Public safety: Man dies after being taken into police custody
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#1 Mar 13, 2008
First I would like to comment on the clarity of the writing it was easy to understand and follow. However I think a few things may need to be changed. You said that the Bazooka show girls had been robbed, laptops are robbed purses are stolen and people are kidnapped. This may not be a big deal but some may read this and take it the rong way. You make it sound like these women are objects.
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