Being single with a group of couples isn't fun, tonight, I threw a small dinner party, my two couples that were my guest sat in the living room, joking and doing computer things, while I cooked, set up the small buffet and took care of everyone. After eating I opened a bottle of wonderful red wind put the glasses on the coffee table and retreated to the kitchen to clean up. I came back out and noticed the bottle empty four glass half empty and one never filled. The conversation was one for them and I sat and pretended to listen. Finally a female half of one equation announced it was time for her to go and all four people walked out the door, thanking me but still lost amonst themselves and as the door closed, I looked at the now all empty wine glasses and wondered if they even realized none had been poured for me. I hate to think because I was single I had somehow became invisible, but where did the food and drink come had I not made it or bought it. I was ignored with such ease that immedately self pity started in and brought and with their departure I brought out my second bottle of wine, poured myself a drink, grabbed my daughters and sat alone thinking of the night. My friends will remember it as a good night, good food and good friends, but will they remember me. I always thought I could handle being single, as a single mom I accepted it to be not a choice I could make but a decision thrust upon me. My daughter now grown with her own better half needs me less and less and the solitary life I have led brought me to a place I never thought to think about. A place where for so long I defined myself as just someone here to make others happy I lost the idea of who I was before, and who I will be when no one really needs me anymore. I have such little identity that I couldn't list the things that bring a smile to my face that don't immeditately trace back to being "she who cares for others". I don't know who I am, I don't know if I will ever find that woman who lives beneath the guise of who people think I am. I don't think I will ever find someone like you, but I do wish only happiness to those who have the extreme luck to find it. I haven't given up I have just more or less accepted the fact long ago it was just as it was to be without even realizing what I have done.