jokes only

[busy bodie]

I'll go first,

this guy walked into a bar room . he had a camel in tow . the camel lay down in the middle of the bar as the man went up to the bar and ordered a drink . the bar tender was irate . "you cant leave that lyon on around here!" he demanded.
the man replied "a lyon?... cant you see? thats not a lion its a camel"

[A new view]

Booooooo Hisssssss!
OK How do you know the tooth brush was invented in Lewis County???

If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been call a teeth brush........ I know that sucked too

[A new view]

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

[busy bodie]

ok... these three drunks were talking , they were trying trying impress each other by telling stories of how drunk they were...

the first one said i was soo drunk I had to crawl all the way to my car... 3 blocks away...

the second one said he was sooo drunk he went home to the wrong house ... in the morning he woke up to find out he was in his sisters house and had sleeping between his sister and her husband all night...

the third guy said "I was drunker then both of you, i went home and blew chunks!"

the other two guys were like so what ?... big deal , what ever !

then the third man said " you dont understand ...chunks is my dog!

[Leather Face]

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

[busy bodie]

Ok ok!… hears a good one .

the cops are chasing this car out on a country road . The car stops at a farm and three woman (a brunet ,a red head and a blond) run from the car to the barn. there they find some old burlap potato sacs , so the each one hides in a bag ,.

The cops come in a couple of minutes later. And find these sacs of potatoes .

just to leave no stone unturned one of the cops kicks the first bag . the burnet is inside and she barks loudly like a dog, the cop says “oh that is just a dog in that bag .”

Then the other cop kicks a second bag and the red head meows like a cat,“oh that must be a bag of cats “,

So then they both kick the last remaining bag , and the blond yells out

POTATOE!

----------

Now that’s the joke and it is funny by it self but really how stupid were the cops ?... they probably still didn’t realize !

[Blame Blame]

Busy bodie

[jo jo gunne]

clues you could be a Redneck...

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.

[a new view]

And if you've ever mow your yard and found a car

[busy bodie]

if you every went to the corner telephone pole with a hamer cause you needed nails to fix your porch lights .

[Leather Face]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[its oh my]

speaking of blonde jokes,(and i am one just for the record hehe)

what did the blondes' knee say the the other knee?

nothing they never met!!! LOL

(i think it's a funny one) no pun intended folks

[IcE]

Ever heard of sixty second sex?

Got a minute?

[its oh my]

LMAO!