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Since: Nov 08

Kalamazoo, MI

#1 May 20, 2009
Looking for suggestions... I have a verbally abusive ex husband. I have involved the Sheriff & filed complaints. Last night was particularly bad. It upsets our 12 year old (almost 13) and when he tries to tell his dad how he feels, Ex yells at him too.
Any advice?
bunnee

Grand Rapids, MI

#2 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
Looking for suggestions... I have a verbally abusive ex husband. I have involved the Sheriff & filed complaints. Last night was particularly bad. It upsets our 12 year old (almost 13) and when he tries to tell his dad how he feels, Ex yells at him too.
Any advice?
Stay with him until he goes on a shooting rampage and kills alot of people

W
T
F
???

Seriously, you need someone to give you "suggestions"?

Yet another thread started by a Troll
Allegan Redneck

United States

#3 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
Looking for suggestions... I have a verbally abusive ex husband. I have involved the Sheriff & filed complaints. Last night was particularly bad. It upsets our 12 year old (almost 13) and when he tries to tell his dad how he feels, Ex yells at him too.
Any advice?
Sounds like your doing the right thing by keeping the Sheriff's Dept. in the loop, keep reporting everything he's doing. You can talk to your lawyer and see if you have a shot at terminating his parenting time rights...

That's the right thing to do. Now, if we ever meet at a Topix get-together and you'd like to talk about the 'wrong' things that can be done, let me know...

“Fear causes hesitation”

Since: Mar 09

Holland, MI

#4 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
Looking for suggestions... I have a verbally abusive ex husband. I have involved the Sheriff & filed complaints. Last night was particularly bad. It upsets our 12 year old (almost 13) and when he tries to tell his dad how he feels, Ex yells at him too.
Any advice?
Two words: Paper Trail.

As AR pointed out, you are doing the right thing - starting a paper trail of documented abuse.

I would also purchase a handgun/shotgun if you are concerned it may go beyond "verbal" abuse.

“love, loyalty, friendship”

Since: Sep 08

Dutchville

#5 May 20, 2009
One day my ex started chewing me out in front of my then 5 year old. I simply and calmly said, "I don't have to take your crap anymore- and neither does she." And I took my daughter by the hand and walked out.

He got a whole lot calmer after that.

Document everything. You do not have to leave your child in an abusive environment.

Since: Sep 08

Muskegon

#6 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
Looking for suggestions... I have a verbally abusive ex husband. I have involved the Sheriff & filed complaints. Last night was particularly bad. It upsets our 12 year old (almost 13) and when he tries to tell his dad how he feels, Ex yells at him too.
Any advice?
In Muskegon, I did have some luck with Friend of the Court intervening.

“Some Call Me...Dingo”

Since: Apr 09

Grand Rapids

#7 May 20, 2009
TheBodhiZaffa wrote:
<quoted text>
Two words: Paper Trail.
As AR pointed out, you are doing the right thing - starting a paper trail of documented abuse.
I would also purchase a handgun/shotgun if you are concerned it may go beyond "verbal" abuse.
Yikes...be careful on the whole handgun thing, unless you know how to use one. Last thing you want is your crazy ex getting hold of your own gun.
The Bhodi and AR are absolutely correct (IMHO), document everything!! The more evidence and organization you can provide the better protected you'll be. Keep the police involved.
Lastly, common sense here, don't ignite the situation. Let him do the shouting. Just remain as calm as possible. Be honest and tell him his actions are hurting an already bad situation, but beyond that - try not to argue. I know, easier said than done. Point is...if he's the only one raging maybe he'll defuse himself if it doesn't work out how he wants it to.

I sincerely hope everything works out for you.

Since: Oct 08

Jackson, MI

#8 May 20, 2009
Restraining Order should calm things down in a hurry . . .
obviously

Jenison, MI

#10 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
Looking for suggestions... I have a verbally abusive ex husband. I have involved the Sheriff & filed complaints. Last night was particularly bad. It upsets our 12 year old (almost 13) and when he tries to tell his dad how he feels, Ex yells at him too.
Any advice?
Try using better judgement next time about who you bring into your life. Stop putting yourself in bad situations and get some common sense. The simple fact you have to ask for advice online says enough.

Since: Sep 08

Grandville, MI

#11 May 20, 2009
wow i love how all of these people judge everyone else. "obviously" How do you know that he didn't show his true colors until later in the relationship, ummm you don't so don't critize her for just wanting a little help on how to handle a situation.

Momma_G: I would make sure there is a paper trail and that you contact police with every little instance and also i agree that you should take out a restraining order. And make sure you know what kind of car he drives and the license plate number and just about every little bit of info you can on him just in case something happens.

Since: Nov 08

Kalamazoo, MI

#12 May 20, 2009
Heather1423 wrote:
wow i love how all of these people judge everyone else. "obviously" How do you know that he didn't show his true colors until later in the relationship, ummm you don't so don't critize her for just wanting a little help on how to handle a situation.
Momma_G: I would make sure there is a paper trail and that you contact police with every little instance and also i agree that you should take out a restraining order. And make sure you know what kind of car he drives and the license plate number and just about every little bit of info you can on him just in case something happens.
Thanks Heather... I've got everything suggested so I'm doing the right thing.

Since: Sep 08

Muskegon

#13 May 20, 2009
Verbal abuse is often not enough for a restraining order or PPO. But you can control the situation in certain ways. I instituted a no talk policy. All communication had to be written. There is no yelling, and it can be proven what each party said. If he's yelling at the child, then you can involve the authorities.
Allegan Redneck

United States

#14 May 20, 2009
obviously wrote:
<quoted text>
Try using better judgement next time about who you bring into your life. Stop putting yourself in bad situations and get some common sense. The simple fact you have to ask for advice online says enough.
Give me a break...If you can think beyond the literal for a moment you'd notice on many of these threads, people are not just in need of 'advise' because they fail to grasp thier situation. They are also asking for advise as a means by which to gain moral support because they find themselves in a frightening or vulnerable state.

And returning to the literal for a moment, how do you think women end up in abusive relationships? Do you think on the first date he says:

"What kind of guy am I? Well, I'll be really charming and shower you with attention at first. Then over time I'll become increasing controlling and demanding. Then, once my demands become unreasonable, I'll react with violence to your inability to live up to my expectations; which will be impossible by the way because it will be my own self-loathing and psychopathology I'll be projecting onto you. When I drink it gets really bad. By the time you are in fear for your life, I will have isolated you to the point where you'll feel like a brainwashed POW and escape will seem impossible."

...to which she reply's 'sounds great, when can you meet my mother?'

You're an idiot, and you'd better hope I'm not the first-responder if you get in a car accident, I'll just tell you 'should've used better judgement', then I'll take your shoes...
Wild Bill

Pittsburg, CA

#15 May 20, 2009
Hire Guido to kick his a s s.

“Some Call Me...Dingo”

Since: Apr 09

Grand Rapids

#16 May 20, 2009
Allegan Redneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Give me a break...If you can think beyond the literal for a moment you'd notice on many of these threads, people are not just in need of 'advise' because they fail to grasp thier situation. They are also asking for advise as a means by which to gain moral support because they find themselves in a frightening or vulnerable state.
And returning to the literal for a moment, how do you think women end up in abusive relationships? Do you think on the first date he says:
"What kind of guy am I? Well, I'll be really charming and shower you with attention at first. Then over time I'll become increasing controlling and demanding. Then, once my demands become unreasonable, I'll react with violence to your inability to live up to my expectations; which will be impossible by the way because it will be my own self-loathing and psychopathology I'll be projecting onto you. When I drink it gets really bad. By the time you are in fear for your life, I will have isolated you to the point where you'll feel like a brainwashed POW and escape will seem impossible."
...to which she reply's 'sounds great, when can you meet my mother?'
You're an idiot, and you'd better hope I'm not the first-responder if you get in a car accident, I'll just tell you 'should've used better judgement', then I'll take your shoes...
I don't know...you sure don't talk like a redneck :) First responder...are you an EMT, Police or Fireman?

Since: Nov 08

Kalamazoo, MI

#17 May 20, 2009
Wild Bill wrote:
Hire Guido to kick his a s s.
Got Guido's number?? LOL

And thanks AR... I don't think I'm being stupid about this... I honestly wondered if anyone had any other ideas, short of what I'm already doing.
Like I said, everything has been documented... police reports to just my own notes of the incidents. The FOC has all this info as well. The restraining order is my next logical step.
Allegan Redneck

United States

#18 May 20, 2009
Tango Kilo wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know...you sure don't talk like a redneck :) First responder...are you an EMT, Police or Fireman?
lol...none of the above. It's a winding road but basically I degreed in Physiological Psychology then did a stint as a Platoon Sgt. in the Marines. After I got out I did security consulting to the rich and shameless. I was married at the time to a domestic violence conselor. I picked up a bit of medical training along the way.

I don't get too excited about many issues but domestic violence is definately one of them. You gain an appreciation after the first time you have a conversation with your wife that begins: "How was work honey?" "Oh, it was one of those days, I had an emergency intake for a 6 year old boy who watched his father beat his mother to death with a hammer..."

Since: Sep 08

Muskegon

#19 May 20, 2009
Allegan Redneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Give me a break...If you can think beyond the literal for a moment you'd notice on many of these threads, people are not just in need of 'advise' because they fail to grasp thier situation. They are also asking for advise as a means by which to gain moral support because they find themselves in a frightening or vulnerable state.
And returning to the literal for a moment, how do you think women end up in abusive relationships? Do you think on the first date he says:
"What kind of guy am I? Well, I'll be really charming and shower you with attention at first. Then over time I'll become increasing controlling and demanding. Then, once my demands become unreasonable, I'll react with violence to your inability to live up to my expectations; which will be impossible by the way because it will be my own self-loathing and psychopathology I'll be projecting onto you. When I drink it gets really bad. By the time you are in fear for your life, I will have isolated you to the point where you'll feel like a brainwashed POW and escape will seem impossible."
...to which she reply's 'sounds great, when can you meet my mother?'
You're an idiot, and you'd better hope I'm not the first-responder if you get in a car accident, I'll just tell you 'should've used better judgement', then I'll take your shoes...
I could not agree with you more! Great post! But just the shoes? ; }
Allegan Redneck

United States

#20 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
<quoted text>
Got Guido's number?? LOL
And thanks AR... I don't think I'm being stupid about this... I honestly wondered if anyone had any other ideas, short of what I'm already doing.
Like I said, everything has been documented... police reports to just my own notes of the incidents. The FOC has all this info as well. The restraining order is my next logical step.
lol...That's kind of what I meant by the 'wrong' things you could do, I should have said the 'bad' things. Yes I have Guido's number, and other numbers of gentlemen with middle names 'the'.:-)

“You're gonna make it after all”

Since: May 09

Grand Rapids, MI

#21 May 20, 2009
Momma_G wrote:
<quoted text>
Got Guido's number?? LOL
And thanks AR... I don't think I'm being stupid about this... I honestly wondered if anyone had any other ideas, short of what I'm already doing.
Like I said, everything has been documented... police reports to just my own notes of the incidents. The FOC has all this info as well. The restraining order is my next logical step.
I would consider getting a hand-held tape recorder and keep it in your pocket- the SMALL digital style are nice. About the size of a large sharpie pen. Recordings are FAR more startling than words on a piece of paper. It's very difficult to 'write down' what is less about the words and more about the tone and disposition of the person yelling.

Now if you wanted to be funny (which I don't think this is but it's fun to dream) spray some air freshner the next time and say 'gee there is a stink in the air....' lol.....(I AM JK)

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