E-flirting Is Cheating
victimofcheating spouse

Raleigh, NC

#1 Aug 9, 2011
I am a victim of this type of behavior. My wife is a teacher in the school system. The information that is shown below came from a therapist and someone that has felt the sting of an internet affair. I am not the only one that I know in Fort Mill that has experienced this which is the reason I have chosen to post this. This was happening to me, and others, right before our eyes without noticing until it was pointed out to us by someone who felt guilty about what was happening to the spouses and children. Some of us found by chance out when the evidence was left up on a computer by mistake. Either way it is a rude awakening to know that it is going on and to see some of the conversations that take place between the cheating spouse and their internet lover. In most cases these end up being more than internet affairs. The other man in my experience supposedly had gone through a nasty divorce himself but still chose to partake in the activity and defend his actions and those of my wife. Now I'm the bad guy for being mad and humiliated by the internet affair and the things that have been said about me. I hope that by showing this those persons engaged in this activity, especially teachers and others, will change their mind about what they are doing. The issue must be addressed, even to no avail, or the person that has taken part in the internet affair will never learn unless they have to deal with the same sting of humiliation and embarrasment that their internet affair has caused their spouse and others.

It is important that people know that whether cheating in person, or using internet fantasies, cheating is cheating. I have heard so many conversations where a married person claims to be having a fun social interaction on the internet and say that it is not cheating. These persons can be anyone, including teachers and others, that are influencing our community, including our children. If the children are taught to think this is ok what will the next generation be like. This is not something that just happens in other places. It has hit us all here in Fort Mill and it is time for people to think about what they have done and how it could effect them and those around them. It is an issue for us all that can effect the lives of so many for years to come.

The Dilemma: Do you think it's OK for a married person to send someone flirtatious emails on a regular basis, or can this be considered having an affair? Am I just old-fashioned, or does it cross a line of intimacy?
Ruling: There's an issue that needs to be addressed here. I don't have all the details, so I'm going to assume that this e-flirting has been an ongoing issue in your relationship that you weren't aware of, or that perhaps you think your partner has been engaging in this kind of behavior.
There's no need to hide a relationship if you're not doing anything wrong; when you hide something, it means there's something to hide. Infidelity doesn't always have to involve physical intimacy. In fact, an emotional affair can be just as devastating to a relationship, sometimes more and is adultery in court when intent and opportunity are proven. Think about it: Emotionally cheating means going elsewhere to fulfill your emotional needs. The relationship may start out as friendship or innocent flirtation, but the ingredients are there to cause a wedge between you and your partner that could ultimately ruin your relationship. It is playful games of telling intimate secrets and fantasies, invitations to meet, lies to spouses and other family members, lies about spouses to get the focus off the cheating, etc. In the end it is humiliating to the spouse and especially children if they find out and they do.

You're not being old-fashioned at all. Get your facts straight and make sure your suspicions are validated and approach those involved and those that have been brought into it by the lies and coverups.

Please copy and post anywhere in Fort Mill. Thank You

Hazleton, PA

#2 Aug 9, 2011
I am 20 years old, from the "Internet generation," and I consider it to be an affair. I am sorry you have to suffer this way. I find it vehemently appalling and offensive. This is a massive betrayal of trust. I know you feel hurt and the hurt is justified. The people over the Internet are completely real people. It is just a different medium from, say, going to a bar and flirting. It is cheating. Your wife is cheating. Put an end to this nonsense once and for all. This world is getting out of control. There is no doubt in my mind this is cheating. I don't consider online and offline to be very distict. People are people, and cheating is cheating.

Hazleton, PA

#3 Aug 9, 2011
I meant, "distinct" and not "distict." I will try to spell better.

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