Posted in the Fairview Forum
#1 Feb 4, 2013
Brian always wanted a pair of authentic Harley Motorcycle Boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Maria looked him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Brian stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Maria, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Maria looked up and exclaimed "Brian, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Furious, Brian yelled,'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN MARIA?" "Nope" she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS".
Without changing her expression, Maria replied, "Shoulda bought a new helmet, Brian!"
#2 Feb 4, 2013
Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. Bob looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you".
So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Woman, leave me alone, I'm married!"
#3 Feb 4, 2013
A man dies and appears at The Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit? Have you exhibited courage?", St. Peter asks. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers.
"Once I came upon a group of bikers who were bothering a young woman. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and meaninst looking one. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, "Now get out of here."
St. Peter was visibly impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
#4 Feb 4, 2013
Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper and he told his friend "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that."
"Just put the jacket on backwards" his friend advised.
They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call police.
They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?"
"Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"
#5 Feb 4, 2013
Snake's ol lady Candy, goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs .. a green spot on the inside of each. Scared to death she has contracted some terrible infection, Candy tells the doc, "The spots won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse."
The doc examines the spots and then assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.
A few days later, Candy's phone rings and it is the doc on the other end. Scared of what news the doc might have for her, she reluctantly asks the doc if he knows what is causing the spots?
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem, but I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Biker?"
Candy replies cautiously, "Why yes, why do you ask?"
and the doc replies.........."Never mind that, just tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
#6 Feb 4, 2013
Barry the biker awakened after a. Long night at the biker bar. When he relieved himself he noticed two distinct rings on his Johnson. One red and one black.fearing an STD or a fungal ringworm he roared to the free clinic. After an exam and lab tests the doc informed barry that the malady was diagnosed. It was a god news bad news scenario. The good news was the red ring was lipstick...the bad news was the black ring was Copenhagen.
#7 Feb 5, 2013
Whats the difference between a pothole and a biker?
When you are driving you try to avoid the pothole.
#8 Feb 5, 2013
Q = What is the difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover Vacuum cleaner?
A = Placement of the Dirt Bag.
#9 Feb 5, 2013
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