marrying a man w kid/sole custody

marrying a man w kid/sole custody

Posted in the Evansville Forum

notmommy

Florence, KY

#1 Nov 14, 2012
What is my role as stepmom? what am I expected to do> What is selfish if I don't feel like I should be doig it? I don't have any children of my own. Since I am not his mom I don't feel like I should have to take on mommy role completely. His child is 11. We have him all the time. Mom is a dead beat maybe sees him every few months. Yea Im ready for the negative comments saying I'm selfish. I don't see that I am, but I'm not his mom so I dont think I should assume that role if I don't want to.
yis

Evansville, IN

#2 Nov 14, 2012
I agree with you.
hmmmm

Evansville, IN

#3 Nov 14, 2012
notmommy wrote:
What is my role as stepmom? what am I expected to do> What is selfish if I don't feel like I should be doig it? I don't have any children of my own. Since I am not his mom I don't feel like I should have to take on mommy role completely. His child is 11. We have him all the time. Mom is a dead beat maybe sees him every few months. Yea Im ready for the negative comments saying I'm selfish. I don't see that I am, but I'm not his mom so I dont think I should assume that role if I don't want to.
Should have never married him I you didn't want to step up and be a stepmom.
passinthru

Owensboro, KY

#4 Nov 14, 2012
IMO you get involved with someone who has children you should accept the package deal so to speak. he must be a good Dad and I think he should re evaluate his choice of step mommy. How hard, if u love him, is it to love his child. Being 11, you would probably not have to hold his hand and he probably isn't thrilled with the idea of a new mommy.
lo

United States

#5 Nov 14, 2012
If his mom is a deadbeat and u married the dad then yes you should assume the role
passinthru

Owensboro, KY

#6 Nov 14, 2012
Oh and hey i wasn't trying to dis u, it's your choice and u have a right to feel the way you want, please just let the dad know before you say I do...don't ad insult to injury in that Childs life by not caring for him like he deserves.
Karma

Tucker, GA

#7 Nov 14, 2012
You should have NEVER married his father if you didn't want to step as a step mom. If his mom isn't there for him already why would you not want to help heal that void? U aint sh*t and i hope his dad leaves yo ass for someone who will care for him and his child before you mess the poor little boy u all the way up! Im sure its already hard on him that his mom don't take care of him and now his step mom aint messin wit him? You need to move on that child deserves better than you'
BOOM

Tucker, GA

#8 Nov 14, 2012
I won't say anything negative- it's not my place to judge you especially without knowing how the child acts toward you, but imo if you want to be with a child's parent you better be ready to be with that child! You can not ever fill that void the poor boy is surely going through knowing his mom doesn't care but you can by all means show him that you do!! And that you're there if he needs you! Don't try to take over the house, Idk how long it's just been him and dad but that will strain the relationship even further. Let dad do the disciplining (most of the time) but make it known that it is your house too and make sure you and dad are on the same page as far as rules go. Make sure if you do something (cook, clean, laundry, vacations) that you do all of that for him too! Don't be the evil stepmother, think of it this way...if it were you (or your child) how would you want you (or your child) treated?!?
BOOM

Tucker, GA

#9 Nov 14, 2012
BOOM wrote:
I won't say anything negative- it's not my place to judge you especially without knowing how the child acts toward you, but imo if you want to be with a child's parent you better be ready to be with that child! You can not ever fill that void the poor boy is surely going through knowing his mom doesn't care but you can by all means show him that you do!! And that you're there if he needs you! Don't try to take over the house, Idk how long it's just been him and dad but that will strain the relationship even further. Let dad do the disciplining (most of the time) but make it known that it is your house too and make sure you and dad are on the same page as far as rules go. Make sure if you do something (cook, clean, laundry, vacations) that you do all of that for him too! Don't be the evil stepmother, think of it this way...if it were you (or your child) how would you want you (or your child) treated?!?
Also...if you ever do have children of your own I would expect anyone who wanted to be with me to treat all children the same, whether you have them full time or not!!!
Truth

United States

#10 Nov 17, 2012
notmommy wrote:
What is my role as stepmom? what am I expected to do> What is selfish if I don't feel like I should be doig it? I don't have any children of my own. Since I am not his mom I don't feel like I should have to take on mommy role completely. His child is 11. We have him all the time. Mom is a dead beat maybe sees him every few months. Yea Im ready for the negative comments saying I'm selfish. I don't see that I am, but I'm not his mom so I dont think I should assume that role if I don't want to.
Every situation is different if this man had full custody from the beginning.. most people know this is a package deal. From personal experience co parenting is very difficult and takes patience. You are there to support your partner that includes the child if the mother is not around it is even tougher but, tell him now because none of you deserve the emotional stress it will cause if you stay then change your mind this could leave a life long impression on the child.

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