Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#1 May 15, 2012
Dear Amy: My ex and I have been on and off for the last four years, mainly due to me.

We lived together. After a visit to my hometown a couple of years ago, I learned that he wanted to marry me and was planning on buying a ring.

A sense of anxiety came over me and I freaked out.

I ended things with him and asked him to move out. At the time, a lot of things were building up and it all just kind of exploded (I'm working on communicating better, instead of exploding). Later, he ended up moving back in with me, and we were working on things, but I missed my family back home and decided to move back, leaving him behind.

I have done some soul-searching and now I want him back. I have told him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but he is very wary of me. He says he is numb to anything I say.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to win back his trust and love. I know that actions will speak louder than words and have been working seven days a week to save money so I can move to be closer to him and maybe have a chance to be together again. I want to prove that I do want to be with him.

I don't know if I am living in a romantic comedy and hoping for a "happily ever after" outcome. I don't know if I should just let him go.

Hopeless

Dear Hopeless: This could be one of those romantic comedies that ends in a restraining order.

If your guy wrote to me, laying out the scenario from his point of view, I would tell him to examine the actual evidence and make a choice based on your actions, not your statements.

In my anecdotal (and actual) experience, people who cut and run tend to continue to cut and run, regardless of their intentions.

The kindest thing for you to do would be to let this man fly free, like the proverbial butterfly to which you prove your love by letting go.

Apologize to him, cop to being an idiot and let him decide what to do without crowding him.

Dear Amy: I have an 18-year-old (older) brother, "Stanley." He's constantly on the phone with his girlfriend.

When we get home from school, he calls her and is on the phone until dinner. Then he's back on the phone until he goes to bed.

He lost one job due to texting and sometimes texts during school. His only plan for post-high school is to move into an apartment near her house (she lives an hour away).

He has no idea what he is going to do to make money. My parents aren't doing too much to stop this so I've decided to take action. Any advice?

Pestered in Pennsylvania

Dear Pestered: I'm not sure what "action" you intend to take, but you are not your brother's keeper. This is unfortunate, because I have the feeling you'd be pretty good at it.

The best way to reach him is through friendship (otherwise, as the older brother he could just dismiss you with a double-noogie).

You can ask him, "Beyond being with your girlfriend, do you have a plan? Do you know what you're going to do for a job after graduation?"

Then you should hunker down, pay attention to your own choices and make a determination not to text away your own future.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to "Danced Out," who was upset because the guy she was dating had promised to take someone else to a dance.

My husband of 60 years also made a promise to another woman before we met. He insisted on honoring it. I threw a fit (I was young) but he did it anyway.

A man of his word, in 60 years of marriage he never went back on a promise. I could count on him.

I'm Grateful

Dear Grateful: Looks like you found the right partner for the big dance. Good for you!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#2 May 15, 2012
LW1: You sound like you needs some serious therapy and, perhaps, some serious meds as well. You seem to be a Class A nut-job. Get help. Now. He would be smart to run the other way when he sees you coming. Maybe you will meet a nice guy in the loony bin.

LW2: You're brother is destined to be a whipped loser, at least in the short-term. Not a lot to do here. Best you can do is be there for him if/when he snaps out of it.

LW3: Lucky you. That is very rare.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#3 May 15, 2012
L1: Wow, you are a basket case. I'm surprised this guy is still in it after all this yo-yoing. It sounds like you're always thinking the grass is greener and want whatever you don't have. You need to figure out your own issues before being in a serious relationship.

L2: Yeah, I'm not sure what action you're going to take either. However, Stanley is in for a wake-up call no matter what when he tries to get an apartment with no job.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 May 15, 2012
1 Yes, pursue him with all your might. Once you get him, you will again drop him of course, but thats ok! See lady, your nutz and anyone who dates you is also slightly tilted.

2 Yeah, go take action little man. Next thing you know your deadbeat brother will be living on your couch while you go to work every day.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Denver, CO

#5 May 15, 2012
3- When you break up with someone, you no longer have to honor whatever promises you made while dating.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#6 May 15, 2012
Bunch of losers, the lot of them. And LW3, your husband also promised to plow that woman he took to the dance, and he keeps his promises.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#7 May 15, 2012
L1: Please let this guy be! You're way too wishy-washy to settle down.

L2: MYOB!

L3: How nice for you.........

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#8 May 15, 2012
RACE wrote:
1 Yes, pursue him with all your might. Once you get him, you will again drop him of course, but thats ok! See lady, your nutz and anyone who dates you is also slightly tilted.
2 Yeah, go take action little man. Next thing you know your deadbeat brother will be living on your couch while you go to work every day.
This.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 May 15, 2012
LW1: He has every reason to be wary of you and your promises. Quit trying so hard.

LW2: What are you going to do? Steal his SIM card?

I fear your brother has a case of Gottagetinthisgirlspantsitis and it won't go away until he does or she dumps him. Either way, it's not your problem.

LW3: Oh, go f*ck yourself.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#10 May 15, 2012
squishymama wrote:
LW3: Oh, go f*ck yourself.
This.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 May 15, 2012
LW1: This guy would have to be a complete dumb f to want to dating you again. You have the maturity of an 8 year old.

LW2: MYOFB

LW3: Blah, blah, blah.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#12 May 15, 2012
LW1 - The letter writer should read her letter again and then again and again until it sinks in what the problem is.
LW2 - Next thing will be a category from APA on phone addiction. The brother will have to hit bottom just like addictions to the bottle and gambling.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 May 15, 2012
L1: I quit reading at your freaking out over him wanting to propose. end this relationship and let it stay ended.

L2: You want advice? How about "Butt out of your brother's personal bizness."

L3: You got sloppy seconds. COngrats.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#14 May 15, 2012
lw1 - don't blame him for keeping his distance... i would too when it came time for round 3...

lw2 - be a good kid yourself and don't worry abuot your brother. when you're successful and he's not, dont be a snot about it, but explain nicely that while he was chasing some tail and being a bum, you were working at your studies and findign a decent job.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#15 May 15, 2012
"I don't know if I'm living in a romantic comedy..."

No. You are not living in a movie and you don't get to keep rewriting the script until it suits you. Leave the guy alone. In fact, leave ALL of them alone until you grow up and understand that this is real life.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 May 15, 2012
itser wrote:
"I don't know if I'm living in a romantic comedy..."
No. You are not living in a movie and you don't get to keep rewriting the script until it suits you. Leave the guy alone. In fact, leave ALL of them alone until you grow up and understand that this is real life.
Can I get an amen?

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#17 May 15, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Can I get an amen?
;-D

A long long time ago, I used to be that immature little drama queen, and I threw away the best man I have ever known because of it. I wouldn't trade the life I have lived for anything, but I do kind of wish I could go back and beat myself over the head with a baseball bat until I got the message to grow the f' up.
I am glad that he had the sense to walk (OK...run) away and find a woman who deserved him and that they had several good years before cancer took him long before his time.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 May 15, 2012
itser wrote:
<quoted text>
;-D
A long long time ago, I used to be that immature little drama queen, and I threw away the best man I have ever known because of it. I wouldn't trade the life I have lived for anything, but I do kind of wish I could go back and beat myself over the head with a baseball bat until I got the message to grow the f' up.
I am glad that he had the sense to walk (OK...run) away and find a woman who deserved him and that they had several good years before cancer took him long before his time.
Looking way way way way back, I can see three great guys who were way more mature than I (way ahead of their time) who may have been great partners for life. But if you're not ready, what can you do?
Julie

Chicago, IL

#19 May 15, 2012
LW1: You're a drama queen. Do your ex a *huge* favor and drop off the face of the earth.

LW2: You've "decided to take action"? Butt out of your brother's life, you little control freak.

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