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mahz

United States

#3 Sep 20, 2011
Hahahahahah
Dear Abby

Chesterfield, MO

#4 Sep 21, 2011
I like this, as I am sure he did as well. HAHA!!!Thanks Dick, Bahhahaha!
Dear Abby

Chesterfield, MO

#6 Sep 22, 2011
OH MY! guess that's better than a booty call? good one. 8 D
Dear Abby

Chesterfield, MO

#8 Sep 22, 2011
Cute. Who's there now? any predictions? p.s. I thought you were going to say that he just be stayin' here.
old1gone

Saint Louis, MO

#11 Sep 27, 2011
dick gazinia wrote:
HEALTH ALERT
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS!!!
YOU DON'T NEED TO THANK ME FOR THIS INFORMATION, JUST TRYING TO HELP??
Love it!
Jokingly

United States

#12 Sep 27, 2011
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger...." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?". "oh, I don't know", said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven, or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK", she said.

"Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?". The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea.".

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know poop?" and then she went back to reading her book.

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#16 Oct 16, 2011
LOL I don't know where you find them but please keep on posting them here. I love a good laugh and this has some good ones.
thanks

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#17 Oct 19, 2011
In the dim and distant past
when life's tempo wasn't so fast
Grandma used to rock and knit
crochet,tat,and baby-sit
when the kids were in a jam
they could always call om Gram
BUT today she's in the gym
exercising to keep slim
she's checking the web or surfing the net
sending e-mails or placing a bet
nothing seems to stop or block her
Now that Grandma's off her rocker!

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#19 Nov 15, 2011
A florist goes to a barber for a hair cut. The barber wouldn't take pay saying "I'm doing community service this week." The next day the barber finds a doz. roses and a thank you card in front of his door.
A cop goes to the barber for a hair cut and the barber wouldn't take pay, saying "I'm doing community service this week." The next day the barber finds a doz.donuts and a thank you card.
A congressman goes to the barber for a hair cut. The barber wouldn't take pay saying"I'm doing community service this week." The next day the barber found a doz. congressmen waiting in line for a free haircut!
just saying

United States

#20 Nov 16, 2011
Cheap azz politicians. LOL
medcinewoman wrote:
A florist goes to a barber for a hair cut. The barber wouldn't take pay saying "I'm doing community service this week." The next day the barber finds a doz. roses and a thank you card in front of his door.
A cop goes to the barber for a hair cut and the barber wouldn't take pay, saying "I'm doing community service this week." The next day the barber finds a doz.donuts and a thank you card.
A congressman goes to the barber for a hair cut. The barber wouldn't take pay saying"I'm doing community service this week." The next day the barber found a doz. congressmen waiting in line for a free haircut!

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#23 Dec 6, 2011
A Hindu priest, a Jewish rabbi and a redneck get stranded out in the country and go to a farm house for the night. The farmer says, "I got room for 2 in the house but somebody has to sleep in the barn."
The Hindu says he will and goes to the barn. After just a few minutes,there is a knock on the door. He's back saying he can't sleep in the barn because there is a cow and cows are sacred to him.
The rabbi says he will sleep in the barn and goes out, but after a few minutes, there is a knock on the door. He's back saying that he can't sleep because there is a pig in the barn.
The redneck says "No problem, I was raised in a barn, I can sure sleep there."
After a few minutes there is a knock on the door.....It was the pig and cow!!!

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#24 Dec 6, 2011
Can you pick out the blind man at the nudist camp???
It ain't hard

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#27 Dec 8, 2011
Good Laughs!!
I really like Frisbeetarianism, and Cashtration!
oooo! What's that say about me?? Hey from my roof I can see for-ever. LOL
mahz

United States

#28 Dec 8, 2011
Intaxication, foreploy, sarchasm, oyster are a few faves.

Great post.

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#29 Dec 11, 2011
Do you know why Santa doesn't have any children??

He comes only once a year and thats down a chimney

“without reservation”

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#30 Dec 11, 2011
I told Santa I was good

Hes still laughing
Sandy in Texas

Wichita Falls, TX

#32 Dec 22, 2011
T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"
duh

United States

#33 Dec 27, 2011
How do you starve an African American?

You put his welfare check in his work boots.

Since: Nov 10

Location hidden

#34 Dec 28, 2011
The annoucer at Wrigley field annouced over the loud speaker
" Will the lady who left her 9 children on the fields please come and pick them up.. they are beating the Cubs 4-1 in the bottom of the seventh "

haha GO CARDS !!!!
Down wit brown

United States

#35 Dec 31, 2011
An older man loses his retirement and is upset that he can't retire, his wife said don't worry honey, remember when we first married and I told u I needed $20 every time we had sex.the man says yes, she said well I saved and invested the money we are millionaire's ! He said damn honey if I would have known you were that smart I would have givin u all my business !!

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