a desperate mother

[please help]

Ive been on the internet since 2am trying to educate myself better on whats appropriate and whats not. My 7yr old son never went through the stage where he was curious about his private parts or anybody elses. the other day he was singing a made up song about "not licking private parts" and couldnt tell me where he learned something like that. and this morning my 5yr old daughter told me that he touched her private on top of her underwear while she was trying to sleep.......I dont know what to think???? I know she's not lying but i dont know why or where these behaviors are coming from, suddenly? I dont know what to do?? If sexual abuse is possible, the only way is with a neighborhood friend or school, he doesnt go anywhere else!

[Dana]

please help wrote:

Ive been on the internet since 2am trying to educate myself better on whats appropriate and whats not. My 7yr old son never went through the stage where he was curious about his private parts or anybody elses. the other day he was singing a made up song about "not licking private parts" and couldnt tell me where he learned something like that. and this morning my 5yr old daughter told me that he touched her private on top of her underwear while she was trying to sleep.......I dont know what to think???? I know she's not lying but i dont know why or where these behaviors are coming from, suddenly? I dont know what to do?? If sexual abuse is possible, the only way is with a neighborhood friend or school, he doesnt go anywhere else!

Take him to his pediatrician or counselor at school and let them talk to him. They know how. AND good luck.

[also]

A friend of mine had a daughter that got curious around the age of six about boys/mens private parts. They asked another friend if their daughter could watch while she changed her baby's diaper, explain things to her, problem solved. However, such may not be your case. Don't forget the doctor and the school.

[Parent]

Do you think it could have been something he has been watching on TV?
Is your child AHDD? The only reason I ask is my nephew is and was having some of the same issues and when talking to the Dr, he said for some odd reason AHDD kids seem to have these issues. Just trying to help.

[Josh Owens]

Nah, I have ADHD and it would not cause a child to do something like that. Probably just curious. I would blame filth-ridden television.

[comp]

I think you should take the child to Comprehensive Care here in Frankfort. They have counselors there. I would, just to be safe. My step-daughter, who lives with her mother and mothers boyfriend, is now 7. When she was 5 she was already masturbating. It really, really bothered me and her dad. We took her to Comp Care and the counselors spoke with her because we were affraid that her mothers boyfriend may have touched her. She went to the counselor there for 4 weeks and they determined that she just discovered this on her own. (Thank goodness) She doesn't do it as much now, but I still think it's strange.

[thinking]

My son is 7, and he had done a wierd thing or two and had said some stuff too. He is a really good kid, and we talk. I talked to him about all this stuff extensively. I told him about the birds and the bees, and told him to trust me and to talk to me about anything, and told him I would not get angry. I think you gotta get to the bottom of it first with your kid. It is already awkward to talk about for us, imagine taking your child to talk about sex with some stranger. I'm not saying not to take your kid to see a proffessional. If you think it is more serious than curiosity, by all means do so. I feel like you gotta keep it real, and by rushing to the counselor, it makes everything magnifed, and somewhat blown out of proportion. You as a parent have to make that call. I say start talkin about it, level with your kids. I will tell you though, it does give you a scarry feeling when your child is already so curious about sex. I agree, sex is in every tv show, cartoons too.
I hope that your situation is merely a curious kid.

[please help]

He is adhd and bipolar. He was diagnosed about 3yrs ago, this behavior has just surfaced the last few days, which was why i was so concerned. He does go to compcare he sees a therapist and the doctor there every month?????

[Geez]

I agree you should use discretion when taking your child to a counselor, especially for masturbating. Kids do discover this on their own, basically as soon as they notice sensation. You can't convince a child that it is dirty and wrong. You can, but they will eventually rebel. The most wild (sexually) girls I know went to Catholic school and were taught this and that were dirty. Now they are nymphomaniacs. Be careful.

[scarlet]

my kid is sort of along the same lines. she had a touching her self issue and i avoided it for a while but she kept up, i knew i had to do something. so we have had quite a few big girl talks. i want her to to not every feel like she cant ask me something b/c its 'nasty'. you handicap your children in ways you cant understand when you make it dirty. i was a student of the old school but i think i got it right on this one.

[please help]

I agree, however he has never went through the touching himself/exploring phase...not even as a toddler....but we've had two incidents over the last couple of days where he touched his sister and spoke about "licking private parts" in a made up song...my worry is that the little boy he's been playing with in the neighborhood lately is maybe experimenting on him or with him? He doesn't exercise good judgment due to lots of issues we're having with both of his disorders so i fear he could easily be a victim of some form of sexual abuse, even though i have stressed over some years that NOBODY is to touch your private are ever....these behaviors are new and very sudden!

[scarlet]

talk to him like in the car or while you two are doing something an just flat out ask him. dont make it sound like a big deal be real matter of fact. ask about the song "can you sing it for me" "well, where'd you learn that little diddy". maybe he'll open up more. did you discuss this with the 5 yr old? talk to her too maybe she can tell you some thing else. i dont know what your digging for but i hope you find it.

[my experience]

Don't rule out another child teaching or touching your child. When I was a little girl (maybe 6 or 7) a little girl down the street that I only played with a couple times, got on top of me and started touching me and doing the "sex motions" on me. At the time I had no idea what she was doing because I have never been touched by anyone but her. Now that I'm in my 30's I can't believe I was actually molested by another girl (around 9 yrs. old). I still have never told my parents or anyone about this until this very day. Protect your child and teach them to even watch out for their friends! That is NOT normal behavior and if it weren't for her doing that to me I would have never known what that was.

[thinking]

Yep, if I thought the children he was spending time with was the influence then he would definately not be spending any more time with that kid.

[ParentOf2]

If he is able to repeat the song, it is learned and more than likely came from school. If he can, try to post some of the cleaner lyrics. It could be a theme song and he is misunderstanding the words.

[please help]

i dont allow them to watch tv as they please, or even music, he is so innocent to that type of stuff. I suspect the friend because here lately he's been playing at his house allot, and then all of a sudden this behavior surfaces, i dont want to jump to conclusions and assume because really he doesnt have any friends and if i tell him he cant play with the only friend in our neighborhood then that could really hurt him, but at the same time i wanna protect my child!!!!

[FourOne]

don't worry about taking away his friend if you think the friend is a bad influence. I suggest taking him to the library for a reading group or getting him involved in activities where he can meet other children.

[scarlet]

yeh lib. group or something. they have all kinds of free activities around town if you watch the paper or thorn hill .tell him and your daughter that they arent allowed to go over there anymore b/c that kind of playing is not acceptable for boys n girls their age.the next tie some one tries to do it, no matter who it is they need to scream NO!

[Ahhh]

scarlet wrote:

yeh lib. group or something. they have all kinds of free activities around town if you watch the paper or thorn hill .tell him and your daughter that they arent allowed to go over there anymore b/c that kind of playing is not acceptable for boys n girls their age.the next tie some one tries to do it, no matter who it is they need to scream NO!

They need to do more than scream NO. If it is the friend, someone needs to find out where he is learning this behavior. He may be a victim of child abuse. If you strongly suspect it, then they need to be investigated. But again, use discretion before turning someone's life upside down. Be at least 75% certain.

[i kno]

comp wrote:

I think you should take the child to Comprehensive Care here in Frankfort. They have counselors there. I would, just to be safe. My step-daughter, who lives with her mother and mothers boyfriend, is now 7. When she was 5 she was already masturbating. It really, really bothered me and her dad. We took her to Comp Care and the counselors spoke with her because we were affraid that her mothers boyfriend may have touched her. She went to the counselor there for 4 weeks and they determined that she just discovered this on her own.(Thank goodness) She doesn't do it as much now, but I still think it's strange.

i completely agree. comp care is wonderful and if you get pat as your counselor your really lucky shes wonderful..