#21 May 21, 2009
A husband and wife were arguing as they drove down a country lane. Finally they were so angry neither could say another word and they drove in silence for a while. After passing a farm with sheep, goats, cows, and pigs, the man finally sneered, "Those are some of your relatives, aren't they?"
The woman snapped, "Yeah, in-laws!"
#22 May 21, 2009
Gotta remember that one!
#23 May 30, 2009
A woman walk into the downtown welfare office; trailed by 15 kids.
"Wow!" the social worker exclaims. "Are they all yours?" "Yep, they are all mine" the
flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, "sit down Leroy." All the children rushed to find a seat.
Well, says the social worker,"then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." Well to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy and the girls are all named 'Leighroy'. In disbelief, the case worker says,"Are you serious ?"
'They're all named Leroy?' Their Momma replied, "well, yes- it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school,I yell 'Leroy' and when its time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy ! and they all come a-runnin. An'if I need to stop the kids who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy and all of them stop...,Tis the smartest idea I ever had, namin them all Leroy.. The social worker thinks this over a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively,'But what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole bunch ?
"Then I call them by their last names."
#24 Jun 10, 2009
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
#25 Jan 7, 2010
yeah how about the loan for the grant of 100,000 dollars..useing the basis of heating the rec center with coal vs gas.
we havent used coal in 5 years at least.fraud...felony?
#26 Jul 10, 2011
When has there ever been a smart woman.
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