You Might be a Redneck if----

You Might be a Redneck if----

Posted in the Elizabethton Forum

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Milton

Johnson City, TN

#1 Jun 26, 2012
You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
Milton

Johnson City, TN

#2 Jun 26, 2012
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
John

Johnson City, TN

#3 Jul 3, 2012
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#4 Jul 3, 2012
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#5 Jul 3, 2012
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#6 Jul 3, 2012
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#7 Jul 3, 2012
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
GritsNGreens

Jonesborough, TN

#8 Jul 3, 2012
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
GritsNGreens

Jonesborough, TN

#9 Jul 3, 2012
You've ever used lard in bed.
GritsNGreens

Jonesborough, TN

#10 Jul 3, 2012
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#11 Jul 3, 2012
You and your dog use the same tree.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#12 Jul 3, 2012
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#13 Jul 3, 2012
THE TOP COUNTRY & WESTERN SONGS THIS WEEK

7. I Never Went To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.

6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

5. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause She Might Win.

4. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#14 Jul 3, 2012
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#15 Jul 3, 2012
A full moon reminds you of your mother-in-law pullin' weeds.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#16 Jul 3, 2012
Three weeks after the circus, you're still talking about the elephant's accident.
GritsNGreens

Ashburn, VA

#17 Jul 3, 2012
You have three first names. Your parents named you William Joseph Robert but everybody calls you:

Billy Joe Bob!!!!!!!
Tracy

Knoxville, TN

#18 Jul 3, 2012
You ARE a redneck if the only one you can beat on is a woman!
Uh huh

Johnson City, TN

#19 Jul 3, 2012
You paid your rent a week late so you could buy fireworks.
yeehaw

Clarksville, TN

#20 Jul 3, 2012
You get drunk and threaten to beat up your mom in a shit-a-tub

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