My name is Frank LeLapin, and I'm here to help you recapture your former glory.
Remember the days in the late 70's and 80's when the news was reporting atrocities left and right, supposedly committed by your worshipers? Worshiping Satan was the "in" thing in those days, but let's face it...we really don't hear much in the news about "Satanic cults" anymore, do we?
I can help!
I'm a marketing professional with over 20 years experience helping folks just like you -- folks whose name recognition and once popular brand have been tarnished or have simply begun to fade. Satan, you CAN be relevant once again!
My client list includes Mickey Rourke, Michael Vick, Mariah Carey, Neil Patrick Harris, Donnie and Marie Osmond, Paula Abdul, and I'm currently working with a once bright star who's quickly becoming a "regular" on TV once again -- Jamie Lee Curtis!
I can help you too, Satan. With my proven track record and your unsurpassed omnipotence, we could be unstoppable. And no one can deny the powerful synergy that's long existed between the marketing industry and the dark realm of the underworld.
If you're interested, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so we can get started immediately.
I look forward to hearing from you soon!