Please! Need advise

Since: Dec 12

Campobello, SC

#26 Jul 4, 2013
Dear co-brilliant one, it was a rhetorical question! Lol lol lol lol

All I need to do is go hang out with a married couple for ten minutes to go "oh yeah!!!, NOW I REMEMBER WHY I AM SINGLE!" Lol

Having said all of this, I am disappointed that there are so few quality single men to date. The norm is baggage galore & nothing to offer....

_Word Woman_

“See you in the funny papers...”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#27 Jul 4, 2013
Nita Mann wrote:
Dear co-brilliant one, it was a rhetorical question! Lol lol lol lol
All I need to do is go hang out with a married couple for ten minutes to go "oh yeah!!!, NOW I REMEMBER WHY I AM SINGLE!" Lol
Having said all of this, I am disappointed that there are so few quality single men to date. The norm is baggage galore & nothing to offer....
Yep...I just went through the "far too much baggage" thing...I don't have the time or patience for it & have no desire to suffer the consequences for someone else's mistakes!!!

Since: Dec 11

Location hidden

#28 Jul 4, 2013
I guess life does you so many ways that no matter how good the "other" person is that you find,their quirks stick out like a third leg. Ill NEVER remarry. The one I had was pretty good for a while,but like her other family members,let modern chemistry touch her soul.

Since: Dec 12

Campobello, SC

#29 Jul 4, 2013
_Word Woman_ wrote:
<quoted text>
Yep...I just went through the "far too much baggage" thing...I don't have the time or patience for it & have no desire to suffer the consequences for someone else's mistakes!!!
Omg!! That is exactly what many of my single friends say about no time & no patience. Having no desire to suffer the consequences for someone else's mistakes is also well put but I've never verbalized it as eloquently :) I especially don't need it all when they have nothing to offer on top of their bad situation. Probably not even good in....well you understand ! ;) lol

It's amazing how quickly I get behind on doing everyday tasks simply by trying to nurture a potential relationship when i start stumbling onto lies, red flags, skeletons & baggage. I don't claim to be perfect but my baggage fits nicely into a small purse. No kids, no drugs, one former spouse & on good terms with every man I have ever dated. Few can say that!!!

Since: Jan 11

Greeneville TN

#30 Jul 4, 2013
Nita Mann wrote:
Dear co-brilliant one, it was a rhetorical question! Lol lol lol lol
All I need to do is go hang out with a married couple for ten minutes to go "oh yeah!!!, NOW I REMEMBER WHY I AM SINGLE!" Lol
Having said all of this, I am disappointed that there are so few quality single men to date. The norm is baggage galore & nothing to offer....
I feel your pain, Nita. I just won't SETTLE. I insist at the very least that they have decent teeth & a little testosterone left. Plus, some intelligence is helpful & a sense of humor is a must. I'm not actively looking, but I keep my eyes open. I believe that if it's meant to be, it will be & it won't be such a chore. The lucky man is out there somewhere. The words to an old country song often goes through my mind, "Somebody somewhere don't know what they're missin' tonight".

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#31 Jul 4, 2013
Confused wrote:
This past weekend I caught my boyfriend of 6 years with a mutual acquaintance. Should I forgive him or ever trust in him again? I truly believe he is sorry what he did. He did admit that they had a only time only intimate affair. What should I do. please
Have you rejected him in the past?
Wet Willie

Greeneville, TN

#32 Jul 4, 2013
MystDefy wrote:
<quoted text> I feel your pain, Nita. I just won't SETTLE. I insist at the very least that they have decent teeth & a little testosterone left. Plus, some intelligence is helpful & a sense of humor is a must. I'm not actively looking, but I keep my eyes open. I believe that if it's meant to be, it will be & it won't be such a chore. The lucky man is out there somewhere. The words to an old country song often goes through my mind, "Somebody somewhere don't know what they're missin' tonight".
I'm not missing any teeth except my wisdom teeth, and the rest are straight and fairly white, and I have a little testosterone left. I have some intelligence and a sense of humor, but my wife doesn't when it comes to foolin' around. You're first on my list, if she runs me off. Will you take hand me downs?
on the journey

Greeneville, TN

#33 Jul 4, 2013
How sad that 6 years of life together is altered with one indiscretion - but it is. Trust is a fragile and potent part of any relationship AND without it, there isn't much left. My advice: take some time and space to assess the relationship, your feelings, and how you want to resolve or dissolve things. He may truly be sorry or just manipulating you... that's why you need to have time away from him to process what happened BEFORE you can work things out with him (if that's what you decide to do). Do not diminish your feelings or the damage done to you by this event in your relationship.

A red flag - if he begins to suggest or insinuate that the affair was, in some way, your fault. If that happens, then the relationship is not salvageable.

Either way, staying together or breaking up, you will need to heal from the damage done by his betrayal. When someone betrays our trust, it changes the way we view/feel about them, the relationship, and even ourselves. Healing is done by acknowledging the indiscretion & all it's ramifications, talking about it with a neutral third party (preferably a competent counselor), working through issues, and reestablishing a healthy relationship. Deciding to end the relationship may also be a healthy decision.

If he is sincere in staying with you, he will understand that his poor choice will have consequences and that he will have to earn your trust again. Only time will tell... Don't be afraid to let him know how you have been affected and that there may now be "boundaries" that weren't there before.

After 6 years, the thought of losing this relationship might be very frightening - after all, it is a comfort zone. I encourage you to resist the temptation to sweep this under the rug and continue as though nothing happened. Empower yourself with the ability to openly and honestly take a look at where things are. The decision is yours and, hopefully, will give you a good resolution!
With the Crowd

Morristown, TN

#34 Jul 4, 2013
OUTLAW RACER wrote:
<quoted text>Do you REALLY think that putting this out on a public forum to a group of unqualified strangers and asking for advice is going to help? Also, assuming the truth of your statements, why did you wait until Wed. evening to post it?
Who better to ask for advice than people that have been through the same things? I am leaving a 25 yr marriage because of his cheating and lies. One time I could probably get past but not the 4-5 other "flings" that I found out about! Trust is a biggie in a relationship, if you lose that there's not much left. Good luck in your decision!

Since: Jan 11

Greeneville TN

#35 Jul 5, 2013
Wet Willie wrote:
<quoted text>I'm not missing any teeth except my wisdom teeth, and the rest are straight and fairly white, and I have a little testosterone left. I have some intelligence and a sense of humor, but my wife doesn't when it comes to foolin' around. You're first on my list, if she runs me off. Will you take hand me downs?
I'll not only take sloppy seconds for YOU, I'd take you in the fourth round draft!

Since: Jan 11

Greeneville TN

#36 Jul 5, 2013
on the journey wrote:
How sad that 6 years of life together is altered with one indiscretion - but it is. Trust is a fragile and potent part of any relationship AND without it, there isn't much left. My advice: take some time and space to assess the relationship, your feelings, and how you want to resolve or dissolve things. He may truly be sorry or just manipulating you... that's why you need to have time away from him to process what happened BEFORE you can work things out with him (if that's what you decide to do). Do not diminish your feelings or the damage done to you by this event in your relationship.
A red flag - if he begins to suggest or insinuate that the affair was, in some way, your fault. If that happens, then the relationship is not salvageable.
Either way, staying together or breaking up, you will need to heal from the damage done by his betrayal. When someone betrays our trust, it changes the way we view/feel about them, the relationship, and even ourselves. Healing is done by acknowledging the indiscretion & all it's ramifications, talking about it with a neutral third party (preferably a competent counselor), working through issues, and reestablishing a healthy relationship. Deciding to end the relationship may also be a healthy decision.
If he is sincere in staying with you, he will understand that his poor choice will have consequences and that he will have to earn your trust again. Only time will tell... Don't be afraid to let him know how you have been affected and that there may now be "boundaries" that weren't there before.
After 6 years, the thought of losing this relationship might be very frightening - after all, it is a comfort zone. I encourage you to resist the temptation to sweep this under the rug and continue as though nothing happened. Empower yourself with the ability to openly and honestly take a look at where things are. The decision is yours and, hopefully, will give you a good resolution!
As official Topix post judge, I declare this post number ONE! To the OP, look no further. Read this post over and over. Good luck!

_Word Woman_

“See you in the funny papers...”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#38 Jul 5, 2013
MystDefy wrote:
<quoted text>As official Topix post judge, I declare this post number ONE! To the OP, look no further. Read this post over and over. Good luck!
agreed...many pearls of wisdom in that VERY well-written response!!!

Since: Dec 12

United States

#39 Jul 5, 2013
_Word Woman_ wrote:
<quoted text>
agreed...many pearls of wisdom in that VERY well-written response!!!
I also agree! In fact, I had to go back and make sure that I hadn't written it & forgot doing so. Lol When I saw the length, I figured it was YOU writing! FDLMAO!

We can all be sideline quarterbacks but I know how hard it is cutting a fool loose & moving on no matter how bad it is.:( Moving on is almost always the solution but it sure is hard to do!!!
confused about Confused

Johnson City, TN

#40 Jul 5, 2013
Confused wrote:
This past weekend I caught my boyfriend of 6 years with a mutual acquaintance. Should I forgive him or ever trust in him again? I truly believe he is sorry what he did. He did admit that they had a only time only intimate affair. What should I do. please
No response to writers so far. Misspelled 'advice,' but uses 'mutual acquaintance' correctly. Nowhere is this definitely the work of a woman:'boyfriend,''mutual acquaintance,''him,''he,''they ?' Maybe gay relationship gone sour?

Since: Jan 11

Greeneville TN

#41 Jul 5, 2013
confused about Confused wrote:
<quoted text>No response to writers so far. Misspelled 'advice,' but uses 'mutual acquaintance' correctly. Nowhere is this definitely the work of a woman:'boyfriend,''mutual acquaintance,''him,''he,''they ?' Maybe gay relationship gone sour?
Confused about confused about confused.

“The Early Years 1973”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#42 Jul 5, 2013
I Am The Magician wrote:
I actually believe that the "blue ladies" can offer advise on many subjects. They have learned from their various life experiences and are kind enough to share their wisdom with others. And if Nita wants a higher standard for a life mate, who are we to judge. Just be thankful that you are lucky enough to know her.
Are you actually capable of thinking for yourself? You're awfully mushy.
Rev Ape Allen

Bluff City, TN

#46 Jul 5, 2013
Confused wrote:
This past weekend I caught my boyfriend of 6 years with a mutual acquaintance. Should I forgive him or ever trust in him again? I truly believe he is sorry what he did. He did admit that they had a only time only intimate affair. What should I do. please
Fornication is a sin young lady, just like adultery.
Heeler

Greeneville, TN

#47 Jul 5, 2013
Booger_ Burns wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you actually capable of thinking for yourself? You're awfully mushy.
Approval seeker, ass kisser suck up, wanting to belong? Take your pick.

_Word Woman_

“See you in the funny papers...”

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#48 Jul 5, 2013
Heeler wrote:
<quoted text>Approval seeker, ass kisser suck up, wanting to belong? Take your pick.
...or just a genuinely nice person...that's also a possibility, and what I believe.

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#49 Jul 5, 2013
Rev Ape Allen wrote:
<quoted text>Fornication is a sin young lady, just like adultery.
Dork

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