Need Help With Husband's temper

Need Help With Husband's temper

Posted in the Glasgow Forum

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Sick of Roller Coaster

Glasgow, KY

#1 Oct 14, 2012
What can cause a man to be sweet and loving for a while then suddenly angry, telling you he's only hurt you because you pushed him to do it, etc. then after normal again. sometimes he is someone else...I don't know who he is when he's like this...I want to help him, but I don't know how. I cook, clean, provide pleasure all that a good wife is expected to do...what can cause a man to switch moods so much when says he doesn't mean to and does love you? Could he be bi-polar or something treatable?
social worker

Glasgow, KY

#2 Oct 14, 2012
I can't make a diagnosis based on your account here but what is more important than what causes him to be that way IS THAT YOU PROTECT YOURSELF.

If he is hurting you physically or emotionally, GET OUT.

Once you are in safe environment, then you can focus on what is going on with him and get him help.

But for now, you need to BE SAFE.
well well

Glasgow, KY

#3 Oct 14, 2012
My boyfriend is the exact same way. He is addicted to pills and has crazy mood swings when he doesn't have any. Maybe ur husband is using drugs.
siren

United States

#4 Oct 14, 2012
bi-polar is an option worth considering. My ex-husband was bi-polar and it was hell to live with. However, bi-polar is far more than just mood swings from nice to mean. True bi-polar manifests itself in a somewhat predictable cycle of emotional swings, each phase generally lasting from hours to weeks. The most easily identifiable phases being those of mania and depression. Mania and depression MUST be present for a diagnosis of bi-polar. During the manic phase the individual typically has excesive amounts of energy, they are in a practically giddy or euphoric mood, they have grandiose ideas and the sense that they are invincible and can do anything. Drug or alcohol abuse, as well as risky sexual behavior often manifests itself during this phase. The depression phase is equally severe, with the individual lacking any and all energy often times to even get out of bed. They drop friends, interests, etc. They may be unable to go to work and lose their job. Many have suicidal thought patterns. Bi-polar is a very serious condition, but is manageable with meds and therapy. It is not as common as most think however, because it is, again, much more complex than mood swings. If your hubby is simply alternating between happy and angry, i would suggest he see a therapist, but would also explore the possibility that he is not bi-polar, but abusive. Good luck!
Wallace P Dingle

Glasgow, KY

#5 Oct 14, 2012
Alcohol; drugs; or mental problem.

YOU are not going to be able to help him.

Get to a place where you can be safe, then tell him if and when he gets help and gets his problems under control, you might return.

If the problems are not addressed, they will just get worse and worse and his behavior will escalate.

Violence/abuse is a deal-breaker. There is no reason to tolerate it. Leave, with the idea of not returning. If he really loves you, he will do whatever it takes to get help, and then you can see how it goes and think about returning, IF he is straightened out.
Sick of Roller Coaster

Glasgow, KY

#6 Oct 14, 2012
Thank you everyone that replied. Just leaving isn't so easy right now. We have children and he requested I quit my job after our first child. I didn't realize then I'd be leaving myself with no resources. I never saw this coming. Things were great until his mother died. I feel so alone, but I also do love my husband and just want answers. I want to know why he's so moody. I know I don't deserve this and he has hurt me a few times, but normally it's just emotional abuse. I don't think it's drugs, other than dependency on nicotine and caffeine. He's not very affectionate anymore. He's not excited to be home. He doesn't go out with friends or really talk to people except at work. He works third shift and we never go on dates. I've asked if he wants another woman or to divorce. I've told him if he does i understand, just please be honest instead of hurting me. He says he doesn't that he does love me and doesn't mean to do this. Obvious answer would be counseling, but he says his doesn't have time with his work schedule.
Social worker

Glasgow, KY

#7 Oct 14, 2012
Go to counseling without him. Start making preparations so you will have resources. You have to get yourself and your children out of this environment.

Re-read your post. You said he has hurt you. Violence ALWAYS escalates. A man who hurts his spouse will EVENTUALLY hurt the children. In the meantime, the children will be emotional wrecks.

You have to turn to someone who can help you--friend, family, minister, school counselor, someone who can steer you to the resources you need.
ROFLMAO

Glasgow, KY

#8 Oct 14, 2012
Wallace P Dingle wrote:
Alcohol; drugs; or mental problem.
YOU are not going to be able to help him.
Get to a place where you can be safe, then tell him if and when he gets help and gets his problems under control, you might return.
If the problems are not addressed, they will just get worse and worse and his behavior will escalate.
Violence/abuse is a deal-breaker. There is no reason to tolerate it. Leave, with the idea of not returning. If he really loves you, he will do whatever it takes to get help, and then you can see how it goes and think about returning, IF he is straightened out.
How did I guess, you know everything about everything, a true genius, a medical MIRACLE! You mean to tell me you don't believe this post to be fake, someone just causing trouble? This woman is not a nut who is incapable of someone caring for her? Or is it because she has not out-smarted you yet? Then she will become a nut job who doesn't take her meds...right? You are probably one of those who post on every topic, you know something about everything! Just like stalking or the opposite of that "just being" ROFLMAO!
Sick of Roller Coaster

Glasgow, KY

#9 Oct 14, 2012
Social worker wrote:
Go to counseling without him. Start making preparations so you will have resources. You have to get yourself and your children out of this environment.

Re-read your post. You said he has hurt you. Violence ALWAYS escalates. A man who hurts his spouse will EVENTUALLY hurt the children. In the meantime, the children will be emotional wrecks.

You have to turn to someone who can help you--friend, family, minister, school counselor, someone who can steer you to the resources you need.

If talking to one would help him somehow I would try. My children are my biggest concern and thankfully he's never hurt them and these situations are never in front of them. That's why I think I have so much hope that it's something treatable not just abuse that's surfaced or it would be all the time. I am making preparations to build resources just in case I have to leave. I really pray that I don't have to. I am very depressed and worry that I won't be strong enough to go through a divorce. I don't have family here and his family would be a conflict of interest. I've talked to a few friends, but they all have chosen to stay out of it. Is there a support group around here?? A safe place to talk to other women as I work our family through this?
Sick of Roller Coaster

Glasgow, KY

#10 Oct 14, 2012
ROFLMAO wrote:
<quoted text>How did I guess, you know everything about everything, a true genius, a medical MIRACLE! You mean to tell me you don't believe this post to be fake, someone just causing trouble? This woman is not a nut who is incapable of someone caring for her? Or is it because she has not out-smarted you yet? Then she will become a nut job who doesn't take her meds...right? You are probably one of those who post on every topic, you know something about everything! Just like stalking or the opposite of that "just being" ROFLMAO!
How was his post bad? I thought he was referring to my husband not me...
seek proffesional help

Glasgow, KY

#12 Oct 14, 2012
ROFLMAO wrote:
<quoted text>
How did I guess, you know everything about everything, a true genius, a medical MIRACLE! You mean to tell me you don't believe this post to be fake, someone just causing trouble? This woman is not a nut who is incapable of someone caring for her? Or is it because she has not out-smarted you yet? Then she will become a nut job who doesn't take her meds...right? You are probably one of those who post on every topic, you know something about everything! Just like stalking or the opposite of that "just being" ROFLMAO!
Wow, were you looking in a mirror when you replied with this rant? You are a scary person with obsessions that are creepy. Are you a wannabe therapist or what? Good Lord, calm down and allow others to post without you going postal.
Wallace P Dingle

Glasgow, KY

#13 Oct 14, 2012
Sick of Roller Coaster wrote:
<quoted text>
How was his post bad? I thought he was referring to my husband not me...
Don't mind ROTFLMAO. She's just a typical Topix mental-case who tires to turn everything around. Obviously, she is too stupid to even realize that I was referring to your husband....
been there got out

Glasgow, KY

#14 Oct 14, 2012
Sick of Roller Coaster wrote:
What can cause a man to be sweet and loving for a while then suddenly angry, telling you he's only hurt you because you pushed him to do it, etc. then after normal again. sometimes he is someone else...I don't know who he is when he's like this...I want to help him, but I don't know how. I cook, clean, provide pleasure all that a good wife is expected to do...what can cause a man to switch moods so much when says he doesn't mean to and does love you? Could he be bi-polar or something treatable?
I cried when I read your post. It brought back so many memories for me. I was once in your situation and no matter what happened I always gave my husband the benefit of the doubt and made excuses for him. I thought I couldn't make it without him and that wouldn't be good for our kids. I thought the kids needed us together. I thought I was enough and loved him enough to make him better. I thought if I could just make it a few more months then everything would be okay and I would have been right to stay and stick it out through the chaos for our kids sakes. 15 years I stayed and prayed and tried and cried...and suffered. My kids suffered through everything too as I convinced myself I stayed because of them.

While I was at home trying to make everything perfect so my family could be happy again...he was having an affair with a pretty young thing that worked 3rd shift with him. In the end he told me that he was always trying to start a fight with me so he wouldn't feel guilty when he went to work and screwed the young thing in his car at lunch every night. She just wanted a f__k buddy to pass the time at work and someone to get money from when she needed it. She wanted no part of living with him or being his woman outside of work. That kept my husband in a terrible mood all the time. He would come home frustrated by his girlfriends elusive love and resented me for trying to make things better when he knew I couldn't ever make things better for him. He rarely ever wanted to have sex and that hurt me to my soul because I thought that was so wonderful between us he would always want to make love to me no matter what the situation. Boy was I ever wrong! Looking back I am thankful that we didn't have sex too often because after what I know now I could have got AIDS from him and her or any one of many STD's. If my husband was willing to put my health and life in the hands of a little ho that was screwing him out of boredom and for money...my husband never ever ever loved me. The moment I found out about her I walked away and never looked back. My disgusting ex husband and his little ho both got fired shortly afterwards and their love affair went kaput rather quickly when he had no money to offer her. He is miserable and an alcoholic and begs me to take him back. I want no part of a relationship where my husband can lie and disrespect me and have no second thoughts about giving me a disease so he can get a piece of ass.

I hope your husband is a better man than mine was. Just remember that you are the most important person in the world to your children and they depend upon you for a happy childhood. Don't put yourself or your children in danger by trying to fix someone else. I thought I was doing all the things necessary to make my kids happy and now they refuse to even speak to their alcoholic father. I wish things were different for them and their relationship with him but I got out of the people fixing business because I am no good at it. I can only fix me.

I pray for you and your children. I wish you only the best.
ROFLMAO

Glasgow, KY

#15 Oct 14, 2012
Wallace P Dingle wrote:
<quoted text>
Don't mind ROTFLMAO. She's just a typical Topix mental-case who tires to turn everything around. Obviously, she is too stupid to even realize that I was referring to your husband....
You are a typical abusive man. Why don't you go back to the post about stalking and state how STUPID I am on there. Or are you busy "JUST BEING", which for those who don't know, is the opposite of stalking.
ROFLMAO

Glasgow, KY

#16 Oct 14, 2012
Sick of Roller Coaster wrote:
<quoted text>
How was his post bad? I thought he was referring to my husband not me...
I am sorry to have interrupted your post. My reply to Dingle had nothing to do with this topic. I am fully aware of what he said and that it was about your husband. I was referring to another topic where I had replied to his post disagreeing with him (because I know from experience) and he proceeded in talking down to me as he has on here. Oddly enough it was another topic about a different type of crime against women. Again, I apologize, and I wish you well.
Wallace P Dingle

Glasgow, KY

#17 Oct 14, 2012
ROFLMAO wrote:
<quoted text>
You are a typical abusive man. Why don't you go back to the post about stalking and state how STUPID I am on there. Or are you busy "JUST BEING", which for those who don't know, is the opposite of stalking.
Oh, yes, that's right- you're the crazy who thinks that anyone should just be arrested on nothing but your word alone if feel that you are being stalked.

Yes, let's all go to that thread where your folly is displayed.(Notice how she follows me from thread to thread just to respond to my comments with nonsense. Hmmmm....sounds like SHE likes to stalk!)

Now STFU you weirdo and stop ruing other people's legitimate topics and posts with your illogical nonsense.
Wallace P Dingle

Glasgow, KY

#18 Oct 14, 2012
Here's a link to that thread:
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/glasgow-ky/TV...
beenthere

Glasgow, KY

#19 Oct 14, 2012
leave nothing you cant do you cant change anybody but you can change yourself and who your with
I say

Glasgow, KY

#20 Oct 15, 2012
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Sounds like some good advice being sent your way. As always there are some who go into each thread who aren't serious. I'm glad the verbal abuse isn't around your children. Children are the ones who get hurt the most. I didn't exactly catch the physical abuse or not. I won't go back to reading.
One time being physically abused is too many. It will get worse. Just one time, and you the children need to walk away. There is help out there should you decide to go that way. If you do let us know. We will follow up on here.
ROFLMAO

Glasgow, KY

#21 Oct 15, 2012
Wallace P Dingle wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, yes, that's right- you're the crazy who thinks that anyone should just be arrested on nothing but your word alone if feel that you are being stalked.
Yes, let's all go to that thread where your folly is displayed.(Notice how she follows me from thread to thread just to respond to my comments with nonsense. Hmmmm....sounds like SHE likes to stalk!)
Now STFU you weirdo and stop ruing other people's legitimate topics and posts with your illogical nonsense.
If you could read on my level...and knew any facts about stalking you would have realized that I never said someone could be arrested "just on your word" I do not follow you anywhere, moron. I happened to click on a thread about stalking...there you were telling others about "just being". That is not even correct English. The very next thread I look at is another about someone (who like myself was abused by a man) and guess what? Mr. Dingle is on that one too. Then you go on to verbally abuse me, a stranger who disagreed with you, by calling me a nut that does not deserved to be cared about. Now you think you should give someone advise on abuse.

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