If your spouse became disabled would ...

If your spouse became disabled would you stay or would you leave?

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Disabled

Greenbrier, AR

#1 Jul 24, 2011
The answer to this question all depends on the timing of the tragedy. If my husband (God forbid) became disabled or disfigured in some way, I would stand by him until the end. I already vowed to stay with him through sickness and health, and I intend to honor that promise in any way needed. If I was a single person, or even dating, I would not stay with a boyfriend if something like this happened to them. The level of commitment is far lower. It is easy to say you would leave, but you never really understand true, unselfish love until you promise it to another for all eternity. Marriage changes your priorities in ways you can never really understand until it happens to you.
Disabled 2

Greenbrier, AR

#2 Jul 24, 2011
There should be a law to protect disabled spouses from abandonment by their spouses and there should be some type of immediate help for abandoned disabled wives or husbands so they do not end up homeless and without care while it can take up to a year for a reply from state and federal agencies. The person who does the abandoning should be held responsible for the care of the wife or husband they are leaving. They should not be able to throw someone away. If the person they leave dies or becomes critically ill because of their failure to provide for them they should be arrested for their negligence. If there is a law I would like to know about it.

Leaving a healthy person who has an income and is able to provide for themselves is one thing, but leaving someone who is physically unable to work, is unemployed and has no income, without taking any care for the welfare of that person should be a felony. Judges frown on this cold blooded behavior and Doctors. It is a serious matter in courts. See more.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index...

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guest

Vilonia, AR

#3 Jul 24, 2011
My husband of fourty years had a heart attack in a motel room while screwing another woman.I have been taking care of him for eight years now.I'm sick of it but am traped by marriage.
Digger

United States

#4 Jul 24, 2011
I would stay just to get out of child support, but i would definately be living a double life.
CMJ

Harrison, AR

#5 Jul 24, 2011
Disabled 2 wrote:
There should be a law to protect disabled spouses from abandonment by their spouses and there should be some type of immediate help for abandoned disabled wives or husbands so they do not end up homeless and without care while it can take up to a year for a reply from state and federal agencies. The person who does the abandoning should be held responsible for the care of the wife or husband they are leaving. They should not be able to throw someone away. If the person they leave dies or becomes critically ill because of their failure to provide for them they should be arrested for their negligence. If there is a law I would like to know about it.

Leaving a healthy person who has an income and is able to provide for themselves is one thing, but leaving someone who is physically unable to work, is unemployed and has no income, without taking any care for the welfare of that person should be a felony. Judges frown on this cold blooded behavior and Doctors. It is a serious matter in courts. See more.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index...
That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. We don't need more laws and more government intrusion in our lives, we need less. We need to take more responsibility for our own actions instead of blaming it on everyone else except ourselves. You seriously think it's a good idea to force somebody to stay in a marriage they don't want to be in? I'm tired of jerks like you thinking your ideas and beliefs are not only right, but so right that they should be the law and anyone who doesn't agree with them should go to prison. If something happened to me and my spouse was a big enough prick to choose to leave me, then I wouldn't want the government to forcibly make him stay with me. How on earth do you think this would solve anything or ever be a good idea? There are 2 things a woman should do and neither one of them are forcing a husband to stay with them against their will. First of all, they need to put a little thought into who they choose to marry and have children with, and secondly, they need to be able to support themselves and their children when their husband decides to leave. Too many women expect their husband or the government to support them. It's time everyone, men and women, learn to be responsible for themselves.

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wife

Delight, AR

#6 Jul 24, 2011
been married 22years and love him dearly dont care what happen to him i would stand by him and take care of him
babygirl

Rockaway Beach, MO

#7 Jul 24, 2011
yea, once youve had the best why would you settle for anything less?? I would stand by my mans side.. thru thick n then.. for myself and our son.
guest

Vilonia, AR

#8 Jul 24, 2011
How can you tell the differance,he ain't working?He might as well be disabled.
Listening

Neelyville, MO

#9 Jul 24, 2011
CMJ wrote:
<quoted text>
That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. We don't need more laws and more government intrusion in our lives, we need less. We need to take more responsibility for our own actions instead of blaming it on everyone else except ourselves. You seriously think it's a good idea to force somebody to stay in a marriage they don't want to be in? I'm tired of jerks like you thinking your ideas and beliefs are not only right, but so right that they should be the law and anyone who doesn't agree with them should go to prison. If something happened to me and my spouse was a big enough prick to choose to leave me, then I wouldn't want the government to forcibly make him stay with me. How on earth do you think this would solve anything or ever be a good idea? There are 2 things a woman should do and neither one of them are forcing a husband to stay with them against their will. First of all, they need to put a little thought into who they choose to marry and have children with, and secondly, they need to be able to support themselves and their children when their husband decides to leave. Too many women expect their husband or the government to support them. It's time everyone, men and women, learn to be responsible for themselves.
There is a proper way of leaving but to just up and abandon someone disabled leaving to fend on their own is cruel and deliberate indifference to medical needs. Just like a nursing home people do not walk out without proper process. It is a moral ethical issue and agree we do not need more laws. When someone wants to leave a disabled spouse they should not just up and leave without proper process and care for their spouse is the subject. Proper people and health care should be notified not just up and abandon them thus leaving them in harm. It is common sense ethics and morals in concerns with disabled and elderly care vs. abuse.
Listening

Neelyville, MO

#10 Jul 24, 2011
Disabled 2 wrote:
There should be a law to protect disabled spouses from abandonment by their spouses and there should be some type of immediate help for abandoned disabled wives or husbands so they do not end up homeless and without care while it can take up to a year for a reply from state and federal agencies. The person who does the abandoning should be held responsible for the care of the wife or husband they are leaving. They should not be able to throw someone away. If the person they leave dies or becomes critically ill because of their failure to provide for them they should be arrested for their negligence. If there is a law I would like to know about it.
Leaving a healthy person who has an income and is able to provide for themselves is one thing, but leaving someone who is physically unable to work, is unemployed and has no income, without taking any care for the welfare of that person should be a felony. Judges frown on this cold blooded behavior and Doctors. It is a serious matter in courts. See more.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index...
There is laws under Elderly an Disabled Abuse and always has been.
Rick

Neelyville, MO

#11 Jul 24, 2011
My wife left me again this time for good. We were married for 25 years. I am disabled from the military and she got a job and left I haven't been able to work because of my disability. She makes money. She has or has been trying to care for me but now wants to be free of my illness? My attorneys have got me awarded alimony and she just up and left without a proper way of leaving as well she never warned and have proof from her ex boy friend she planned on leaving she did not notify anyone of the health care provides or family anything she even stole and drained my money on cards and pulled some very extreme wrongs during her leaving. She wonders why she has to pay alimony and charged with abuse to disabled persons mentally ad physically. I agree with the listener there is morals ad ethics involved in a proper leaving of a elderly or disabled person in notifications to people who will care for them not just up and leave them. One case of a friend she left him laying in his own piss and stuff all alone. We don't need laws we need to punish ones who deliberately induce more pain anguish and mental physical abuse to elderly and disabled people. Although I get alimony it doesn't correct the way I was treated. Another person I know the husband left and before he did would not fill her medications nor make doctors appointments or anything. I agree with ones here it is the morals and ethics of a spouse who treats their disabled or elderly persons this way.
Lawson

Neelyville, MO

#12 Jul 24, 2011
Sorry, but I don't believe this to always be true. Sometimes people do abandon a spouse for purely selfish reasons.

A former coworker of mine suffered a stroke in her mid thirties. After a bout a year, when it became clear she wasn't going to be 100% again, her wonderful, loving husband who had tearfully insisted he would always be there for her came home one day, tossed divorce papers at her, and told her, "I want a divorce, take the kids and go live with your parents." He wanted the beautiful and perfect wife and mother to show off to the world, the woman who would take care of everything so he didn't have to, and when the going got tough he traded her in on an "undamaged" model.

Good riddance, actually....she met a wonderful man who doesn't mind that her speech is a little hesitant and that her gait is just a tiny bit off, and would do anything for her.

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Lasson

Neelyville, MO

#13 Jul 24, 2011
Sorry, but I don't believe this to always be true. Sometimes people do abandon a spouse for purely selfish reasons.

A former coworker of mine suffered a stroke in her mid thirties. After a bout a year, when it became clear she wasn't going to be 100% again, her wonderful, loving husband who had tearfully insisted he would always be there for her came home one day, tossed divorce papers at her, and told her, "I want a divorce, take the kids and go live with your parents." He wanted the beautiful and perfect wife and mother to show off to the world, the woman who would take care of everything so he didn't have to, and when the going got tough he traded her in on an "undamaged" model.

Good riddance, actually....she met a wonderful man who doesn't mind that her speech is a little hesitant and that her gait is just a tiny bit off, and would do anything for her. If you have someone like i the above postings that are really just selfish non caring or loving people be glad they are gone! Real love will come along! Sorry about the way these elderly and disabled people get treated. Thank god they do not work in nursing homes or home health care! Prayers are with you from good people these people whom do these things are pure selfish and will gain nothing in life not even a good spouse cause their colors show through.
Listener

Neelyville, MO

#14 Jul 24, 2011
Lawson wrote:
Sorry, but I don't believe this to always be true. Sometimes people do abandon a spouse for purely selfish reasons.
A former coworker of mine suffered a stroke in her mid thirties. After a bout a year, when it became clear she wasn't going to be 100% again, her wonderful, loving husband who had tearfully insisted he would always be there for her came home one day, tossed divorce papers at her, and told her, "I want a divorce, take the kids and go live with your parents." He wanted the beautiful and perfect wife and mother to show off to the world, the woman who would take care of everything so he didn't have to, and when the going got tough he traded her in on an "undamaged" model.
Good riddance, actually....she met a wonderful man who doesn't mind that her speech is a little hesitant and that her gait is just a tiny bit off, and would do anything for her.
I totally agree and great advice. "Good riddance, actually....she met a wonderful man who doesn't mind that her speech is a little hesitant and that her gait is just a tiny bit off, and would do anything for her." We shouldn't look at the door that just closed cause it is good that it did a better one will open that's the door to look at!. Great post Lasson!
HELP

Neelyville, MO

#15 Jul 25, 2011
Coping with a Disabled Husband

A devoted wife learns how to honor her husband while dealing with his disease. by Marcia Alice Mitchell

Shortly after Lee and I were married, he began to lose his balance while walking. Initially, the doctors thought he might have Multiple Sclerosis. They later amended the diagnosis to Cerebral Atrophy, then Atrophy of the Cerebellum, then Alzheimer's. The latest amendment is Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. Dr. Reed, one of many doctors who examined Lee, informed me, "Many spouses cannot handle this disease and end up getting a divorce."
I was prepared to stay with Lee and care for him, but I wasn't prepared for the continuous changes in him nor the changes this would bring to our marriage and family.

Coming changes
As each diagnosis was given, I searched for any articles I could find. I discovered many on Alzheimer's but few on the other diseases. I was shocked to discover the changes this would bring to the man who loved and encouraged me to be my best.
When I was afraid to try something new, Lee was the first to say, "You can do it! I have every confidence in your ability." Because of his encouragement, I became PTA president four times and often gave programs on the history of our antique bells to various schools, churches, and women's clubs.
I loved to write, but for years every article and story ended in a drawer. Lee's belief in my ability and his love for me gave me courage to submit what I'd written.
Special times
My favorite part of the day was lying in his arms at night while we discussed daily events and made plans. It was during these times we chose to adopt two more children, adding to the four we'd brought into our marriage.In return for Lee's love and devotion, I wanted to be the best wife possible. I took classes and Bible studies on being a good biblical wife. I learned and tried to apply the three A's: admire, appreciate, and accept. But I didn't realize how much I would have to accept when Lee's health turned bad.



Disturbing behavior

The news from Dr. Reed explained tLee's strange and often unpredictable behavior in the previous years.

I began to study the women of the Bible in search of answers. In 1 Samuel 25, I met Abigail whose husband wasn't sick with a disease, but was probably an alcoholic.

It became necessary for Abigail to step in and do what she felt was the right thing. She used the wisdom God gave her because she believed in Him. The same wisdom was available to me. God didn't expect me to force Lee to make decisions he was incapable of making, and God wouldn't punish me for making the decisions myself. After I accepted this, I experienced God's love and strength as I acted as both mother and father to our children and as the decision-maker of the family.

One verse that helped me was Psalm 146:9, where God promises to take care of the widow and the fatherless. This includes me as well as others in a similar situations.

I also learned I could still apply the three A's I'd practiced years ago. I admired Lee for his courage in facing a future he knew would eventually leave him totally incapacitated. I appreciated his willingness to do the few things he could manage on the days he felt able, such as folding laundry. But most important, I accepted Lee with all his limitations. God whispered to me, "With My help, you can do it. I have every confidence in your ability to take care of Lee."

Lee has always loved to massage my scalp. One day before it became necessary to put him into a nursing home, he invited me to sit at his feet so he could start massaging. He leaned over and gave me a hug and, with tears in his eyes, said, "Thanks for putting up with me. I do love you."

It was all the encouragement I needed to face the day ahead.

Marcia Alice Mitchell is a Christian writer living in Salem, OR.
Guest

Neelyville, MO

#16 Jul 25, 2011
HELP wrote:
Coping with a Disabled Husband
A devoted wife learns how to honor her husband while dealing with his disease. by Marcia Alice Mitchell
Shortly after Lee and I were married, he began to lose his balance while walking. Initially, the doctors thought he might have Multiple Sclerosis. They later amended the diagnosis to Cerebral Atrophy, then Atrophy of the Cerebellum, then Alzheimer's. The latest amendment is Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. Dr. Reed, one of many doctors who examined Lee, informed me, "Many spouses cannot handle this disease and end up getting a divorce."
I was prepared to stay with Lee and care for him, but I wasn't prepared for the continuous changes in him nor the changes this would bring to our marriage and family.
Coming changes
As each diagnosis was given, I searched for any articles I could find. I discovered many on Alzheimer's but few on the other diseases. I was shocked to discover the changes this would bring to the man who loved and encouraged me to be my best.
When I was afraid to try something new, Lee was the first to say, "You can do it! I have every confidence in your ability." Because of his encouragement, I became PTA president four times and often gave programs on the history of our antique bells to various schools, churches, and women's clubs.
I loved to write, but for years every article and story ended in a drawer. Lee's belief in my ability and his love for me gave me courage to submit what I'd written.
Special times
My favorite part of the day was lying in his arms at night while we discussed daily events and made plans. It was during these times we chose to adopt two more children, adding to the four we'd brought into our marriage.In return for Lee's love and devotion, I wanted to be the best wife possible. I took classes and Bible studies on being a good biblical wife. I learned and tried to apply the three A's: admire, appreciate, and accept. But I didn't realize how much I would have to accept when Lee's health turned bad.
Disturbing behavior
The news from Dr. Reed explained tLee's strange and often unpredictable behavior in the previous years.
I began to study the women of the Bible in search of answers. In 1 Samuel 25, I met Abigail whose husband wasn't sick with a disease, but was probably an alcoholic.
It became necessary for Abigail to step in and do what she felt was the right thing. She used the wisdom God gave her because she believed in Him. The same wisdom was available to me. God didn't expect me to force Lee to make decisions he was incapable of making, and God wouldn't punish me for making the decisions myself. After I accepted this, I experienced God's love and strength as I acted as both mother and father to our children and as the decision-maker of the family.
One verse that helped me was Psalm 146:9, where God promises to take care of the widow and the fatherless. This includes me as well as others in a similar situations.
I also learned I could still apply the three A's I'd practiced years ago. I admired Lee for his courage in facing a future he knew would eventually leave him totally incapacitated. I appreciated his willingness to do the few things he could manage on the days he felt able, such as folding laundry. But most important, I accepted Lee with all his limitations. God whispered to me, "With My help, you can do it. I have every confidence in your ability to take care of Lee."
Lee has always loved to massage my scalp. One day before it became necessary to put him into a nursing home, he invited me to sit at his feet so he could start massaging. He leaned over and gave me a hug and, with tears in his eyes, said, "Thanks for putting up with me. I do love you."
It was all the encouragement I needed to face the day ahead.
Marcia Alice Mitchell is a Christian writer living in Salem, OR.
This is what true love is all about.
HELP

Neelyville, MO

#17 Jul 25, 2011
Thank you Guest I thought the story would shed light on how life and love should be handled in these situations but take a notice this is a christian and devoted wife to her family. Seldom seen this day. your right This is what true love is all about.
HelpTruth

Neelyville, MO

#18 Jul 25, 2011
Any one who leave a spouse because theybecame disabled didn't love them to begin with and had other reasons for bienf witht hat person. Someone said in a earlier post in these kinds of situations it is good riddance I am a niehbor of a diabled man with children and heard his wife actually call hime a diasbled retard. I could have tore right into her but good riddance and so cruel to be that way sure is not love she stays out late until early mornings leaves him alone an is not in love with him whatsoever it is actually sad but i mind my own biz. reading this i thought about them all we hear is her yelling an cussing at him and she is gone now for waht we see and it is really good for him their is some cruel people in the world and they get whhat they desrve one day one way or another is all i can say
Dick

Harrison, AR

#19 Jul 25, 2011
Someone might leave a disabled spouse if she became abusive. My mother in law has always been a mean miserable bad mouthing woman. When she lost a leg to untreated diabetes (she knew she had it, she just kept on with the soda and little debbys and drinking and no exercise) and got COPD because she wouldnt quit smoking so she had the air tank she kept on bullying and cussing and finally her old man had enough. He took his stuff and got out. Left her stuff, left her medicin where she could get at it, and of course she will cuss him til she dies. That man was a prince to stay as long as he did.
Sara

Neelyville, MO

#20 Jul 25, 2011
HELP wrote:
Coping with a Disabled Husband
A devoted wife learns how to honor her husband while dealing with his disease. by Marcia Alice Mitchell
Shortly after Lee and I were married, he began to lose his balance while walking. Initially, the doctors thought he might have Multiple Sclerosis. They later amended the diagnosis to Cerebral Atrophy, then Atrophy of the Cerebellum, then Alzheimer's. The latest amendment is Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. Dr. Reed, one of many doctors who examined Lee, informed me, "Many spouses cannot handle this disease and end up getting a divorce."
I was prepared to stay with Lee and care for him, but I wasn't prepared for the continuous changes in him nor the changes this would bring to our marriage and family.
Coming changes
As each diagnosis was given, I searched for any articles I could find. I discovered many on Alzheimer's but few on the other diseases. I was shocked to discover the changes this would bring to the man who loved and encouraged me to be my best.
When I was afraid to try something new, Lee was the first to say, "You can do it! I have every confidence in your ability." Because of his encouragement, I became PTA president four times and often gave programs on the history of our antique bells to various schools, churches, and women's clubs.
I loved to write, but for years every article and story ended in a drawer. Lee's belief in my ability and his love for me gave me courage to submit what I'd written.
Special times
My favorite part of the day was lying in his arms at night while we discussed daily events and made plans. It was during these times we chose to adopt two more children, adding to the four we'd brought into our marriage.In return for Lee's love and devotion, I wanted to be the best wife possible. I took classes and Bible studies on being a good biblical wife. I learned and tried to apply the three A's: admire, appreciate, and accept. But I didn't realize how much I would have to accept when Lee's health turned bad.
Disturbing behavior
The news from Dr. Reed explained tLee's strange and often unpredictable behavior in the previous years.
I began to study the women of the Bible in search of answers. In 1 Samuel 25, I met Abigail whose husband wasn't sick with a disease, but was probably an alcoholic.
It became necessary for Abigail to step in and do what she felt was the right thing. She used the wisdom God gave her because she believed in Him. The same wisdom was available to me. God didn't expect me to force Lee to make decisions he was incapable of making, and God wouldn't punish me for making the decisions myself. After I accepted this, I experienced God's love and strength as I acted as both mother and father to our children and as the decision-maker of the family.
One verse that helped me was Psalm 146:9, where God promises to take care of the widow and the fatherless. This includes me as well as others in a similar situations.
I also learned I could still apply the three A's I'd practiced years ago. I admired Lee for his courage in facing a future he knew would eventually leave him totally incapacitated. I appreciated his willingness to do the few things he could manage on the days he felt able, such as folding laundry. But most important, I accepted Lee with all his limitations. God whispered to me, "With My help, you can do it. I have every confidence in your ability to take care of Lee."
Lee has always loved to massage my scalp. One day before it became necessary to put him into a nursing home, he invited me to sit at his feet so he could start massaging. He leaned over and gave me a hug and, with tears in his eyes, said, "Thanks for putting up with me. I do love you."
It was all the encouragement I needed to face the day ahead.
Marcia Alice Mitchell is a Christian writer living in Salem, OR.
This is a very devoted wife to her family loved this story and love within in it.

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