The best wine for colored bums is ?

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Linda Bedsore

Indianapolis, IN

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#1
Nov 16, 2012
 

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Cisco
18% alc. by vol.

Cisco is bottled by the nation's second largest wine company, Canandaigua Wine Co., in Canandaigua, NY and Naples, NY - the same company as Wild Irish Rose.

Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.

In 1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a warning on the label (above right). The FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was entirely accurate. Read the FTC's full investigation on their own web page at this link. Since those days, Cisco is harder to find outside the slums, although the FTC's demonizing of the drink only bolstered its reputation for getting people trashed. Anyone who overlooks the warning and confuses this with a casual wine cooler is going to get more than they bargained for. Cisco will make a new man out of you. And he wants some too.

Our research shows that Cisco is actually the second best tasting of the five great bum wines, especially if you're having one of those hankerings for cheap Vodka, Jello and Robitussin. We must also note that Cisco is the best of all 5 bum wines at putting the darkest and puffiest bags under your eyes. The nuclear-tinted color of "Cisco RED" is reminiscent of diesel fuel. Most Cisco flavors are named by the fruit flavor that they are trying to emulate, but the one picture is simply called "RED." This chemical disaster will get your head spinning in no time. A test subject reports, "Strawberry Cisco has a bouquet similar to that of Frankenberry cereal fermented in wine cooler with added sprinkle of brandy for presentation." The sticky, sickingly sweet taste with a hint of antifreeze really comes through in the repellant taste of Cisco. Avaliable in various flavors, 375 mL and 750mL sizes. Down a whole 750 mL and you had better be ready to clear your calendar as you suffer through Cisco's legendary 2 day hangover.
Alonzo X

Indianapolis, IN

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#2
Nov 16, 2012
 

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This is racist.
Ralph

Bloomingdale, IN

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#3
Nov 17, 2012
 

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Alonzo X wrote:
This is racist.
Yours, or the one above you?
jle76

Greenwood, IN

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#4
Nov 17, 2012
 
Someone has way too much time on their hands.
Jeff

Indianapolis, IN

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#5
Nov 17, 2012
 

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I am having a Cisko Kid party later tonigh.
White Powder

Indianapolis, IN

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#6
Nov 17, 2012
 
The best thing to get white women quickly out of their pants is cocaine.

It works.

And YOU know it's true.

Even the most proper and shy of white women will become total dogs in heat after a bump or two.

The stuff is even white!!

Zeig Heil! White Powder!!
White Powder

Indianapolis, IN

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#7
Nov 17, 2012
 
If it were not for cocaine,white birth rates would be even lower.

White foreplay:

Man; VIAGRA and a few bumps of Andean Rocket Fuel.

Woman; A few bumps of Andean Rocket Fuel and the promise of an expensive gift or shopping experience.

White Powder is White Power!!
Jose

Indianapolis, IN

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#8
Nov 17, 2012
 

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Pruno is the best homemade hooch. David knows when he's at Arby with his fat pension and stock portfolio he'll be stocking up on sugar packets and bread from the dumpster to make his favorite whine.

Since: Aug 12

Indianapolis, IN

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#9
Nov 17, 2012
 

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Cisco is a brand that I haven't seen or heard in ages. About ten years ago I stopped in a grocery store and they had bottles of Cisco on sale for $0.88. That would have been paradise for a wino.
Zeezel

Terre Haute, IN

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#10
Nov 19, 2012
 
The nastiest wino wines are:

Mad Dog 2020

Night Train Express

Mr. Dude 44
Ralph

Bloomingdale, IN

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#11
Nov 19, 2012
 
My college room mate introduced me to Rocky Ripple. Three fifths and you could ralph down the hall with the best of them. And yes he was.
Ralph

Bloomingdale, IN

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#12
Nov 19, 2012
 
Jose wrote:
Pruno is the best homemade hooch. David knows when he's at Arby with his fat pension and stock portfolio he'll be stocking up on sugar packets and bread from the dumpster to make his favorite whine.
And don't forget extra napkins. And a sharp cheddar goe's well with whine.
Ken

Indianapolis, IN

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#13
Nov 19, 2012
 
What happened to those guys gettting high off of butt juince fermenting and inhale the gas?

Did old ralphie and dave do this f their own bb gun and christmas story movie?

ho gay are yru rapophie
Ken

Indianapolis, IN

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#14
Nov 19, 2012
 
J1eff wrote:
I am having a Cisko Kid party later tonigh.
does little ralphie getthe kid>
khfr

Indianapolis, IN

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#15
Nov 23, 2012
 

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White Powder wrote:
The best thing to get white women quickly out of their pants is cocaine.
It works.
And YOU know it's true.
Even the most proper and shy of white women will become total dogs in heat after a bump or two.
The stuff is even white!!
Zeig Heil! White Powder!!
crack is better

“NOT RUSSIAN”

Since: May 08

and not from Russia

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#16
Nov 23, 2012
 
I tried that white powder once. Made me feel energetic eough to dance, and guilty later, but horny? At no time did I feel horny. What did I miss?
joe

Carmel, IN

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#17
Nov 23, 2012
 
Mad dog
Alonzo X

Indianapolis, IN

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#18
Nov 23, 2012
 
Russia1513 wrote:
I tried that white powder once. Made me feel energetic eough to dance, and guilty later, but horny? At no time did I feel horny. What did I miss?
I can quench your thirst in black and white!

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

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#19
Nov 23, 2012
 

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Evidently, Cisco packs quite a Pancho!
unknown

Wessington Springs, SD

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#20
Nov 23, 2012
 
Russia1513 wrote:
I tried that white powder once. Made me feel energetic eough to dance, and guilty later, but horny? At no time did I feel horny. What did I miss?
Might have a different effect on women in their late 40s... But I'm assuming you may have tried this prior to quoting smoking in May of 06.

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