how do you forgive someone for cheating

how do you forgive someone for cheating

Posted in the Dyersburg Forum

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needadvice

United States

#1 Dec 18, 2012
How do you get over the hurt? Do you ever trust again?
been there

Union City, TN

#2 Dec 18, 2012
It's not easy to forgive; but if both partners are willing to work things out, it's possible to salvage te relationship and move forward...even strenghtening the relationship and you will begin to trust again...Only if the one who cheated makes the effort to assure you by actions-like... Not being secretive or getting angry with you that you don't trust them right now. He or she will understand why you feel as you do and he or she will be patient and win back your trust. Hope things work out for you.
anon

Ripley, TN

#3 Dec 18, 2012
It's not easy for sure. It will take years of healing and perhaps counseling. And the cheating partner must be willing to understand the other person's distrust and feelings....
Absolutely

Bowling Green, KY

#4 Dec 18, 2012
The worse thing a partner can do is cheat on their significant other. Especially if it has happened more than once & it became more than just a physical relationship. Ask yourself do you want to worry all the time what they are doing? Because you will. My bestfriends husband cheated on her & even left her for another woman.She begged him to come back home & now after a year she wishes she didn't. They did the counseling, went to church. Guess what...he's been unfaithful again and now this other lady is pregnant with his child. No one deserves to be treated like that. Don't let it ruin your self esteem because it will and you will think no one else will have you, but honestly you may find a better more loving devoted partner out there. One that will respect you like you deserve.
It sucks

Brownsville, TN

#5 Dec 18, 2012
More than likely it will happen again, I've been married 15yrs & was messed around on in the begining of our marriage right after the birth of our son! It hurt be so bad, I mean LITTERALLY devastated & I do not know wtf I'd do if the one I've loved & been faithful too had another child with another women! Omg, that's always been my biggest fear! I havent caught him in anything since then, & there hasn't been any real signs of him cheating, but I still constantly fear & worry about it, we still fight about it. we have 3 children together who are in middle & high school now. Idk, I'm just not able to completely trust, even with him trying to show me he's trust worthy, he really has made the effort. & after 15 yrs together & all the crap we been through it would suck sooo bad to find out something now, after spending all this time, & my best years with someone who wa sneaking around on me. Sometimes I get these "gut feelings" that he's doing something while he's at work, because that's the only time he'd have to do it. & if I question it at all he "blows up & breaks things" but then I always end up feeling bad & telling myself it's all in my head, it very well could be but... & I guess I can see how it could make someone crazy & get mad, but not o the extent he does. Sometimes he'll say mean things that I don't see how u can say to someone you love. He doesn't call me names or anything Tracy like that, he'll attack my character & things like that. I even try to make a point of trying really hard to let Him know I'm having suspicions in a way that's not accusatory but it doesn't matter he still blows up. Idk I'm just sharing my experience, it's almost enough to make me never want a man again, if he ever ended up hurting me.
The Truth Hurts

Gilbert, AZ

#7 Dec 18, 2012
How do you forgive someone for cheating? You do it as you're walking away from him/her and you never, EVER look back! It sucks, but it really is the only way. Good luck in finding that person who respects you enough to honor your relationship.

“Whatever it is, I'm against it”

Since: Jan 10

Newbern, TN

#8 Dec 18, 2012
You can't. If they cheat once, they will cheat again. An unfaithful spouse can never be trusted again.
needadvice

United States

#9 Dec 18, 2012
After 6 years I do believe this was the first time. I am confused. My heart says I love him but my brain says I hate him. Should i contact the woman? Would that help? He says that she did not know he was married.
abcd

Humboldt, TN

#10 Dec 18, 2012
you can forgive. but, odds are great you'll have to do it over and over
Really

Ripley, TN

#11 Dec 18, 2012
needadvice wrote:
After 6 years I do believe this was the first time. I am confused. My heart says I love him but my brain says I hate him. Should i contact the woman? Would that help? He says that she did not know he was married.
Look, if he cheated on you, then there's a good chance he's lying about the part about her not knowing he was married. These bums will lie to cover their lies...
trustisamust

Boise, ID

#12 Dec 18, 2012
Could be that the other woman is a married woman.???
Angel

Dyersburg, TN

#13 Dec 18, 2012
We were together 7 years. He kept me on a string telling me he hated her, didn't love her let him get his shit straight and we would be together. He ws telling her the same about me. He was sleeping with both of us. This went on for two years. I was so in love with him I believed whatever he told me. Plus we had two kids together. The oldest one was 4 with cerebral palsy, The youngest was 5 months when I'd finally had enough and told him to leave me alone. He told me he loved me, but he was in love with her. He even wanted me to come to their wedding and stop him from marring her. He wanted to see which one of us loved him the most. I decided he could have her.I had hurt long enough. The funny thing is he had to get dog ass drunk to marry her. That was 15 years ago. I did find love again. It took me two years to tell him I loved him and two more years before we married. It was so hard to trust again,and I will never let another man treat me that way.
understand

United States

#14 Dec 19, 2012
I know its hard. i have had it done to me also2yrs ago. he lied to me from day one everytime i wld here something from someone else ab what happened he wld slowly admit.to it but say nothing else happened but i wld always hear more and more things. i know he has not told me the truth ab it all there are still things that he hasn't told. n i know there's more that happened. he still lies to me ab it. i don't bring it up anymore but every day i.think ab what he told her the bad things ab me n the lies. and wn i lay beside him i feel like he's not even there.it really hurts me everyday still bc he hasn't bn truthful. i have those gut feelings still that something is going on. but I've bn givn him the benefit of the doubt. we will c

Pepper_126

“I don't do red lipstick...”

Since: Sep 12

well maybe this one time...

#15 Dec 19, 2012
Forgiving doesn't mean that you are saying cheating was okay. Forgiving means you have moved on.
needadvice

Tyler, TX

#16 Dec 19, 2012
I have moved forward. We do not talk about it anymore. I just seem to think about it all of the time.
anon

Ripley, TN

#17 Dec 19, 2012
needadvice- It is HARD to move on. People who tell you to "just forget about it" don't realize how deep the hurt goes. When the person you love the most (other than children, parents) does something to betray that trust and break the wedding vows it takes a long time to move on.

Even if you say you have forgiven the other person, the hurt lives on and there will still be doubts, pain and resentment for years.

Counseling, either with your pastor, etc. can be helpful. You do have to learn to trust all over again but I'd never say it was easy. Some people never do get over it.
Excuse me

United States

#18 Dec 20, 2012
anon wrote:
needadvice- It is HARD to move on. People who tell you to "just forget about it" don't realize how deep the hurt goes. When the person you love the most (other than children, parents) does something to betray that trust and break the wedding vows it takes a long time to move on.
Even if you say you have forgiven the other person, the hurt lives on and there will still be doubts, pain and resentment for years.
Counseling, either with your pastor, etc. can be helpful. You do have to learn to trust all over again but I'd never say it was easy. Some people never do get over it.
Anon, you never cheated? Not once, not twice? Not so many times you lost count?

Pepper_126

“I don't do red lipstick...”

Since: Sep 12

well maybe this one time...

#19 Dec 20, 2012
The man that hurt me the most is now my best friend.
Onlyadumbperson

United States

#20 Dec 20, 2012
would forgive a cheater hope you love being laughed at because someone is making you out to be a dummy
Been There

United States

#21 Dec 20, 2012
Walk away...Your heart is stupid and useless in situations like this...As hurt as you feel now, you will hurt more every time his phone rings and it's not you calling him, every text that isn't from you, when he leaves without you, you will be a freaking mess of emotions worrying if he's meeting her or some other chick...Seriously WALK AWAY...If you don't you will hate yourself for staying and the resentment you have towards him will only grow...You will not be happy staying...He didn't care if he hurt you, he didn't even care to tell he was married...I am speaking from experience, WALK AWAY !!! Time heals wounded pride, one day you'll look back and think oh god I was so stupid for just not leaving when I found out...You will find happiness...No one deserves to be in a relationship that one sided...Hate him now and use your anger for motivation to leave and never look back...

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