The Jokes and Funny Stories Thread

The Jokes and Funny Stories Thread

Posted in the Greeneville Forum

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Russell The Love Muscle

Fort Campbell, TN

#1 Jun 8, 2010
I thought we should have a thread to share jokes and funny stories. Enjoy!
Russell The Love Muscle

Fort Campbell, TN

#2 Jun 8, 2010
Once upon a time there were two brothers.

One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other
brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped
the elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.....
As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The
evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a
devoted husband and father and supported many charities.
One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother
passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.
One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me,
But I have not seen him here in heaven."
God replied,”As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not
spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."
I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and
wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish", God said "I will give you the power to gaze
into hell.
So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long
he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in
the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde. The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he
has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell
cannot be that bad."
God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a
hole in it.
The blonde doesn’t."
Russell The Love Muscle

Fort Campbell, TN

#3 Jun 8, 2010
A man is laying on the couch when his wife walks in wearing a sexy nightie and holding a piece of rope. She tells him that she loves him and for the last 30 years he has never shown her anything but love and respect. As a reward she is gonna let him tie her up and DO ANYTHING HE WANTS!! He looks at her for a minute and says why the hell not! He takes the rope, ties her up, f###'s her sister and goes fishing.

Since: Dec 09

Franklin, TN

#4 Jun 8, 2010
A nun was in her convent on a cold Saturday afternoon. She decided she would take a hot bath to chase away the chill.

She went to the bathroom, filled the tub with hot water, took off her habit, and crawled in for a good, long soak.

After about 10 minutes a knock came at the door. The nun sat up immediately and said, "Yes, who is it?" A man's voice replied, "Yes ma'am, it's the blind man, may I come in?"

The nun thought for a moment and said, "Yes, go ahead and enter."

The door opens, a man walks in carrying some blinds and says, "Nice tits, sister, now where do you want these blinds hung?"
LMAO

United States

#5 Jun 8, 2010
how do gay gangstas do a drive by? they roll up in a pink ford focus , throw a hand full of skittles , n say "taste the rainbow bitches"
Jerk

Murfreesboro, TN

#8 Jun 9, 2010
I put a good joke on here at work and now that I'm home, it's gone. wtf? Anyway, here it is again:
Four nuns go to confession. First nun says "Father forgive me for my eyes have beheld a naked man." The father says, "Rinse your eyes in the holy water and you will be cleansed." Second nun says, "Father forgive me for my hands have touched a naked man." He says, "Rinse your hands in the holy water and you will be cleansed." Third nun starts to confess but the fourth nun interrupts and says, "Father, can I rinse my mouth out in that holy water before she sticks her ass in it?"
Ben

Concord, NC

#9 Jul 25, 2013
SICK
critic

Knoxville, TN

#10 Jul 25, 2013
how do you tell a straight rodeo from a gay one? at the straight rodeo they yell "ride them suckers"........
LOL

Johnson City, TN

#11 Jul 26, 2013
I was at a sandwhich shop the other day and ordered the biggest beef sandwhich they had, I also ordered some soup, a salad, some chips and a large soda as I had my food on my plate and went to sit outside to eat a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk gazed upon my plate with wide eye's and licking his lips he then said to me "man I have not ate in 2 days" I replied " Man I wish I had your will power!"

If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 is a twosome well we all know why your called handsome!

A baby boy was just born in Africa and he was just about perfect except he was born without an eyelid as the doctor examined him he told his parents well we can fix this when I circumcise him we will just use the leftover foreskin to make an eyelid with that the father says but wont that make him cock-eyed?

Why were Indians the first ones here? Cause they had reservations DUH!

what did the mexican say when the house fell on him? Get off me HOMES!

3 married men die and go to heaven as they get to st.peter at the pearly gates he tells them that they will be getting a form of transportation to drive on the paved streets of gold through heaven and which type of transportation will depend on how well of a husband they were to their wives. Well the 1st husband says that's easy I was married for 40 years and I treated my wife like a queen never hit her or cheated or anything, Peter looks in the book and says yup you were a perfect husband you will drive a fully loaded gold infinity, the 2nd husband tells peter after being married for 30+ yrs he was an almost perfect husband he did have 1 regrettable affair but made right with his wife, & he never hit or abused her with that peter looks in his book and says ah yes I see your telling the truth and overall you were a good husband so you get to drive a BMW last the 3rd man speaks up and says well I hit my wife and cheated at least a dozen or so times and called her names over the last 20 years with that peter looks in the book and says yeah you have not been a good husband but somehow you still managed to get here so you will get a mopad! the 3 men get on their way driving down the golden road and as they are driving side by side the 1st husband is gloating to the other two about his beautiful car and laughing hysterical & pointing & mocking the guy on the mopad & making fun at his crappy mode of transportation when the guy on the mopad says man I don't know why you are so happy I just seen your wife on roller skates!

why don't blind people skydive? It scares the hell out of their dogs!

Since: Jan 11

Greeneville TN

#12 Jul 26, 2013
A communist, a socialist, and a dictator walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be Mr. President?"

_Word Woman_

“See you in the funny papers...”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#13 Jul 26, 2013
I saw this letter on FB:

Dear Optimist & Pessimist:
While the two of you were busy arguing over whether the glass was half-full or half-empty, I got thirsty & drank the water.

Thank you,
The Opportunist

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#14 Jul 26, 2013
Without me, it's just aweso...

_Word Woman_

“See you in the funny papers...”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#15 Jul 26, 2013
Se7en187 wrote:
Without me, it's just aweso...
huh??? are you ok???

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#16 Jul 26, 2013
_Word Woman_ wrote:
<quoted text>huh??? are you ok???
lol silly lady
aweso"me"
Get it?

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#17 Jul 26, 2013
Se7en187 wrote:
<quoted text>lol silly lady
aweso"me"
Get it?
I thought it was kinda funny, prolly corny.

_Word Woman_

“See you in the funny papers...”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#18 Jul 26, 2013
Se7en187 wrote:
<quoted text>
I thought it was kinda funny, prolly corny.
LOL...I'm just a d!psh!t & didn't catch the joke ;)

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#19 Jul 26, 2013
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson’s No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#20 Jul 26, 2013
If your name was homework, I would be doing you on my desk right now.

Since: Jan 11

Greeneville TN

#21 Jul 26, 2013
Descartes was drinking in a bar. The bartender asked, "another drink?" He said, "I think not," and POOF! He disappearred in a puff of logic.
Wet Willie

Greeneville, TN

#22 Jul 26, 2013
MystDefy wrote:
Descartes was drinking in a bar. The bartender asked, "another drink?" He said, "I think not," and POOF! He disappearred in a puff of logic.
"I think" that one went well over many heads, "therefore I am" concerned that you have failed to get your point across in this instance. Sorry. I get it, but I get you.

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