created by: Shemp Sharpe | Mar 1, 2013

Greeneville, TN

12 votes

Ur blowup doll casuing problems?

Click on an option to vote

  • she want to get married
  • wants to charge me with rapp
  • she keep losing wate
  • she got a mouth on her
  • all of the above AND MORE!
Comments
1 - 20 of 21 Comments Last updated Mar 5, 2013
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BillyBob

Mosheim, TN

#2 Mar 1, 2013
She wants a divorce, the house & alimony. she says it's because of irreconcilable differences!

“I've Always Been This Stupid”

Since: May 12

Greeneville TN

#3 Mar 1, 2013
Mine is just a complete airhead. Everything I say she just looks at me with the surprised look on her face. She getting older so her airbags are sagging. It's just not working out anymore.
Hubby

Mosheim, TN

#4 Mar 1, 2013
Mine ran off with the neighbor!
Dear Flabby

United States

#6 Mar 1, 2013
Pretend 2 B Normal wrote:
She getting older so her airbags are sagging. It's just not working out anymore.
Dear P2BN,
I just had a thought. Has your little friend ever considered plastic surgery? This could be the answer to her (and your) prayers. Imagine, with just a bic lighter and some stray plastic shreds, she could be the "thing" of your wet dreams. Different every night. Again.
Oh, the magic. Oh, the mystery! Oh, the Wonder!

signed,
Dear Flabby
Dear Flabby

United States

#7 Mar 1, 2013
P.S. You can thank me later for the advice, but please do by all means, clean up your mess. Also, and this is most important, a gentleman Always uses a tissue.
Did your mother teach you nothing?

resigned,

Dear Flabby

“I've Always Been This Stupid”

Since: May 12

Greeneville TN

#8 Mar 1, 2013
Dear Flabby wrote:
P.S. You can thank me later for the advice, but please do by all means, clean up your mess. Also, and this is most important, a gentleman Always uses a tissue.
Did your mother teach you nothing?
resigned,
Dear Flabby
That's good advice. I may have seek a real surgeons help though. I tried to give her implants but it didn't work. I fill a couple of sandwich size ziplock bags with tapioca pudding and carefully reached up through one of her lifelike holes and placed them inside each breast. Unfortunately the first time I laid her down they fell down into her feet. So now she has very perky ankles and her little toe is always hard. Not really what I was looking for.
Dear Flabby

United States

#10 Mar 1, 2013
Pretend 2 B Normal wrote:
<quoted text>
That's good advice. her little toe is always hard. Not really what I was looking for.
Dear P2BN,
Then you don't know toes the way I know toes...
I'm juss sayin.
Didn't your daddy teach you Anything?
Exasperated,
Dear Flabby

Since: Dec 12

Charlotte, NC

#11 Mar 2, 2013
A Pretend2BNormal Christmas Story.....
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying,"Hang on Granny! Hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

Since: Dec 12

Charlotte, NC

#12 Mar 2, 2013
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination and found the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot amber to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
Se7en

Charlotte, NC

#14 Mar 2, 2013
Nita Mann wrote:
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination and found the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot amber to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
That was like a Nicholas Sparks movie! Bravo!
Se7en

Charlotte, NC

#15 Mar 2, 2013
But, yes, my blowup doll is quite unaffectionate...
Se7en

Charlotte, NC

#17 Mar 2, 2013
ItsOkYoureDumbass wrote:
<quoted text> But you have to admit that the silence is priceless lol
Lol silly! Silence is no where near priceless. All of those, "oh, Gods!!!!!!," now that's... Priceless...
Word Woman

Asheville, NC

#19 Mar 2, 2013
ItsOkYoureDumbass wrote:
<quoted text> Yes, I should've clarified my statement. Should've read, silence, priceless when it prevents biotching and complaining ;0). I've been described as "sleazy" prior to this, so ill decline my thoughts on the oh gods, that feels good, harders or spank my asses or anything remotely sleazy lmao
Alright now...admit it...you prefer a very unique type of dirty talk, such as:
"Awwwesy,my sweetheart,for rl,coz lmao bby coz if soo,sn as i get outa the tub,i will bcoz that will take lots n lots of focus n time n i rlly,rlly,rlly,rlly,rlly do want to,my love..im goin to now,no matter wat u reply lolz"
...which was posted to you with much love by tinkywinky on the Morristown Topix Forum...and this was only one of MANY...lmfao!!!
Modirater

Norwood, NC

#20 Mar 2, 2013
Him and his imaginary friends , all 10 or 20 of them and they all take turns with his mommy
Se7en

Charlotte, NC

#23 Mar 2, 2013
Modirater wrote:
Him and his imaginary friends , all 10 or 20 of them and they all take turns with his mommy
Yes, life is tough... But it's much harder when you're stupid. You have my sympathy...
David

Elizabethton, TN

#24 Mar 3, 2013
She has been seeing other people.
Not Catholic

Candler, NC

#26 Mar 4, 2013
All the above
Ape Allen

Johnson City, TN

#27 Mar 4, 2013
Foolishness
Se7en

Lancaster, SC

#28 Mar 4, 2013
Ape Allen wrote:
Foolishness
poppycock!
Hartford ky lady

Hawesville, KY

#29 Mar 5, 2013
Nita Mann wrote:
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination and found the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot amber to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
thats an absolute classic and so well written. You should send ur storys to a magazine, if u are not already an author. That was really good.

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