Girls Desperate to Get Married
forgetting

El Dorado, AR

#21 Jun 4, 2013
Desperate girls wrote:
I have a friend that was so desperate to get a ring she put up with his cheating all the time even after they got engaged she was always catching him. She married him anyway even after she caught him cheating right before they got married. I know he is still cheating but she just turns a blind eye to it and acts like everything is ok all of her friends have told her over and over again that she deserves better so I think she just puts up with it and doesn't want to say anything to us about it. I don't know why she feels so desperate to be married to someone like that and take what she does. She can do so much better!
Thats not desperate, thats f*****g retarded. The only thing desperate about it is that she's desperate to try and convince people she's happy. Girls who do that to themselves don't really deserve better in my opinion. If she's that lazy, stupid and delusional I wouldn't wish her on someone better! A good guy deserves better than someone like that. Let the trash have the trash!
forgetting

El Dorado, AR

#22 Jun 4, 2013
idiots wrote:
I happen to be 25 years old and am about to have my second child that will arrive when I'm 26. My first child was born out of wedlock but she sees her father every few months. I know that every few months isn't a very good thing but I have a certain amount of anxiety about leaving my child with her father. This is something many mothers have to deal with. I'm now married to a guy I consider to be wonderful and perfect and we're happy to be expecting even though we haven't been married for long. He loves my first child like his own. And yes, we weren't together for long before we got married but as they say, when you know you just know.
I was not "desperate" to get married, even though a few mean people, including my own mother, said that I just wanted to be married so I wouldn't be a single mother anymore. My used-to-be best friend even told me she was afraid I was making a mistake marrying someone I hadn't been with long then getting pregnant right after, even though she knows I dated him years ago, so technically I have known him a long time. She even accused me of getting pregnant again as soon as I could to "cement" our marriage. I see a lot of girls who are jealous when other girls find the right man earlier than they do.
I know getting pregnant when I was barely into my twenties was not the road I should've taken. Don't you think it bothers me that my child will grow up confused because she has to be moved back and forth between her father and stepfather, while her sibling is with us all the time? I pray every day she won't grow up with "daddy issues". Don't you think I wish my children had the same father and that things would have turned out differently?
I also know that people don't look on it favorably. Sometimes it hurts. All I can do is try to act as though I don't notice their judgement. It also helps that in today's world a lot of people accept this kind of thing and that there are way more proud mothers out there even if they weren't married when they had their first child. There are also a lot more young mothers out there that hold their heads high. Some people bash shows like "Teen Mom" but I think those girls have helped bring awareness to the fact that you can be a younger mother and still be a good mother and that there is nothing wrong with it.
But still I wish I would have waited. I wish I would have been more careful. I know that my circumstances aren't preferable and aren't something I would recommend to other girls my age. I tell all of my friends, even the married ones, that they should wait a few years before having kids. In today's world, being in your mid-twenties really is like being a young adult. But I am still going to be proud of my children and share my kids lives and successes with friends and family on facebook and other places. I am still happy despite my mistakes. We make the best with what we have. People shouldn't expect us to be ashamed of our kids. We aren't heartless and we do feel guilt that we didn't make better decisions for ourselves and didn't think about what effects our children might have in their futures because of our decisions. That bothers me almost every day, though its not something I go around telling people. Its something I try to stay positive about and forget.
So I get it. I know why people are offended or whatever but we will NEVER be ashamed of our children and nobody should say such a thing. We aren't perfect but we aren't horrible people either. We make mistakes but do what we can however we can to make our children's lives good lives!
Desperate dumbasses like you don't need to breed. I feel bad for your children. They probably don't have a chance in hell being raised by morally void white trash like you.
forgetting

El Dorado, AR

#23 Jun 4, 2013
If you've been together for YEARS I get why you'd want to get married no matter what age. But these people that date a few months, get married then get pregnant immediately? These make up the recipes for divorce, multiple baby daddys and miserable children. Those people are the definition of desperate. People who do that haven't even had the time to think things through or get out of the "in love" phase enough to know if they could really make a life long partnership work. Jumping into marriage just so you aren't alone is one of the dumbest and most pathetic things anyone can do. And getting pregnant to "cement" your marriage is disgusting and selfish without any thought of the child.
u r forgetting

Maumelle, AR

#24 Jun 4, 2013
forgetting wrote:
<quoted text> Being that young and trying to pressure someone into marriage is really damn desperate.
That young??? Hell, she ain't too far from 30!
stupidIS

El Dorado, AR

#25 Jun 4, 2013
u r forgetting wrote:
<quoted text>
That young??? Hell, she ain't too far from 30!
Yeah she is. She's not that old.
GlamQueen

United States

#26 Jun 5, 2013
stupidIS wrote:
<quoted text>Yeah she is. She's not that old.
Well they have only been together 5 years!
Right

United States

#27 Jun 6, 2013
forgetting wrote:
If you've been together for YEARS I get why you'd want to get married no matter what age. But these people that date a few months, get married then get pregnant immediately? These make up the recipes for divorce, multiple baby daddys and miserable children. Those people are the definition of desperate. People who do that haven't even had the time to think things through or get out of the "in love" phase enough to know if they could really make a life long partnership work. Jumping into marriage just so you aren't alone is one of the dumbest and most pathetic things anyone can do. And getting pregnant to "cement" your marriage is disgusting and selfish without any thought of the child.
i agree 100%, i personally think people get married around here because its just "something" to do. And the young girls that marry older men, thats a recipe for disaster, when you at different stages in life it will NEVER work. And there are more irresponible guys around here, i think most of em should be neutered at birth!
Curious

United States

#28 Jun 6, 2013
BABAYY wrote:
Kerry Kingery tried to pressure Joe into marriage!! I feel sorry for the poor guy... When he is ready, he will ask! Just because your friends are married, doesn't mean you have to be also.
You must not know her too well bec you spelt her name completely wrong! Lol! And it's mainly other people (Friends and Family) that's on his ass about marrying her! Not necc her!
seeMe

El Dorado, AR

#29 Jun 6, 2013
GlamQueen wrote:
<quoted text>
Well they have only been together 5 years!
This is a caution tale.

See, even if you're in you're early twenties or something its ok to get married if you've been together for that long. I still don't think its smart but five years is a pretty damn long courtship. To me it isn't age but time spent together. Dating for a year then getting married is stupid and really does seem desperate. Even worse is when these people, 20 yrs old or 35, decide to have children too fast. It doesn't matter if you dated a while in high school then reconnected either, as a lot of people do now days. If you're 30 and haven't dated the guy since you were 26, its not the equivalent of a four year courtship. Especially if there were other people in between.

My sister got pregnant when she was 20 or 21 (I can't remember). Her and the father didn't get married. She stayed with him for a few years but when he moved for work (under her influence), she immediately broke it off and got together with a guy she used to date. She told us it "just happened" but most of us did the math and realized she was probably seeing him, if not in contact with him, well before the father of her child was out of the picture. Well, within a whole year or so of them getting together they decide to get married. Then a few months after that, watcha know, she's having baby number two. Again it "just happened" but her close family and friends know this was probably some plan of hers to appear to have the perfect new family. She couldn't stand being a single mother but also couldn't stand the father of her first child. She was desperate to have the appearance of the normal family but wasn't desperate enough to be with a guy she couldn't stand. So she tracked down an ex she could like again and had probably been playing up in her mind to have been the "perfect guy", even though such a notion is silly she is good at making people perfect in her mind when she needs to.

Part of this is because me, her older sister (I'm 31), got married at 26 after six years of dating. My husband and I met at UofA doing our undergrad studies. He's a local attorney and I'm a stay at home mom. We had our first child after three years of marriage. I've seen so many women my age that are already divorced, have two or three children with two or even three different fathers, have no direction in life, didn't follow their passions and all of that. It makes me sad because they're good people but they made really bad relationship decisions just because they wanted to create an image of perfection on facebook or they didn't want to be alone. So I told my sister these things. That even though she was a single mother, she should wait for the right guy and not jump into another relationship. She'd never say it but I knew she wanted what my husband and I have, but now that's something she will never get because of her decisions and clear desperation. She started a new relationship before another ended, dropped hints that she wanted to be married (yes, the guy is a fool), got married then got pregnant again. It makes me mad but it also makes me sad for her children. I'm afraid that she'll end up cheating on her husband in a few years and I don't know if he will stay with her after something like that. My mother and I spoiled her throughout her life and I think a lot of her problems come from that. She never really learned to take care of herself. She has always relied on someone else and has never really been by herself.

When that "in-love", lustful phase of a relationship is over she moves on. You can't do that in a marriage. Thats why you should date as long as you can before getting married. You have to go through changes and still want to be together and faithful. These are things most older couples have reiterated to the younger generation over the years. Not my words, but the wisdom of others who have had successful relationships.
GlamQueen

United States

#30 Jun 6, 2013
seeMe wrote:
<quoted text>This is a caution tale.

See, even if you're in you're early twenties or something its ok to get married if you've been together for that long. I still don't think its smart but five years is a pretty damn long courtship. To me it isn't age but time spent together. Dating for a year then getting married is stupid and really does seem desperate. Even worse is when these people, 20 yrs old or 35, decide to have children too fast. It doesn't matter if you dated a while in high school then reconnected either, as a lot of people do now days. If you're 30 and haven't dated the guy since you were 26, its not the equivalent of a four year courtship. Especially if there were other people in between.

My sister got pregnant when she was 20 or 21 (I can't remember). Her and the father didn't get married. She stayed with him for a few years but when he moved for work (under her influence), she immediately broke it off and got together with a guy she used to date. She told us it "just happened" but most of us did the math and realized she was probably seeing him, if not in contact with him, well before the father of her child was out of the picture. Well, within a whole year or so of them getting together they decide to get married. Then a few months after that, watcha know, she's having baby number two. Again it "just happened" but her close family and friends know this was probably some plan of hers to appear to have the perfect new family. She couldn't stand being a single mother but also couldn't stand the father of her first child. She was desperate to have the appearance of the normal family but wasn't desperate enough to be with a guy she couldn't stand. So she tracked down an ex she could like again and had probably been playing up in her mind to have been the "perfect guy", even though such a notion is silly she is good at making people perfect in her mind when she needs to.

Part of this is because me, her older sister (I'm 31), got married at 26 after six years of dating. My husband and I met at UofA doing our undergrad studies. He's a local attorney and I'm a stay at home mom. We had our first child after three years of marriage. I've seen so many women my age that are already divorced, have two or three children with two or even three different fathers, have no direction in life, didn't follow their passions and all of that. It makes me sad because they're good people but they made really bad relationship decisions just because they wanted to create an image of perfection on facebook or they didn't want to be alone. So I told my sister these things. That even though she was a single mother, she should wait for the right guy and not jump into another relationship. She'd never say it but I knew she wanted what my husband and I have, but now that's something she will never get because of her decisions and clear desperation. She started a new relationship before another ended, dropped hints that she wanted to be married (yes, the guy is a fool), got married then got pregnant again. It makes me mad but it also makes me sad for her children. I'm afraid that she'll end up cheating on her husband in a few years and I don't know if he will stay with her after something like that. My mother and I spoiled her throughout her life and I think a lot of her problems come from that. She never really learned to take care of herself. She has always relied on someone else and has never really been by herself.

When that "in-love", lustful phase of a relationship is over she moves on. You can't do that in a marriage. Thats why you should date as long as you can before getting married. You have to go through changes and still want to be together and faithful. These are things most older couples have reiterated to the younger generation over the years. Not my words, but the wisdom of others who have had successful relationships.
I certainly agree with you!
GlamQueen

United States

#31 Jun 6, 2013
seeMe wrote:
<quoted text>This is a caution tale.

See, even if you're in you're early twenties or something its ok to get married if you've been together for that long. I still don't think its smart but five years is a pretty damn long courtship. To me it isn't age but time spent together. Dating for a year then getting married is stupid and really does seem desperate. Even worse is when these people, 20 yrs old or 35, decide to have children too fast. It doesn't matter if you dated a while in high school then reconnected either, as a lot of people do now days. If you're 30 and haven't dated the guy since you were 26, its not the equivalent of a four year courtship. Especially if there were other people in between.

My sister got pregnant when she was 20 or 21 (I can't remember). Her and the father didn't get married. She stayed with him for a few years but when he moved for work (under her influence), she immediately broke it off and got together with a guy she used to date. She told us it "just happened" but most of us did the math and realized she was probably seeing him, if not in contact with him, well before the father of her child was out of the picture. Well, within a whole year or so of them getting together they decide to get married. Then a few months after that, watcha know, she's having baby number two. Again it "just happened" but her close family and friends know this was probably some plan of hers to appear to have the perfect new family. She couldn't stand being a single mother but also couldn't stand the father of her first child. She was desperate to have the appearance of the normal family but wasn't desperate enough to be with a guy she couldn't stand. So she tracked down an ex she could like again and had probably been playing up in her mind to have been the "perfect guy", even though such a notion is silly she is good at making people perfect in her mind when she needs to.

Part of this is because me, her older sister (I'm 31), got married at 26 after six years of dating. My husband and I met at UofA doing our undergrad studies. He's a local attorney and I'm a stay at home mom. We had our first child after three years of marriage. I've seen so many women my age that are already divorced, have two or three children with two or even three different fathers, have no direction in life, didn't follow their passions and all of that. It makes me sad because they're good people but they made really bad relationship decisions just because they wanted to create an image of perfection on facebook or they didn't want to be alone. So I told my sister these things. That even though she was a single mother, she should wait for the right guy and not jump into another relationship. She'd never say it but I knew she wanted what my husband and I have, but now that's something she will never get because of her decisions and clear desperation. She started a new relationship before another ended, dropped hints that she wanted to be married (yes, the guy is a fool), got married then got pregnant again. It makes me mad but it also makes me sad for her children. I'm afraid that she'll end up cheating on her husband in a few years and I don't know if he will stay with her after something like that. My mother and I spoiled her throughout her life and I think a lot of her problems come from that. She never really learned to take care of herself. She has always relied on someone else and has never really been by herself.

When that "in-love", lustful phase of a relationship is over she moves on. You can't do that in a marriage. Thats why you should date as long as you can before getting married. You have to go through changes and still want to be together and faithful. These are things most older couples have reiterated to the younger generation over the years. Not my words, but the wisdom of others who have had successful relationships.
I certainly agree!
reallynow

El Dorado, AR

#32 Jun 7, 2013
seeMe wrote:
<quoted text> This is a caution tale.
That was a sad tale but I've got one way worse for you.

One of my best friends calls me upset all the time. She's miserable in her life but she won't do anything about it. She's only 30 yrs old but she acts like she's afraid she can't find a man better than the one she's with that makes her feel like garbage.

It all started about 10 years ago when she began dating a guy that does drugs. She fell for him really hard but all he did was go out and cheat on her all the time and ignore her during drug binges. Friend after friend would tell her what he was doing behind her back but every time she was told she would either just sit there and look at you like you hadn't said a word or she would rattle off one of his many lame and unbelievable excuses. She knew the truth but chose to ignore it. Well, one of the girls he cheated on her with was young and had a kid. Also, several of her friends were already having kids rather or not they were married. I bet you know where I'm going with this. Before long, she was pregnant. Now mind you, this was almost ten years ago. Back then it was a shock when a girl got knocked up just to keep her boyfriend tied down, or convince him to marry her and settle down. That was the first time i was ever introduced to this new way of life so many young girls choose in today's world. I don't understand what kind of sickness this is that entered our American culture, but ten years ago it was shocking. Now its just normal. Seems like every few months now you hear about some girl getting pregnant to keep a guy. Or a guy doing the same to a girl.

So they got married just after their baby was born. Of course, this didn't change anything. Her husband was still going out and cheating and doing drugs. Why wouldn't he? He knew she married him knowing what he did. He was always having to explain himself. So why stop just because of a ceremony and a piece of paper? So now, almost ten years later, she is still dealing with the same thing. He cheats, he does drugs, sometimes he'll even disappear and not answer her calls, worrying her like crazy but he doesn't care not one bit. He knows he can get away with it. I stopped blaming her husband years ago. The only person to blame now is her. She's the one who refuses to leave him. Now they have three kids and she's the only one who takes care of them.

I'm ashamed to say it but our relationship is suffering because of her refusal to leave him. I don't pressure her, its her life, but over the years I get tired of hearing about her problems over and over. Its always the same thing, different day. I believe now that she's responsible for her own misery. He doesn't make her miserable, her decision to stay with him does. Its sad when I see her on facebook trying to convince everyone she's happy with a good little family when most people know the truth. She humiliates herself everyday with such a farce. And that's where the desperation comes in. She was desperate to get pregnant so she could force a guy into marriage. She was desperate to get married. And for the past decade she's been desperate to make people think something is working when its not. She's been desperate to make it work knowing that it can't. I really do wonder how women like her do it. I'm happily married and have been for a while now but when I was younger I was cheated on. I know how it feels. I didn't get knocked up to try to get the guy to change. I got rid of him and found someone better. Thats what most people do. They learn to move on, they don't get desperate. Desperation is a serious thing and it can hurt a lot of people. It hurt my friend. It hurts her children. It hurts her friends to see it.

So any of you who read this take note! DO NOT make the same mistakes that I have told you about. You will RUIN YOUR LIFE! Same for any guys in the same situation!
Spreader of Truth

El Dorado, AR

#33 Jun 7, 2013
I sort of copied some of my reasoning from Dr. Phil but its nothing I haven't thought about myself plenty of times:

The girls I know who have gotten pregnant intentionally didn't just do it to keep a guy around or convince him to marry. That's part of it I'm sure but there's more to it than that.

Most of them have friends who got knocked up. Those girls want to "fluff up" their miserable lives by telling everyone around them ridiculous tag lines like

"You haven't lived at all until you've had a child"

or

"Oh but nobody knows what real happiness is until they have children"

"Having a child made me feel purpose for the first time in my life"

You know, the typical bullshit that young mothers tell other people to convince them they aren't secretly miserable and so anxious they could rip their own hair out and that they don't pop xanax and prozac every damn day.

When girls hear that kind of bullshit from other people it makes them think that the quick fix for unhappiness is a kid.

Does having a child change people? Of course it does. In many ways. As a mother myself I know these things. But having children doesn't flip a happy switch. It doesn't make all your problems magically disappear. In fact, it adds a whole new set of stresses if you aren't already in a good place in life when you have them. My husband and I were together for five years before we decided to start trying. We waited because we wanted to make sure we were ready for the sake of our future children. We also wanted to be financially stable and not depending on our parents for anything. Most girls today don't think about the child at all. Its all about them and their need for happiness or purpose or whatever other reason. Then they end up getting help from their parents way too much.

So, yeah, in my opinion its not at all just about trapping some guy. I bet a lot do that but I think its about way more than that. Its about filling a hole thats inside them.
25 and counting

Manchester, UK

#35 Aug 25, 2013
They always say pride before a fall... The person who started this blog better make their world don't come crashing down before them, after all unforeseen circumstances befalls us all...
I respect those who make the best out of life, no matter what is thrown at, to call such ones desperate is insensitive.
From what I can see there is a lot growing up to do...
Umm

Rowlett, TX

#36 Aug 25, 2013
Tina Braswell got divorced and is already married again at 22 expecting her second child. Kinda skanky if you ask me.
Umm

Rowlett, TX

#37 Aug 25, 2013
Curious wrote:
<quoted text>
You must not know her too well bec you spelt her name completely wrong! Lol! And it's mainly other people (Friends and Family) that's on his ass about marrying her! Not necc her!
Quit posting tons of selfies of yourself and letting guys call you beautiful and pics where your half dressed and maybe he will wanna marry you. Just saying Kerrie.
Shawty

United States

#38 Aug 26, 2013
Haha! Half naked ? Really? Where r them pics at? I have to say she don't post as many Selfies as she ust to but guys will tell her She's beautiful regardless bec she is! Lol! I don't think Joe is ready for change and never will be I don't think! At least she is working and in college and has goals in life! Don't be jealous of her!
Puddin

El Dorado, AR

#39 Aug 28, 2013
actually wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, you misguided child. Listening to your snobby, liberal professor that feels she's an expert on everything because she's READ the scientific findings of others. Howeasily ratios can be manipulated based on the selective risk of your target group. Many people up north still marry at young ages; however, the new line of thinking is to not marry at all! The idea of the mother in a traditional family sticks up the asses of people like your professor and Carol Sandburg, the COO of Facebook, like an enema because not all women think as they do. Why must success in life be solely based on the major bread winner of a relationship? Women are more than capable to handle executive and management roles in companies,but at the expense if a family?
My wife and I dated for 3 years, starting when she was the age of 22, and we married when she was 25. We have been married for 10 years with 3 amazing children. True love can be found and obtained in that quick of a time span. There is no rushing about it. We wanted to start a family. Both with college degrees, no debt, and solid careers, we both had every opportunity to continue "exploring" other options and enjoying being young. Why did we choose not to? Because life was better by building a family. That is what adults do. Adults do not categorize demographics because that is what college KIDS do. Adults realize that the outside world is completely different than the perspective you read or hear in a closed, bias environment. Learn to think for yourself and open up to possibilities. Or you will find yourself in a possible career rut, single, and desperate by the time YOU are 30. Best of luck to you.
Been happily married 29 years. I am not a college grad, but do hold a management position (school of common sense and hard work). Thanks for your adult response and best wishes to your family.
actually

Memphis, TN

#40 Aug 29, 2013
Puddin wrote:
<quoted text>
Been happily married 29 years. I am not a college grad, but do hold a management position (school of common sense and hard work). Thanks for your adult response and best wishes to your family.
There is no such thing as school of common sense. You deal with dumbasses in life and learn how to work around their instabilities to get your job done. Most people are unqualified for their position, as to why they haven't had the experience or been promoted. Best wishes to you for continuing your marriage and to your family.
Puddin

El Dorado, AR

#41 Aug 29, 2013
actually wrote:
<quoted text>
There is no such thing as school of common sense. You deal with dumbasses in life and learn how to work around their instabilities to get your job done. Most people are unqualified for their position, as to why they haven't had the experience or been promoted. Best wishes to you for continuing your marriage and to your family.
I call that having common sense !

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

El Dorado Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Marriage 33 min Host 2
Which doctor is responsible for this? 1 hr Jean_S 11
Poll Did you vote today? (Jun '10) 4 hr Bad Dad 36,123
musicfest 2017 8 hr ERC broke us 4
News 2017 Murphy USA Summer Concert Series 14 hr EldoMasterBlaster 2
Econo Lodge 14 hr Gets the 3
Chad Blocker? 14 hr Fly on the wall 14

El Dorado Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

El Dorado Mortgages