOL NOW AND NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT. I DO KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT THE AGE IT STILL HURTS AND THAT THIS IS WHY SOME KIDS TURN TO DRUGS AND VIOLENCE. WAKE UP SCHOOLS AND PARENTS AND START DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES.
I agree. The sad part remains that alot of times kids who are bullied cut them self off of the outside world, meaning no friends,no social life, as in my daughter. Its a very dark path that I gotta tell you is the worse feeling as a Mom. I worry when she dont text me when 15 min goes by and I dont get an answer. She didnt go to school home comming, prom,football games due to being afraid of being caught by the bullies. When you go thru the mall and you see girls with their Mom carring dresses for school dances it cries on your heart because other people ruined that for my daughter and I! OH how I wanna put their name in my post BUT due to ages I know there will be legal issues.
Former Hanover Educator

High Point, NC

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#35
May 27, 2011
 
This subject is the reason why the parents are choosing to home-school their children.
I agree with the commenters that say the "bullies" come from neglectful parents. Parents need to be held responsible for disciplining their children when their children do wrong to others. If the parents do not want to do their parental duty, they need to allow the law to take care of the discipline. It is not fair for children to fear going to school. It is not fair for a child to fear being bullied at school. I was bullied when I went to school and it did affect my self-esteem. All of my siblings were bullied too because we came from a different area and had an "accent" that was not "acceptable" by the people who reside in Hanover. My sister tried to commit suicide many times, but thankfully she was not successful.
I have also witnessed, as a parent and as an educator, bullying done in the schools. As a parent, I had to report the educators that were responsible for overlooking the bullying done to my child. The bullying got so bad I had to get an attorney involved. That was not comfortable position for me since I was an educator myself. I made the choice to leave Hanover so that my child could get a quality education in a school that did not allow the students and teachers to bully. I am no longer working in the schools because I could not accept the bullying happening in the schools. I do still carry "scars" from the bullying I received in school. BTW, I witnessed the bullying by students and staff in Hanover SD, Littlestown SD, South Western SD, and Gettysburg SD.
Good luck Brad and Amy Adams with getting the bullying remedied in Bermudian Springs SD (or whatever school district your child/ren attend).
Former Hanover Educator

High Point, NC

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#36
May 27, 2011
 
Sad wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. The sad part remains that alot of times kids who are bullied cut them self off of the outside world, meaning no friends,no social life, as in my daughter. Its a very dark path that I gotta tell you is the worse feeling as a Mom. I worry when she dont text me when 15 min goes by and I dont get an answer. She didnt go to school home comming, prom,football games due to being afraid of being caught by the bullies. When you go thru the mall and you see girls with their Mom carring dresses for school dances it cries on your heart because other people ruined that for my daughter and I! OH how I wanna put their name in my post BUT due to ages I know there will be legal issues.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. Are you and your daughter getting counseling to help with the bullying issues? Counseling has helped me realize that I am a worthy person and our children do not deserve to be treated the way bullies treat them. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is TOTALLY WRONG! Mean and spiteful words hurt the deepest!
Sad

Hanover, PA

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#37
May 27, 2011
 
Former Hanover Educator wrote:
<quoted text>
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. Are you and your daughter getting counseling to help with the bullying issues? Counseling has helped me realize that I am a worthy person and our children do not deserve to be treated the way bullies treat them. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is TOTALLY WRONG! Mean and spiteful words hurt the deepest!
Thank you. Yes I got her into counseling after I found her cutting from a "horrible" incident at school earlier in the day.After we came home from the hosp I notified the school (which was the next school day). Also parents--if your child is saying they dont feel good and can't go to school and its happening more and more (belly issues), please pay attention to that because it might be that they are being bullied and dont want to go to school for that reason.

Parents please dont just sit back and feel embarassed to get your kids into counseling if need be, I can tell you that if things get to bad you will need all the help you can get to help them through this. Do all you can to reverse the hurt before it gets to deep.
Been There

Chambersburg, PA

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#38
May 27, 2011
 
Wow, I can believe someone would actually tell their child to "toughen up". I was bullied severely in middle school, not physically, i think that would have been easier, at least the pain would have been there and gone. When your a young teen, you can't really grasp that there is a life after school as an adult, you can only see so far, and only see limited escapes. It is not only the torment, but the social withdraw that you get not only from the bully's but also from those around you socially that don't want to associate with you for fear that they will be bullied their selves, your life seems to cave in, and you cant see that there is a way out or things will not always be that way. You grow up to learn that most likely the bully had issues,usually neglectful or abusive parents, and they just took it out on you. You can forgive, and you'll forget it'll be pushed to the back of your mind, but you can always remember. I have 2 girls myself now. If it so happens that they find themselves bullied like i was. I would first tell them to stand up for themselves, if that doesn't work the school or function will have to deal with me ever day every hour till something is done. Physically is a whole different story, remove your child from immediate danger, call the police, deal with the school, and send your child back when it is safe. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN DOING NOTHING!
Kevin

Gettysburg, PA

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#39
May 27, 2011
 
Ditto to "Been There's" remarks.
Sad

Hanover, PA

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#40
May 27, 2011
 
I agree also
Kevin

Gettysburg, PA

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#41
May 27, 2011
 
They say this sort of thing toughens you up. Look at anyperson who has been severely abused regardless of the source; you feel powerless, guilty, ashamed, violated, abandoned.

What this sort of toughening up does is makes feel violent, resentful and distrustful of others around you; and perhapse for good reason.

They wonder why kids don't go to their parents and others for help; when you're that torn down and feel that way you can't. You just can't. Even today I have trouble talking about this.

To this day I describe my high school graduation as liberation from a concentration camp. There was nothing like the liberation of know that I would never have to go back.

As many of the parents have described here, if my little daughter show signs of bullying, I will be the biggest pain inthe neck for whatever school district she attends.

As a former social worker dealing with this very issue amoung the family I worked with and advocated for, I can say this issue has not changed in the twenty-plus years since I was in school.

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