High Maintenance Girl Friends

“Constitutionalis t”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#41 Dec 10, 2008
She Devil wrote:
<quoted text>
There are two sides to every story, and we are only hearing yours, with very little detail. Having said that...I hate to say this, but you need to move on. Your GF cares more about herself than she does about her relationship with you. Saying you're sorry means that you've realized your mistake, and won't let it happen again. It doesn't excuse her behavior or give her the green light to keep doing it again and again. She also admits to needing counseling but won't go. Why should she change? She is allowed to get with her behavior now.
Either be the man and lay down the law (she will respect you for it), or move on. Life is too short. If things are so hard now that you are under so much stress and possible health issues, is she really worth it? Someone else may appreciate you. It sounds as if she is only self serving.
Like I said... I don't know much about high maintenance girlfriends. My friend told me that high maintenance means you have to spend alot of money on them to keep them happy. I always thought it meant they were insecure and needed alot of attention.

Her insecurity causes her to be jealous of my friends... male or female... all of them, my mother, my daughter, my job, my bad back, and even a woman I cannot STAND... my ex-wife.

She engages in alot of attention seeking behaviors... always has a relative that has done something me or ANYONE ELSE has done, like, ME TOO ME TOO... she's passive aggressive, as completes tasks incorrectly if it is something she doesn't like doing, such as cooking, cleaning, social gatherings, etc.

I feel sorry for her and know that she has nowhere else to go, right now. She has never lived on her own, and likely lacks the necessary skill even though she is in her late 40's.

But, if this isn't high maintenance, then there isn't much point for me to follow this thread.

Since: Oct 07

out in the sticks

#42 Dec 10, 2008
RMRK wrote:
<quoted text>
Like I said... I don't know much about high maintenance girlfriends. My friend told me that high maintenance means you have to spend alot of money on them to keep them happy. I always thought it meant they were insecure and needed alot of attention.
Her insecurity causes her to be jealous of my friends... male or female... all of them, my mother, my daughter, my job, my bad back, and even a woman I cannot STAND... my ex-wife.
She engages in alot of attention seeking behaviors... always has a relative that has done something me or ANYONE ELSE has done, like, ME TOO ME TOO... she's passive aggressive, as completes tasks incorrectly if it is something she doesn't like doing, such as cooking, cleaning, social gatherings, etc.
I feel sorry for her and know that she has nowhere else to go, right now. She has never lived on her own, and likely lacks the necessary skill even though she is in her late 40's.
But, if this isn't high maintenance, then there isn't much point for me to follow this thread.
My definition of high maintenence, is any relationship that you are constantly having to work at. Whether it is with material things, or emotional things. A relationship takes TWO people who care about each other, and it's not fair to have one person carry the burden of the entire relationship, or happiness thereof. It sounds as if that's what you are doing, carrying the relationship. I would call her high maintenence.

You seem like a nice guy, and I think it's great that you are so thoughtful of her feelings and well being. But what about yours? Don't get to the point where you are sacrificing your own happiness and freedom for hers. You will only regret it in the long run. You will think of all of the time that you wasted when you could have been happy.

Otherwise, you could always try and drag her to couples counseling? If she is not willing to go, I would drop her like a hot potato. Actions speak louder than words. You deserve better.

As for Devon, he is alot of fun, very funny, and full of sarcasm and toungue in cheek humor. I think he might have a high stress job, and needs to yank chains every now and then. Don't take it personally. ;)
Devon

Levering, MI

#43 Dec 10, 2008
RMRK, you have come to the perfect place to solve your problems in life, a public forum. I meet it all in humor so lighten up dude. Anyways, your high maintenance girl asked me to have you buy her a corvette for Christmas.

My honest opinion, run away from her. If she does not want to deal with her problems it is going to be a long life for you if you stay with her. Run Forest Run.

“Dude, Where's my car?”

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#44 Dec 10, 2008
RMRK wrote:
<quoted text>
Like I said... I don't know much about high maintenance girlfriends. My friend told me that high maintenance means you have to spend alot of money on them to keep them happy. I always thought it meant they were insecure and needed alot of attention.
Her insecurity causes her to be jealous of my friends... male or female... all of them, my mother, my daughter, my job, my bad back, and even a woman I cannot STAND... my ex-wife.
She engages in alot of attention seeking behaviors... always has a relative that has done something me or ANYONE ELSE has done, like, ME TOO ME TOO... she's passive aggressive, as completes tasks incorrectly if it is something she doesn't like doing, such as cooking, cleaning, social gatherings, etc.
I feel sorry for her and know that she has nowhere else to go, right now. She has never lived on her own, and likely lacks the necessary skill even though she is in her late 40's.
But, if this isn't high maintenance, then there isn't much point for me to follow this thread.
Sounds like you are dating my ex-wife!!!
Devon

Levering, MI

#45 Dec 10, 2008
One more thing. I know life seems troubling sometimes, but my friend, I got good news. Obama will help you in an few weeks because he promised to solve all the problems in the world. I am glad for this because my dog keeps licking his balls so I am wondering what he is going to do for Rover.

“Dude, Where's my car?”

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#46 Dec 10, 2008
She Devil wrote:
<quoted text>
My definition of high maintenence, is any relationship that you are constantly having to work at. Whether it is with material things, or emotional things. A relationship takes TWO people who care about each other, and it's not fair to have one person carry the burden of the entire relationship, or happiness thereof. It sounds as if that's what you are doing, carrying the relationship. I would call her high maintenence.
You seem like a nice guy, and I think it's great that you are so thoughtful of her feelings and well being. But what about yours? Don't get to the point where you are sacrificing your own happiness and freedom for hers. You will only regret it in the long run. You will think of all of the time that you wasted when you could have been happy.
Otherwise, you could always try and drag her to couples counseling? If she is not willing to go, I would drop her like a hot potato. Actions speak louder than words. You deserve better.
As for Devon, he is alot of fun, very funny, and full of sarcasm and toungue in cheek humor. I think he might have a high stress job, and needs to yank chains every now and then. Don't take it personally. ;)
I think there are two kinds of "high maintenance" type of women. The first of course is the "stuff" and "money" type of high maintenance. This would be the classic "Gold digger" who can't get enough jewelry, clothes, cars, makeup, etc. etc. The second type I call "Emotional High Maintenance". You describe that type of woman to a T Shedevil. And of course there are probably high maintenance men that fall into both categories as well.
alfred

El Segundo, CA

#47 Dec 10, 2008
Hey RMRK, in what way is she HM ?

“Constitutionalis t”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#48 Dec 11, 2008
She Devil wrote:
<quoted text>
My definition of high maintenence, is any relationship that you are constantly having to work at. Whether it is with material things, or emotional things. A relationship takes TWO people who care about each other, and it's not fair to have one person carry the burden of the entire relationship, or happiness thereof. It sounds as if that's what you are doing, carrying the relationship. I would call her high maintenence.
You seem like a nice guy, and I think it's great that you are so thoughtful of her feelings and well being. But what about yours? Don't get to the point where you are sacrificing your own happiness and freedom for hers. You will only regret it in the long run. You will think of all of the time that you wasted when you could have been happy.
Otherwise, you could always try and drag her to couples counseling? If she is not willing to go, I would drop her like a hot potato. Actions speak louder than words. You deserve better.
As for Devon, he is alot of fun, very funny, and full of sarcasm and toungue in cheek humor. I think he might have a high stress job, and needs to yank chains every now and then. Don't take it personally. ;)
Thanks SD. You were quite helpfull.

I am trying to get her to go to counselling for her issues... which all happened years before she met me. My hope is that when the denial about her issues breaks, that she will see things more closely to what they really are... that she caused some serious damage to the relationship and that I will likely need weeks or months to heal. She wants things to "just be better" without really doing anything.

It basically comes down to this... if she can't or won't go to couselling for herself, then there isn't going to be much change/improvement. And THAT is on her.

What is on me is that I have been way too patient. Everyone I know would have 86-ed her this past spring. I think my patience has been exhausted. I don't see anything good coming from the relationship until she stands up for herself and frees herself from her "ISSUES".

I think you are right about the other poster.

“Constitutionalis t”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#49 Dec 11, 2008
Devon wrote:
RMRK, you have come to the perfect place to solve your problems in life, a public forum. I meet it all in humor so lighten up dude. Anyways, your high maintenance girl asked me to have you buy her a corvette for Christmas.
My honest opinion, run away from her. If she does not want to deal with her problems it is going to be a long life for you if you stay with her. Run Forest Run.
Thanks. Everyone I know say run, too.

Another thing that I am is a codependent. I take on the problems of others and get my "high" from helping solve them, and feel guilty if I let them fail on their own efforts. So I tend to bail too quick, or stay way too long... without much middle ground at all.

We live together. She couldn't support herself if her life depended on it. We discussed becoming room mates if the romance didn't work out, but now that we are quickly coming to that point... it doesn't seem workable.

Frustration hasn't outpaced guilt, yet.

“Constitutionalis t”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#50 Dec 11, 2008
Hurley35 wrote:
<quoted text>Sounds like you are dating my ex-wife!!!
JIM!?!

How you doing, you old war horse?

Since: Oct 07

out in the sticks

#51 Dec 11, 2008
RMRK wrote:
<quoted text>
Thanks. Everyone I know say run, too.
Another thing that I am is a codependent. I take on the problems of others and get my "high" from helping solve them, and feel guilty if I let them fail on their own efforts. So I tend to bail too quick, or stay way too long... without much middle ground at all.
We live together. She couldn't support herself if her life depended on it. We discussed becoming room mates if the romance didn't work out, but now that we are quickly coming to that point... it doesn't seem workable.
Frustration hasn't outpaced guilt, yet.
I was just thinking about this exact thing last night. I have a friend (a male I have grown up with) who was painfully shy in high school. He was very sweet, but felt uncomfortable in social situations, so he never socialized much, especially going out.

By the time he was out of high school, the job that he was working forced him to deal with the public every now and then. He slowly came around. But he was the type of guy who was always going out of his way to be a gentleman by holding doors for women, walking them to their cars at night, and listening to female co-workers sob stories and helping them out. These were all women, alot like his mother, who were married or taken, and underappreciated/neglected. Once he started dating, he dated only married women who were separated.

He loved being the hero and doing things for them, and it made him have a feeling of self worth to be appreciated. Not to mention, he didn't have the fear of commitment to deal with because these ladies were already committed to someone, and on their way out and not wanting another right away. He was never a player, but just scared.

He finally did get married, but is now being taken advantage of by the woman he spoiled.

My point is...this could be you in the future. A relationship is not easy, but it's a 2 way street. And something you work on together. If she is not willing to work at it, then she's not worth the trouble. As long as she keeps hanging on to her issues, they stay hers. Don't let her make them yours.
Devon

Levering, MI

#52 Dec 12, 2008
RMRK wrote:
<quoted text>We live together. She couldn't support herself if her life depended on it. We discussed becoming room mates if the romance didn't work out, but now that we are quickly coming to that point... it doesn't seem workable.
Frustration hasn't outpaced guilt, yet.
Are you hitting it?

“Constitutionalis t”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#53 Dec 12, 2008
Devon wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you hitting it?
Enough to keep the peace. That makes it feel like work, though.

“Constitutionalis t”

Since: May 08

Grandville

#54 Dec 12, 2008
She Devil wrote:
<quoted text>
I was just thinking about this exact thing last night. I have a friend (a male I have grown up with) who was painfully shy in high school. He was very sweet, but felt uncomfortable in social situations, so he never socialized much, especially going out.
By the time he was out of high school, the job that he was working forced him to deal with the public every now and then. He slowly came around. But he was the type of guy who was always going out of his way to be a gentleman by holding doors for women, walking them to their cars at night, and listening to female co-workers sob stories and helping them out. These were all women, alot like his mother, who were married or taken, and underappreciated/neglected. Once he started dating, he dated only married women who were separated.
He loved being the hero and doing things for them, and it made him have a feeling of self worth to be appreciated. Not to mention, he didn't have the fear of commitment to deal with because these ladies were already committed to someone, and on their way out and not wanting another right away. He was never a player, but just scared.
He finally did get married, but is now being taken advantage of by the woman he spoiled.
My point is...this could be you in the future. A relationship is not easy, but it's a 2 way street. And something you work on together. If she is not willing to work at it, then she's not worth the trouble. As long as she keeps hanging on to her issues, they stay hers. Don't let her make them yours.
Very helpful SD... and right on Target. It was about 5 months ago that she literally tried to make her problems... "OUR" problems. Then I began putting my foot down a little bit... increasingly so, over time. Then came the resistence and the battle of the wills.

Not fun.

“I hear the Angels of Madness”

Since: Oct 08

Small town America

#55 Dec 13, 2008
http://www.ehow.com/how_2138651_over-broken-h...
http://www.ehow.com/how_2134988_truly-true-lo...

All too often people stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. If your asking yourself those questions then you already know the answer. Two divorces later I think I learned my lesson.
Devon

Levering, MI

#56 Dec 15, 2008
Is she a Democrat?
alfred

El Segundo, CA

#57 Dec 15, 2008
I would stay with her. How do you expect to change the world if you only think of yourself.
If you are divorced, is it because you are/were thinking of yourself. what made you want to get married in the first place? People that get divorced I consider traders. Went back on their vows !
Devon

Levering, MI

#58 Dec 15, 2008
Well, first I must say, you stated she could not live or support herself on her own if her life depended on it and now you stated that you are hitting it. I think you are taking advantage of a situation here.
alfred

El Segundo, CA

#59 Dec 16, 2008
All women should be high maintenance, then they wouldn't be so fat. Michgan is rated the highest in obese people. No one wears make-up anymore, why ? no pride.
PoorU

Saint Clair Shores, MI

#60 Dec 16, 2008
alfred wrote:
All women should be high maintenance, then they wouldn't be so fat. Michgan is rated the highest in obese people. No one wears make-up anymore, why ? no pride.
If it's on the "net" it must be true.
Actually West Virginia is the fatest state in the union, followed by a half dozen southern states.
Do you babble for your own pleasure?
Poor You , can't seem to get it right.
We all know that Mo. schools are the bastion of higher learning in this country. You have,,,,,
well you must have one , somewhere. Loser.

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