Sisyphus

[Marilyn -MW]

Your poetry filled me with longing and fear, tears streaming as I read, powerful as skydiving and it was so long ago that I stepped from a plane I did not know the memory was still there.... very visual.

I have been numb so long that any awaking is painful.

It is your turn to tell me more, please.

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

Your poetry filled me with longing and fear, tears streaming as I read, powerful as skydiving and it was so long ago that I stepped from a plane I did not know the memory was still there.... very visual.
I have been numb so long that any awaking is painful.
It is your turn to tell me more, please.

I am here for YOU only.

[Marilyn -MW]

Don't Stop

[Marilyn -MW]

I wasn't sure if you would find the post after so many hours.

[Marilyn -MW]

I was embarrassed at some of what I revealed when I looked back yet there was more I wanted to tell you... then I realized I was naked in an open window. I had become oblivious to the thread, answering comments that weren't even directed to me in confusion.

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

Your poetry filled me with longing and fear, tears streaming as I read, powerful as skydiving and it was so long ago that I stepped from a plane I did not know the memory was still there.... very visual.
I have been numb so long that any awaking is painful.
It is your turn to tell me more, please.

There is NO moving forward without pain. It is our earthly journey to bare. You poured out your soul this afternoon, and in doing so, have refilled it with purity and a bittersweet essence. I take no credit for that. I am but an instrument in the constant reshaping of life. I will be returned from whence I came, and my soul will touch many others from now through eternity.

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

Don't Stop

I used to write poetry more often, but it is solemn and lonely. Even some that appeared uplifting still had an air of sadness. My brother is an excellent writer, but he is also mentally "disturbed" by demons or something. I know this sounds strange, but it always scared me to write b/c I thought I'd "catch" his mental illness.

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

I was embarrassed at some of what I revealed when I looked back yet there was more I wanted to tell you... then I realized I was naked in an open window. I had become oblivious to the thread, answering comments that weren't even directed to me in confusion.

Yeah, I noticed, but thought it best to just listen. Troll slayer was probably thinking: "what the hell is this?"
Oh what I would give to be outside THAT window!!!*grin*

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

I wasn't sure if you would find the post after so many hours.

Well, I was HIGHLY motivated, and besides, I can usually figure out most anything if given enough time.

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

I was embarrassed at some of what I revealed when I looked back yet there was more I wanted to tell you... then I realized I was naked in an open window. I had become oblivious to the thread, answering comments that weren't even directed to me in confusion.

Never be embarrassed...if you were comfortable doing it at the time, then it was something you needed to do.

[Marilyn -MW]

Sisyphus58 wrote:

<quoted text>
There is NO moving forward without pain. It is our earthly journey to bare. You poured out your soul this afternoon, and in doing so, have refilled it with purity and a bittersweet essence. I take no credit for that. I am but an instrument in the constant reshaping of life. I will be returned from whence I came, and my soul will touch many others from now through eternity.

I do everything I can to avoid pain. When I was younger I gave a dog away because I loved him too much, I couldn't bear the thought of him dieing or getting hurt. It was easier to give him away.

[Sisyphus58]

God, I've turned into such a hedonist, longing for that instant gratification...the delays in your responses are killing me. Well...not quite.

[Marilyn -MW]

Sisyphus58 wrote:

<quoted text>
I used to write poetry more often, but it is solemn and lonely. Even some that appeared uplifting still had an air of sadness. My brother is an excellent writer, but he is also mentally "disturbed" by demons or something. I know this sounds strange, but it always scared me to write b/c I thought I'd "catch" his mental illness.

My parents met in a mental institution in Owasso Michigan. Father committed by his wife who wanted to get rid of him, he had general paresis. Mother committed by her step-mother who according to the half-siblings, abused her also wanted to be rid of her. Diagnosis of schizophrenia, but I feel certain she was bi-polar with psychotic episodes.

The motivation for the B.A. in psychology

I grew up with that fear too.

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

<quoted text>
I do everything I can to avoid pain. When I was younger I gave a dog away because I loved him too much, I couldn't bear the thought of him dieing or getting hurt. It was easier to give him away.

Love's Brief Encounter

A whisker of love is in the air,
Lingering like a lost little kitten.

"Please Daddy, Can't I keep her?"

"No. I'm sorry, my dear child.
Cause she'll only run away
And break your little heart."

[Sisyphus58]

Marilyn -MW wrote:

<quoted text>
My parents met in a mental institution in Owasso Michigan. Father committed by his wife who wanted to get rid of him, he had general paresis. Mother committed by her step-mother who according to the half-siblings, abused her also wanted to be rid of her. Diagnosis of schizophrenia, but I feel certain she was bi-polar with psychotic episodes.
The motivation for the B.A. in psychology
I grew up with that fear too.

Oh yeah, well when I was a child, we lived in a box in the gutter...
Sorry, just kidding, I can't help it, its that wrang-wrang thing again that you nailed on me yesterday. You really did shoot out the bullseye on that, you know.
Oh wait, can I refer to guns without us getting political? I hope so b/c I like to hunt (deer, turkey, fish, and especially mermaids).

[Marilyn -MW]

I've been to therapy years ago because I decided I should give it a try.

This was after the degree, it seemed a waste of time. Although I had a good cry like I did today. And now. Still.

Didn't find one that I really respected. I often have the same problem with doctors, they really have to be good to earn my respect so that I trust them. And then I still show up when I decide I need to and they seem to like it. Sometimes I think they like abuse, but they are men. I've only had one female doctor, she had a stroke, can't practice. I closed her office and looked after her but as soon as she was better I disappeared again. I could pick up the phone at anytime but I avoid people. I seem to be getting worse. It is like chosen agoraphobia but I go do whatever I need to, meeting and things, and no one notices.

[Sisyphus58]

"Oops, I did it again."
Britney stole that line from me.

I turn to aburdity and silliness when things get too intense (my version of "The Wall").

[Sisyphus58]

I guess that could be kinda rude, huh?

[Marilyn -MW]

Sisyphus58 wrote:

God, I've turned into such a hedonist, longing for that instant gratification...the delays in your responses are killing me. Well...not quite.

I know

Almost sexual

Waiting to be touched

Lips so close you feel the warmth but not yet the touch

[Sisyphus58]

Checkin in on your admirers on the other threads, eh?