Father/Daughter Sharing Bathroom

Father/Daughter Sharing Bathroom

Posted in the Grand Rapids Forum

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Since: Oct 07

Cloud Nine

#1 Nov 12, 2009
DEAR ABBY: I need an unbiased opinion. I am the father of a 12-year-old daughter, "Lia." She catches an early morning bus for school, and I leave for work at the same time her bus picks her up, so I'm in charge of getting her ready in the morning.

Although we have two bathrooms - one upstairs and one down - neither of us wants to use the downstairs bathroom to get ready. All our stuff is upstairs.

When I wake Lia up each morning, she heads into the shower and I go feed the dog. I then go into the bathroom and shave while she's in the shower. While I'm shaving we discuss sports and life in general. When I'm finished, I leave until she's done showering and goes back into her room. I then take my shower.

Is this wrong? Lia's mother thinks it's inappropriate for me to be in the bathroom at all while she's taking a shower. I think it is efficient because neither of us is willing to use the other bathroom, and I find it's a good time to find out what's going on in her life. Who's right?

- Right or Wrong in Wisconsin

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Your wife is correct. It's not a matter of "right or wrong." It's a matter of what is appropriate.

At 12, your daughter is becoming a young woman. Either you or Lia needs to start using the downstairs bathroom. If you can't agree on who that will be, then draw straws. You can bond with her over breakfast.
----------
Thoughts?????

“November 12th, 2011”

Since: Nov 07

up a tree

#2 Nov 12, 2009
I wonder what the response would be if there was only 1 restroom in the house, would it be ok then?

“Don't touch my junk man!”

Since: Nov 07

Middle of the Mitten, Michigan

#3 Nov 12, 2009
Honestly? What's the problem? When Lia feels uncomfortable sharing the bathroom I'm sure she'll let her father know. I guess I don't understand the big issue there, it's not as though they're showering together to save time or something.
Tigger

United States

#4 Nov 12, 2009
MIbowhunter wrote:
I wonder what the response would be if there was only 1 restroom in the house, would it be ok then?
I think this is a "personal" family choice and no one's business but that family's, PROVIDED that there isn't molestation taking place

If she's behind a non-see-thru shower curtain and he isn't nude, its no big deal

Peoples' minds are naturally in the gutter...Mom takes her 14 year old son and four of his friends to the beach for the day, nobody thinks anything of it...Dad takes his 14 year old daughter and four her friends to the beach for the day and he gets looks as if he's a pervert
SCOOBY DOO

Moline, IL

#5 Nov 12, 2009
somebody is just looking for an excuse to perv their own daughter, even trolls write letters to dear abby.
Tigger

United States

#6 Nov 12, 2009
Ms Angie wrote:
Honestly? What's the problem? When Lia feels uncomfortable sharing the bathroom I'm sure she'll let her father know. I guess I don't understand the big issue there, it's not as though they're showering together to save time or something.
Exactly...And she may never feel uncomfortable about it; Its really all what adults put in the minds kids; My girlfriend's daughter is 16 and she doesn't have a problem roaming the house with a towel around her after she gets out of the shower with her Dad and her two older brothers scattered about
Tigger

United States

#7 Nov 12, 2009
And by the way, "Abby" is one of the last people I would ask advice from as to what is "right or wrong" or "appropriate or inappropriate"!

Since: Oct 07

Cloud Nine

#8 Nov 12, 2009
Tigger wrote:
And by the way, "Abby" is one of the last people I would ask advice from as to what is "right or wrong" or "appropriate or inappropriate"!
Maybe they should have asked Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil.....(Joking)

I agree there is nothing dirty or perverted about this story and I don't see the issue that Mom has.
Granny Smith

Sparta, MI

#10 Nov 12, 2009
Tigger wrote:
<quoted text>
I think this is a "personal" family choice and no one's business but that family's, PROVIDED that there isn't molestation taking place
If she's behind a non-see-thru shower curtain and he isn't nude, its no big deal
Peoples' minds are naturally in the gutter...Mom takes her 14 year old son and four of his friends to the beach for the day, nobody thinks anything of it...Dad takes his 14 year old daughter and four her friends to the beach for the day and he gets looks as if he's a pervert
I agree completely with your reply to this post. The sad thing of it is that the wrong person will get ahold of this info and then all hell will break loose. Like you said, people minds are always in the gutter.

“Dude, Where's my car?”

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#11 Nov 12, 2009
I'm going to have to agree with Abby. At 12 his daughter is either at or close to reaching puberty and that's not appropriate in my opinion. Get up 5 minutes earlier to shave and feed the dog.

Since: Oct 07

Cloud Nine

#12 Nov 12, 2009
Hurley35 wrote:
I'm going to have to agree with Abby. At 12 his daughter is either at or close to reaching puberty and that's not appropriate in my opinion. Get up 5 minutes earlier to shave and feed the dog.
In my house that is how it would be. We are very modest people.

I completely understand your point of view, but it does sound like the daughter is completely in the shower before Dad enters and Dad leaves before she gets out. So in this case I really don't find it odd or strange, now if Dad was standing there nude, daughter comes in disrobes and gets in the shower all while they discuss last nights basketball game I would have a problem with that.

“Cautiously optimistic”

Since: Jan 09

Location hidden

#13 Nov 12, 2009
EmmaRae wrote:
DEAR ABBY: I need an unbiased opinion. I am the father of a 12-year-old daughter, "Lia." She catches an early morning bus for school, and I leave for work at the same time her bus picks her up, so I'm in charge of getting her ready in the morning.
Although we have two bathrooms - one upstairs and one down - neither of us wants to use the downstairs bathroom to get ready. All our stuff is upstairs.
When I wake Lia up each morning, she heads into the shower and I go feed the dog. I then go into the bathroom and shave while she's in the shower. While I'm shaving we discuss sports and life in general. When I'm finished, I leave until she's done showering and goes back into her room. I then take my shower.
Is this wrong? Lia's mother thinks it's inappropriate for me to be in the bathroom at all while she's taking a shower. I think it is efficient because neither of us is willing to use the other bathroom, and I find it's a good time to find out what's going on in her life. Who's right?
- Right or Wrong in Wisconsin
DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Your wife is correct. It's not a matter of "right or wrong." It's a matter of what is appropriate.
At 12, your daughter is becoming a young woman. Either you or Lia needs to start using the downstairs bathroom. If you can't agree on who that will be, then draw straws. You can bond with her over breakfast.
----------
Thoughts?????
Someone move their stuff downstairs! I grew up in a house with one bathroom and yes sometimes there was the need for an emergency bathroom visit by my dad when I was in the shower but he wouldn't have made a habit of it.

“Dude, Where's my car?”

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#14 Nov 12, 2009
EmmaRae wrote:
<quoted text>
In my house that is how it would be. We are very modest people.
I completely understand your point of view, but it does sound like the daughter is completely in the shower before Dad enters and Dad leaves before she gets out. So in this case I really don't find it odd or strange, now if Dad was standing there nude, daughter comes in disrobes and gets in the shower all while they discuss last nights basketball game I would have a problem with that.
Same with my family, rather modest. It's a mute point because at 12 my daughter had already reached puberty and she wanted the bathroom to herself. I don't see anything inherently wrong with what the post described but it just wouldn't be the right way to approach it in my family.

“O__o ?”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#15 Nov 12, 2009
I grew up in a home with 3 sisters, one brother, ONE bathroom. My father or any of us girls, ever had any problems with dad shaving or using the toilet while any of us girls were in the shower. Of course, back then it wasn't an issue (late 1950s/early to mid 60s).
Naancee Grice

Grand Rapids, MI

#16 Nov 12, 2009
As long as he is choking the chicken while feeding the dog, I see no problem with showering together.
Big O

Jackson, MI

#17 Nov 12, 2009
Marti from Michigan wrote:
I grew up in a home with 3 sisters, one brother, ONE bathroom. My father or any of us girls, ever had any problems with dad shaving or using the toilet while any of us girls were in the shower. Of course, back then it wasn't an issue (late 1950s/early to mid 60s).
Still not an issue in Kentucky, Tenn or Midwestern Michigan.

“You're gonna make it after all”

Since: May 09

Allegan, MI

#18 Nov 12, 2009
I grew up in a family of 6 and 1 bathroom. 3 females -3 males and there was no way you couldn't conflict at times all needing the bathroom. But we always put the towel around us before we got out and scurried off to our respective rooms and we had the extra large towels to boot!:) I think it's a personal thing but if mom is uncomfortable with it - dad should respect her wishes -period.
Tigger

United States

#19 Nov 12, 2009
Granny Smith wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree completely with your reply to this post. The sad thing of it is that the wrong person will get ahold of this info and then all hell will break loose. Like you said, people minds are always in the gutter.
This is a case that wouldn't even make it past a phone call to DSS...They're busy patrolling people putting their neighbors' kids on the school bus!
Tigger

United States

#20 Nov 12, 2009
Hurley35 wrote:
I'm going to have to agree with Abby. At 12 his daughter is either at or close to reaching puberty and that's not appropriate in my opinion. Get up 5 minutes earlier to shave and feed the dog.
So, if these people have a pool, it would be okay for the dad and daughter to hang out at the pool for hours with daughter in a bikini but not okay for her to be in the same room behind a shower curtain COMPLETELY COVERED for five minutes a day?
Tigger

United States

#21 Nov 12, 2009
EmmaRae wrote:
<quoted text>
Maybe they should have asked Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil.....(Joking)
I agree there is nothing dirty or perverted about this story and I don't see the issue that Mom has.
LOL...It would be interesting to hear Dr. Laura's opinion on this, but Dr. Phil, I've never been a fan of his; And "issue" the Mom has with it is exactly it...She would either have think her husband is a pervert or the Mom is jealous of her own daughter in a very sick and twisted way

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