Step parents who make differences in their step kids and biological kids

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Upset

Dyersburg, TN

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#1
Jun 20, 2012
 

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I am very upset over how a step parent I know who treats her step kids awful and her own kids like gold. She blames everything that happens on them,allows her son to slap, pinch, and bite her step kids with no consequences, discludes them from family photo sessions because she will make appointments for pictures when her step kids are at their mother's and buys name brand clothes and shoes for her kids and "cheap" clothes and shoes for her step kids. This past Christmas was horrid because she spent all the money on her kids and bought her step kids 2 $20.00 gifts and tried to say she did it because their mom gets support for them and she can buy them Christmas gifts. But the bad thing is she had those kids Christmas eve and let all the kids open presents at the same time so they had 2 gifts and her kids had several gifts a peice one being an xbox and nintendo ds.I feel bad for these kids and I can't understand for the life of me how their father allows this to happen. I have brought it up to her that she mistreats them and it is noticable and I think she needs to rethink her parenting and she told me to mind my own business because I didn't know what I was talking about. The dad allows this to happen! I am also a step parent and have my own kids and I go out of my way to be fair and equal and good to my step kids and my husband is good to my kids as well. What can you do in a case like this? I also wonder why the mother of the kids don't speak up for them because they are old enough to tell what's going on.
stepparent

United States

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#3
Jun 20, 2012
 

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I can kinda see the Christmas present situation, but I don't think she should allow her child to pinch, bite, and hit her step kids. I have step kids and I would never let my son hit pinch or bite them. They have feelings too. Also, leaving them out of family portraits is also wrong in my opinion.
guest

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#5
Jun 20, 2012
 

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The woman that does that is one sorry pos.So is hubby.I hope they need those kids when they are old and the kids just say f off.
Upset

Dyersburg, TN

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#6
Jun 21, 2012
 

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guest wrote:
The woman that does that is one sorry pos.So is hubby.I hope they need those kids when they are old and the kids just say f off.
I agree with you totally. But let's just say they are justifying the whole Christmas gift issue on the fact that he pays child support...I still think more than $40.00 a peice should have been spent on them considering over $1,000 was spent on hers AND they should have not let the kids open gifts together at the same time. They should have taken the gifts that was bought for her step kids to their home and let them open them there with there mom and just labeled them from them. Then, she should have let her kids open their gifts on Christmas day and not in front of her step kids. And letting her son mistreat them like that is awful. The family photo issue I consider mentally abusive. My husband and I are a blended family and we try to be as fair as possible with our kids. I guess not everyone cares about their step kids like I do. I was a step child that was made difference in and I will not subject a child to that. My step brother was the king of the castle and he was mean to me and physically abusive to me and my step dad never tried to stop him and my mom allowed it and I see the same thing going on with the people I know because her step kids will get huge bite mark bruises when her son bites them and something needs to be done but I'm not sure what.
guest

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#7
Jun 21, 2012
 

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Upset wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree with you totally. But let's just say they are justifying the whole Christmas gift issue on the fact that he pays child support...I still think more than $40.00 a peice should have been spent on them considering over $1,000 was spent on hers AND they should have not let the kids open gifts together at the same time. They should have taken the gifts that was bought for her step kids to their home and let them open them there with there mom and just labeled them from them. Then, she should have let her kids open their gifts on Christmas day and not in front of her step kids. And letting her son mistreat them like that is awful. The family photo issue I consider mentally abusive. My husband and I are a blended family and we try to be as fair as possible with our kids. I guess not everyone cares about their step kids like I do. I was a step child that was made difference in and I will not subject a child to that. My step brother was the king of the castle and he was mean to me and physically abusive to me and my step dad never tried to stop him and my mom allowed it and I see the same thing going on with the people I know because her step kids will get huge bite mark bruises when her son bites them and something needs to be done but I'm not sure what.
You are right in the thick of things because you know so much.Why don't you call dhs about the abuse? And while you're at it,have a talk with the childrens "real" mother.She can go to court and stop the dad from getting visitation and you can be a witness for her.Why don't you do that? Sounds like a plan to me.
step dad

Bellevue, MI

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#8
Jun 21, 2012
 

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1st off if it is a blended family both sets of kids are getting two christmas' 2nd of all that's the worst kind of abuse you can do to a child emotionally. I have a step child and 2 of my own children. And bday christmas and any other special occasion, the same amount of money is spent on all 3... hope she burns in hell for the hurt she has put on those kids....
step-children

Dyer, TN

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#9
Jun 21, 2012
 

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When a person falls in love with a person that has children that are from a previous relationship, then those children are part of the relationship. If a grown person is not ready to love and support those children, then in my opinion, they should not be in that relationship. I know that my children are not treated any different then my step-child. In fact, I hate the term step-child. I love all of my children the same, even if I did not give birth to all of them.
When it comes to clothes and shoes, I feel that child support should cover those costs. But there are times with the biological parent will not provide for that child. That is when it should come to caring about that child and making sure that they have what they need regardless of who buys it.
As for Christmas, I think that it was unfair. I spend an equal amount on all of the children, step-children included. Who cares what they get somewhere else? They will know that they are treated unfairly and it hurts them emotionally.
I know a mother who does not pay child support for her children and never offers to pay anything. It is not the child's fault that the mother cannot provide for her child. So the other parent and step parent have stepped up and ensure that this child never does without.
People need to quit seperating their children from other children that are in the home. If you are not supporting the children of your significant other then you need to get out the relationship and quit hurting innocent children with your childish ways.
step - mommy

Dyersburg, TN

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#10
Jun 21, 2012
 
step dad wrote:
1st off if it is a blended family both sets of kids are getting two christmas' 2nd of all that's the worst kind of abuse you can do to a child emotionally. I have a step child and 2 of my own children. And bday christmas and any other special occasion, the same amount of money is spent on all 3... hope she burns in hell for the hurt she has put on those kids....
I was about to say the same thing. If this woman has kids then yes she is getting child support for her kids as well as support being paid for her husband's kids and her kids are getting presents from their daddy too, or should be unless he is a no good dad so it is not fair to get more for her kids and not the step kids. She should not let her kid beat up on her step kids either! The daddy of these kids needs to stand up for them!
Upset

Dyersburg, TN

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#11
Jun 21, 2012
 

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guest wrote:
<quoted text>You are right in the thick of things because you know so much.Why don't you call dhs about the abuse? And while you're at it,have a talk with the childrens "real" mother.She can go to court and stop the dad from getting visitation and you can be a witness for her.Why don't you do that? Sounds like a plan to me.
I think I will talk to the mother. I did mention it to my husband and also said I was gonna cal dhs but he seems to think dhs will not doi anything about it and he says her son only being 3 yrs. old they are going to say his biting, slapping, and hitting are "typical" for his age. Her step kids are 9 and 12 so you'd think they would tell their mom and that she could see the bitemarks when they came home. It's not all the time but when the 3 yr old gets mad or doesn't get his way he slaps, bites, and hits and his mother doesn't punish him at all.
Judge

Dyersburg, TN

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#12
Jun 21, 2012
 

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Judging by how all the comments stating the step parent is wrong for what she is doing is judged clueless or nuts or mean then I'd say it's either the step mom in question or just another mean step parent who does not care about their step kids doing the judging.
what who

Santa Barbara, CA

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#13
Jun 21, 2012
 

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i am a step mom of the most beautiful step children there is and we treat all our children the same i mother them like my own and for some reason their mom doesnt like it
guest

Dyersburg, TN

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#14
Jun 21, 2012
 

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Yes, most certainly something needs to be done, how about this, MIND YOUR OWW GODDAMNED BUSINESS. How about that? Call dhs? Seriously? Grow the fuch up.
mature

United States

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#15
Jun 21, 2012
 

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guest wrote:
Yes, most certainly something needs to be done, how about this, MIND YOUR OWW GODDAMNED BUSINESS. How about that? Call dhs? Seriously? Grow the fuch up.
. Very mature of you to tell someone to grow the f up. Sounds like you need to grow up! Tell me, would you like it if your kid was treated that way? What if your child was left out, slighted, and being hit and bitten by another child? Would you just let that happen? Or maybe YOU are a step parent who mistreats your step kid so you think it's ok. Here's a news flash for ya, IT'S NOT OK TO TREAT A CHILD THAT WAY!
guest

Dyersburg, TN

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#16
Jun 21, 2012
 

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mature wrote:
<quoted text>. Very mature of you to tell someone to grow the f up. Sounds like you need to grow up! Tell me, would you like it if your kid was treated that way? What if your child was left out, slighted, and being hit and bitten by another child? Would you just let that happen? Or maybe YOU are a step parent who mistreats your step kid so you think it's ok. Here's a news flash for ya, IT'S NOT OK TO TREAT A CHILD THAT WAY!
Again, mind your own goddamned business.
mature

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#17
Jun 21, 2012
 

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what who wrote:
i am a step mom of the most beautiful step children there is and we treat all our children the same i mother them like my own and for some reason their mom doesnt like it

Their mom should be very greatful you treat them that way. Obviously it sounds like from what is being said in this post that step parents like you are a precious few. Keep loving and being good to your step kids and they will love you for it. Ignore their mother's obvious jealousy.
guest

Union City, TN

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#18
Jul 3, 2012
 

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That's why both parents should be raising the kids, not some other man or woman with little bratty kids of their own that already does a half ass job raising them. Sounds like those kids need their asses whooped.
bounce that

Los Angeles, CA

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#19
Jul 3, 2012
 
Had children before i met my husband, And i will tell you Right Now! Him to be a step father was the best thing for mine! He was there when they real sperm donors wasn't! So do not come here downin the step parents... AT LEAST MY HUSBAND HAS NEVER SENT MY CHILDS CLOTHES BY SOMEONE ELSE AND LEAVE A MESSAGE.... THAT SAID; HERE IS HER CLOTHES HE SAID HE DON'T WANT HER BACK AROUND!!! sry azz pcs of sht! Or what about when he was at pk's trailor out on ashley rd Yeah his meth supplier!! with a trailor full and told everyone in there that his daughter tried to mess with him! Sick azz bastard... He don't deserve a child at all! I would much rather my kids have a step parent than some of these sperm donnin pcs of sht's! And the lies that he tells gonna catch him up! Karma is a bi@ch!
proud mom and step mom

Dyersburg, TN

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#20
Jul 3, 2012
 

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I Have 3 kids of my own and plus a step daughter that I loved very much. That is very wrong the way they are doing those kids. Every child should be treat the same. It doesn't matter if they are step child or not. When my kids get something my step daughter get something. Same around Christmas we try to make it where they all have the same amount of presents and spend the same amount of money on them. Yes my husband pays child support but we still buy my step daughter clothes and everything she needs. When school starts we buy her supplies and things. As for there birthday she gets a birthday party to with us and birthday presents to. So everybody should treat all kids the same. Dch will do something if you call and I would go to the real mother to. The kids might be afraid to tell there mom about what going on. The step mom might be threatening them or something. I hope something gets done about this.
Mad Mamaw

Dyersburg, TN

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#21
Sep 26, 2012
 
My soon to be daughter in law is a horrible step-mom to my granddaughter. Her kids rooms are all fixed up cute, her daughter's room look like a princess lives there and my granddaughter's room has a raggedy chest, a mattress on the floor with no sheet on it and my son said she's only there every other weekend so why spend a lot of money on the room she sleeps in. That does not matter! I am going to get her a new bedroom suit with a pretty bed spread. She is 8 years old and she wants a nice room. They do her the same way at Christmas, buy her $20.00 to $30.00 worth of junk and spend upwards of $300.00 a piece on her son and daughter and say it is because she gets money spent on her by her mom and maternal grandparents at her house. All he pays is $52.00 a week child support on her. That's only $208.00 a month. He can spend more on her than that. Spends more on another man's kids than his own. She is also mean to my granddaughter, makes her go to her room as punishment all the time and tells her she's tired of looking at her face to go to her room! She also puts snacks up in the cabinet and tells my granddaughter that is her kids' food. She spent money renting the skating rink for her daughter and son's birthdays but didn't even want to get my granddaughter a cake! Step parents who do that and real parents who allow their kids to be treated that way are sorry! I've got to where I keep her as much as possible on the weekends he has her so she does not have to be subjected to that.
first off

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#22
Sep 26, 2012
 

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I will say that I have 3 step kids that nearly $200 goes out of our household for child support. I have a son and he lives with us. I do not make differences in them physically or emotionally, but I do not buy them something everytime my son gets something. Money goes out every week to them so I spend money for my son as well. I do not buy him things in front of them and get them nothing I'm not cold hearted. But when we don't have them and I buy my son something I don't buy them stuff. Their mom is getting money to do that with. Birthday and Christmas, we do spend the same because that is in my opinion the time to be equal. I also have my step kids rooms fixed cute with colors they like, etc. But I will not lie and say I do not buy more for my son throughout the year because I do but he lives with us and it is our responsibilty to spend and buy for him just like it is hers to spend the child support money on my step kids. If she does not then I can't control that. I will not take away from my kid to spend more money on them. The way I see it $800 a month to them is enough. I spend nowhere near that on my son anyways in a month's time so in my opinion they get more than my son money wise.

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