A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly

All lank and bone, the boy stands at the corner with his younger sister, waiting for the yellow bus that takes them to their respective schools. via New York Times

[Vinnie From Indy]

Why are these kids not being arrested for assault? The parents of the kid getting beat up should fire up the lawyers. It seems that the school and local police will only get the message when they are facing a multi-million dollar lawsuit.

[monty]

This is making me angry and sad. My son went through the same thing and because I could not afford a lawyer, I withdrew him to homeschool in order to preserve his mental health. I wish I could sue the school district for failing to protect my child (3rd grade at the time) while he was in their care, but I decided to put my energy in him and his future instead. Public schools are wrong to believe they are the best judge to determine what is bullying. Most of the stuff the bullied students endured would not have been tolerated by these teachers and admin. staffers if it was done to their children. However since it was not their children, these adults felt very comfortable to not pursue a proper solution and sweep it under the rug. As for them could/would not report to Billy's parents what was done to "discipline" the bullies due to privacy policy, I have found that "privacy policy" had enable the school to lie to me since I had no way to verify the truth. The schools are practically not accountable to parents nor anyone else about how they handle bullying on school grounds. Parents must leave it to school staff and "trust and hope" they actually do something about it, which I have learned was foolish faith. So if you have a child in public school and your child happens to be a target of bullying, it is up to you to save him/her and not rely on the school to protect him/her. Do what you can and can afford. His/her life is in your hands.

[Vanessa]

The warning signs are there, we have to do more as a society to protect our children. Everyone of us that does nothing is at fault.

I am so sorry for the family of this young man, but as a parent I would do everything within my power to insure his safety. His life is precious.

[Mac-7]

Is this something new in the liberal public school systems or has it always existed?

When I was in school boys did have to stand up for themselves and sometimes fight to defend their personal space.

And some were more able to do that than others.

Maybe Billy just needs to beat the stuffing out of someone so they will leave him alone.

[monty]

Mac-7 wrote:

Is this something new in the liberal public school systems or has it always existed?
When I was in school boys did have to stand up for themselves and sometimes fight to defend their personal space.
And some were more able to do that than others.
Maybe Billy just needs to beat the stuffing out of someone so they will leave him alone.

That was what I thought too. However, after I have read my son's public school student handbook, I realized if he fought back because provoked either physically or verbally, he would be the one punished, with suspension or expulsion.

I went to my county seat court house and spoke to a police officer there and he said that policy is practically in every school handbook. I asked what if the aggressor came with a knife. This police officer replied, "then you run!"

Another example: my son was grabbed and held from behind during recesses. His head went back and hit the guy right on his nose bridge, and the guy went down. The school principal said to me afterwards the only reason my son did not get some form of punishment was because it was a reflex reaction of the hold on him.

The whole thing sent chill down my spine. My son was totally unprotected. Neither he was allowed to fight back nor the school was willing to take a strong stand and to speak to the bullies and their parents. And it was also at this time dealing with the school, I found out the assistant principal lied about her having spoken to the bullies' parents regarding the incident.

[whatever]

And people wonder why a kid snaps and walks back into school with a bag of loaded guns?

When my son was little I explained that if he had a problem he should tell the teacher. If it continued he should respectfully ask the teacher to help, or he would handle it himself. The third time he was welcome to put the offender on the ground. HARD.

Now that he's older (11) the same rules apply. I tell him that if he starts a fight at school there will be Hell for him to pay. I also tell him that if someone starts something with him and they get physical that there would be no punishment from me if he puts the offender on the ground. HARD.

I definitely think kids are scared to fight back, and that eventually makes them a target.

[Mac-7]

monty wrote:

<quoted text>
That was what I thought too. However, after I have read my son's public school student handbook, I realized if he fought back because provoked either physically or verbally, he would be the one punished, with suspension or expulsion.
I went to my county seat court house and spoke to a police officer there and he said that policy is practically in every school handbook. I asked what if the aggressor came with a knife. This police officer replied, "then you run!"
Another example: my son was grabbed and held from behind during recesses. His head went back and hit the guy right on his nose bridge, and the guy went down. The school principal said to me afterwards the only reason my son did not get some form of punishment was because it was a reflex reaction of the hold on him.
The whole thing sent chill down my spine. My son was totally unprotected. Neither he was allowed to fight back nor the school was willing to take a strong stand and to speak to the bullies and their parents. And it was also at this time dealing with the school, I found out the assistant principal lied about her having spoken to the bullies' parents regarding the incident.

I can imagine that happens.

Was your son in a public school?

Anyway, no matter what crazy policies the school has fighting back and defending one's self is not morally or ethically wrong.

[consider]

I agree that defending yourself is not wrong, but in this Wolfe kids situation it seems like it is not limited to self-defense situations. Sometimes they just randomly attack him.

Or don't fight back when he provokes, yet go after him later.

If someone hits you, and then two days later you beat them up, that's not self defense.

Also self-defense is not an excuse for going overboard. It means that you do what you can to stop someone from harming you--not try to make them pay for messing with you.

[Mac-7]

consider wrote:

Also self-defense is not an excuse for going overboard.

I agree, but perhaps reasonable people can disagree about what is overboard and what isn't.

For instance, I would say weapons of any kind are out of the question but otherwise let them fight.

Others would consider any physical contact going too far.

[givemeabreak]

I know of a case--no weapons, where several kids killed another child in a brawl. I think it was the kicks that did it.

Going overboard is when you do anything beyond just trying to protect yourself--such as hurting the other person just to hurt them. Or hurting them more than what it would take to stop them from hurting you.

[givemeabreak]

Even one-on-one you can go too far. But definitely when you have multiple people against one restraint should be much easier rather and attacking is absolutely unnecessary.

[monty]

Yes, my son was in public school when his troubles began. But it happened when we sent him to a private school later. What I have learned through dealing with my son's former public school was, the district establishes a set of rules in student handbooks in vague language. It casts a wide net in hopes to include all conceivable possibilities of bullying/attack/"bad behaviors." However, because the language is vague, it is up to the interpretation of school staff to determine if each incident constitute bullying. And only the school staff's interpretation is accepted. As a parent trying to help a child and trying to get to the bottom of the matter, I was asked to "trust" the school to "take care of it." Being a person educated in public school myself, I at first chose to trust these people, believing they did have my son's interest at heart. After several months of contact, I became aware of the non-existence of actions these people said would take place. Basically I was given a line of BS and was expected to go home satisfied with that. In the mean time, my son spent 6 hours a day facing hostile or indifferent peers, taught by adults who turned a blind eye, and still expected to function and learn "as well as he has the potential for." I chose not to ended up in a battle with the school by fighting "what is rightfully his." In the end, I chose his sanity over everything else and withdrew him from school. I rather put my energy in him than in changing the school's unwillingness to acknowledge the bullying problem.

As for hitting back to protect oneself, I heard this story from a neighbor. Her son was on his way home from his jr high school on his bike. Half way home, he was attacked by a schoolmate because this other guy wanted the bike. The neighbor's boy's shirt was pulled over his head and beaten, his bike taken. After this was reported to his school and "investigated", both boys was punished. The other guy got suspended and the neighbor got one year academic probation. His offense? He fought back. The kicker? According to lawyers, the school is in its rights to give such punishment, even if the boy was only trying to protect himself.

[Mac-7]

givemeabreak wrote:

I know of a case--no weapons, where several kids killed another child in a brawl. I think it was the kicks that did it.
Going overboard is when you do anything beyond just trying to protect yourself--such as hurting the other person just to hurt them. Or hurting them more than what it would take to stop them from hurting you.

Yes, I can see how that could happen.

But boys have been engaging in fist fights for millennia without serious consequences.

Maybe our 21st Century culture is in some ways less civilized than our forefathers were?

Anyway boys do have a natural aggression that is going to come out somehow, somewhere.

So we have a stike a reasonable balance between unnatural pacifism and homicide.

[short_b]

Just saw this case on the national news. I feel so sorry for Billy. What happened to the zero tolerance policy against bullying?

Glad to see his parents are bringing charges against the kids involved and the school for not protecting him.

[Fay schools suck]

If you have EVER NOT been bullied at a Fayetteville school and your not a cheerleader or jock? I graduated in 1987 and teachers facilitated the poorer less popular people being bullied and treated like crap.