Narcissistic Mothers Endanger And Aba...

Narcissistic Mothers Endanger And Abandon Their Daughters

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Kendra

United States

#1 Mar 12, 2011
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.

narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
Tammy

United States

#2 Mar 12, 2011
Kendra wrote:
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.
narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
Narcissistic mothers always give themselves priority in all life decisions. I know of instances where these non-mothers left the country, leaving their daughters with distant relatives for years at a time without maintaining any form of contact. Suddenly, mother reappears with a new boyfriend, expecting to be greeted warmly as if nothing had ever happened. This is heartbreaking and confusing to children regardless of their age.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers handle this tragic life history in a variety of ways.
Tammy

United States

#3 Mar 12, 2011
Some leave home early and try to survive on their own. A few of them succeed in raising themselves although the psychological wound to their heart remains. Other daughters numb their pain by acting out---chronic drug and alcohol abuse, risky sexual activities, habitual shop lifting, eating disorders. There are daughters of narcissistic mothers who marry narcissistic men and who perpetrate a different version of the cycle of abuse they experienced as children.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers have lead difficult lives, especially when they were young and at the mercy of a mother who was incapable of love or protection. Many of these daughters were able to find other individuals in their home environment---relatives, family friends, who sustained them with affection and caring during the rough years of growing up.
Wanda

United States

#4 Mar 12, 2011
My "mother" flipped back and forth from over protective to "your on your own" to meet her needs, it was so confusing.
I was molested several times by her boyfriends as were my 5 other sisters. To this day I have never told her. There was never any point, because she would have never believed me or it would have been my fault in someway. I have compartmentalize many parts of my life and when I think about them it is as if it happened to someone else. It is amazing to me how our mind protects us. I thank God for that.
agirlagain

United States

#5 Mar 12, 2011
Kendra wrote:
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.
narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
I have only recently discovered at the age of 48 that my Mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder...You have pretty much described parts of my life and the lifves my siblings lived while growing up under the Rule of Narcissism. It is so very sad! I have allowed my Mother to steal so many moments and entire years from my life and refuse to allow her this power over me any longer...enough is enough already! I thought this article was extremely accurate, educational and right on spot when describing the personality of a narcissistic Mother.

Thanks for putting the information out there for us all.
Beautifullife

United States

#6 Mar 12, 2011
I'm sorry for the pain you have had in your life because of your "mother". You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness therefore, I severed my relationship long ago with my "mother" and I waste no time with anyone who will not treat me the way I deserve to be treated! Consider the last visit from your "mother" as her last chance and cut her off. She doesn't have the mental equipment to ever be any different towards you. I certainly hope she was not successful in seducing your husband. Don't let her steal your happiness that you deserve.
It's never to late for PEACE!!!
barb

Springfield, MO

#7 Mar 12, 2011
oooh, I could be writing the same exact lines. My entire life, my "mother" rejected me for what who I was, a beautiful, active, bright, happy person. In comparion to her which was the exact opposite, since I was a little girl I somehow sensed her jealously of me. and I never really bonded to her as my mother, you see I lived with my patneral grandmother until I was 4.5.
anyways recently on easter sunday weekend my mother let me know that she favors my younger brother over all of the rest of the kids, there are nine.
It s a long story but the pain still cut deeply into my heart as I could not believe how she could be so cold and mean. But being a complete narissist she has no clue about her impact on the lives of others,
she is the complete toxic mom
brigitte

Springfield, MO

#8 Mar 12, 2011
Appreciate your response Barb.It really sounds like your mother was the same type as mine. You were lucky to at least have an earlier awareness of the mothers jelousy of you. While being with your grandmother may not have been ideal it would have given a dot more option of accurate awareness in that. I only recognised she had been jealous of me always once in my late 40's when she was less gaurded in her remarks. Narcissist mothers are always jealous of their daughters seeing them as competition & for their comparative youth, right from our arrival. That line of thought to me was missed as incomprehensible to have to ones own child or any female of the next generation( logicaly I had my turn at youth & what goes with it hoping they did the best with it while they had it) or ever felt competative with other females as their qualities- lesser or greater- changed nothing of mine. Narcissist mothers always prefer sons. It didn't bother me her preferance for my brother. Naively was assuming one couldn't help liking certain types more & pressuming I was still loved. It did bother me when I realised more & more that she was actively rejecting of me as a person & had no love for me plus demanding that I loved her, this supposedly all sacrificing loving mother she made continual claims to being. I was meant to be available to her when she'd keep saying nasty things to me between other bits of civility on visits. Later she'd create situations to set me up to fail in interactions with my father and other relatives. Her set ups were clever, if I did do her request to the level I could fit it in with other competing demands she'd have assured me was still helpful and then make sure I was made look as deficient to others who then became
annoyed with me or was dammned for not doing it at all by her.
You are right that such Narcissists don't realy understand what they are doing in such remarks as you got at Easter. While saying this type of preference, they are expecting to achieve the aim of diminishing and belittlng you, as it would even them from a Narcissist's needs. They do not grasp the pain it emotionaly causes and the consequences, especialy the risks in future for them. We as recipients can be initialy overwhelmed, but we also can become more effectively alienated from them too. That was a good point you made in their not understanding by lacking the emotional grid. It has made sense of the times the Narcissist has done this form of overkill in continued scatterings of serious cruelty on areas that are potentialy more painful than just upsetting or moderately hurtful. Plus their surprise why we changed from a cowering animal to a cornered rat realising we must fight for our life. Which is a personal awereness of them, some public hints & nolonger engaging much more than the utter minimum, if at all. I've no doubt my mother would have farmed me out for periods of time to relatives, except they were all overseas.
Freemind

United States

#9 Mar 12, 2011
I severed all ties with my mother 5 yrs ago. I'm 47. In my mind I had written her off many years before. However,in the back of your mind you still hold out hope...she'll somehow change. Cutting all contact...oh my...what a massive release that was!! It was the beginning of my life. Its a shame I didn't do it sooner. My mother was a conflicted soul. She hated me because I looked like my birth father. He wasn't around to harass,so I was the lucky one. My mere looks shattered her perfect world. Her other three children were "perfect." I was the scapegoat for everything. My siblings took full advantage of it too. As a result of being the youngest...most of my childhood I hid in closets trying to hide from everyone. The "baby" in dysfunctional families isn't protected....they're considered 'Fair game." Looking back....I can only imagine how conflicting my presence was for her. Regardless,it took me 42 yrs to accept and get rid of that last shred of hope she would ever love me. Best thing Ive ever done!
brigitte

United States

#10 Mar 12, 2011
To freemind. You have done brilliantly in getting through such cruelty and wisely shut that door. As narcissistic disordered women are not that many, our social values encourage mercy to our flawed human mothers.This not allowing for the extremely twisted harmful parent means it talkes into middle ages to to act on them. Your only error is making the mistake that your looking like your father who was gone and she resented was hard on her. Rubbish, she just projects blame. Plus people like her have no real feelings to empathise or hurt with so your father annoyed her for getting away, As you were not a lab clone of her, but the child of her and the man she had sex with, you obviously had to get half his DNA. She chose the relationship with him and all normal adults expect to see that other party in that child without resenting the child. Nor would any mature adult make the child pay for being extra effort as the fourth when fed up with motherhood. Everything she resented you for wasn't of your making, but choices she made in life.. There is nothing to excuse or understand with your mother except understanding she was perversly twisted with no conscience.
iconsultancy

United States

#11 Mar 12, 2011
Kendra wrote:
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.
narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
Resources like the one you mentioned here will be very useful to me! I will post a link to this page on my blog. I am sure my visitors will find that very useful.
Kelly

United States

#13 Mar 12, 2011
I am speaking to all of those who have suffered at the hands of a narcissistic family member, particularly a narcissistic mother. All parents have flaws--but narcissistic parents are among the worst. One of the most difficult roles in life is to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I hear from so many of these individuals who tell their stories with courage and great candor. It is very difficult to acknowledge that you didn't feel love from your mother. This lack of feeling on the part of mother is often normalized by the young child. She says to herself : "That's the way mom is; she doesn't express tender emotions. Mother expects me to be perfect, made in her image." "If I obey and do eveything she wants perfectly, I know mom will love me some day." This time never comes as much as the child has convinced herself that a miracle can take place and that her wishes and prayers will be answered.

Some daughters of narcissistic mothers go into an emotional deep freeze. They have been hurt and disappointed so many times that they unconsciously force themselves not to expect any affection from mother. This response can generalize to behaviors of emotional alienation and social isolation. Other daughters, feeling needy and desperate, fall carelessly into the arms of those who can't be trusted with their tender feelings and painful wants. These women often become victims of exploitive men who dominate them and break their spirit and any potential sense of independence. And there are daughters of narcissistic mothers who are molded and become narcissists, continuing the family tradition of spreading deep psychological and emotional pain.

Each daughter is a unique individual and has suffered the narcissistic mother wound. Some make a decision by will or default to continue to cope with an impossible narcissistic mother. Others decide that the pathological bond must be severed. These daughters leave behind the painful pieces of a relationship that never worked because authentic maternal love, the essential ingredient, was missing. Some of these daughters find warmth, acceptance and understanding from surrogate mothers--family members and friends.
So many of these incredible daughters with whom I have communicated are loving, caring, compassionate women. They deserve our honor and a wish that they have discovered deep love and inner peace that resides within them.
Lisa

United States

#14 Mar 12, 2011
Daughters of narcissistic mothers can spend years coming to the realization that they were raised by a woman who was a non-mother. Cold, manipulative, self-obsessed, vain, dismissive, hyper-critical, cunning, without conscience, deceitful---these are a few of the adjectives that describe the narcissistic "mother." Psychologically, her breasts are permanently dry and unyielding---She cannot give sustenance to her little daughter. Her glance is vacant. There is no light in her eyes, no emotional contact--not a whit of tenderness. The narcissistic mother is a one woman show. She expects her daughter to adore her. She is at center stage, demanding applause. Maria Riva, daughter of the famous screen siren, Marlene Dietrich, in the memoir of her mother, talks about her role as servant to her mother. Maria was always at Marlene's disposal day and night for all of her mother's life. She arranged her clothing for special occasions, parties and even spent hundred of hours on movie sets where Marlene was working. Maria, the brilliant little girl, survived by mirroring the ultra-self-absorbed Marlene perfectly. She learned from her earliest days that that was what she had to do to survive. Maria was told secrets and observed behaviors between her parents which were traumatic, especially for a small child. Narcissistic mothers never think of protecting their children. The child is another narcissistic supply and an unpaid servant. Her individual being is meaningless and insignificant. Maria Riva is an excellent writer and her memoir is superb in illustrating the true nature of the narcissistic mother.

Daughters of narcissistic mother have to fend for themselves unless they are the chosen golden girl who is raised like a member of royalty. For the narcissistic mother, this child is the ultimate narcissistic supply. Many of the chosen daughters become narcissistic. The cycle of destructive narcissism continues through another generation. Unchosen daughters grow up to fast. They never have real childhoods. They are always either cowering from mother's threats, criticisms or psychological and physical blows or hiding like an invisible ghost along the corners of mother's life, hoping and praying not to be discovered.

The psychological identities of these daughters are obscured by the giant shadow cast by the narcissistic mother. One of the goals of these daughters is to go deep within, acknowledge who they are as individuals, validate their uniqueness, express it and celebrate their lives. Achieving this goal may require the help of skillful psychotherapy, participation in support groups, the close ties of friends. Creative pursuits that free up the daughter from her family of origin and a consistent spiritual practice in the way that you define this, are powerful ways to re-claim your individuality and expand and grow a solid sense of the authentic self.
Wellsaid

United States

#15 Mar 13, 2011
Kendra wrote:
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.
narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
Well Said
True

Ozark, MO

#16 Mar 13, 2011
Pointers

Thomas suggests the following pointers may indicate the presence of someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

* They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
* They very rarely talk about their inner life - for example their memories and dreams.
* There tends to be a higher level of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
* They feel that rules at work don't apply to them.
* Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversation of others.
* They get impatient and restless when the topic of conversation is about someone else, and not about them.
* They constantly use "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
* If you share the workload with them, expect to do the lion's share yourself.
* They lack empathy and this colours everything they do.
* They love to delegate work, and then interfere by micromanaging it. If it goes well they take the credit (plagiarism); if it goes badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
* Blame others for their actions and misfortunes.
* During a conversation, no matter what topic is being discussed, they usually end up talking about themselves.
* They will always cheat whenever they think they will get away with it.
* Virtually all their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others (mirroring).
True

United States

#18 Mar 13, 2011
Tammy wrote:
<quoted text>
Narcissistic mothers always give themselves priority in all life decisions. I know of instances where these non-mothers left the country, leaving their daughters with distant relatives for years at a time without maintaining any form of contact. Suddenly, mother reappears with a new boyfriend, expecting to be greeted warmly as if nothing had ever happened. This is heartbreaking and confusing to children regardless of their age.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers handle this tragic life history in a variety of ways.
ice demonstration of a Narcissistic mother
DrEdna

United States

#19 Mar 13, 2011
These are commonly called reckless mothers. They totally wreck their daughters lives consistently as they see them as rivals.

People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined.[10] To avoid such situations, some narcissistic people withdraw socially and may feign modesty or humility. In cases where the narcissistic personality-disordered individual feels a lack of admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, he/she may also manifest wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).
Kendra

United States

#20 Mar 14, 2011
Beautifullife wrote:
I'm sorry for the pain you have had in your life because of your "mother". You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness therefore, I severed my relationship long ago with my "mother" and I waste no time with anyone who will not treat me the way I deserve to be treated! Consider the last visit from your "mother" as her last chance and cut her off. She doesn't have the mental equipment to ever be any different towards you. I certainly hope she was not successful in seducing your husband. Don't let her steal your happiness that you deserve.
It's never to late for PEACE!!!
I waste no time with anyone who will not treat me the way I deserve to be treated!

RIGHT ON GIRL!
Sandy

United States

#21 Mar 15, 2011
Kendra wrote:
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.
narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
I never knew there was a name for people or mothers like this nice to know and not to good that there are a lot of mothers like this so so so sad for children who have them... Made me cry
Barb

United States

#22 Mar 15, 2011
Kendra wrote:
The narcissistic mother is a mother in name only. I have heard heartbreaking childhood and adult autobiographies of the traumas, struggles and despair that these daughters have endured. Imprinted in their memories, deep in their cells is the knowing that they were never loved.
Narcissistic mothers have always been with us. Different words have been used to describe them, but these non-mothers have been endangering and destroying their daughters for millennia.
The narcissistic mother is predictably unpredictable. She has neither insight nor compassion. She focuses solely on her needs, drives and desires. Her little daughter makes too many irritating demands. The narcissistic mother doesnít want to be bothered with a child. Children are frustrating and require special attention. These mothers are focused completely on themselves. Their daughters are psychological irritants, time wasters that drag her down.
narcissistic mothers are careless and recklessly unprotective of their daughters. From birth this daughter is abandoned by her mother. As a young infant she doesnít receive the essential warmth and attachment to mother that she needs. Motherís touch is cold and mechanical. Some narcissistic mothers hate their daughters and experience them as equal rivals. A baby is greeted with attention and joy in a healthy family. The narcissistic mother is often jealous of this tiny upstart who is getting all the attention from other family members. As soon as possible, this mother hands her daughter off to caregivers. She is not concerned about the quality of her childís care as long as this daughter is taken off her hands. Narcissistic mothers know how to put on a clever act when necessary to convince people they are excellent mothers. When the curtain comes down and the spotlight dims, mother quickly re-hardens, returning to her self-absorbed coldness.
Many young adolescent girls are left to fend for themselves while the narcissistic mother leads a free and easy social, personal and sexual life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers are exposed to adult behaviors that are traumatic and inappropriate. There are narcissistic mothers who have a series of boyfriends moving in and out of the house. Many of these daughters have regularly witnessed their mothers in intimate sexual contact with boyfriends. This kind of psychological exposure is overwhelming to the young daughter and can cause serious psychological trauma.
These daughters are endangered by their narcissistic motherís profligate, reckless lifestyle. It is not surprising that some of these young women are the victims of sexual abuse, including rape. Others become premature adults and if the narcissistic mother is an alcoholic or drug abuser, the daughter can be drawn into the use of these substances early in her life. In some instances daughters of narcissistic mothers are sexually abused or raped by one of the motherís lovers. Narcissistic mothers are exceedingly jealous of their young attractive daughters and become rivals for male attention. In some instances the narcissistic mother encourages her daughter to become intimate with men who are much older than she. The narcissistic mother here is using her daughter as a sexual narcissistic supply to men who are attracted to women less than half their age. This is serious abuse and criminal.
After reading this this morning I feel my eyes have been opened after several years of what my mother has been doing to me. Should I seek out therapy for her or will this just turn her more notorious?

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