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JAH

Craigsville, WV

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#1
Jan 29, 2011
 

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To begin with, there is an almost 11 years age difference between us - I being her senior. We'll have been married 5 years next month and have a beautiful 3 year old. It was a mistake to marry her to begin with and my gut was telling me not to, but she got pregnant while we were dating and I thought I was doing the responsible thing when I proposed. She said yes. She then had a miscarriage.(And yes, it was a legitament miscarriage. Don't think otherwise. I was there with her at the doctor's office confirming it.) At that point, I wasn't going to back out of the marriage proposal, so we got married, eventually getting pregnant again and having our 3 year old.

The problem is my wife refuses to GROW UP. She's 24 years old and still acts like she is in high school. She's a terrible mother, is constantly on her cellphone and if she's not at work, she's over at her mom's "hanging out." She typically comes in, gets our 3 year old crying and then makes her goto bed, while the rest of the day our 3 year old is perfectly fine. Divorcing her would be an easy way out, but that would mean I take the chance of our 3 year old ending up in her care, which isn't good. So, I've hung on all this time trying to give our 3 year old a better life than I know she would have otherwise. But I'm getting to the point I can't handle it anymore. My wife has emotionally drained me. In 5 years, I have went from a healthy 180 lb man to a 300+ lb beast, because she has made me so miserable. All this time I've fought for my 3 year old's sake, but now it's getting to the point where I feel as though I'm questioning if my child is even worth it.

I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to her about our problems, but that only leads to fights and threats she's going to take our child and leave. Anymore, I find myself wishing her dead as I see that as the only way to truly be done with her torment.

It's so sad that another person's antics can cause so much misery for a person they're suppose to love, but yet they refuse to change.
selfish man

United States

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#2
Jan 31, 2011
 

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well first of all, grow up yourself. that child is always, always worth fighting for. secondly, get a damn lawyer and take custody of your child. there's no doubt that you'd have to be prepared, but if you prove that she's such a patterned neglectful/abusive mother, your lawyer ought to know how to settle that. it's not likely your wife would even fight too hard for custody. you're a wuss, albeit a hopefully decent parent. i'm not able to give you sympathy, because you're allowing your child to be tormented and have been since day one. good luck. i hope your child finds someone who really cares about him/her. ps, your last line.. "it's so sad..." i'd like you to read that out loud and imagine your baby girl/boy has written that in her diary about you and about your wife. Change.
Momother

Saint Louis, MO

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#3
Feb 1, 2011
 

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Don't sound like to me either one of you need that little one. If that was me & I truly loved my little one I would get me a good lawer & fight for it. Do you work ? What can you offer the little one that the courts would have reason to warrent them to give you cousty ? You need to stop & think who is the better person here. Finding your self wishing she was dead is not something you really want or need to post on topix, a judge would NOT take that lightly, so be careful what you post.
JAH

Craigsville, WV

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#4
Feb 2, 2011
 

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Well, I guess when I posted that here I was reaching out to those of you who might have went through a similiar experience - you know, being with a person that completely wipes out the will to live in you, but staying with them, anyway, because you know it's the only way you can protect your child from them. But what I got from those of you who replied was the opposite.

I've always been raised with the belief that all people are generally GOOD and I still believe that to be true. Unfortunately, in today's society, it's cold outside and EVIL wheres a thick coat. So thank you all for your insults and your lack of understanding. I pray that someday, you don't have to go through an experience similiar to my own.

God bless.
scooter

Rockaway Beach, MO

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#5
Feb 2, 2011
 

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Dude what did you expect from posting on here? sure peeps will be hard on you, wishing your wife dead wont solve your problem. dont use your child as an excuse to stay with her, if you love your kid then keep a cool head and divorce her sorry ass. wheather you get your child depends on you. you have to show that YOU are the better parent and the child is better with you. this maybe a test from God for you. I'm sure your a good person dont let her bring you down to her level, keep that chin up and do the right thing and dont wish bad things on anyone. it will be in the best intrest of your child that you remain the one he or she counts on. when life sucks look it straight in the eye and say I will do whats right for the safety and welfare of my child first and I will wait for my happiness when it is the Lord's will.
observer

El Dorado Springs, MO

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#6
Feb 2, 2011
 
it seems to me that you are a crybaby who is trying to blame everything on your wife. you're wife didn't force you to gain all that weight..you did by putting the food in your mouth! i don't even know you but have absolutely no sympathy for you whatsoever! a pregnancy or even a child is no reason to marry someone! and as far as her being such a bad mother--if she truly is then why in the world would you stay with her or even let her be around your child? sorry but i don't buy it! i just think you're wanting to vent but saying things like this on here is terrible! i hope your wife finds out that you've done this and does all of you a favor and leaves you!
re selfish man

United States

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#7
Feb 2, 2011
 
JAH wrote:
Well, I guess when I posted that here I was reaching out to those of you who might have went through a similiar experience - you know, being with a person that completely wipes out the will to live in you, but staying with them, anyway, because you know it's the only way you can protect your child from them. But what I got from those of you who replied was the opposite.
I've always been raised with the belief that all people are generally GOOD and I still believe that to be true. Unfortunately, in today's society, it's cold outside and EVIL wheres a thick coat. So thank you all for your insults and your lack of understanding. I pray that someday, you don't have to go through an experience similiar to my own.
God bless.
perhaps some of us would sympathise if you came off as putting your child first. you don't deserve anything but lonliness. earn love, and you'll get it. earn respect and you'll get it. people make bad choices, you married one. people are entitled to change. get out. but never, ever should you forget that you are responsible for the well being of a child who is suffering while you are consumed with your own misery.
disgusted

Rincon, GA

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#8
Feb 18, 2011
 
I acted much the same...and then my son was taken away,it didn't take me long to get my shit together.sometimes you just need the shock
ive been there

Fort Leonard Wood, MO

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#9
Feb 20, 2011
 
i was kinda in the same boat. i sympathize with your situation completely. court sucks around here, but just know the money talks. i have custody of my daughter after trying to divorce my wife for two years. it cost me ALOT of money, but in the end it was well worth it. i know being the male you have an uphill battle because it seems the court system is bent toward the woman having custody, but like i said earlier it comes down to who has the most money to fight, really though its more about who has the money to line these local jackass lawyers' pockets. the good ol boy network can be paid for if you arent from around here. good luck
fight it

Sullivan, MO

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#10
Mar 7, 2011
 

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Personally get a lawyer and document everything she does. This is to prove what she does or doesn't do. I am a woman and it sounds like the child would be better with you. Get witnesses to back it up. If she does things aren't appropriate then get DFS involved to prove she doesn't take care of biz.
A Mom Myself

Waynesville, MO

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#11
May 6, 2011
 
I am not going to insult you like 90% of the others that have posted a comment on this page. I am simply going to ask you to think of a few things. I am a mother myself. I have a beautiful little boy. He's 8 months old. At one point his father and I had some BIG problems. Long story short...he was NEVER home and I started thinking he was messing around. It caused a lot of arguments and once since my son was born he got physically hurtful towards me. Police got involved, etc. It was ugly. I had to ask myself the following question, "Do I want my child to grow up in this kind of household thinking that the things that are going on are the way things are supposed to be?" The answer to that question was no. I didn't want my son growing up and seeing me and his father fight all the time, watching his dad leave the house as soon as he woke up and not coming home until the wee hours of the morning, etc. I didn't want my little boy thinking that's how a man treats a woman and that's how a father is there for his child. So...I left. Granted, we weren't married so things weren't as sticky as they may turn out to be in your situation but I want you to ask yourself the same question. Think of the way things are right now. Yes, your little one is only three. BUT one day your little one will be in their teens and see and understand what goes on in that house. Do you want your little one growing up thinking that what goes on with "Mom" is the right way for things to go?

I can understand wanting to stay together for the childs sake but is staying together really in the best interest of the child?

And as a previous poster stated, if you can prove that she is an unfit mother, you're working, and can prove it is in the child best interest to stay with you in the event of a divorce, the right lawyer can make that happen. I really do wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do and I'm sorry that previous posters were as hateful as they were.

God Bless you and your little one.

Since: May 11

Location hidden

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#12
May 14, 2011
 
Personally, all I think she needs is something you cannot give her...some good lovin. Or allow her to get a boyfriend.
Greg Smith

Bellmore, NY

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#13
May 17, 2011
 

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It's your fault you got fat.
enn

Charlotte, NC

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#14
Jun 19, 2011
 
you people are boring.
Kittie

Osceola, MO

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#15
Jul 1, 2011
 
JAH, I know how you feel. I'm in sort of the same boat. I know that when you're with someone who makes you miserable you can barely even get up in the morning. Good luck and I hope you can get through this.
HateTheWife

Westbrook, ME

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#16
Mar 8, 2012
 
I would love you all to join me in telling your stories on HateTheWife.COM . It's a new site and a perfect fit for all of your stories!
Texie

United States

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#17
Jun 18, 2012
 
QUOTE who="JAH"]To begin with, there is an almost 11 years age difference between us - I being her senior. We'll have been married 5 years next month and have a beautiful 3 year old. It was a mistake to marry her to begin with and my gut was telling me not to, but she got pregnant while we were dating and I thought I was doing the responsible thing when I proposed. She said yes. She then had a miscarriage.(And yes, it was a legitament miscarriage. Don't think otherwise. I was there with her at the doctor's office confirming it.) At that point, I wasn't going to back out of the marriage proposal, so we got married, eventually getting pregnant again and having our 3 year old.
The problem is my wife refuses to GROW UP. She's 24 years old and still acts like she is in high school. She's a terrible mother, is constantly on her cellphone and if she's not at work, she's over at her mom's "hanging out." She typically comes in, gets our 3 year old crying and then makes her goto bed, while the rest of the day our 3 year old is perfectly fine. Divorcing her would be an easy way out, but that would mean I take the chance of our 3 year old ending up in her care, which isn't good. So, I've hung on all this time trying to give our 3 year old a better life than I know she would have otherwise. But I'm getting to the point I can't handle it anymore. My wife has emotionally drained me. In 5 years, I have went from a healthy 180 lb man to a 300+ lb beast, because she has made me so miserable. All this time I've fought for my 3 year old's sake, but now it's getting to the point where I feel as though I'm questioning if my child is even worth it.
I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to her about our problems, but that only leads to fights and threats she's going to take our child and leave. Anymore, I find myself wishing her dead as I see that as the only way to truly be done with her torment.
It's so sad that another person's antics can cause so much misery for a person they're suppose to love, but yet they refuse to change.[There is no reason why you cannot start going to the Gym and get in shape, to hec with lawyers and your wife. Take contol of you life and take your daughter with you. You make yourself happy and put your money in an account in your name only. Most gyms have a daycare, if yours does not get your relative to take the baby while you work out or work out pushing a stroller, you will start feeling better. About yourself in no time. Then watch your wife change when she thinks she is losing you.)
yeppers

Dallas, TX

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#18
Jun 19, 2012
 

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Here an idea wake up and get a clue.

If your wife is that bad and you have a job pack yours and your kids stuff up and leave when she at work. You cannot be charged with anything due to no custody battle in the courts. But you better be able to prove she is not fit to have the child or the child will go back to her.

Dude I can tell you I was in a relationship for 7 years married for 5 months then divorced I should never have married her. Sounds lame but was going back overseas so decided to get married had a 6 yr old at the time. Not saying she a bad mother the exact opposite just a messed up situation. Dude I had to make a decision I was exercising my parental rights up until she decided to try and start some shit. At that time I had to step away from my daughter for the better for me and her both. Her mom is re married and so am I. But due to the new man in her life I could not risk the trouble they were trying to cause with my career. I decided to step out of my daughters life bad mistake now since 2009 I've had no I mean no contact with her. It was the hardest decision I had to make and yes I regret it. But I know in the end it was prolly for the better. I also know one day my daughter prolly gonna find me and ask what the heck happened. And I'm gonna have to explain my reasoning gonna be difficult but that part of life.

Well anyways brother you sound like a good father don't make the same mistake fight for your kid man. It will be hard Espically if ur in Pulaski county there courts suck. But take thee advice spend the money get a good lawyer. Not Lawrence e ray or mark prugh you will have no chance with them. Fight for your kid if she is that bad dude if not you will regret it
hey question for yepper

Bellevue, WA

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#19
Jun 23, 2012
 
question for yeppers off the topic im a mother and im wondering exactly why u think pulaski county courts suck? i will be dealing with a very nasty custody battle with my ex who beat me from 18 weeks to 27 weeks pregnant when i finally made him leave and im just ify on court here beings they droped his assault 2nd degree charges bc he served our country, an such i know it sounds nuts n off ol dudes topick but yea
wow

Dallas, TX

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#20
Jun 23, 2012
 
hey question for yepper wrote:
question for yeppers off the topic im a mother and im wondering exactly why u think pulaski county courts suck? i will be dealing with a very nasty custody battle with my ex who beat me from 18 weeks to 27 weeks pregnant when i finally made him leave and im just ify on court here beings they droped his assault 2nd degree charges bc he served our country, an such i know it sounds nuts n off ol dudes topick but yea
If your a female the courts will work for you in a custody battle. Males if u see judge warren he will screw you over my advice to you get a good out of town lawyer. He prior service the courts will have sypthany for him. Which is bs.

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