hahaA blonde and brunette were walking down the street together when the brunette said to the blonde, "Hey, look at that dead bird". The blonde looked up at the sky and said, "Where?
Since: Mar 13
#44 Apr 26, 2013
#45 Apr 26, 2013
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool.
#46 Apr 26, 2013
Son visiting his father in a rest home asks if everything is ok in the new home and if they are providing him with food and entertainment, and if he is getting his medications ok.
He replies its ok, I get three meals a day, everyone fine, television or radio and we even get to play games before bedtime.
Sons says what about your medication?
Father replies, Yes, I get my heart pills, water pills and a viagra every night.
Puzzled his son goes off to question the care assistant about the meds, saying, I understand you giving him his heart pills and water pills, but can't understand why you give an 87 year old man a viagra pill every night?
She replied, we give these to the older men to stop them rolling over and falling out of bed.
#47 Apr 26, 2013
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma.
#48 May 5, 2013
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around
the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.
Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's
testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman
thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly,
it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were .... or what we did ... but, by God .. We took first and second place.
#49 May 5, 2013
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
''They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
That's a Daddy Long legs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Long legs? " the little girl asked.
No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said "Well, it might be OK in California or Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that shit in Georgia."
#50 May 6, 2013
A Muslim, a black guy and a socialist walk in a bar ....
Bar tender looks up and says what's up mr president
#51 May 6, 2013
I would love to take 3 dicks
Since: Mar 13
#52 May 6, 2013
How do you get a ho pregnant?
Go off on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
#55 May 7, 2013
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
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