why do men lie??
Factually factual

United States

#21 May 7, 2013
That's all true .... But also, it doesn't have to be about aan or woman cheating ... The discussion was about lying. Infidelity of aan or woman is one aspect. Lies can be about that, money, dinner, how a dress looks on her or if he is getting unattractive because of the man gut!

But all of it is recoverable. If the TWO want it to be. It's all about the way people value each other. Everyone makes mistakes ... No one is perfect ... And we are called to forgive. If you forgive, and the one who lied is really regretful, then they will be willing to prove it and they will make sure the other knows its real.

Mistakes don't have to define people or their relationships. You can let your heart forgive if you want to, and you may find that forgiveness provides unspeakable joy in your own heart, and a better relationship that you ever would have believed possible.

But yes, some people ( men and women ) are ugly, dark hearted people and don't care who they hurt. They make it hard for anyone to believe or trust. That's sad, but they will have to answer for their actions in the end. No one else , just them!
Disappear

United States

#22 May 7, 2013
Factually factual wrote:
That's all true .... But also, it doesn't have to be about aan or woman cheating ... The discussion was about lying. Infidelity of aan or woman is one aspect. Lies can be about that, money, dinner, how a dress looks on her or if he is getting unattractive because of the man gut!
But all of it is recoverable. If the TWO want it to be. It's all about the way people value each other. Everyone makes mistakes ... No one is perfect ... And we are called to forgive. If you forgive, and the one who lied is really regretful, then they will be willing to prove it and they will make sure the other knows its real.
Mistakes don't have to define people or their relationships. You can let your heart forgive if you want to, and you may find that forgiveness provides unspeakable joy in your own heart, and a better relationship that you ever would have believed possible.
But yes, some people ( men and women ) are ugly, dark hearted people and don't care who they hurt. They make it hard for anyone to believe or trust. That's sad, but they will have to answer for their actions in the end. No one else , just them!
that is true, that is what we call little white lies. Example when our child ask a question mom do u think my haircut looks bad? Knowing the hairdresser gave a bad haircut but your response is NO because you do not want to hurt your child's feelings. But a partner that is an habitual liar whether that means money, constant infidelity etc etc is totally different! A partner that lies all the time destroys the trust which is very important in a relationship. Everyone tells a lie at times but I think this topic is about habitual liars and has to do with mostly infidelity. As I stated a one time thing can sometimes be worked through but statistics say they don't more times than do because all the important things have been destroyed.the habitual liars and cheats they just keep on and they learn to be better at it because they learn what to do and not to. Like I said if you catch him over and over and believe his song and dance and think he will never do it again! Well like the saying goes fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me!
Btw

United States

#23 May 7, 2013
Facts from a guy wrote:
Yes, sometimes men lie because that's all they're about. Get what they can and to hell with others feelings.
But that's not all....
Sometimes men do lie to protect the feelings of someone they love ..... Sometimes men lie because in their heart they really were not trying to do anything bad, but it somehow went bad and they didn't mean anything bad..... Sometimes they lie because they are ashamed and are fighting to hold on to the life they love but maybe took for granted .... Or maybe they just messed up and they can't even face it themselves because they can't believe they let the other person down so badly!
Yes, some guys are scum ... Some guys make stupid mistakes and hate themselves for it. Some guys love their lady with all their heart and will try to spend the rest of their life being the best man they can be for the woman they love .... And they may tell a lie to try and insure they get the opportunity to never hurt her again!
That's the facts!
lets just say one of the people is an habitual liar and cheat. Then this causes lies from family and friends because when you go and say I've caught them again but they are going to change and never do it again and they are treating me better than ever now I think they have learned this time! Your friends and family say to you I'm sure you are right I'm sure things will be different now when they are actually thinking ARE YOU THAT STUPID? Your friends might see them or find out they are cheating but don't tell you because they don't want to break your heart again because you are happy and think everything is great. The big thing is YOU are lying to yourself and everyone else trying to convince yourself and others that things are terrific when actually every step they make you wonder if they are telling the truth about what they are doing. No good comes from lies!
Factually factual

United States

#24 May 7, 2013
Yes, that point is true, but as was said previously, if the love between two people is real, they both will put all the cards on the table and do everything necessary, and even more, to prove themselves, and to make sure the other person knows without any doubt they are committed to seeing it through. That means that nothing is hidden. They tell each other ( willingly ) where they are, what they're doing, who they're with, etc... Etc... Neither has secrets. Phone bills are willingly handed over, phones available to be looked at whenever the other asks, email accounts open to viewing ... Everything ... Until the trust is rebuilt and all is good, then you keep doing it because it is the right thing to do! Love keeps no secrets and hides nothing! Then love and trust can thrive! Life is great, and the relationship make all involved happy!!
Been there

Lockhart, TX

#25 May 7, 2013
I lied before and got " caught " but I was lucky enough to have someone who believed in me enough to be interested in putting things back together. It's not easy sometimes, but I love that person and they love me, and I am so blessed to have them with me. I would rather take a bullet to the head than ever make them doubt my love again! I will hopefully grow to a ripe old age with the one I love, and I will do everything possible to make sure that they know how much I love them, every single day. I am nothing without them!!

Blast away.... Your opinions mean nothing ... It's only between them and me, and we are happy and love each other! Sometimes it IS worth the effort, and fairy tails can come true!
actually

United States

#27 May 7, 2013
Women are the worst when it comes to laziness, lying, stealing, cheating, etc. After putting up with one stupid b!tch, do you dumbasses think that a guy would waste his time away with another stupid b!tch???

Women crave attention, no matter from who.
three times the charm

El Dorado, AR

#28 May 7, 2013
Factually factual wrote:
Yes, that point is true, but as was said previously, if the love between two people is real, they both will put all the cards on the table and do everything necessary, and even more, to prove themselves, and to make sure the other person knows without any doubt they are committed to seeing it through. That means that nothing is hidden. They tell each other ( willingly ) where they are, what they're doing, who they're with, etc... Etc... Neither has secrets. Phone bills are willingly handed over, phones available to be looked at whenever the other asks, email accounts open to viewing ... Everything ... Until the trust is rebuilt and all is good, then you keep doing it because it is the right thing to do! Love keeps no secrets and hides nothing! Then love and trust can thrive! Life is great, and the relationship make all involved happy!!
Sounds like you have a serious state of denial, obviously if you have to come on here and make the excuses for him or her cheating. First of all the cheating should have never happen in the first place for you to have to go behind and check everything out constantly. If that mutual respect and love was there in the first place you would not be in this type of relationship. I have been there for years and it was not good for me emotionally or physically. I caught him the first time and he begged and pleaded and gave me all the excuses of why he betrayed me. He swore he would never do it again and treated me like a princess!! Showered me with gifts, took me on trips it was like we were newlyweds again. A year went by and I saw numbers on his phone from a co-worker and his story was it was all business, they had to have meetings etc etc.... I told him if I caught him again I would file for divorce. The calls stopped and the royal treatment continued, I had that feeling deep down that something was up but just pushed it back and ignored it. I went through his stuff daily phone, computer, car and would sometimes have my friends drive by to see if he was really where he told me he was. A couple of years went by like this and I caught him it was a really weird event but there was no way he could deny it! The whole time I thought he had changed and was treated so great by him and thought he loved me more than life itself he had been cheating. During the divorce I found out he had other phones and other accounts that I had never discovered because he was that good at covering his tracks. I also found out that some of my good friends had known what was going on for years but they never told me because they said I seemed so happy and they did not want to be responsible for causing me pain. It took me 3 times and years of my life to discover who he really was and what he was doing and if that is love then I don't want it. I have remarried and see what a good healthy relationship is! We have been totally honest with each other from the start sometimes it is not always good but at least it is honesty. I have total trust in him, I have no need to follow behind him and check everything and would not because that is no way to live, it takes all the joy out, having to check everything all the time and obviously I did not check well enough! Believe me if I caught my husband it would only take one time this go around! The embarrassment my first husband put me through taught me so much because while I was bragging to my family and friends about how great he was, how much he loved me, and how he had changed he was sleeping with other women betraying me and making me look so stupid!
Facts man

Lockhart, TX

#29 May 7, 2013
Well, to be factual, I said both put their cards on the table ... Not one ... AND yes, my butt was handed to me AND I know of her secrets that she has never admitted fully to .... And you know what ?? I have never asked her to. She did some things, but me beating her down into submission verbally, demanding every juicy detail will serve no useful purpose. I don't need to make her admit it or relive it! She said she was wrong too. That's all I need. I don't want all the details. I don't want any details!!!! If she made out with him or was intimate 10 times, I DON'T CARE!! She said she was wrong ... She said she was sorry .... She said we will earn each others trust ... I love her more than life itself !!!!!! AND Jesus said forgive !!! No one is perfect, but even still , she is perfect in my eyes, and I will NEVER risk her heart or our relationship again! I'm the happiest man alive!
To _ 3 times the charm

Lockhart, TX

#30 May 7, 2013
I agree ... It shouldn't be necessary. Nothing should ever go wrong, but if or when it does, it doesn't have to be a death sent acne to the relationship. If there is truly love .. Then it might be worth saving. And no, it sucks to check behind people, but if there is love, it's worth working to reestablish trust!
What if your 1st husband had not cheated again? Think how happy you would be!! What if your husband you have now DOES cheat, and you find out next week? What then ?? Is the man you love so much today worth fighting for next week?? It's either worth fixing or its not, and if its not worth it to you, then I would probably question the strength of the love in the first place. But yes, there are some men AND women who can't be happy without the excitement of cheating or just don't care who they hurt! That is a very tough situation, and has to be examined on a case by case basis. Sometimes it works out / sometimes it doesn't! God has to fix them... The spouse never will!
What if he loves you, but finds out you had a one night stand 2 months ago... But he loves you and you love him .... Should he just divorce you anyway?
It's not all cut and dried .... Every situation is unique to the two hearts involved ... Every situation needs The Lords help to bring healing.
But if love is present and real .... There is absolutely NOTHING that cannot be a start to a wonderful and happy life together!
three times the charm

El Dorado, AR

#32 May 7, 2013
I guess you did not get my point. I did forgive and tried to work through it after the first time because our love and family was worth a second chance. The problem was he continued to do it for years and I did not realize it, it took me three times to get it. The man cheated on me for over 5 years. I spent years of my life checking him constantly to make sure he was telling the truth and I did not even catch him the 3rd time by checking his stuff, it was a strange thing that got him caught. If my first husband had honored his word and never cheated again we would probably still be together... Maybe... the checking on him and not trusting was getting to me. He just could not do what he swore on his life he would never do again. He was treating me great and I saw no red flags for years, come to find out during the divorce he was very very clever in covering himself! Like someone posted above if it is a one time thing sometimes you can salvage things, it is the habitual liar and cheat that you have to give up on because it is obvious they will never change and why waste your time doubting and checking his things trying to catch him! It is a waste of time and a miserable existance.
three times the charm

El Dorado, AR

#33 May 7, 2013
I must add also that he moved North and has been married 2 more times! The second divorce was his affair. He is still with the 3rd wife but she has left him for his cheating and came back I think things are touch and go for them right now. I obviously did the right thing because he can't be faithful.
three times the charm

El Dorado, AR

#35 May 7, 2013
To _ 3 times the charm wrote:
I agree ... It shouldn't be necessary. Nothing should ever go wrong, but if or when it does, it doesn't have to be a death sent acne to the relationship. If there is truly love .. Then it might be worth saving. And no, it sucks to check behind people, but if there is love, it's worth working to reestablish trust!
What if your 1st husband had not cheated again? Think how happy you would be!! What if your husband you have now DOES cheat, and you find out next week? What then ?? Is the man you love so much today worth fighting for next week?? It's either worth fixing or its not, and if its not worth it to you, then I would probably question the strength of the love in the first place. But yes, there are some men AND women who can't be happy without the excitement of cheating or just don't care who they hurt! That is a very tough situation, and has to be examined on a case by case basis. Sometimes it works out / sometimes it doesn't! God has to fix them... The spouse never will!
What if he loves you, but finds out you had a one night stand 2 months ago... But he loves you and you love him .... Should he just divorce you anyway?
It's not all cut and dried .... Every situation is unique to the two hearts involved ... Every situation needs The Lords help to bring healing.
But if love is present and real .... There is absolutely NOTHING that cannot be a start to a wonderful and happy life together!
You want to preach forgiveness and love I should inform you that we had 2 kids when I caught him the first time and forgave so much that we decided to have another child! While going through the divorce I discovered he had been cheating through most of my pregnancy! What do you think of a man that would cheat on his wife while she was pregnant with his child? The 2nd wife knew about this but like always she thought she was different and that he loved her so much he would never do that to her! Sad to say she found out differently as the 3rd wife is finding out! He is very good at what he does and says and very believable! I guess his mistakes time and time again with girlfriends and wives have proven what kind of man he is! What do you think? Do you think I should have forgiven him for all his infidelity even through my pregnancy? That is a love I should have fought for and forgiven! I have forgiven him now but took me almost 10 years and the help of my husband to do that! Maybe he will change for his 4th or 5th wife! What do you think?
Startled

Lockhart, TX

#36 May 7, 2013
three times the charm wrote:
I guess you did not get my point. I did forgive and tried to work through it after the first time because our love and family was worth a second chance. The problem was he continued to do it for years and I did not realize it, it took me three times to get it. The man cheated on me for over 5 years. I spent years of my life checking him constantly to make sure he was telling the truth and I did not even catch him the 3rd time by checking his stuff, it was a strange thing that got him caught. If my first husband had honored his word and never cheated again we would probably still be together... Maybe... the checking on him and not trusting was getting to me. He just could not do what he swore on his life he would never do again. He was treating me great and I saw no red flags for years, come to find out during the divorce he was very very clever in covering himself! Like someone posted above if it is a one time thing sometimes you can salvage things, it is the habitual liar and cheat that you have to give up on because it is obvious they will never change and why waste your time doubting and checking his things trying to catch him! It is a waste of time and a miserable existance.
as i read this i realized, IM LIVING THIS RIGHT NOW, i don't want to be with someone i have to spend all my time checking up on! Ive got to change this situation, I'm the only one that can! Im one of the wives that has a husband who cant enjoy sex unless he is sneaking around doing things he shouldn't be doing. Its got to stop.
just stop

El Dorado, AR

#37 May 8, 2013
Don't live it!!! He will never change
Not a preacher

Woodbury, CT

#38 May 8, 2013
three times the charm wrote:
<quoted text>You want to preach forgiveness and love I should inform you that we had 2 kids when I caught him the first time and forgave so much that we decided to have another child! While going through the divorce I discovered he had been cheating through most of my pregnancy! What do you think of a man that would cheat on his wife while she was pregnant with his child? The 2nd wife knew about this but like always she thought she was different and that he loved her so much he would never do that to her! Sad to say she found out differently as the 3rd wife is finding out! He is very good at what he does and says and very believable! I guess his mistakes time and time again with girlfriends and wives have proven what kind of man he is! What do you think? Do you think I should have forgiven him for all his infidelity even through my pregnancy? That is a love I should have fought for and forgiven! I have forgiven him now but took me almost 10 years and the help of my husband to do that! Maybe he will change for his 4th or 5th wife! What do you think?
I'm not preaching anything. All I have said is that IF you can forgive, that sometimes it IS worth it. Every instance has to be judged by it's own merits. Some men will never change, BUT some men will. All I'm trying to do is to get people to not stereotype every situation and lump people all together. Marriages / Relationships can survive lies and even infidelity, but YES, that terrible behavior has to stop.

It's not always the man and it's not always the woman. It doesn't always have to end in divorce, and it won't always lead to restoration, BUT don't listen to the WORLD. Listen t the Lord and YOUR HEART !!!! You are the only one who has to live with your decisions. If you truly love the other person, give it a chance and forgive and see what happens, if that's what YOU want to do. If not, then don't, but don't ever say people can't change ... They do every day !! Some for better and some for worse.

Some people think everything is great in their marriage / relationship ... the people have been faithful for years and years ... everyone is happy .... until he or she does cheat. Then everything is messed up and everyone is thrown for a loop. Sometimes its after 20 years together. You never know, and you never know how you will react. Just don't let the World tell you what to do, because it's not their life, and they don't have to live with the consequences.

People can change, BUT most of the time,the person who screams the loudest and throws the bigggest fit has a lot of things hidden and may have been telling a bunch of lies themselves.

Just be calm, and act like a mature adult, and talk to the other person and talk to The Lord. See a counsilor, TOGETHER, and do what is best. The world is full of opinions, and most people expressing them have never been in a good, stable, monogamous relationship in their life, so please don't trust their words. They wouldn't know the right things to do if it had a NEON sign pointing it out.

For all those who have faced betrayle and lies in your marriage / relationship, I hope you never have to suffer it again. Believe me, I know how it feels, BUT I also know that it doesn't have to be a death sentance. Your marriage / relationship CAN survive and even be better than you ever hoped.

It may not happen, but with God, all things are possible.
Btw

United States

#39 May 8, 2013
The statistics say 75 percent of married people cheat! One night stand, an affair etc. I think this is a topic about a man or a woman who does it repeatedly and the partner just keeps allowing it thinking this will be the last time and gives it ANOTHER chance just to be let down again. Then their partner swears it will never happen again they get in church, go to counseling acts like a great spouse and then boom months or years down the road they get caught again! When is enough enough? I agree a one time thing can sometimes be worked through. But if it happens repeatedly what does that tell you? Like the person said above she forgave and even had another child trying to work through it only to find out her husband kept on cheating even while she was pregnant and she was so blind she didn't see it for years. He continued to do it in his next marriages! So they should have looked at his past before they married him and realized he had this problem and not think they would be the "one" he would never do that to them! Those type of men don't change ESP if they have been doing it for years with all the women they are with. Once you reach a certain age you are set in your ways so probably the only thing that will stop him is when he gets to old to do anything and will probably be on wife 6 so then he might be faithful! Everyone deserves a second chance but a 4th, 5th or 6. That's just getting crazy! Insanity- doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome!
wow

El Dorado, AR

#40 May 8, 2013
actually wrote:
Women are the worst when it comes to laziness, lying, stealing, cheating, etc. After putting up with one stupid b!tch, do you dumbasses think that a guy would waste his time away with another stupid b!tch???
Women crave attention, no matter from who.
That is one of the sickest and most misogynistic things I have ever heard. If you can't respect women my guess is that you like penis. Because no straight man has such a low opinion of women. I bet your relationships with women have been just sooo healthy and happy.

That is obviously sarcasm. I bet you make the people in your life miserable and never keep friends or girlfriends for very long. Lie all you want in a response. No man that thinks that way will ever keep a woman around unless she likes to be abused and treated like shit.

But this coming from the Topix lunatic, I'm just not surprised.
ego

El Dorado, AR

#41 May 8, 2013
Men that are habitual cheaters and liars usually have that view of women! They have overblown egos and their opinion about women are horrific! They have no respect for a woman and that is why they do not feel bad when they lie and cheat. They are constantly putting women down everything is always negative when they are speaking of women whether it is their girlfriend,wife, co worker etc of course only when these women are not around! Sometimes their views will come out during an argument but they keep it well hidden with their significant other otherwise. These men will never change because of their views about women. They have no remorse deep down when they lie and cheat although when they get caught they will try to convince their partner of how sorry they are but they do not mean it this is a way for them to get themselves out of trouble. These types are the habitual liars and cheats! At some point in these mens life they had a bad experience whether it be with a mother, girlfriend or wife that has caused this distorted view of women in general. In their eyes women are not equal they are a lower species and they treat them that way. They do not care the pain or embarrassment they cause a female because in their eyes women are lazy, stupid etc. etc. everything "actually" said and at times they will lie and cheat over and over just to see how much their partner will take. It is like a game to them and a form of punishment and abuse to women. Lie, cheat get caught. Play the I'm sorry card and all that goes with it and then lie and cheat again and the cycle repeats itself! When their partner finally has enough then they will just go to the next victim and the cycle starts all over again. These men are truly sick individuals! These men cannot be faithful because they don't feel like a woman is worthy of that, but they are usually very good at the game! These men after one woman has had enough they will have the next one going soon after! SMH!
actually

Dallas, TX

#42 May 9, 2013
wow wrote:
<quoted text> That is one of the sickest and most misogynistic things I have ever heard. If you can't respect women my guess is that you like penis. Because no straight man has such a low opinion of women. I bet your relationships with women have been just sooo healthy and happy.
That is obviously sarcasm. I bet you make the people in your life miserable and never keep friends or girlfriends for very long. Lie all you want in a response. No man that thinks that way will ever keep a woman around unless she likes to be abused and treated like shit.
But this coming from the Topix lunatic, I'm just not surprised.
My post was actual fact. The rest of your post is bullshit that nobody can understand. Just a bunch of heated words put together because you know my post hit the nail on the head. So you feel like your long, no substance post would merit a solid debate. It doesn't.
Whoever

El Dorado, AR

#43 May 10, 2013
ask Garrett Henley why men lie bc hes the biggest liar i know. that guy lies about everything even stupid shit! he lies about cheating on his wife all the time even though she knows he does it! and he lies to the girls he cheats on her with sayin hes gonna leave his wife but he never will and Taras too stupid to leave him. i just wish he would LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE. i dunno why she even gives his scrub ass the time of day and im ashamed she talks to a married man even tho he dont act married!

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