marriages that survived an affair

marriages that survived an affair

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Help needed

Ashburn, VA

#1 Oct 15, 2012
Please, I am only interested in helpful encouraging honest advice. I do NOT want nor do I wish to produce pain or slander for anyone.
unsure

New Haven, KY

#2 Oct 16, 2012
Dont know if one can or not. I am living it now. As you said , I am sure alot will rag on me over replying , but I felt connected to you for some reason. I was honest and told that I had , been unfaithful. At first there was alot of anger, something that I was very well used too, then there become of alot of distrust. Watching ever move I made , phone, car, computer, I could not go anywhere or do anything. See I had to be honest for some reason. I could not live with myself knowing I had done this , and my feelings were turning elsewhere. The other person cared nothing for me , and I am sure I almost lost my world due to it. I was wrong, although we were apart, I should have ended my marriage before I did anything... I did feel something for this other person , and will always, thought maybe it was love , dont really know for sure. My life was not perfect before I did this, he had been unfaithful and hide it , I was living in a emotional, and abusive marriage. But when he thought that someone else in the world might really have a want for me , he lost his mind. He had always told me he would kill me before he let me leave him, well I am not dead yet. So maybe when you really think you are losing it all, you can wake up? Best of wishes to anyone who has ever been in this spot. I have been on both sides. No one knows until they live your live, what you go thru , what you want , or need , or what you would do on how you would handle anything. Try my shoes on before you run in them....
been there

United States

#3 Oct 16, 2012
i was married-even though it wasnt a great marriage we loved each other. My husband always told me that he would never cheat, as he had been married for a short time before and she cheated on him. Like i said the marriage wasnt great but i never thought i had to worry about him cheating, and i would never cheat myself. Had many obstacles that caused lots of fighting and ill words, bills, kids, house etc....nothing major than the usual stress. Until i found out he had a girlfriend. He swore up and down nothing went on ( I found out in December) and in February he didnt come home for several weeks. I didnt know where he was living...I finally moved out of the house. I June found out he was living with her. I was completely and utterly devastated that my marriage was over. I loved this man, had been with him since i was a teen. We eventually divorced. He continued to live with her, i began to date. But we had small kids. Lets just say, we ended up back together, and it is better than it has ever been. he is home everynight, i dont worry about what he is doing like i had to all that time again. we were apart, know what its like without each other and know how hard it was on our family. Now we look at people we know that are divorced with kids and its so sad for them. it was us...i thank god everyday my family is back together. You have to pick your battles, and my Family is more important than some tramp he had a fling with. i will never forget but i can forgive and live my life with my family and be happy again. Both have to want it though! Good luck!
been there again

Edmonton, KY

#4 Oct 16, 2012
I'm glad if it works out for you but I was in your shoes and we did the back together thingie again it didn't work. The second time around lasted about 4 years. I pretended to trust him and he pretended to be happy. The only reason he came back and begged me to take him back was because his affair didn't work out. At that point I was his second choice and was a little better than being alone because after all we had ties...kids together.

Years later after the second time around we ran into each other at a comedy club. We talked and went out for a drink. He admitted to me that the second time around when he was so happy it was just fake. He felt trapped and he even admitted that when we were having sex he was thinking of the affair ho that dumped him. He said that he knew he would cheat again but the next time he would make sure the affair was going to work before he cut ties with me and the kids so he wouldn't have to come crawling back to our situation.

I was a fool. I got burned twice by the same asshole. I was embarrassed because I told my family and friends the second time around was so great and we were so happy and the whole damn time my wonderful husband was wishing I was the ho that had dumped him and he was dreaming of a new ho too.

He's a pig and I learned the hard way that once a cheater always a cheater. It's in their ego DNA.
wondering

Glasgow, KY

#5 Oct 16, 2012
Did any of you "wives" ever confront the terrible women that cheated with your husbands?
Been there

United States

#6 Oct 17, 2012
wondering wrote:
Did any of you "wives" ever confront the terrible women that cheated with your husbands?
Yes, and she wasn't the least bit sorry. It was a game to her. The sad part is the same thing had been done to her but she still chose to start an affair with a married man with children. She is a sick, crazy person!
noooo

Glasgow, KY

#7 Oct 17, 2012
once a cheat allways a cheat
cant begin to understand

Glasgow, KY

#8 Oct 17, 2012
How women (especially) can live with themselves while having an affair with a married man. She clearly knows that the man is another WOMAN'S husband & a father. Does she not think about the pain that her despicable actions will befall on woo many innocent people? Some of theses females have affairs over and over. Why? Why cant they pursue single men? Do they feel as if they have accomplished something in someway? Did the married men's wives do anything to them personally to make them want to destroy their marriage? Why??
info

Glasgow, KY

#9 Oct 17, 2012
I have been there before & also took my husband back...when we married i took him for better or worse parts in our lives...but after the last time I believe we have grown stronger just hope it lasts because we have a beautiful lil family...but I can promise if anything ever happens again it will be done & over with no matter how big or small although I strongly believe it wont...ALL I CAN SAY IS EVERYBODY DESERVES TO BE HAPPY & NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN EVERYTHING THAT MAKES U :)
think women think

Edmonton, KY

#10 Oct 17, 2012
info wrote:
I have been there before & also took my husband back...when we married i took him for better or worse parts in our lives...but after the last time I believe we have grown stronger just hope it lasts because we have a beautiful lil family...but I can promise if anything ever happens again it will be done & over with no matter how big or small although I strongly believe it wont...ALL I CAN SAY IS EVERYBODY DESERVES TO BE HAPPY & NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN EVERYTHING THAT MAKES U :)
Just curious...why such a hard stance on the second cheat? The first should be a deal breaker and the cheater doesn't deserve a second chance to cheat again. The cheater only does to you what you allow him to do. If he gets away with it once and you forgive him then there are no consequences for the second time cheating. He already knows you will take him back and forgive him. Why wouldn't he cheat a second time if you allowed him to cheat the first time with no consequences?
respect yourself

Edmonton, KY

#11 Oct 17, 2012
If cheating on you and humiliating you and disrespecting you was in his heart once it will be there again because you made it easy for him to get away with it the first time.
Sexist tag

Elizabethtown, KY

#12 Oct 17, 2012
Why is it that these few posts are only of cheating men. Lol. There are absolutely as many women who ate repeat cheaters.

If a cheater is always a cheater for a man- is this true for a woman too?
unsure

New Haven, KY

#13 Oct 18, 2012
Women are just as guilty and the man. Women walk away from their families, ever day. For someone or something they think they dont have. But things are always better on the other side.
unsure

New Haven, KY

#14 Oct 18, 2012
sorry , women are as guilty as a man. Things are not always better on the other side. No matter how much you think they may be , things are not always as they seem.
yes

Elizabethtown, KY

#15 Oct 18, 2012
unsure wrote:
Dont know if one can or not. I am living it now. As you said , I am sure alot will rag on me over replying , but I felt connected to you for some reason. I was honest and told that I had , been unfaithful. At first there was alot of anger, something that I was very well used too, then there become of alot of distrust. Watching ever move I made , phone, car, computer, I could not go anywhere or do anything. See I had to be honest for some reason. I could not live with myself knowing I had done this , and my feelings were turning elsewhere. The other person cared nothing for me , and I am sure I almost lost my world due to it. I was wrong, although we were apart, I should have ended my marriage before I did anything... I did feel something for this other person , and will always, thought maybe it was love , dont really know for sure. My life was not perfect before I did this, he had been unfaithful and hide it , I was living in a emotional, and abusive marriage. But when he thought that someone else in the world might really have a want for me , he lost his mind. He had always told me he would kill me before he let me leave him, well I am not dead yet. So maybe when you really think you are losing it all, you can wake up? Best of wishes to anyone who has ever been in this spot. I have been on both sides. No one knows until they live your live, what you go thru , what you want , or need , or what you would do on how you would handle anything. Try my shoes on before you run in them....
Yes you can I did and we have a great marriage everyone makes mistakes and we take each other for granted but you have to forgive and not throw it up in their face every time you get mad let it go. and love each other
Ex family member

Glasgow, KY

#16 Oct 18, 2012
Try www.survivinginfidelity.com it really helped.
The end

Glasgow, KY

#17 Oct 18, 2012
cant begin to understand wrote:
How women (especially) can live with themselves while having an affair with a married man. She clearly knows that the man is another WOMAN'S husband & a father. Does she not think about the pain that her despicable actions will befall on woo many innocent people? Some of theses females have affairs over and over. Why? Why cant they pursue single men? Do they feel as if they have accomplished something in someway? Did the married men's wives do anything to them personally to make them want to destroy their marriage? Why??
My wife did this for years, i caught on and bugged our home. She knew i knowed the last nite i spent in our home. I confronted her and she went and got EPO against me. I was put out and she got her cake and ate it too.

After 28 years of marriage we are divorced and she is living good.

She bankrupted me.

I am getting over it, my son, i haven't seen for several months.

He is still on her side.
Sexist tag

Elizabethtown, KY

#18 Oct 18, 2012
I had a wife for almost 2o years and she had I know of 2 affairs. The first newly married and I begged her back. Absolutely forgave her and forgot about it.
The second time, many years later even with young kids she did again. Thought she was in love but those situations don't usually work out.
Wanted me back and all was ok in divorce land until I said no... I deserve better.
Wow, it hit the fan. Took many years to resolve but today the courts stood with me and I have wonderful relationship with kids.
If you have bad relationship with your children it is your own fault. Quit crying and blaming and stand up. Go to court. Get good attorney that is not a dirty one who used smear tactics but a good person and you will be blessed.
Yes, Courts ate manipulatable and here divorce court is the worst.
Be a man and stand up. Walk away and fight in court not in front of your kids.

“Is who I am”

Since: Aug 08

Scottsville

#19 Oct 18, 2012
Not being funny or mean here, but how do you EVER trust someone that cheats on you? If they do it once, and you forgive them, you are then a DOORMAT, and they thinks they can do it again, and be forgiven. Don't give a cheater a second chance. They don't deserve it.
Honestly

United States

#20 Oct 18, 2012
Sure when they get caught they want to ''change'' promise to never do it again. You really can't say it has survived until your old enough it don't work anymore.

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